So it seems that nothing is ever easy for me. One of the incisions has been bothering me a little bit. It was a little oozy and red the past few days. I asked Chris what he thought and he felt it was fine. No biggie.
Today was my first day back at work. Was a pretty easy day since the 6th grade was on a field trip to the Field Museum in Chicago. My student teacher is wonderful and pretty much took care of the rest of the class. I had the school nurse look at my incision this morning and she thought it looked a little red so I put some Neosporin and a band-aid on it. By late afternoon, it was really bothering me. Had her look at it again, and she really felt it was infected! She insisted that I call the RE’s office. (Whom I don’t like very much right now!) They wanted me to come in and have the nurse practitioner look at it. That meant an hour drive each way. Fun Fun!
I headed out and they looked at it right away. She wasn’t too concerned and even tried to get some ooze out to culture. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. She thinks it may be my body reacting to the stitches that are not dissolving like they are supposed to. Makes sense- considering the fact that I react to just about anything! I am supposed to use a warm compress on it to soothe it. If it gets worse, I am to return. I decided to treat myself to a chocolate shake from Oberweis on my way home! (
So now I am sitting with a baggie filled with a wet warm washcloth. Oh the stories I will be able to tell some day!
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Detour
I had the surgery this past Monday. Unfortunately, they did NOT find any endometriosis, and everything looked great. He did find two small scars on the inside of my uterus that he thinks are from my miscarriages. He removed them. (Still not sure how you remove a scar without leaving one?!) While I was in the recovery room, he spoke with Chris and told him that we really have two options at this point- some experimental drugs to treat the lack of protein, or a surrogate.
Chris and I have spent a long time talking and we are both close to deciding this is the end for us. We have been defined for the past six years by our infertility and it has put an incredible strain on our marriage. We are meeting with the RE on Dec 6th and we will make some final decisions after that. I think it’s time for us to fall in love with each other all over again and stop focusing so much on treatments. I don’t even know how to live without the constant tests, dr’s appointments, blood work, etc. I suppose I will learn.
I don’t think I will ever stop feeling pangs of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman or a family out to dinner. Infertility has changed who I am and has shaped some of my personality. I think I am ready to stop letting it DEFINE who I am, although it will always have some influence. I am blessed to have an amazing husband who has shared more than half of my life with me. We have a house we have worked hard to make a home. We have two crazy dogs and an even crazier cat. We have the love of our family and nieces and nephews to spoil. We are both blessed to have wonderful friends who support us in every way and also make us laugh. We both have fulfilling careers that allow us to share our passion for teaching and children. Our life is far from empty. But it has felt so very empty for the past six years.
We have watched friends and family alike bring their own miracles into this world. We’ve watched nieces, nephews and godchildren grow into amazing little people. We have been blessed to share our lives with these amazing little beings. Our careers have brought us into the lives of amazing families and children. There has been more than one student that I have wanted to just bring home with me. So in the end, it comes down to the fact that we want to be parents- in whatever form that takes. We are coming to terms with the fact that we will probably never know what our DNA will look like when brought together. There is more than biology in parenting.
We are unable to afford traditional adoption at this point. We are considering looking into becoming foster parents and bringing children into our life that way. We have the space; we just have to get it ready. I think we will throw ourselves into creating my scrapbook studio upstairs and then turning the room downstairs into a bedroom for a child. I lay awake last night imagining color schemes and furniture to make it just right. I think this is the path we are meant to take.
Chris and I have spent a long time talking and we are both close to deciding this is the end for us. We have been defined for the past six years by our infertility and it has put an incredible strain on our marriage. We are meeting with the RE on Dec 6th and we will make some final decisions after that. I think it’s time for us to fall in love with each other all over again and stop focusing so much on treatments. I don’t even know how to live without the constant tests, dr’s appointments, blood work, etc. I suppose I will learn.
I don’t think I will ever stop feeling pangs of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman or a family out to dinner. Infertility has changed who I am and has shaped some of my personality. I think I am ready to stop letting it DEFINE who I am, although it will always have some influence. I am blessed to have an amazing husband who has shared more than half of my life with me. We have a house we have worked hard to make a home. We have two crazy dogs and an even crazier cat. We have the love of our family and nieces and nephews to spoil. We are both blessed to have wonderful friends who support us in every way and also make us laugh. We both have fulfilling careers that allow us to share our passion for teaching and children. Our life is far from empty. But it has felt so very empty for the past six years.
We have watched friends and family alike bring their own miracles into this world. We’ve watched nieces, nephews and godchildren grow into amazing little people. We have been blessed to share our lives with these amazing little beings. Our careers have brought us into the lives of amazing families and children. There has been more than one student that I have wanted to just bring home with me. So in the end, it comes down to the fact that we want to be parents- in whatever form that takes. We are coming to terms with the fact that we will probably never know what our DNA will look like when brought together. There is more than biology in parenting.
We are unable to afford traditional adoption at this point. We are considering looking into becoming foster parents and bringing children into our life that way. We have the space; we just have to get it ready. I think we will throw ourselves into creating my scrapbook studio upstairs and then turning the room downstairs into a bedroom for a child. I lay awake last night imagining color schemes and furniture to make it just right. I think this is the path we are meant to take.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Surgery Tomorrow
Surgery is set for tomorrow. It’s been nothing short of a nightmare the past few days. I am thinking that tomorrow will be easy compared to the issues of the past week.
First off, the lab screwed up my pre-op blood work. My glucose came back VERY low and my potassium came back high. Turns out that they didn’t let the blood coagulate long enough. I had to have the blood redrawn to make sure that everything was normal. The original blood work was done last Friday, when we had no school. They called me on Tuesday to let me know that there was the error. That meant I had to head in to the office first thing Wednesday morning. That was a two hour drive thanks to construction. I was told that the results would be back on Thursday and that they would let me know either way.
Meanwhile, I managed to come down with a sinus infection. Thank goodness I have an amazing GP that was able to call in a prescription for a z-pac to knock the infection out of my system. I spent almost every night in bed trying to sleep the infection out. Since I am missing conferences at school this coming week, I had to get them all done last week. That meant two nights at school till after 7.
Then comes the big one… the fact that we have to drop off a check before my surgery tomorrow for $2500 or they will NOT do the surgery. Let me explain. My RE is in-network for my insurance. His partner (and owner of the practice) is not. The partner is an expert surgeon and I was originally told that he would be assisting my RE with the surgery. I would have to pay the out of network costs for him, but he would be ASSISTING in the surgery. When I finally set the date for the surgery on October 28th, I asked about the cost of the partner’s services. I was told that someone from the billing office would contact me. Weeks pass. Turns out she had the wrong numbers. I finally spoke with her on Wednesday. She informs me that since the partner is out of network for me, I will need to prepay $2500. I am confused, since I was told that he would only be assisting in the surgery and I do have benefits that will cover 70% of his fees. She said she would contact the office and call me back. Never heard from her. I called Friday morning to find out about my blood work, since nobody had called. When I heard back, the blood work was fine. I asked about the fact that the billing office hadn’t called me back. I was told that my RE was supposed to have called me and discussed it with me. Ok… no big deal. He calls back at 1:30 and leaves a message on my phone telling me that the partner may have to be a co-surgeon if there is extensive endometriosis. Never says anything about needing to call the office. I think everything is fine.
I head out to bowling after school (teacher’s league!) When I get in my car, I realize my cell has a few messages. Turns out that the RE’s office called to tell me that I needed to call them before 5 p.m. Too bad it’s now 6:30 when I get the message. The next message tells me that my surgery has been changed to 1:00 since the partner will NOT be involved. Huh? Then I check the messages at home. There is one from my RE explaining that there will be severe limitations to my surgery since there will now only be one surgeon. HUH? Now I am hysterical. I call Chris and he calls the emergency number. Turns out that the billing office called and decided that since I didn’t pre-pay the $2500, the partner will NOT be part of the surgery. He asks to see what we need to do to get the partner back on board. He is the expert apparently and I have been told that there will be severe limitations if there is only one surgeon. I may even need a second surgery. Not really what I am looking for! We are told that the billing person will contact us in the morning and let us know what we need to do.
Of course, the billing person NEVER calls. Luckily I saved all of the messages from everything, and one has her cell number. I call Chris and ask him to call. I am just not good with all of the money stuff. He calls and she tells him that we have to bring a check to the office on the way to the hospital. She won’t budge on the amount. Chris and I end up in a fight over it. Usually happens when money is involved.
So now we have to beg and borrow for the money. Just what I wanted to be doing as I go into surgery.
I sure hope that the surgery is much easier than all of this was! I will post as soon as I can.
First off, the lab screwed up my pre-op blood work. My glucose came back VERY low and my potassium came back high. Turns out that they didn’t let the blood coagulate long enough. I had to have the blood redrawn to make sure that everything was normal. The original blood work was done last Friday, when we had no school. They called me on Tuesday to let me know that there was the error. That meant I had to head in to the office first thing Wednesday morning. That was a two hour drive thanks to construction. I was told that the results would be back on Thursday and that they would let me know either way.
Meanwhile, I managed to come down with a sinus infection. Thank goodness I have an amazing GP that was able to call in a prescription for a z-pac to knock the infection out of my system. I spent almost every night in bed trying to sleep the infection out. Since I am missing conferences at school this coming week, I had to get them all done last week. That meant two nights at school till after 7.
Then comes the big one… the fact that we have to drop off a check before my surgery tomorrow for $2500 or they will NOT do the surgery. Let me explain. My RE is in-network for my insurance. His partner (and owner of the practice) is not. The partner is an expert surgeon and I was originally told that he would be assisting my RE with the surgery. I would have to pay the out of network costs for him, but he would be ASSISTING in the surgery. When I finally set the date for the surgery on October 28th, I asked about the cost of the partner’s services. I was told that someone from the billing office would contact me. Weeks pass. Turns out she had the wrong numbers. I finally spoke with her on Wednesday. She informs me that since the partner is out of network for me, I will need to prepay $2500. I am confused, since I was told that he would only be assisting in the surgery and I do have benefits that will cover 70% of his fees. She said she would contact the office and call me back. Never heard from her. I called Friday morning to find out about my blood work, since nobody had called. When I heard back, the blood work was fine. I asked about the fact that the billing office hadn’t called me back. I was told that my RE was supposed to have called me and discussed it with me. Ok… no big deal. He calls back at 1:30 and leaves a message on my phone telling me that the partner may have to be a co-surgeon if there is extensive endometriosis. Never says anything about needing to call the office. I think everything is fine.
I head out to bowling after school (teacher’s league!) When I get in my car, I realize my cell has a few messages. Turns out that the RE’s office called to tell me that I needed to call them before 5 p.m. Too bad it’s now 6:30 when I get the message. The next message tells me that my surgery has been changed to 1:00 since the partner will NOT be involved. Huh? Then I check the messages at home. There is one from my RE explaining that there will be severe limitations to my surgery since there will now only be one surgeon. HUH? Now I am hysterical. I call Chris and he calls the emergency number. Turns out that the billing office called and decided that since I didn’t pre-pay the $2500, the partner will NOT be part of the surgery. He asks to see what we need to do to get the partner back on board. He is the expert apparently and I have been told that there will be severe limitations if there is only one surgeon. I may even need a second surgery. Not really what I am looking for! We are told that the billing person will contact us in the morning and let us know what we need to do.
Of course, the billing person NEVER calls. Luckily I saved all of the messages from everything, and one has her cell number. I call Chris and ask him to call. I am just not good with all of the money stuff. He calls and she tells him that we have to bring a check to the office on the way to the hospital. She won’t budge on the amount. Chris and I end up in a fight over it. Usually happens when money is involved.
So now we have to beg and borrow for the money. Just what I wanted to be doing as I go into surgery.
I sure hope that the surgery is much easier than all of this was! I will post as soon as I can.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Funk
I have been in a funk for the past few weeks. I think the reality of the surgery is scaring me a little bit. The upcoming holidays are always tough for me. Each year I think that this will be the last year that we are without kids. Holidays mark the passing of time. Almost 6 years since we started our journey to parenthood. My niece and nephews also have birthdays coming up. Another reminder of what I don’t have. Don’t get me wrong- I love them dearly and wouldn’t ever want to imagine my life without them. It’s just tough to see what I wish I had.
At the school I teach at we have the kiddos set goals each quarter. It usually is a tough process for my sixth graders. This year I decided I wanted to make it somewhat easier. I decided that I would set a goal each quarter with them and that they could hold me accountable for it. They loved the idea and embraced their own goal setting so much more. (I am blessed to have a really great homeroom this year.) My goal is to get my desk and instructional materials organized. I posted it on my back bulletin board for all the kiddos to see each day. Of course, I will also be staring at it as well! I’ve already started working on it. Yesterday I got my yearbook materials organized as well as cleaned out my “to be filed” bins. Felt pretty good!
Romeo is truly in his terrible toddler stage! This week he started a new rotten behavior- taking food off the counter when we are not home. On Monday he ate a bag of Nutter Butter cookies. Then on Tuesday he ate a LOAF OF BREAD! I learned my lesson and made sure nothing was left of the counter. He was good on Wednesday and Thursday. He really is a stubborn thing.
I am blessed to have today off… for Veterans Day. I am grateful to all of the veterans who have fought for my rights and freedoms. I also remember my grandfather today and the amazing man he was.
Heading back to bed… it’s nice to be able to snuggle with Chris this morning!
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