For the past two days, I have placed children in what I have lovingly referred to as "Science Fair Jail" after school. I'm happy to report that all of my darlings will in fact have a finished board for tomorrow's presentations. It has meant two VERY late nights at work this week, but it is worth it to have the kids feel the sense of accomplishment of a finished board. So many of my kids just don't have the support at home to complete projects like this, so we have to do it all within the school day.
I am a little sad I won't be there tomorrow for the actual fair, but know that my kids will be in good hands with one of my favorite substitutes and another colleague. I am glad that the Science Fair is now done but not looking forward to the late night on Monday grading everything. I am so fortunate that one of my collegaues has given up his plan period for just about the last month to help me out in Science every day. One of the budget cuts last year was my instructional assistant, and I miss her dearly. It's hard to work with kids at such varying levels all on my own. My colleague teaches the Social Studies class for my kids, so I will be repaying the favor when we start the big International Fair project after spring break. I am so fortunate to work with such a great staff. With all of the negative press about teachers right now, it makes my heart smile to remember that there are those of us in the trenches every day making a difference for kids, no matter what the media says about us as a group.
I ran again today after I released the darlings from Science Fair Jail. Here are today's stats:
Week 2, Day 1 (5 min warmup, 90 sec run, 2 min walk X6, 5 min cool down)
1.36 miles
Halls at school
I did ok on this, and I was worried about the first day of the new week. I didn't even check the run time until after 60 seconds, so that means that the program is working, I think! The last run was tough and I definitely had to push through it. I love that I am able to use the Nike+ app to post to Facebook when I start a run. Then anytime someone hits like on it, I hear a cheer as I run. Too fun! The app was definitely worth the $1.99!
I am noticing that I have a sore back tonight. I am wondering if running the halls is harder on the body than a treadmill. I also know that I run very heavy on my feet. Need to work on technique for sure. Does anyone have any tips or resources for this novice runner? It seems silly to say that I need to learn to run, but I do. I need to learn how to be lighter on my feet I think. Anyone have any thoughts?
Tomorrow is the big day- It's the Illinois State High School Swim Championship. It's really exciting, and I am so glad that I get to go and cheer on Chris and his boys. It is a crazy event and seating is VERY limited. I am meeting parents at 7 am so we can get in line to get wristbands in order to get into the seating area. We already have our tickets- those are a premium too. The wristbands just get us a spot in line to get into the seating area. Then we have to spend the day in the gym until the pool opens to spectators at 2:30! Looking forward to spending the day with the parents and hopefully seeing some really fast swims from Chris' boys. I love the sport of swimming, and love to watch it anyway so this is a big treat. I took a personal day from school so I could go, and I am really glad I did. I am really NOT a fan of big crowds, so I am going to work hard to just go with the flow of it all!
Finals are on Saturday. We are hopeful that his relay(s) and a few of the boys should make it. It's going to be an exciting and exhausting few days. I am so proud of Chris and looking forward to celebrating with the team tomorrow night. Illinois is a very competitive swimming state, so there should be some really fast swims over the two days.
Off to treat myself to a bubble bath for completing science fair and running and as a calming measure before the swim meet! Have a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Week 1 Complete!
I've finished the first week of the c25k program. :) Yay me!
The first two runs were on the treadmill in a friend's basement. Today I ran the halls of school. Yep, teachers run in the halls after school is out! It didn't feel great, but it wasn't too bad either. I also started using the Nike + app on my phone to keep track of distance and runs in addition to the C25k app. Worked well, but I don't know how the mileage accuracy is while running inside a building. It was neat to see it mapped out on the nike+ website, though! Looks like I was running in circles. :)
So today's stats:
Week 1, Day 3
Running Halls
1.27 miles
Trying to get some things done tonight- I actually have three computers running different tasks right now. I am a total tech nerd. I printed photos for the kids science fair boards and am completing some professional development that has to be done by March 1st. As I sit here, I feel some pain creeping in, but I am reminding myself that it is a good kind of pain that comes from muscles learning to react to exercise.
Feeling good about the progress we are making on the adoption plan. Need to contact a few attorneys and facilitators and make a decision about which way we are going to go once our homestudy is complete. There's just so much to consider in the process.
Long day tomorrow- detention duty & "science fair jail" for students who are behind for Friday's fair. I think I will need to treat myself to a Shamrock Shake at lunch tomorrow to get through the day!
Hope you all have a wonderful night!
The first two runs were on the treadmill in a friend's basement. Today I ran the halls of school. Yep, teachers run in the halls after school is out! It didn't feel great, but it wasn't too bad either. I also started using the Nike + app on my phone to keep track of distance and runs in addition to the C25k app. Worked well, but I don't know how the mileage accuracy is while running inside a building. It was neat to see it mapped out on the nike+ website, though! Looks like I was running in circles. :)
So today's stats:
Week 1, Day 3
Running Halls
1.27 miles
Trying to get some things done tonight- I actually have three computers running different tasks right now. I am a total tech nerd. I printed photos for the kids science fair boards and am completing some professional development that has to be done by March 1st. As I sit here, I feel some pain creeping in, but I am reminding myself that it is a good kind of pain that comes from muscles learning to react to exercise.
Feeling good about the progress we are making on the adoption plan. Need to contact a few attorneys and facilitators and make a decision about which way we are going to go once our homestudy is complete. There's just so much to consider in the process.
Long day tomorrow- detention duty & "science fair jail" for students who are behind for Friday's fair. I think I will need to treat myself to a Shamrock Shake at lunch tomorrow to get through the day!
Hope you all have a wonderful night!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Homestudy Visit #3 Complete
Welcome to those of you here for ICLW. You can find our "story" in the timeline above. We are currently in the process of completing our homestudy for a domestic infant adoption after 10 years of infertility treatments.
We've now finished three of our homestudy visits. We're almost through the process!
Today was my interview with the social worker, and it went well. Chris was also home so he kept the beast (aka Romeo the Lab) with him downstairs and the SW and I talked up in my studio. It was nice to be in my "happy place" while we talked about my childhood and family relationships. I was really worried about how my current extended family situation would be perceived, but she was very kind about it and agreed that it sounded like it was the best for all involved. What a relief!
It was nice to talk about Chris and our marriage. It's hard to put 15 years of marriage into words, but I think I was able to express it well enough. It's hard to talk about your strengths and weaknesses, but I think I did ok there too! :) I actually got a better feeling for the SW after our visit today.
We turned in our physicals, water testing, and reference letters today, as well as a boatload of other paperwork. We still need to get Chris' work letter as well as the guardianship agreement figured out. I still think it's strange that we have to ask someone to be a guardian of a not yet adopted child. We have an idea of who we would like to ask so we plan to have that conversation with them soon. The only other paperwork we need to deal with is the letters of health for the pets. Having a hard time with that one- since two of our animals are aging and not in great health. We need to make some tough decisions in the coming months for the two of them, and I am just not ready to do that yet.
We have one more meeting with the social worker and need to complete the 10 hours of education before then. I forgot to ask her if the books I've read count. They aren't on the list of books she gave us, but the list was pretty dated! We are planning to take a few online courses to fulfill the requirement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a ton of work to do for school. Now that the visit is done, I MUST work on it! Hope you all had a wonderful day!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Running Update
Trying to hold myself accountable to all of you with this running stuff.
Today I finished
week 1, day 2
Treadmill
Miles: 1.6
Still REALLY sore from the workout earlier this week, but I pushed through it. Strength training of arms first, and then the running. I did it. :) I am not sure I will be able to walk down stairs for the next few weeks, but I did it!
As I was pushing through the pain tonight, I just kept reminding myself that this is my chance to make my body do something for a change. I have control over this. I might not be able to make my reproductive system work for me, but my legs are another story. I am slowly starting to take back my life.
I emailed the coworker from the last post. He replied, and I feel at peace with the whole situation now. Well, at least as at peace as an infertile girl can be with a pregnancy announcement. :)
Off to treat myself to a bubble bath before heading out to meet friends for drinks. Ah, the perks of not being pregnant, right?
Today I finished
week 1, day 2
Treadmill
Miles: 1.6
Still REALLY sore from the workout earlier this week, but I pushed through it. Strength training of arms first, and then the running. I did it. :) I am not sure I will be able to walk down stairs for the next few weeks, but I did it!
As I was pushing through the pain tonight, I just kept reminding myself that this is my chance to make my body do something for a change. I have control over this. I might not be able to make my reproductive system work for me, but my legs are another story. I am slowly starting to take back my life.
I emailed the coworker from the last post. He replied, and I feel at peace with the whole situation now. Well, at least as at peace as an infertile girl can be with a pregnancy announcement. :)
Off to treat myself to a bubble bath before heading out to meet friends for drinks. Ah, the perks of not being pregnant, right?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
How NOT to tell your infertile Coworker that your wife is pregnant
I am not going to lie. It's been a tough few days.
Chris and I are struggling right now to deal with the swim team drama. Let's just say we agreed to disagree and move on. :)
And then there were the TWO pregnancy announcements in less than 24 hours at work.
Yep, TWO.
The first was expected- the girl that I have known was pregnant since January and we never talked about it. She said to me, "I'm pregnant." And I said, "I know." I asked the proper questions about when she was due and how she was feeling. And then we moved on with our conversation. Perfectly fine. The awkwardness was on both of us, so I don't have any ill feelings about how she told me.
But then there is the second announcement. I am still reeling from it. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth.
Coworker also happens to be a long time friend from high school. We are in the same group of friends that still talk to each after high school. We get together socially ever so often. When he was looking for a new teaching job, I put in the good word for him, and he got the job at my school 5 years ago. We don't teach in the same hallway, so we don't always see each other. But he has been avoiding me for the last few weeks now that I think about it. (more about that later)
Apparently wife is due in June. Yep, she's REALLY pregnant and due about the same time I would have been. His plan all along was for me to be the first person at work to know about it all, given our friendship and my infertility. He had to tell our principal but asked him not to mention it until coworker could tell me.
At some point, principal slipped up and made a comment in the copy room in front of other teachers. Word got out, but coworker made everyone swear not to tell me. He wanted to be the one to tell me. I have no idea how long ago this all went on, but from the way he tells it, it has been some time. Apparently a large number of staff members knew about his wife's pregnancy, but everyone felt the need to protect "Poor Patience"
Apparently, my two close friends also knew about it, and urged him to tell me. I don't know how long they knew about it, but neither of them felt the need to prepare me. (I still haven't talked to them about it all, need to figure that out)
Coworker pulls me out of class while I am teaching and tells me that his wife is pregnant and goes on and on about the above story. He also tells me that our mutual high school friends have also told him that he really needed to tell me. He says that he has been worried about telling me because he wanted enough time to lapse between my miscarriage and when he told me. He said he wanted to be sensitive to me and that he cares about me and was really worried about how to tell me.
This goes on for 10 minutes or so. I am blindsided. I had no idea. After all these years, I usually have a sense about impending pregnancy announcements. I had no idea. I had to try to keep my composure while I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I excuse myself to the staff bathroom and ask another teacher to watch my kids. Get myself together enough to wrap up my class and then spend my off period sobbing behind my desk.
I think I am more hurt by the way this announcement happened than the actual announcement. I HATE the idea that people have been talking about me for who knows how long. I HATE the idea that people were feeling pity for me, and hiding this pregnancy from me. In hindsight, I realize that conversations changed in the staff lounge and that said coworker avoided me all together for the last two months at least. I am angry. While the coworker said he was trying to be sensitive, the way this went down is the exact opposite. This is the WORST way for an infertile to find out that a good friend is pregnant.
I know that it's hard to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. I get it. But man-up. As soon as the principal slipped up in the copy room, he should have come to me then. I get that it might have been uncomfortable for him. But that is a small price compared to the humiliation and anger I feel now. I can't even think about how many conversations must have been had about him telling me. In his words, people kept coming to him and telling him he had to tell me. Other coworkers and our friends.
I feel like an idiot. I feel like I am the poor pathetic girl that people need to protect. I feel betrayed by my close friends who didn't give me the heads up about it.
And you know what, I am angry that they he & his wife get their baby the easy way and I have to deal with the pain of my miscarriage and decade of infertility while trying to move forward with an adoption plan.
Really, I know there is no perfect way to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. It's never easy. But DON'T HIDE IT FROM US. There is simply no worse way for you to deal with it.
I have to decide how to address this all tomorrow. Today was about getting through the day and processing it all. I still haven't talked about this with anyone at school. So not sure if everyone knows that I know. I think I need to talk with my two good friends and gently tell them that they handled this badly, and that in the future I need them to give me a heads up so I can have time to deal with my feelings before I have to face the person.
I also think I need to talk to the dad to be. While I was all nice about it at the time, I think he needs to know that while he thinks he was being sensitive, in the end it was the EXACT OPPOSITE.
Lots more thoughts swirling in my head to share with you all, but must deal with Science Fair papers now.
Chris and I are struggling right now to deal with the swim team drama. Let's just say we agreed to disagree and move on. :)
And then there were the TWO pregnancy announcements in less than 24 hours at work.
Yep, TWO.
The first was expected- the girl that I have known was pregnant since January and we never talked about it. She said to me, "I'm pregnant." And I said, "I know." I asked the proper questions about when she was due and how she was feeling. And then we moved on with our conversation. Perfectly fine. The awkwardness was on both of us, so I don't have any ill feelings about how she told me.
But then there is the second announcement. I am still reeling from it. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth.
Coworker also happens to be a long time friend from high school. We are in the same group of friends that still talk to each after high school. We get together socially ever so often. When he was looking for a new teaching job, I put in the good word for him, and he got the job at my school 5 years ago. We don't teach in the same hallway, so we don't always see each other. But he has been avoiding me for the last few weeks now that I think about it. (more about that later)
Apparently wife is due in June. Yep, she's REALLY pregnant and due about the same time I would have been. His plan all along was for me to be the first person at work to know about it all, given our friendship and my infertility. He had to tell our principal but asked him not to mention it until coworker could tell me.
At some point, principal slipped up and made a comment in the copy room in front of other teachers. Word got out, but coworker made everyone swear not to tell me. He wanted to be the one to tell me. I have no idea how long ago this all went on, but from the way he tells it, it has been some time. Apparently a large number of staff members knew about his wife's pregnancy, but everyone felt the need to protect "Poor Patience"
Apparently, my two close friends also knew about it, and urged him to tell me. I don't know how long they knew about it, but neither of them felt the need to prepare me. (I still haven't talked to them about it all, need to figure that out)
Coworker pulls me out of class while I am teaching and tells me that his wife is pregnant and goes on and on about the above story. He also tells me that our mutual high school friends have also told him that he really needed to tell me. He says that he has been worried about telling me because he wanted enough time to lapse between my miscarriage and when he told me. He said he wanted to be sensitive to me and that he cares about me and was really worried about how to tell me.
This goes on for 10 minutes or so. I am blindsided. I had no idea. After all these years, I usually have a sense about impending pregnancy announcements. I had no idea. I had to try to keep my composure while I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I excuse myself to the staff bathroom and ask another teacher to watch my kids. Get myself together enough to wrap up my class and then spend my off period sobbing behind my desk.
I think I am more hurt by the way this announcement happened than the actual announcement. I HATE the idea that people have been talking about me for who knows how long. I HATE the idea that people were feeling pity for me, and hiding this pregnancy from me. In hindsight, I realize that conversations changed in the staff lounge and that said coworker avoided me all together for the last two months at least. I am angry. While the coworker said he was trying to be sensitive, the way this went down is the exact opposite. This is the WORST way for an infertile to find out that a good friend is pregnant.
I know that it's hard to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. I get it. But man-up. As soon as the principal slipped up in the copy room, he should have come to me then. I get that it might have been uncomfortable for him. But that is a small price compared to the humiliation and anger I feel now. I can't even think about how many conversations must have been had about him telling me. In his words, people kept coming to him and telling him he had to tell me. Other coworkers and our friends.
I feel like an idiot. I feel like I am the poor pathetic girl that people need to protect. I feel betrayed by my close friends who didn't give me the heads up about it.
And you know what, I am angry that they he & his wife get their baby the easy way and I have to deal with the pain of my miscarriage and decade of infertility while trying to move forward with an adoption plan.
Really, I know there is no perfect way to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. It's never easy. But DON'T HIDE IT FROM US. There is simply no worse way for you to deal with it.
I have to decide how to address this all tomorrow. Today was about getting through the day and processing it all. I still haven't talked about this with anyone at school. So not sure if everyone knows that I know. I think I need to talk with my two good friends and gently tell them that they handled this badly, and that in the future I need them to give me a heads up so I can have time to deal with my feelings before I have to face the person.
I also think I need to talk to the dad to be. While I was all nice about it at the time, I think he needs to know that while he thinks he was being sensitive, in the end it was the EXACT OPPOSITE.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Just to add insult to injury, my legs are KILLING me after yesterday's workout. Planning to run again tomorrow between school and conferences. I don't usually get a single parent, so it won't matter if I smell, right? :) I plan on working with the trainer again on Friday. Lots more thoughts swirling in my head to share with you all, but must deal with Science Fair papers now.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Back in the Laces...
So I laced up the running shoes tonight for the first time.
I am attempting to do the Couch to 5k program. I used it before, but found a really neat app for my phone that lets me use my own music. If you are interested at all in starting to run, I highly recommend the couch to 5k program. It starts you out with short intervals of running mixed with walking for a total of 20-30 minutes three times a week. The amount of running gradually increases over the course of the program.
Too bad I am running an 8k, not a 5k, on April 10th. That's 8 weeks from now. Not sure I will be 100% ready, but here's hoping that I am able to finish.
Today's stats:
Week 1, Day 1
Treadmill
1.67 miles
I am sore, and my good friend/personal trainer had me do a strength workout before I ran. I have a feeling I am going to be really sore tomorrow. It was nice to spend the time with friends. I even did a load of laundry while I was there. (New washer will be delivered on Friday! Yay!)
At one of the tough points in the run today, I just kept thinking that this is something I can control with my body. I can take back what infertility has robbed me of. I can make my body do something if I try hard enough- unlike infertility. As a nice aside, I am hoping to lose some of the weight that a decade of infertility drugs has graced me with.
Hoping you all will keep me accountable too. I need to do this for myself. I need to feel some success with my body. So, if you don't see anything about running for a few days, please remind me! :)
Ok, off to soak my sore muscles in the tub!
I am attempting to do the Couch to 5k program. I used it before, but found a really neat app for my phone that lets me use my own music. If you are interested at all in starting to run, I highly recommend the couch to 5k program. It starts you out with short intervals of running mixed with walking for a total of 20-30 minutes three times a week. The amount of running gradually increases over the course of the program.
Too bad I am running an 8k, not a 5k, on April 10th. That's 8 weeks from now. Not sure I will be 100% ready, but here's hoping that I am able to finish.
Today's stats:
Week 1, Day 1
Treadmill
1.67 miles
I am sore, and my good friend/personal trainer had me do a strength workout before I ran. I have a feeling I am going to be really sore tomorrow. It was nice to spend the time with friends. I even did a load of laundry while I was there. (New washer will be delivered on Friday! Yay!)
At one of the tough points in the run today, I just kept thinking that this is something I can control with my body. I can take back what infertility has robbed me of. I can make my body do something if I try hard enough- unlike infertility. As a nice aside, I am hoping to lose some of the weight that a decade of infertility drugs has graced me with.
Hoping you all will keep me accountable too. I need to do this for myself. I need to feel some success with my body. So, if you don't see anything about running for a few days, please remind me! :)
Ok, off to soak my sore muscles in the tub!
Being the Coach's Wife
I am the coach's wife. It's a great place to be most of the time. But, it's a hard place to be sometimes.
I love my husband. I love the sport of swimming. I love watching kids swim and Chris coach. I spend time in the stands...
with parents of said kids.
Now, some of these parents have become our closest friends. They've been there for Chris and I time and time again. We love them like family. (Maybe even more than family!)
But there are the other parents.
The parents who have little respect for me or my husband. The parents who make comments about Chris to other parents with me sitting right there. Or parents who credit their child's swimming achievement to another coach but blame Chris when their kids don't swim well.
He works for a parent owned club. This was a hard pill for me to swallow when he took the job four years ago. I fear that one bad seed of a parent can make life miserable for him and possibly cause him to leave his job.
Thankfully we have developed relationships with many of the parents that run the club. But there are a few who were there before we came that have made life difficult for Chris and for me at times. There is also a coach that has been with the club since he was a swimmer himself. He likes to do the exact opposite of Chris at any given time.
So this weekend I snapped. Ok, not really, but I hit my breaking point.
After a GREAT swim by her son at the high school meet, this parent went on and on about the "other" coach and how he was a big part of this child's success. This coach hasn't even coached the swimmer since before Thanksgiving. (Kid is on high school team, and Chris is the coach for the team in addition to his job as the club coach)
I had to stop another coach/parent friend of ours from saying something to said parent in the stands at the meet. After talking it over with Chris, I felt I needed to address the comment made by the parent. So I sent an email. I had Chris read it over and "approve" it before I sent it. (It is his career, after all!)
Her response was that she was "flabbergasted" that I felt that way. She just doesn't get it. But at least I feel that I expressed my feelings on the subject and have ruffled her feathers so to speak. I don't think this will be the end of it, but Chris and our friends support me in the sending this email. Chris has a meeting with the president of the club this week, so it will be interesting if this email comes up.
The point of this post...
If you are ever fortunate to have a child who excels in a sport, please have some respect for the professional coach. And remember that they have a life too and maybe even a wife who has to sit in the stands.
I love my husband. I love the sport of swimming. I love watching kids swim and Chris coach. I spend time in the stands...
with parents of said kids.
Now, some of these parents have become our closest friends. They've been there for Chris and I time and time again. We love them like family. (Maybe even more than family!)
But there are the other parents.
The parents who have little respect for me or my husband. The parents who make comments about Chris to other parents with me sitting right there. Or parents who credit their child's swimming achievement to another coach but blame Chris when their kids don't swim well.
He works for a parent owned club. This was a hard pill for me to swallow when he took the job four years ago. I fear that one bad seed of a parent can make life miserable for him and possibly cause him to leave his job.
Thankfully we have developed relationships with many of the parents that run the club. But there are a few who were there before we came that have made life difficult for Chris and for me at times. There is also a coach that has been with the club since he was a swimmer himself. He likes to do the exact opposite of Chris at any given time.
So this weekend I snapped. Ok, not really, but I hit my breaking point.
After a GREAT swim by her son at the high school meet, this parent went on and on about the "other" coach and how he was a big part of this child's success. This coach hasn't even coached the swimmer since before Thanksgiving. (Kid is on high school team, and Chris is the coach for the team in addition to his job as the club coach)
I had to stop another coach/parent friend of ours from saying something to said parent in the stands at the meet. After talking it over with Chris, I felt I needed to address the comment made by the parent. So I sent an email. I had Chris read it over and "approve" it before I sent it. (It is his career, after all!)
Her response was that she was "flabbergasted" that I felt that way. She just doesn't get it. But at least I feel that I expressed my feelings on the subject and have ruffled her feathers so to speak. I don't think this will be the end of it, but Chris and our friends support me in the sending this email. Chris has a meeting with the president of the club this week, so it will be interesting if this email comes up.
The point of this post...
If you are ever fortunate to have a child who excels in a sport, please have some respect for the professional coach. And remember that they have a life too and maybe even a wife who has to sit in the stands.
Monday, February 14, 2011
16 years ago today...
We married really young. It's been a tough road, but it was the best choice for us. I love this man so very much and can't wait to start the next chapter of our lives as parents. Hoping that we will be able to share our love with a child in the very near future.
Weren't we cute kids? Photo was taken on our wedding day- June 22, 1996. We'll celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this year! How is that even possible?
Hope you are all having a great day with those you love. I have a very close friend who lost her husband too soon and I think of her on days like today. I have such an empathy for her. She gets it- Days like today are as painful for her as Mother's Day is for me. So for today, I will cherish Chris a little more, and hug him a little tighter. We may long for a child, we do have each other.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Too Much Knowledge Isn't Always a Good Thing
So AF is here in all her glory.
It's hard not knowing what is exactly going on with your body. I've spent a decade knowing the intimate workings of my reproductive system. I wish I could go back to being ignorant about it all. I don't know what it is going on for sure, but I have some theories. I hope the day comes that I won't think about it anymore. That I won't know what cycle day I am on. That I won't think about what could be going on with my body.
I do know that my PMS symptoms this time were VERY intense. I am hoping that is not a sign of things to come and is just my body still adjusting post miscarriage. I can't imagine having the intense symptoms with every cycle for the rest of my life.
I had really hoped that we could have a really nice romantic Valentine's Day celebration this year after the disaster of last year. Thank you AF for ruining that plan. Thank goodness for pain meds and a busy day today to keep me moving forward.
Thank you for all of your support and comments. I've said it before, but I really can't say it enough. I don't know what I would do without this blog and those of you who read and support me. It helps so much to get my crazy thoughts out of my head and I know you all get it and won't judge me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Chris has a HUGE swim meet this afternoon for his high school team. His team has the chance to win the conference title for the first time in the history of the school. There are two other teams that usually dominate everything so it will be awesome if they can pull it off! Looking forward to spending the afternoon with the team.
Tomorrow is our day to spend together. Hoping to get some new running shoes and get my ass moving. Did I mention that I signed up to run an 8k on April 10th? I haven't run in a year. And even before that I wasn't doing much. Hoping this will give me something to focus on. Maybe I can finally make my body do something that I want it to do!
It's hard not knowing what is exactly going on with your body. I've spent a decade knowing the intimate workings of my reproductive system. I wish I could go back to being ignorant about it all. I don't know what it is going on for sure, but I have some theories. I hope the day comes that I won't think about it anymore. That I won't know what cycle day I am on. That I won't think about what could be going on with my body.
I do know that my PMS symptoms this time were VERY intense. I am hoping that is not a sign of things to come and is just my body still adjusting post miscarriage. I can't imagine having the intense symptoms with every cycle for the rest of my life.
I had really hoped that we could have a really nice romantic Valentine's Day celebration this year after the disaster of last year. Thank you AF for ruining that plan. Thank goodness for pain meds and a busy day today to keep me moving forward.
Thank you for all of your support and comments. I've said it before, but I really can't say it enough. I don't know what I would do without this blog and those of you who read and support me. It helps so much to get my crazy thoughts out of my head and I know you all get it and won't judge me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Chris has a HUGE swim meet this afternoon for his high school team. His team has the chance to win the conference title for the first time in the history of the school. There are two other teams that usually dominate everything so it will be awesome if they can pull it off! Looking forward to spending the afternoon with the team.
Tomorrow is our day to spend together. Hoping to get some new running shoes and get my ass moving. Did I mention that I signed up to run an 8k on April 10th? I haven't run in a year. And even before that I wasn't doing much. Hoping this will give me something to focus on. Maybe I can finally make my body do something that I want it to do!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Still crazy
POAS- Instant negative, but nothing in the control window (Don't you think I could figure out how to use one of these after all these years?!)
Feeling some crampiness, so I think AF is on her way. But who knows.
Crazy dreams and sore girls still here. No spotting.
Weepy this morning with Chris after I had some car issues. Again, could be PMS.
Still tired and feeling crummy- but that could just be the fact that it's February and it's COLD and snowy here. (We got more snow yesterday on top of the 2 feet from the blizzard!)
So nothing to report... pretty sure AF will show soon.
Appointment with GP tomorrow to get Adoption paperwork filled out. Also discussing my high blood pressure and the cold that won't go away. Hoping she will also draw the bloodwork that CC.RM suggested after my miscarriage. Oh, and I haven't seen here since I was pregnant, so have to explain all of that too. Just to add it to my chart and all.
I took the full day off of work, so hoping that I can get a few more things checked off the adoption to do list tomorrow. Waiting to hear back from our social worker as to when we are going to reschedule my interview.
Having some questions roll around my head about our adoption options. I wish it was like the commercial for the financial planning company on tv- where there is just an orange line you follow that tells you what the best path for you is. Anyone know where I can find one of those?
Sorry for my last few posts being a rambling mess. I just seem to be a rambling mess these days!
Feeling some crampiness, so I think AF is on her way. But who knows.
Crazy dreams and sore girls still here. No spotting.
Weepy this morning with Chris after I had some car issues. Again, could be PMS.
Still tired and feeling crummy- but that could just be the fact that it's February and it's COLD and snowy here. (We got more snow yesterday on top of the 2 feet from the blizzard!)
So nothing to report... pretty sure AF will show soon.
Appointment with GP tomorrow to get Adoption paperwork filled out. Also discussing my high blood pressure and the cold that won't go away. Hoping she will also draw the bloodwork that CC.RM suggested after my miscarriage. Oh, and I haven't seen here since I was pregnant, so have to explain all of that too. Just to add it to my chart and all.
I took the full day off of work, so hoping that I can get a few more things checked off the adoption to do list tomorrow. Waiting to hear back from our social worker as to when we are going to reschedule my interview.
Having some questions roll around my head about our adoption options. I wish it was like the commercial for the financial planning company on tv- where there is just an orange line you follow that tells you what the best path for you is. Anyone know where I can find one of those?
Sorry for my last few posts being a rambling mess. I just seem to be a rambling mess these days!
Monday, February 7, 2011
I Might be Crazy
So I am making myself a little nuts... but isn't that what all infertiles do?
Let's review the facts:
In comes the crazy vivid dreams. Like wake you up in the middle of the night going, "huh?" kind of dreams. Last time I had these... yep, was when I was pg.
And then my "girls" started hurting. I mean really hurting. Like they did with the BFP. And I am exhausted. All. The. Time.
But this could all be in my head. It most probably is. Or it could be some other medical issue revving up in my body, who knows?!
I have pain in my right ovary too. Probably a big mother of a cyst in there. It's about time for one of those PCOS lovelies to show up. Too bad I don't have a clue what is going on in there, and don't have any plans of calling up the RE just for a customary, "please check my ovary" ultrasounds.
It's times like this that I wish I could just have all of my reproductive organs removed. They aren't working, so let's just evict them all. Then I wouldn't have to even think about things like this.
So I will POAS tomorrow. Hopefully that will bring on AF and I can move on.
Please no "It could happen" comments tonight. I know that it could happen. That's what keeps me on this crazy roller coaster. I really just want to get off. And as long as I have ovaries and a uterus, I guess this is going to happen. (No, I don't have any crazy ideas of really getting an elective hysterectomy, but you have to admit that it does have some merits for consideration!)
One more thing- it was exactly one year ago today that we learned that our first "perfect" transfer ended up with a BFN. That couldn't have anything to do with my mood tonight, could it?!
Enough rambling for tonight...
Let's review the facts:
- We've been TTC for 10 years, 7 months.
- We've had "perfect" cycles end in BFN- even with CGH normal embryos and a textbook lining
- My last cycle was our first ever BFP- but that was with an entire medicine cabinet of meds and 2 good looking embryos
- I've only had one "surprise" positive while I was on BCPs in 2002
- My cycles are all over the place- 20 days or 100 days- it's a gamble each cycle
In comes the crazy vivid dreams. Like wake you up in the middle of the night going, "huh?" kind of dreams. Last time I had these... yep, was when I was pg.
And then my "girls" started hurting. I mean really hurting. Like they did with the BFP. And I am exhausted. All. The. Time.
But this could all be in my head. It most probably is. Or it could be some other medical issue revving up in my body, who knows?!
I have pain in my right ovary too. Probably a big mother of a cyst in there. It's about time for one of those PCOS lovelies to show up. Too bad I don't have a clue what is going on in there, and don't have any plans of calling up the RE just for a customary, "please check my ovary" ultrasounds.
It's times like this that I wish I could just have all of my reproductive organs removed. They aren't working, so let's just evict them all. Then I wouldn't have to even think about things like this.
So I will POAS tomorrow. Hopefully that will bring on AF and I can move on.
Please no "It could happen" comments tonight. I know that it could happen. That's what keeps me on this crazy roller coaster. I really just want to get off. And as long as I have ovaries and a uterus, I guess this is going to happen. (No, I don't have any crazy ideas of really getting an elective hysterectomy, but you have to admit that it does have some merits for consideration!)
One more thing- it was exactly one year ago today that we learned that our first "perfect" transfer ended up with a BFN. That couldn't have anything to do with my mood tonight, could it?!
Enough rambling for tonight...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Snowpocolypse of 2011
As I am sure all of you are aware, we've just had a little snow storm here in Chicagoland.
Ok, so maybe it was more than a little storm- it was the third largest in the history of Chicago weather. We have 4+ foot drifts of snow in our yard. The entire northern part of Illinois is considered a disaster area. Yesterday our county was under "civil emergency" which means nobody could be out driving. Which would have been a feat in of itself considering that most streets weren't even plowed until the afternoon anyway.
This storm was predicted. But we all thought it was just the weather people building up the hype.
It lived up to the hype. And then some.
Thought I would share a few of my favorite photos from yesterday. For those of you in warm climates, aren't you jealous?!
Today is my second snow day in a row. Loving being home. Hoping to have some creative time today instead of worrying about the work left for me at school. It will still be there, right?
Ok, so maybe it was more than a little storm- it was the third largest in the history of Chicago weather. We have 4+ foot drifts of snow in our yard. The entire northern part of Illinois is considered a disaster area. Yesterday our county was under "civil emergency" which means nobody could be out driving. Which would have been a feat in of itself considering that most streets weren't even plowed until the afternoon anyway.
This storm was predicted. But we all thought it was just the weather people building up the hype.
It lived up to the hype. And then some.
Thought I would share a few of my favorite photos from yesterday. For those of you in warm climates, aren't you jealous?!
 |
| That's a YARD stick! This is one drift outside our front door. |
 |
| Chris' Chrysler 300. I guess it really is aerodynamic! |
 |
| My SUV under a blanket of snow. Yep, even it needed help to move! |
 |
| Romeo LOVES the snow. Here he is clearing a path so I can walk to Grandma's house. |
 |
| My HERO- Seriously, it was nuts! Way too much snow to shovel, but he did it! |
Today is my second snow day in a row. Loving being home. Hoping to have some creative time today instead of worrying about the work left for me at school. It will still be there, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)