Thankful

We've already been out on this Thanksgiving Day for our annual turkey trot and breakfast.  I wasn't up to running this year, and am sad that I didn't work harder to get ready.  But I am thankful for the tradition and enjoyed being a spectator and watching Chris cheer on the many swim team kids and parents who came out to run the race.  Chris finished in a good time for him- just over 24 minutes.  We enjoyed breakfast at Denny's as a post race treat.

We have so much to be thankful for this year.  I am trying really hard to focus on that.  We have amazing friends who love and support us in so many ways.  Chris and I both have careers that we love (even if I'm frustrated with it right now).  We own our house that we've worked to make a home we are proud of.  We have food on our table and all of our basic needs are more than met.  We have a strong marriage based on love and respect.  We are blessed.

Yet, my heart is heavy today.  Thanksgiving brings reminders of loss and heartbreak too.   In 2002, I lost my beloved Grandfather right after Thanksgiving and then went on to have an ectopic pregnancy.  We've had more than one Thanksgiving where we were reeling from a failed cycle.  Two years ago I was on Dep.ot Lu.pron preparing for our final FET.  I was in so much pain that day- I cramped and bled for two straight months on that drug protocol.  Last year we were still so raw from our miscarriage the month before.  

And then there is the simple fact of the marking of time.  Each holiday marks another year.  Another year that we say, "This will be the last Thanksgiving (Christmas, 4th of July, etc...) that it's just the two of us."  And then the next year comes and it is STILL just the two of us.  We are so blessed.  We have a good life- but we'd give just about anything to be parents at this point.  We have so much to share with a child. We are so very hopeful that we will be given that gift through the miracle of open adoption.  We pray each and every day that a mother will choose us for that gift.


We're also marking another year that we have chosen to distance ourselves from my family.  I am sad that I won't be sharing this holiday, but I know that this is what is best for Chris and I right now.  We are so very fortunate to have friends who have taken us in as part of their family and we will spend our Thanksgiving surrounded by those who love and support us.  That's more important than anything right now. 


Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving surrounded by those who love and support you. 

November ICLW

Welcome to my little piece of the blogosphere. 

We are officially a "waiting family" in our journey to become parents through domestic adoption.  We've been on this long winding path to parenthood for more than a decade.  We've had some serious heartbreak and can't even begin to tell you our entire bumpy road here in a single post.  If you are new here, you can see our timeline above and get the down and dirty 411. 

We are hopeful once again that we WILL become parents through the gift of adoption.  The upcoming holidays are tough ones for us as they are loaded with loss anniversaries as well as the burden of yet another year passing us by. 

I am a teacher by day, and have an especially challenging student this year.  It's made for some added stress this fall that I am not really happy about.  My husband is a swim coach and we are very close to several of our swim families.  They are more like family to us than those who we are actually blood related to. 

I have a creative side that feeds my soul, and also is helping support our adoption fund.  You can check out my etsy shop at www.virtue75.etsy.com.  It makes me happy to create, and hopefully we can help offset the high cost of adoption as well.  We depleted all of our savings with a last ditch IVF that was *almost* a success. 

I have only a two day work week- so hopefully I will be able to post more this week and get to know some new bloggers too.  I am forever grateful for Mel and the entire ALI blogging community for the support over the past several years.  I don't think I would have kept my sanity if I didn't have this amazing outlet and kind words from those who read my rambilings.

Hoping you all have a wonderful day!

Facing another fear.... rejection

As you can guess from the title of the post, the expectant mother has chosen to work with the other couple.  And we know that it is for the best.  We weren't sure that this was the right situation for us when we took the time to think about it.  We know in our heads that this is all part of the process.

But man, it does sting a little.  One of the scariest parts of jumping into domestic adoption for me was my fear of rejection.  It's no secret that I've had some self esteem issues in the past and then add more than 10 years of failed infertility treatment...  It's a bitter hard pill to swallow that this mom didn't choose us.

Now, I KNOW that the right situation will come along... I really do.  As I said, I am not sure that we would have pursued this situation if we had been chosen. But I am having a hard time coming to terms that we were rejected. 

I know in terms of adoption timelines, this was quick.  I know that.  But is it wrong that I was hoping that just once in our life that we would be on the "easy" path? 

Trying not to dwell on this too long.  Too much to get done this week. 

But I think I should get a gold star for facing two of my big fears in less than 24 hours...

Facing my Phone Phobia

I've always had this thing about the phone.  I love talking to friends on the phone, but making a call to make an appointment, or another "cold call" is another story.  I would beg my mom in my college years to call and make doctor and hair appointments for me. It took me months to work up the courage to call our last IVF clinic.  I am an outgoing person for the most part, but I have some unexplainable fear of making cold calls.


Why am I telling you all of this?


I had to face this fear head on today.  You see, a expectant mother wanted Chris and I to call her.  She spoke to our attorney and has looked at our profile.  Our attorney gave us some information about her as well, and told her that we would call.  I got the message while at school and was able to sneak out early and get home early.  Chris and I called together.


We had a nice conversation with her.  I won't go into details, but it went well.  We only talked for a few moments.  She is also talking to another couple from our attorney.  She told us that she is going to think it over and get back to us in a week or so.  She has placed another child in the past, so she knows what she needs. 


There are still lots of questions if this is the right situation for us and this mom.  It's the very first situation that we've been presented.  Our attorney actually sent out our profile to another expectant mom on Friday.

I was starting to feel overwhelmed with all of the marketing I wanted to do.  This makes me feel like what I have done is getting us out there. 

Please keep us in your thoughts over the coming weeks. I hope that our decisions will be guided by what is best for us and everyone else involved.

Anyone have any words of wisdom for us?