It's been a few weeks since my last post... it's been crazy with the end of summer and the start of the new school year. I promise updates are coming.
For those of you here for ICLW, welcome!
We've had a long road and are hoping to start our family through the miracle of open adoption. You can learn more about our journey by clicking on the timeline tab above.
Looking forward to reading and commenting this week! Hope you are all enjoying the last moments of summer and the start of a new school year. :)
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
***CAUTION***
I fell like a walking, talking, breathing, CAUTION sign. I like to imagine that there are flashing neon lights involved with said sign. I know I've wrote about this before, but the latest announcement has brought me to a new level of thinking on this topic.
I am the worst case scenario for many women. I am the woman that people- both fertile and non-fertile think to themselves, "at least I'm not her" And I am not saying this to be melodramatic- it's the realization that I have come to. Let's be honest here. I've fallen into the veteran, wrong side of the statistics category for many years now. The thing is- while I am obviously a little bitter about all we've endured, the fact that I am "thank god I'm not her" girl is what is bringing me to the brink right now.
In so many ways, I have followed the rules and lived the good life. Sure, I married young, but I was in love and was close to finishing college. We made some bad financial decisions in our early married years, but we've made good on that now. I have a good career working in a human service field- working with challenging kids. I have good friends who have supported me through it all.
But I know so many of them are so very thankful that they aren't in my shoes. I am now at a point that every.single.one of my closest friends is either pregnant or parenting. Now, several of them have gone into the ttc world full force- because they KNOW. They know what the worst case looks like, and by god, the are going to do what they can not to end up like me. They start trying as soon as they can. They move to specialists early on. They get second opinions.
And you know why? Because I have shared my experience. I've always been very open about all we've been through. I've felt it was my responsibility to educate my friends. God knows I don't want to wish my fate on ANYONE- especially those who I care so much about. So in all reality, I built this neon flashing CAUTION sign all by myself.
I have so many mixed feelings on this. Holding this giant CAUTION sign is weighing heavy on my heart and soul. I also feel a sense of pride in that I have been able to serve as a warning for friends- and that so many of them have been blessed with pregnancies and children. That giant CAUTION sign has done its job.
Tonight I will be joining my closest coworkers for a girls night hosted by the friend mentioned in the last post. She is planning to tell our fellow coworkers tonight. I was torn about what to do to protect myself, and in the end I called one of the other girls who will be there tonight too. While I know it wasn't my news to share, I knew that she would understand. She's the friend who got pregnant on her first IUI and we danced around it for months. When I told her, I could feel the sting she felt with our friend's quick pregnancy too. I am feeling a little guilty about telling her, but think that she also needed time to absorb the news. I am thankful to have an "ally" when the news is shared tonight. One of my fears is that people will act strangely around me when the news is out. I've said this before, I think one of the most painful parts of long time infertility is the pity parade you get. I'm just not in the mood for a parade tonight!
So I am off with my giant CAUTION sign to spend time with the girls I adore and hope that the awkwardness is minimal. There's always copious amounts of wine to make it all feel much less awkward, right?
I am the worst case scenario for many women. I am the woman that people- both fertile and non-fertile think to themselves, "at least I'm not her" And I am not saying this to be melodramatic- it's the realization that I have come to. Let's be honest here. I've fallen into the veteran, wrong side of the statistics category for many years now. The thing is- while I am obviously a little bitter about all we've endured, the fact that I am "thank god I'm not her" girl is what is bringing me to the brink right now.
In so many ways, I have followed the rules and lived the good life. Sure, I married young, but I was in love and was close to finishing college. We made some bad financial decisions in our early married years, but we've made good on that now. I have a good career working in a human service field- working with challenging kids. I have good friends who have supported me through it all.
But I know so many of them are so very thankful that they aren't in my shoes. I am now at a point that every.single.one of my closest friends is either pregnant or parenting. Now, several of them have gone into the ttc world full force- because they KNOW. They know what the worst case looks like, and by god, the are going to do what they can not to end up like me. They start trying as soon as they can. They move to specialists early on. They get second opinions.
And you know why? Because I have shared my experience. I've always been very open about all we've been through. I've felt it was my responsibility to educate my friends. God knows I don't want to wish my fate on ANYONE- especially those who I care so much about. So in all reality, I built this neon flashing CAUTION sign all by myself.
I have so many mixed feelings on this. Holding this giant CAUTION sign is weighing heavy on my heart and soul. I also feel a sense of pride in that I have been able to serve as a warning for friends- and that so many of them have been blessed with pregnancies and children. That giant CAUTION sign has done its job.
Tonight I will be joining my closest coworkers for a girls night hosted by the friend mentioned in the last post. She is planning to tell our fellow coworkers tonight. I was torn about what to do to protect myself, and in the end I called one of the other girls who will be there tonight too. While I know it wasn't my news to share, I knew that she would understand. She's the friend who got pregnant on her first IUI and we danced around it for months. When I told her, I could feel the sting she felt with our friend's quick pregnancy too. I am feeling a little guilty about telling her, but think that she also needed time to absorb the news. I am thankful to have an "ally" when the news is shared tonight. One of my fears is that people will act strangely around me when the news is out. I've said this before, I think one of the most painful parts of long time infertility is the pity parade you get. I'm just not in the mood for a parade tonight!
So I am off with my giant CAUTION sign to spend time with the girls I adore and hope that the awkwardness is minimal. There's always copious amounts of wine to make it all feel much less awkward, right?
Monday, August 6, 2012
THAT call- NOT THE call.
I knew that it was coming. It's been more than 6 months since it happened at all. It's been well over a year since it happened at school. You'd think I'd be prepared but now. But as soon as the phone rang and Chris told me who it was- I just knew. I knew it was going to be THAT call. The phone call that brings me to my knees as soon as I hang up.
My good friends and coworkers are pregnant. I am thrilled for them and excited to know that they are going to be amazing parents. It's just a little sting, and another tiny part of my heart broke with the news.
They are very good friends. She was my running partner last spring. She has been on my 6th grade team for the last several years, and we taught next door to each other last year. Her husband has actually taught with me longer than she has. I helped with their wedding invitations and favors. They were married on our anniversary and I knew that they were planning to start a family right away. They've watched my struggle and knew that time was of the essence. She stopped BCP the month before the wedding after being on it for a very long time. She knows my history and figured they needed to start trying right away.
Of course they got pregnant on the first month after the wedding. She has some scary health issues that were also just diagnosed, so it is going to be a rough few months for them. I cautioned her about telling people about the pregnancy so soon, but she said she was ready to share with those closest to her. I have to remember that for most people a positive pregnancy test = take home baby. Please keep her in your thoughts as she navigates her health and this pregnancy. She feels strongly that she wants the support of everyone who is very close to her.
This announcement brings about all the usual feelings. I've been here before and I know that I will be here again. I could feel the panic and pain in her voice as she was telling me her happy news. I hate that our friends have to feel the sense of sadness when they have to tell us. I am so thankful that she called me and told me over the phone. I really think this is the best way for me to hear this news. It allows me to keep my composure and not have to be face to face with someone when they tell me. It gives me time to absorb the information and process it on my own terms. It allows me to have a full blown temper tantrum in the privacy of my own home. I am so very thankful to have such caring friends who think about what's best for me during a very special time in their own lives.
I have some other thoughts that I need to let roll around in my brain before committing to a post. She invited us over for a girls night on Wednesday that I had already committed to. Need to work through that in my head too.
Feeling better already... thank goodness for this blog!
My good friends and coworkers are pregnant. I am thrilled for them and excited to know that they are going to be amazing parents. It's just a little sting, and another tiny part of my heart broke with the news.
They are very good friends. She was my running partner last spring. She has been on my 6th grade team for the last several years, and we taught next door to each other last year. Her husband has actually taught with me longer than she has. I helped with their wedding invitations and favors. They were married on our anniversary and I knew that they were planning to start a family right away. They've watched my struggle and knew that time was of the essence. She stopped BCP the month before the wedding after being on it for a very long time. She knows my history and figured they needed to start trying right away.
Of course they got pregnant on the first month after the wedding. She has some scary health issues that were also just diagnosed, so it is going to be a rough few months for them. I cautioned her about telling people about the pregnancy so soon, but she said she was ready to share with those closest to her. I have to remember that for most people a positive pregnancy test = take home baby. Please keep her in your thoughts as she navigates her health and this pregnancy. She feels strongly that she wants the support of everyone who is very close to her.
This announcement brings about all the usual feelings. I've been here before and I know that I will be here again. I could feel the panic and pain in her voice as she was telling me her happy news. I hate that our friends have to feel the sense of sadness when they have to tell us. I am so thankful that she called me and told me over the phone. I really think this is the best way for me to hear this news. It allows me to keep my composure and not have to be face to face with someone when they tell me. It gives me time to absorb the information and process it on my own terms. It allows me to have a full blown temper tantrum in the privacy of my own home. I am so very thankful to have such caring friends who think about what's best for me during a very special time in their own lives.
I have some other thoughts that I need to let roll around in my brain before committing to a post. She invited us over for a girls night on Wednesday that I had already committed to. Need to work through that in my head too.
Feeling better already... thank goodness for this blog!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Adoption Updates
I love the fact that I am a teacher and have summers off. It means that I have lots of time to get projects done around the house, time to decompress and relax, and time to spend with Chris (when there isn't swimming). However, it also means that I have way too much time on my hands to think.
We're nearing the end of summer vacation. Another summer vacation as a family of two. Another summer spent marketing my arse off for our adoption efforts. I've tried so hard to remain hopeful and positive along the way. We've lived this summer. We've had fun. We've had some forced fun so I could update our adoption profile. We've taken more photos of ourselves this summer than any summer before. Just to prove we have fun!
I finally had a few moments on the phone with our attorney this morning. She is hard to get ahold of and I have been trying to get a face to face meeting or at least a phone call in for the past few weeks. I know she is a busy woman- she runs a small office and does most of it herself. I am always frustrated when I can't get in touch, but as soon as I do, I remember why we chose her. She knows her stuff and is one of the most ethical, caring people we've worked with. We know that she will treat an expectant mother with respect and make sure she gets the support she needs. While it is easy to want a quick match, often times that comes with a price at larger agencies. Sometimes that price is actual money, and other times it is at the expense of the ethical treatment of the expectant mother. We've always felt strongly that we want to know that our child's first mother made her choice in an informed, supportive environment.
So- back to my conversation with our attorney. Our profile is going out- A LOT. Like, she only has 3 left out of 30. We are getting calls on our 888 number- more than most of her other clients. Our marketing efforts are working. Our networking is working. Our profile is going out even when calls are coming on other client's 888 numbers due to our openness to work with diverse expectant mothers.
There just hasn't been a match. We haven't been NOT picked- but we haven't been picked either. Many of the calls coming in on our 888 number are from women who are in early stages of their pregnancies. (Oh, to think that a positive HPT= baby for most of these women!) In Illinois, we can only provide support for expectant mothers 120 days before her due date. Many of these women need help before that- and we just can't legally do so. This is where our attorney has been critical for us- I am sure I would want to help in any way I can- that's just my nature. When we finalize our eventual adoption, we have to disclose all monies and we could lose a child if we didn't follow the law. There are agencies and attorneys out there that will work around this law- and many of these women turn to them. We know our limits, and while it is hard to see our calls come in and have no leads, we feel strongly about being ethical in every aspect of our adoption process.
Thankfully we don't know every time our profile goes out. It would be nerve wracking. So for now, I have to rely on these updates from our attorney every few months. It's frustrating, but I know she is also protecting us. She's been doing this for a long time, and I have to trust her. But it's so hard to trust after we've been at this for so very flipping long. She calls us if there is something more concrete. It's just been several months since we had anything concrete.
We also had an expectant mother contact us through adop.timist. I won't go into details, but I am pretty sure we are being played. She has called our attorney but when our attorney tries to call back, someone else answers and won't allow our attorney to leave a message. She won't return my emails or messages and a google search of the number brought up some interesting Cr.aig's List ads. She is very early in her pregnancy, and we think she is looking for some support- and as I wrote above- that isn't anything we can do just yet. We've almost written it off- but it was hard to have our hopes up for even the short time it lasted.
I also talked at length with the owner at adopti.mist. Apparently, our profile is also getting "above average" traffic there too. We are getting good stats as far as time on page and we have two expectant mothers following us. (Pretty sure one is the woman above) We're planning to do a goo.gle ad words campaign through them next month. Again, he says our profile doesn't really "need" the traffic boost like other families, but of course all increase in traffic is a good thing.
So, the bottom line- our marketing efforts are working. We're doing everything we can. Our profile is good. It shows well. I'm going to make a few tweaks before printing more and update a few of the photos, but not going to make sweeping changes. We just need to keep going. Eventually our profile will make it into the hands of the woman who is meant to be in a match with us. We just have to keep on going. (Maybe I should make Finding Ne.Mo my new mantra... just keep swimming...)
In addition to the new job, I've also applied for grad school as part of the requirement for this new job. It is an intense cohort program that will give me a second master's degree. It will also give me the necessary piece of paper from the state that says I am certified to hold this job. I have to pay for the program out of pocket and then will be reimbursed for maybe half of the program. Really not an additional cost we wanted and I will have to take student loans to do it. However, I can't put my life on hold and it will be nice to have the additional distraction, right?
I mean it would be perfect timing for us to finally be matched, right? First year in a new job- intense grad school program- new baby? Let's hope the universe has a sense of humor for once!
We're nearing the end of summer vacation. Another summer vacation as a family of two. Another summer spent marketing my arse off for our adoption efforts. I've tried so hard to remain hopeful and positive along the way. We've lived this summer. We've had fun. We've had some forced fun so I could update our adoption profile. We've taken more photos of ourselves this summer than any summer before. Just to prove we have fun!
I finally had a few moments on the phone with our attorney this morning. She is hard to get ahold of and I have been trying to get a face to face meeting or at least a phone call in for the past few weeks. I know she is a busy woman- she runs a small office and does most of it herself. I am always frustrated when I can't get in touch, but as soon as I do, I remember why we chose her. She knows her stuff and is one of the most ethical, caring people we've worked with. We know that she will treat an expectant mother with respect and make sure she gets the support she needs. While it is easy to want a quick match, often times that comes with a price at larger agencies. Sometimes that price is actual money, and other times it is at the expense of the ethical treatment of the expectant mother. We've always felt strongly that we want to know that our child's first mother made her choice in an informed, supportive environment.
So- back to my conversation with our attorney. Our profile is going out- A LOT. Like, she only has 3 left out of 30. We are getting calls on our 888 number- more than most of her other clients. Our marketing efforts are working. Our networking is working. Our profile is going out even when calls are coming on other client's 888 numbers due to our openness to work with diverse expectant mothers.
There just hasn't been a match. We haven't been NOT picked- but we haven't been picked either. Many of the calls coming in on our 888 number are from women who are in early stages of their pregnancies. (Oh, to think that a positive HPT= baby for most of these women!) In Illinois, we can only provide support for expectant mothers 120 days before her due date. Many of these women need help before that- and we just can't legally do so. This is where our attorney has been critical for us- I am sure I would want to help in any way I can- that's just my nature. When we finalize our eventual adoption, we have to disclose all monies and we could lose a child if we didn't follow the law. There are agencies and attorneys out there that will work around this law- and many of these women turn to them. We know our limits, and while it is hard to see our calls come in and have no leads, we feel strongly about being ethical in every aspect of our adoption process.
Thankfully we don't know every time our profile goes out. It would be nerve wracking. So for now, I have to rely on these updates from our attorney every few months. It's frustrating, but I know she is also protecting us. She's been doing this for a long time, and I have to trust her. But it's so hard to trust after we've been at this for so very flipping long. She calls us if there is something more concrete. It's just been several months since we had anything concrete.
We also had an expectant mother contact us through adop.timist. I won't go into details, but I am pretty sure we are being played. She has called our attorney but when our attorney tries to call back, someone else answers and won't allow our attorney to leave a message. She won't return my emails or messages and a google search of the number brought up some interesting Cr.aig's List ads. She is very early in her pregnancy, and we think she is looking for some support- and as I wrote above- that isn't anything we can do just yet. We've almost written it off- but it was hard to have our hopes up for even the short time it lasted.
I also talked at length with the owner at adopti.mist. Apparently, our profile is also getting "above average" traffic there too. We are getting good stats as far as time on page and we have two expectant mothers following us. (Pretty sure one is the woman above) We're planning to do a goo.gle ad words campaign through them next month. Again, he says our profile doesn't really "need" the traffic boost like other families, but of course all increase in traffic is a good thing.
So, the bottom line- our marketing efforts are working. We're doing everything we can. Our profile is good. It shows well. I'm going to make a few tweaks before printing more and update a few of the photos, but not going to make sweeping changes. We just need to keep going. Eventually our profile will make it into the hands of the woman who is meant to be in a match with us. We just have to keep on going. (Maybe I should make Finding Ne.Mo my new mantra... just keep swimming...)
In addition to the new job, I've also applied for grad school as part of the requirement for this new job. It is an intense cohort program that will give me a second master's degree. It will also give me the necessary piece of paper from the state that says I am certified to hold this job. I have to pay for the program out of pocket and then will be reimbursed for maybe half of the program. Really not an additional cost we wanted and I will have to take student loans to do it. However, I can't put my life on hold and it will be nice to have the additional distraction, right?
I mean it would be perfect timing for us to finally be matched, right? First year in a new job- intense grad school program- new baby? Let's hope the universe has a sense of humor for once!
~~~~~~
Just to add some more fun today... AF arrived this morning. That means another 34 day cycle. Holy Cow- every single cycle since the d&c in February has been "normal" Aren't things supposed to get less normal as you get older?! But we know that Patience doesn't ever fall into the "supposed" to category, right?!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Interview on Diana's Blog
I have lots to share... and just haven't had the chance to blog. I promise there's a long post coming. Nothing new on the adoption front- just life. :)
Anyway, I was fortunate to connect with Diana and am featured on her blog. Please go check out her blog and read my interview with her. There's even a give away!
Go now... Fly on the Wall
Anyway, I was fortunate to connect with Diana and am featured on her blog. Please go check out her blog and read my interview with her. There's even a give away!
Go now... Fly on the Wall
Monday, July 23, 2012
Give
I'd like to share a link to a website I've recently learned about. It is an amazing organization bringing families together... one dollar at a time. They feature a family each week and ask that people donate $1 to their adoption fund. Each family creates a video sharing their story. They have focused on Africa, but have recently started a domestic site as well. I've donated to this week's family on both the Africa and Domestic sites. Would you consider doing the same? $1 doesn't buy much by iteself, but lots of $1 can make a big difference for these families.
Chris and I are planning to apply to be a family. I am working on our video now. The reality is that we need to start looking at options to help building our adoption fund. We honestly hoped we'd be matched by now, and have spent more than we really expected to on advertising costs. We spent most of our life savings on our final IVF in Colorado. I don't regret that for one moment. However, it means that we don't have the resources that we could have had we not gone to Colorado.
I'll share more about our plans in another post. Please take a moment to check out the give1save1 site and donate if you are able. You might be able to help a family's dreams come true.
Chris and I are planning to apply to be a family. I am working on our video now. The reality is that we need to start looking at options to help building our adoption fund. We honestly hoped we'd be matched by now, and have spent more than we really expected to on advertising costs. We spent most of our life savings on our final IVF in Colorado. I don't regret that for one moment. However, it means that we don't have the resources that we could have had we not gone to Colorado.
I'll share more about our plans in another post. Please take a moment to check out the give1save1 site and donate if you are able. You might be able to help a family's dreams come true.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
July ICLW
I was not a good June ILCW girl. I promise to make it up this month. Last month we were at the Olympic Swimming Trials, so we were just a tad busy. This time I am home and DH is crazy busy with swimming- this time closer to home. I should have plenty of time to read and comment this time! :)
For those of you new here, Dh and I are infertility veterans... we've been at this for more than 12 years. We've been through the motions of treatment- even at the best clinic in the country. I'm a PCOS gal, but that is under control. We're in the unexplained category officially. For some unknown reason, my body decided to figure out how to get pregnant on its own in the last two years but can't seem to figure out holding onto to a pregnancy past 10 weeks. We've had three miscarriages in the past 18 months. You can see the nitty gritty on the timeline tab above. We've closed the pregnancy chapter of our lives and are very excited about building our family through domestic infant adoption.
We are homestudy approved and waiting to be matched. We've been an active waiting family for just over 9 months or so. We are using an attorney and are doing our own marketing. It's been an adventure and we're learning as we go. We've recently created a youtube video and started working with adoptimist.com
I am a middle school teacher- but recently took a new position as a technology integration specialist for our middle school and elementary school. I am very excited about this new position and the challenges it brings. DH is a swim coach and we are VERY excited about the Olympics. Chris actually coached one of the swimmers when he was in high school!
I have a little card making venture that helps to offest our adoption marketing costs. You can see my creations in the side bar or by clicking here. I am a creative soul and my creative endeavors have kept me sane during our adventures with infertility.
That's the cliff note version of my life...
Looking forward to ICLW this week!
For those of you new here, Dh and I are infertility veterans... we've been at this for more than 12 years. We've been through the motions of treatment- even at the best clinic in the country. I'm a PCOS gal, but that is under control. We're in the unexplained category officially. For some unknown reason, my body decided to figure out how to get pregnant on its own in the last two years but can't seem to figure out holding onto to a pregnancy past 10 weeks. We've had three miscarriages in the past 18 months. You can see the nitty gritty on the timeline tab above. We've closed the pregnancy chapter of our lives and are very excited about building our family through domestic infant adoption.
We are homestudy approved and waiting to be matched. We've been an active waiting family for just over 9 months or so. We are using an attorney and are doing our own marketing. It's been an adventure and we're learning as we go. We've recently created a youtube video and started working with adoptimist.com
I am a middle school teacher- but recently took a new position as a technology integration specialist for our middle school and elementary school. I am very excited about this new position and the challenges it brings. DH is a swim coach and we are VERY excited about the Olympics. Chris actually coached one of the swimmers when he was in high school!
I have a little card making venture that helps to offest our adoption marketing costs. You can see my creations in the side bar or by clicking here. I am a creative soul and my creative endeavors have kept me sane during our adventures with infertility.
That's the cliff note version of my life...
Looking forward to ICLW this week!
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