Reflections

I work at a school that has a very close knit staff. Frankly, it is one of the main reasons I stay at the school. I simply love the people I work with. It is as close to a family as one can get... honestly I spend more time with these people during the school year than I do with anyone in my family.

We've had a great deal of loss over the past years. We lost a friend and coworker last year. Several of the teachers have lost their spouses to terrible illnesses and accidents. Sadly, I just heard that another staff member has lost her husband after a long battle with illness. My heart breaks for her. We've taught on the same team for the past 8 years. She truly is an amazing mother and wife and some how always found time to do it all. She has three children, the youngest of which will be a sophomore in college this fall. They were living the American Dream... their youngest child was "out of the nest" and they were ready to start living their lives together, just the two of them. They have raised their children well and deserved to live and experience life together. My only solace is the fact that they had the summer to spend together and say their goodbyes. I know that Hospice was a big part of making that possible for them. Please keep Patti and her family in your thoughts as they grieve their father and husband.

It is events like this that make me question my faith more than ever. I have often wondered why Chris and I have been dealt the hand of infertility while we long to have children. Here is a family that has been blessed with three children, and now have lost their father. These are good people... I think Chris and I are good people. Why does it seem that the "bad stuff" always happens to good people? Chris and I have strayed from the church in our struggle, but I know so many who have strong faith and are active in their church and still suffer much. I am just not sure that I can believe.

Another one of my coworkers and close friends lost her husband a few years ago after a battle with brain cancer. They, too, have 3 amazing children. Her faith is so very strong in spite of her immeasurable grief. She is an inspiration to me, not just for her faith, but in the way she lives her life. I always joke that when I grow up I want to be just like her. She and I have had several conversations about faith and about God. She always tells me that it is okay to be mad at God.. that he can take my anger. And today I am angry. Not for me, but for my friend and her children who will have to become adults and learn to live life without their father and husband.

I am grateful to have Chris in my life. He is my best friend and so much more. We struggle to get along at times, but that is who we are. It's strange how the loss of my coworkers spouse makes me reflect on our infertility and our loss. It's not the same kind of loss, but it is loss. And so I remember today all that we have lost and hope that we will have some resolution to that loss someday.