The baby clothes dilemma

Wow... three posts in a month?! :)


As you might have realized, my little man is growing rather quickly.  He's above the 90th %tile for height and weight.  He's moving through clothes rather quickly.  (As an aside, I will never buy anything less than 6 months as a gift for a baby again... he had so many cute things that were 0-6 that he just never wore.)

I've had to pack up his clothes a few times now.  This morning I packed up his 3-6 month clothes.  He's pretty much in 6-9, mostly at the 9 month end.  I know that every mom has the pang of sadness when she packs up her baby's clothing.  It's a little different for those of us who've battled to get those babies though.  I want to freeze time as I hold up each little outfit.  We waited so long to have our miracle. 

And then there's the reality that he will probably be an only child.  I never imagined we'd only have one, but I never imagined that we'd take 13 years to have that one.  We aren't closing the door, but know that we won't endure as much heartache to bring Quinn a sibling.  I can't close the door at all, but Chris is ready to start pushing it closed.  That's another post all together.  It is fair to put Quinn through the heartache of waiting to adopt again?  Is it fair to force him to be an only child because we don't even try?  If something fell into our laps tomorrow- we'd be all over it.  It's something we have to spend some time thinking about.  There really aren't any easy answers, even after finally becoming parents. 

So the big debate as I am packing up?  What to keep, what to donate, and what to pass onto a dear friend.  If Chris had his way, I'd get rid of it all.    I am trying to balance it all.  I have a dear friend who is finally expecting her miracle after many years of heartache and health issues and am thrilled that HE will be able to use some of Quinn's hand me downs.  So, for now I am keeping items that I love and that I *might* use someday should we be blessed again.  If we aren't that lucky, then I will have to purge again to just the really special items.  It does make it easier knowing that what I am passing on will go to someone who will really appreciate them.  They are having to pay out of pocket for IVIG every two weeks- so I know that every little thing helps. 

We do live in a small home, and there isn't much space to keep it all.  And with each month, Quinn seems to collect more and more "necessities" so space is a premium. At this point, I am at about a 50/50 split.  I am keeping things I love, and passing on things I know will also be loved by my dear friend. 

How do you balance it all?  Yes, I know I could buy new things should we be blessed again, but that just seems silly when we have it all now, and with the costs of adoption.  How have you balanced the need for closure and looking into siblings?

Oral Surgery

Thank you for all of your comments on my last post.  It made me feel good to know that I am not alone in these questions.  Also made me remember why I love this ALI community so much!  More adoption questions and thoughts coming soon.

We spent a week in Minneapolis for a swim meet and when we returned, I had to face my greatest fear.  I had oral surgery on Tuesday.  I've needed to deal with my dental health for years, but our infertility took front seat.  I've always had a nagging thought that my dental issues might have something to do with my miscarriages, but we'll never really know.  (and I don't even really want to think about it now...)

It all started in the fall when I had a bridge become dislodged and I... swallowed it.  Yep, I swallowed it and never "recovered" it.  I had no choice but to do something since I was missing the four teeth that the bridge covered.  I literally had a panic attack and was so thankful that I was surrounded by good friends who jumped into action.  I got into a dentist that afternoon, who worked his magic both physically and emotionally.  It was fate that I ended up in his chair that day.  He was kind and compassionate, and understood my fears 110%.  (My phobia stems from my late childhood... more on that another day)

I continued to see the dentist and planned to have the major oral surgery necessary to complete the long term solution for my mouth.  However, Mr. Quinn came into our life, and things were put on hold.  We also waited to see if we would become parents to the second baby, so we were in limbo for most of the early spring.  Time passed, and I knew I needed to get back into the chair again. The temporary piece was only going to last so long, and I needed to schedule the surgery around our crazy schedules.  I held my breath as I made the call... and again the dentist office couldn't have been nicer.  They knew our story, and had been getting updates through some friends that also see them.  The oral surgeon's office isn't nearly as warm and fuzzy, but they also knew our story and were willing to work with us.

Surgery almost didn't happen due to some miscommunication with the dentist and oral surgeon, but in the end I did go through with it.  I had to have several teeth removed due to the damage from the bridges and they also had to do some bone smoothing.  It was pretty intense, but I am so glad it is behind me now.  Chris has been amazing and has taken great care of me and Mr Q this week.  The swelling has finally started to subside, and the pain has started to be manageable without the prescription meds.  I can't get the temporary piece to work just yet, so I am stuck in the house for a few more days.  The swelling inside my mouth has been frustrating and the stitches are making me nuts.  But I did it.  There's a LONG way to go until the final solutions are in place, but at least the worst is over now. 

I feel like we've had these clouds over us for so long.  Our family is finally complete (for now) and we'll finalize Q's adoption next month.  I'm finally taking steps to taking care of my dental health.  I'll finish grad school in November.  It feels like we might finally be getting all of the pieces together...

Questions from a new adoptive parent...

Two posts in two days... whoa!  :)

I have a few moments and thought I would attempt to get some thoughts down about this whole adoptive parenting thing.  We waited so long to finally have our little miracle in our arms, and now I am questioning just about everything about parenting.  I know this is normal, but man it is intensified when you've been down a long path to get to parenting.

It's not the basics... like feeding and sleeping.  Sure, I have questions about those things but those aren't the things that keep me up at night.  It's more about the big stuff.  How do I make sure he knows how much he is loved and adored?  How do I honor the way he came to be in our life, while respecting his right to privacy?  How much of his story is our story? 


One of the challenges I wasn't prepared for is the fact that many people tell us that Q looks like us.  I had read about the challenges of "conspicuous" families.  I wasn't prepared with what to say to strangers when they say that Q looks like Chris, or that he has my eyes.  Do I simply say thank you?  That feels like lying.  Do I tell them that he's adopted?  But that's his story to tell.  I don't want him to be defined by his adoption.  Where's the balance? 

We already talk to Quinn about adoption, and tell him what we know about his birthmom.  We talk about how he came to be in our life, and how much his birthmom loves him.  We'll continue to talk about adoption with him as he gets older.  As I said, I don't want his adoption to define him, but I also want him to know that it is part of who he is... and it's a really cool part of who he is. 

Thoughts from those of you who've walked this path ahead of me?  While he's still an infant, I know he'll be a teenager before I know it.  And that's when I'll need to have this all figured out, right?!

Five Months with Photos

How is it possible that my little man is already five months old? Each day I think it can't be possible to more in love with him, and each day I fall more in love. My heart is so full knowing that his birthmom chose us and has entrusted us with this little soul. Makes all the heartache worth it and all the drama in life seem silly.

He's continue to grow like a weed, and is in the 90+ percentile range for height, weight, and head circumference.  I am guessing he's over 20lbs now and 28 inches long.  He's in 6-9 month clothes now, mostly on the 9 month end.  He's eating 6 ounces at a time, and is starting to embrace rice cereal for one meal a day.  He's decided he prefers the organic brand over the Gerber brand I originally bought.  He's sleeping through the night and goes down around 8 each night.  He wakes up once in the early morning sometimes, and a few times has woken up when Chris came home from work.  

We celebrated Chris' first Father's Day.  He had a meet, but stayed home to spend a quiet morning with us.  It was emotional to finally be able to see Chris celebrate this day.  :)  

 

We also took our first trip as a family... along with 20 teenagers!  It was an adventure, but Quinn was a great little traveler!  He did really well on the plane and the change in routine.  He was NOT a fan of the ocean, however.  We think it was just a little too cold and the waves were a little scary.  

We're trying to soak up as much summer as we can.  I have a really short summer this year due to a changing school schedule.  It makes me sad, but I keep reminding myself that next summer will be even more important as Quinn will be older and more ready to have adventures with mommy.  

Quinn also ran in his first 5k on the fourth!  Chris wanted to register him so he would get his own bib, but I talked him out of that.  :)  Quinn and daddy finished in 29:15- not too shabby for their first race together.  Mommy walked it... I really need to get back into running.

Quinn thinks that our yellow lab Romeo is just about the funniest thing out there.  He's laughing all the time, and we can already see that Romeo and Quinn are going to be trouble in the years to come! Romeo has even been known to do a little tummy time right along with Quinn.  

Our Blackhawks also had some excitement... winning the Stanley Cup.  We like to think that Quinn brought a little bit of luck to them!  :)

I know I say this every month, but I am hoping to blog more.  I miss the support and insights from all you wise women out there.  Lots of parenting questions... and even more adoptive parenting questions.  Hoping that a post is coming soon!