Thank you for all of your comments on my last post. It made me feel good to know that I am not alone in these questions. Also made me remember why I love this ALI community so much! More adoption questions and thoughts coming soon.
We spent a week in Minneapolis for a swim meet and when we returned, I had to face my greatest fear. I had oral surgery on Tuesday. I've needed to deal with my dental health for years, but our infertility took front seat. I've always had a nagging thought that my dental issues might have something to do with my miscarriages, but we'll never really know. (and I don't even really want to think about it now...)
It all started in the fall when I had a bridge become dislodged and I... swallowed it. Yep, I swallowed it and never "recovered" it. I had no choice but to do something since I was missing the four teeth that the bridge covered. I literally had a panic attack and was so thankful that I was surrounded by good friends who jumped into action. I got into a dentist that afternoon, who worked his magic both physically and emotionally. It was fate that I ended up in his chair that day. He was kind and compassionate, and understood my fears 110%. (My phobia stems from my late childhood... more on that another day)
I continued to see the dentist and planned to have the major oral surgery necessary to complete the long term solution for my mouth. However, Mr. Quinn came into our life, and things were put on hold. We also waited to see if we would become parents to the second baby, so we were in limbo for most of the early spring. Time passed, and I knew I needed to get back into the chair again. The temporary piece was only going to last so long, and I needed to schedule the surgery around our crazy schedules. I held my breath as I made the call... and again the dentist office couldn't have been nicer. They knew our story, and had been getting updates through some friends that also see them. The oral surgeon's office isn't nearly as warm and fuzzy, but they also knew our story and were willing to work with us.
Surgery almost didn't happen due to some miscommunication with the dentist and oral surgeon, but in the end I did go through with it. I had to have several teeth removed due to the damage from the bridges and they also had to do some bone smoothing. It was pretty intense, but I am so glad it is behind me now. Chris has been amazing and has taken great care of me and Mr Q this week. The swelling has finally started to subside, and the pain has started to be manageable without the prescription meds. I can't get the temporary piece to work just yet, so I am stuck in the house for a few more days. The swelling inside my mouth has been frustrating and the stitches are making me nuts. But I did it. There's a LONG way to go until the final solutions are in place, but at least the worst is over now.
I feel like we've had these clouds over us for so long. Our family is finally complete (for now) and we'll finalize Q's adoption next month. I'm finally taking steps to taking care of my dental health. I'll finish grad school in November. It feels like we might finally be getting all of the pieces together...
Showing posts with label Chris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chris. Show all posts
Friday, July 26, 2013
Monday, July 16, 2012
Jellies
Thanks for all of the congratulations on my last post. Still waiting to hear from the superintendents office for my final interview.
Chris was in the city for a swim meet this weekend. He called me on Saturday night and suggested I take the train down on Sunday so we could make a quick trip to the Shedd Aquarium. I've been wanting to get in to see the Jellyfish exhibit for more than a year now. My friend Beverly and her husband saw them when they were here in town, and I was a little jealous. I thought I had missed my chance, but they extended their stay through the rest of the year.
Chris and I have always loved all things water- not just because he's a swim coach. Even when we were in high school, we'd spend time at the lakefront in our hometown. Chris grew up fishing in northern Wisconsin. Our dream vacations have always involved the ocean. There's just something about the water. I hope to one day live on a body of water... for now we have to manage with a lake in our neighborhood and trips to the aquarium.
I took the train into the city- it was pretty packed since the Taste of Chicago is going on and there was a Cubs game. I had plenty of time so I decided to walk to the Shedd from Union Station. This is a big leap for me- this suburban girl used to be terrified of the city. It's amazing how a few years can change you. It was warm- but I really enjoyed the walk. It gave me time to think and also to take in the beauty of Chicago. I really do love the city- there's so much to see and do! I walked through the Taste and then along the lakefront path. Loved the views!
The jelly exhibit was awesome. I'm so glad we got a chance to see it. We had to wait in a crazy long line in the heat just to get into the Shedd. However, we had teacher vouchers so we only had to pay for the extra fee to see the Jellyfish. (If you are an educator, or have any form of a school ID, you can get into the Shedd free of charge by filling out an online form and bringing your ID or paystub). We had about two and a half hours to spend there- and it was just the right amount of time.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the day:
Chris was in the city for a swim meet this weekend. He called me on Saturday night and suggested I take the train down on Sunday so we could make a quick trip to the Shedd Aquarium. I've been wanting to get in to see the Jellyfish exhibit for more than a year now. My friend Beverly and her husband saw them when they were here in town, and I was a little jealous. I thought I had missed my chance, but they extended their stay through the rest of the year.
Chris and I have always loved all things water- not just because he's a swim coach. Even when we were in high school, we'd spend time at the lakefront in our hometown. Chris grew up fishing in northern Wisconsin. Our dream vacations have always involved the ocean. There's just something about the water. I hope to one day live on a body of water... for now we have to manage with a lake in our neighborhood and trips to the aquarium.
I took the train into the city- it was pretty packed since the Taste of Chicago is going on and there was a Cubs game. I had plenty of time so I decided to walk to the Shedd from Union Station. This is a big leap for me- this suburban girl used to be terrified of the city. It's amazing how a few years can change you. It was warm- but I really enjoyed the walk. It gave me time to think and also to take in the beauty of Chicago. I really do love the city- there's so much to see and do! I walked through the Taste and then along the lakefront path. Loved the views!
The jelly exhibit was awesome. I'm so glad we got a chance to see it. We had to wait in a crazy long line in the heat just to get into the Shedd. However, we had teacher vouchers so we only had to pay for the extra fee to see the Jellyfish. (If you are an educator, or have any form of a school ID, you can get into the Shedd free of charge by filling out an online form and bringing your ID or paystub). We had about two and a half hours to spend there- and it was just the right amount of time.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the day:
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| One of my favorite views of the city- skyline over the fountain. |
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| The bright colors in the tanks really lend to great photos! |
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| I could have watched them move for hours! |
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| Wish I remembered the names of these... they were pretty unusual! |
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| Posing outside the wild reef exhibit... always trying to keep the profile fresh! |
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| On the steps of the Shedd... our friend Karin was with us and took these photos! |
Monday, June 25, 2012
Olympic Trials Day 1
One of our kids swam today. He didn't hit his seed time, but neither did most of the swimmers! He acutallly moved up to 67th place from 107th! We don't have any kids in finals tonight, but plan to attend for the love of the sport. There are a few swimmers from IL and of course Ryan Lochte and Phelps. It should be pretty exciting! You can watch the trials live at night on NBC.
Here are a few photos of what we've been up to:
Here are a few photos of what we've been up to:
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| Statue outside the Mutual of Omaha building |
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| I'm almost as tall as he is, right? |
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| The world's tallest escalator! |
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| Chris on the pool deck! |
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| We had VIP status for this morning's session. Way cool! |
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| Yep, we were that close to Michael Phelps today! |
Friday, June 22, 2012
Sixteen Years
It's been sixteen years since I became Chris' wife. It's been a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Ok, I might trade a few of the moments, but I know that each and every one of those moments brought us to where we are now.
I love this man with all my heart. And I can't wait for the day that he finally gets to add the title of dad.
Tonight we'll celebrate by attending the wedding of two of my friends and coworkers. Can't imagine a better way to celebrate! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
I love this man with all my heart. And I can't wait for the day that he finally gets to add the title of dad.
Then:
Now:
Tonight we'll celebrate by attending the wedding of two of my friends and coworkers. Can't imagine a better way to celebrate! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Widening our Horizons
Thank you for your kind words on my last post. Thinking of all the hopeful dads to be out there today. Chris is off at a swim meet today. It's called the "Father's Day Meet" so I can only imagine how hard it will be for him. He's also battling a nasty cold right now- so please send some extra nice thoughts his way today.
We've decided to broaden our marketing a little bit this week. We're taking a leap of faith with a newer website and company called adoptimist.com. They have a free profile plan which we started with but we've decided to take the plunge and become premium members. We've been happy with the support we've had so far. Most of the families there are from states that pa.rent.profi.les won't work with. So, I am hopeful that they will start to take off. They are not affiliated with any agency or website and brand themselves as an adoption technology marketing firm. They will also be working with us to develop our own go.ogle ad campaign.
You can view our profile on their website here.
As you know, I've always been resistant to our attorney's urging to use print ads. I am really excited about this opportunity and hopeful that we will get our information to the woman who will change our lives soon. We had another three calls to our 888 number last month. Chris feels we should stick with our print ads in the Thrifty Nickel papers as well, since we seem to get one call from each area we have ads. However, nothing has come from any of these calls. I texted our attorney again this week. She tells me that she is sending lots of our profiles out, but we are not being chosen. I've asked her if she is getting any feedback as to why we are not being chosen. I haven't heard back. I did ask her that if so many profiles are going out, she must need more soon. We gave her 30 originally, so I'd really like to know how many she has left. I want to trust what she tells me. Really, I do.
So, for now I'm continuing to tweak our website. I've started to tweak our paper profile too hoping that I'll get some feedback from our attorney. I've updated some photos and used some of the feedback you all gave me on the website for the paper profile.
We also head to Omaha on Saturday morning for the Olympic Trials. Like 8:30 am flight. As of right now, the plan is that I won't sleep until we get on the plane. We'll see. I need to pack for 10 days away from home by Thursday since Friday will be all about the wedding. Yikes! Wish me luck!
We've decided to broaden our marketing a little bit this week. We're taking a leap of faith with a newer website and company called adoptimist.com. They have a free profile plan which we started with but we've decided to take the plunge and become premium members. We've been happy with the support we've had so far. Most of the families there are from states that pa.rent.profi.les won't work with. So, I am hopeful that they will start to take off. They are not affiliated with any agency or website and brand themselves as an adoption technology marketing firm. They will also be working with us to develop our own go.ogle ad campaign.
You can view our profile on their website here.
As you know, I've always been resistant to our attorney's urging to use print ads. I am really excited about this opportunity and hopeful that we will get our information to the woman who will change our lives soon. We had another three calls to our 888 number last month. Chris feels we should stick with our print ads in the Thrifty Nickel papers as well, since we seem to get one call from each area we have ads. However, nothing has come from any of these calls. I texted our attorney again this week. She tells me that she is sending lots of our profiles out, but we are not being chosen. I've asked her if she is getting any feedback as to why we are not being chosen. I haven't heard back. I did ask her that if so many profiles are going out, she must need more soon. We gave her 30 originally, so I'd really like to know how many she has left. I want to trust what she tells me. Really, I do.
So, for now I'm continuing to tweak our website. I've started to tweak our paper profile too hoping that I'll get some feedback from our attorney. I've updated some photos and used some of the feedback you all gave me on the website for the paper profile.
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We have a crazy week ahead. It's the last week of summer school... thank goodness! Reminding myself every day that the reason I am doing this all is to help pay our attorney fees. That's what gets me up each and every morning. I also need to finish a few projects for a coworkers wedding on Saturday. My good friends Abi & Dago are also getting married on Friday night. I'm so excited for this wedding as I adore both of them and can't wait to spend the night celebrating with our coworkers. We spent yesterday creating the placecards, favor tags, and table numbers for the wedding. It was fun to be able to use my creative talents for such a good cause. :) I'll be sure to share photos.We also head to Omaha on Saturday morning for the Olympic Trials. Like 8:30 am flight. As of right now, the plan is that I won't sleep until we get on the plane. We'll see. I need to pack for 10 days away from home by Thursday since Friday will be all about the wedding. Yikes! Wish me luck!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Father's Day Revelations
It's no secret that Mother's Day is hard for those of us who've battled infertility and dealt with miscarriage. The weeks leading up to Mother's Day are full of constant reminders of the sunshine and rainbows that motherhood is supposed to be. Chris has always been supportive of my dislike of the holiday, but I always felt like he thought it was a little silly.
It's also no secret that men and women go through the stages of infertility grief at different stages. We've been on this path for more than a decade, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've been on exactly the same place emotionally. In the early days, we were miles apart and it often caused all sorts of conflicts. Now. we're in the same town- even the same block.
Chris has always been the strong one. I know that he stays strong for me and has been incredibly supportive of me when I've been in a bad place. He is my rock.
Sometimes I forget that my rock also has cracks. Yesterday, he let me see some of those cracks for just a moment. It made my heart ache and swell all at the same time. I sent him an email of a link of a blog post of an adoptive father that just made me tear up. I told him in the email NOT to read it on the pool deck (he was at a swim meet) but of course he did. He also spent most of the meet working with our junior swimmers- the littlest ones on the team. I could tell he was in a funk when he came home. Of course it took three times of asking "What's wrong?" to get him to tell me. :)
Later we were watching TV and there was a Father's Day commercial for Di.ck's Sportingoods. It showed a dad as a football player and then his kid as he grew up wearing the same number. It made me tear up, and at that moment I got it. Father's day sucks as much for Chris as the other holiday does for me.
And you know what, it makes my heart ache knowing how much Chris wants to be a dad. I've always known it, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks this week. Please let there be a day very soon when Chris can celebrate Father's Day as the world's greatest dad that I know he will be.
It's also no secret that men and women go through the stages of infertility grief at different stages. We've been on this path for more than a decade, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've been on exactly the same place emotionally. In the early days, we were miles apart and it often caused all sorts of conflicts. Now. we're in the same town- even the same block.
Chris has always been the strong one. I know that he stays strong for me and has been incredibly supportive of me when I've been in a bad place. He is my rock.
Sometimes I forget that my rock also has cracks. Yesterday, he let me see some of those cracks for just a moment. It made my heart ache and swell all at the same time. I sent him an email of a link of a blog post of an adoptive father that just made me tear up. I told him in the email NOT to read it on the pool deck (he was at a swim meet) but of course he did. He also spent most of the meet working with our junior swimmers- the littlest ones on the team. I could tell he was in a funk when he came home. Of course it took three times of asking "What's wrong?" to get him to tell me. :)
Later we were watching TV and there was a Father's Day commercial for Di.ck's Sportingoods. It showed a dad as a football player and then his kid as he grew up wearing the same number. It made me tear up, and at that moment I got it. Father's day sucks as much for Chris as the other holiday does for me.
And you know what, it makes my heart ache knowing how much Chris wants to be a dad. I've always known it, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks this week. Please let there be a day very soon when Chris can celebrate Father's Day as the world's greatest dad that I know he will be.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Beautiful Young Adults
I thought about posting about Mother's Day today and all the emotions I have rolling on in my head.
But I decided that I am not going to do that.
Instead, I am going to share with you some photos that were taken last night. Chris and I were honored to be invited to the pre-prom party for some of our swimmers. I honestly got a little teary when I saw these amazing kids all dressed up for their prom. We've known a few of these kids since they were 8- and all of them for the past five years. We've seen them grow into such beautiful young adults- inside and out. We've been blessed to be a part of their lives outside of the pool. We've been welcomed into their families and been able to help nurture their spirits as well as their bodies in the pool. We hope that one day our own children will be as successful, kind, intelligent, driven, and amazing as these young adults.
We are so very blessed. While I am sad that we don't have the relationship we'd hoped for with our biological families, we are so thankful for the extended family we have with our swimmers and their families. Another one of our former swimmers graduates from the University of Illinois today and several others in the coming weeks. While it breaks my heart to know that we're still waiting for the opportunity to become parents. we are so proud to be a part of these young lives each and every day. We also know that our future child will be loved by so many and can't wait to share the life experiences with our extended family.
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Nothing new to report on my last post. I haven't done anything to get an answer. Decided this weekend wasn't the time. More on that later.
But I decided that I am not going to do that.
Instead, I am going to share with you some photos that were taken last night. Chris and I were honored to be invited to the pre-prom party for some of our swimmers. I honestly got a little teary when I saw these amazing kids all dressed up for their prom. We've known a few of these kids since they were 8- and all of them for the past five years. We've seen them grow into such beautiful young adults- inside and out. We've been blessed to be a part of their lives outside of the pool. We've been welcomed into their families and been able to help nurture their spirits as well as their bodies in the pool. We hope that one day our own children will be as successful, kind, intelligent, driven, and amazing as these young adults.
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| Two of these boys will be swimming at the Olympic Trials next month! Their parents have become like family to us. They've supported us in so many ways along our adoption journey and can't wait to spoil our child as their kids move onto college! |
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| The famous pose these boys have to do with Chris. I'm not even sure when it started or why. We have this pose in just about every possible situation... but this is the first one in tuxedos! |
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| Just a few of the beautiful ladies we've come to know through the crazy world of swimming. It has been such an honor to see them grow and become beautiful inside and out! |
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| Chris and Allie- We've known this young woman since she was a scrawny 8 year old. She has blossomed into a such an amazing young woman. Thankful we've got one more year before she heads off to college. Can't wait to see what her future holds! (And yes, it was a little chilly outside....) |
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Nothing new to report on my last post. I haven't done anything to get an answer. Decided this weekend wasn't the time. More on that later.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Better Place
I'm honestly in a better place. Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post. As always, it means so much to know that there are people out there that get it and are cheering me on. Sometimes just the simple fact of knowing that you are not alone in this fight means everything.
I lost myself in reading last weekend. It was just what I needed... to lose myself in a piece of fiction. I actually read all three of the Fifty Shades of Grey books last weekend. I have some thoughts I want to post on the books, but that's another post. I seem to forget how wonderful it is to get lost in a book and become so engrossed in characters that you start thinking about them at random times. Chris was amazing and allowed me literally to stay in bed all day last Saturday. The only time I left the house last weekend was to have dinner with one of our swim team families on Saturday night!
This week at school was a little less intense with my challenging student. We have him on a Crisis Safety Plan, so hoping that now we have a plan in place we won't need it. He is utterly exhausting. He's also very attached to me and can be a very kind sweet boy. I have some theories that came to light this week as to why this kid has gotten to me so much. That's also another post all together.
Remember the technology position I wanted for this school year but it was given to another woman who had the elusive certificate? She hasn't really worked out this year- and in fact has been RIF'd for next year due to performance. Why do I know this? It was accidentally sent out to the entire district on the staffing plan for next year! While I have not had a good working relationship with this woman, I do feel bad that this news was made so graphically public. However, the good news... is that the position is back open for the fall. And imagine this... they have removed the certificate as a requirement!!!! After some soul searching with Chris and talking with my principal, I decided to put my name in the hat once again. My principal informed me that the District Admin responsible for this position actually emailed him a week before I spoke to him asking if I would consider applying. Hoping that is a good sign that things might just work out this time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man am I ready for a change after this school year! I've emailed the Admin and applied officially through the district website. I haven't heard anything, but the applications remain open until May 15th. My principal told the District Admin that I was reluctant to apply due to the way that it was handled last time. So at least that is out there.
Chris and I are at a really good place. Some of that has to do with my reading last weekend. :) Mostly, we've just had some really good quality time together. We don't see each other much at all during the week but have made the weekends really count. Only one more weekend until I lose him for every single weekend for the summer- so I'm trying to cram in as much as I can each weekend! Yesterday we got the window boxes installed on the front of the house and got the early flowers planted. Here in the midwest, you just never know when the last frost will be, so you have to be careful. I'll post some photos soon. Right now we only have pansies and violas planted since they are very frost hardy. We also started a project inspired by pinterest of tipsy pots. Of course I wanted them painted purple, so we had to do that first! Seeing the flowers already makes me smile. It really is the little things that make the difference, isn't it?
Chris also finished all of the floors in our main living space. I LOVE them. He has to do the stairs now and we've started to refinish all of the furniture. We're definitely nesting. Let's hope that we can get all the must do projects finished before we get the call. Ok, scratch that... if we get the call tomorrow we'd be thrilled!
Thankfully I have some orders to fill for PB Creations. I need to get things moving again with the business so it can continue to pay for our advertising costs. We're currently spending close to $350 a month (which is less than our lawyer would ideally want). Our homestudy is now a year old, and essentially expired. We've been assured that it is all fine by both our attorney and social worker. But it makes me REALLY nervous. Trying to stay positive and trust the experts.... but that goes against my nature. Never really expected that we'd still be waiting one year later. Really thought that we'd finally catch a break and be the lucky ones in a quick match. Trying to stay hopeful that our match is out there... and will find us very soon!
I lost myself in reading last weekend. It was just what I needed... to lose myself in a piece of fiction. I actually read all three of the Fifty Shades of Grey books last weekend. I have some thoughts I want to post on the books, but that's another post. I seem to forget how wonderful it is to get lost in a book and become so engrossed in characters that you start thinking about them at random times. Chris was amazing and allowed me literally to stay in bed all day last Saturday. The only time I left the house last weekend was to have dinner with one of our swim team families on Saturday night!
This week at school was a little less intense with my challenging student. We have him on a Crisis Safety Plan, so hoping that now we have a plan in place we won't need it. He is utterly exhausting. He's also very attached to me and can be a very kind sweet boy. I have some theories that came to light this week as to why this kid has gotten to me so much. That's also another post all together.
Remember the technology position I wanted for this school year but it was given to another woman who had the elusive certificate? She hasn't really worked out this year- and in fact has been RIF'd for next year due to performance. Why do I know this? It was accidentally sent out to the entire district on the staffing plan for next year! While I have not had a good working relationship with this woman, I do feel bad that this news was made so graphically public. However, the good news... is that the position is back open for the fall. And imagine this... they have removed the certificate as a requirement!!!! After some soul searching with Chris and talking with my principal, I decided to put my name in the hat once again. My principal informed me that the District Admin responsible for this position actually emailed him a week before I spoke to him asking if I would consider applying. Hoping that is a good sign that things might just work out this time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man am I ready for a change after this school year! I've emailed the Admin and applied officially through the district website. I haven't heard anything, but the applications remain open until May 15th. My principal told the District Admin that I was reluctant to apply due to the way that it was handled last time. So at least that is out there.
Chris and I are at a really good place. Some of that has to do with my reading last weekend. :) Mostly, we've just had some really good quality time together. We don't see each other much at all during the week but have made the weekends really count. Only one more weekend until I lose him for every single weekend for the summer- so I'm trying to cram in as much as I can each weekend! Yesterday we got the window boxes installed on the front of the house and got the early flowers planted. Here in the midwest, you just never know when the last frost will be, so you have to be careful. I'll post some photos soon. Right now we only have pansies and violas planted since they are very frost hardy. We also started a project inspired by pinterest of tipsy pots. Of course I wanted them painted purple, so we had to do that first! Seeing the flowers already makes me smile. It really is the little things that make the difference, isn't it?
Chris also finished all of the floors in our main living space. I LOVE them. He has to do the stairs now and we've started to refinish all of the furniture. We're definitely nesting. Let's hope that we can get all the must do projects finished before we get the call. Ok, scratch that... if we get the call tomorrow we'd be thrilled!
Thankfully I have some orders to fill for PB Creations. I need to get things moving again with the business so it can continue to pay for our advertising costs. We're currently spending close to $350 a month (which is less than our lawyer would ideally want). Our homestudy is now a year old, and essentially expired. We've been assured that it is all fine by both our attorney and social worker. But it makes me REALLY nervous. Trying to stay positive and trust the experts.... but that goes against my nature. Never really expected that we'd still be waiting one year later. Really thought that we'd finally catch a break and be the lucky ones in a quick match. Trying to stay hopeful that our match is out there... and will find us very soon!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Other stuff
Thank you for all of your love and support over the past week. This is my place to dump all of my emotions so that I can carry on in my daily life. And while infertility and my baby lust does define a big part of who I am, there is so much more to my life. So this post is all about that stuff... the "other" stuff.
I've started running again. It's a slow start but I am really hoping to be able to run the 5k on the 4th of July. I've walked it the last two years, and am hoping that this is the year I can finally run it. I don't do well in heat, so this could be a crazy goal, but we'll see. I am training using the "ease into 5k" app on my phone. I am fortunate to have a coworker who has run with me in the past agree to train with me. She is getting married in June, and wants to lose weight before her wedding. She is the same coworker who went with me on my shopping trip- so we are just a good "match" for each other. Abi has been a great friend and has listened to me as we've endured the ups and downs of the last year.
I spent yesterday with Abi and a few of her bridesmads. We got all of her wedding invitations put together. It felt nice to be able to put my talents to use to help my friend. I've also been working to get my etsy shop stocked again with some new card designs. I had an idea to create Mother's Day cards for people like me and others who find Mother's day a hard day. You can see on of them here. Hoping to get things up and running again with PB creations so that I can help offset the costs of our adoption advertising. I've had a few orders lately, so that has helped fuel my creative soul to get things done. I was on such a roll with things and then we learned I was pregnant and spent two months in limbo.
And that's just the hard part. I start to feel human and get my life back and then WHAM- I end up pregnant or we have an adoption fall through. It takes the wind out of my sails and I can't function. I am hoping and praying that I can keep my momentum this time- no matter what. I need to keep focus on those other things.
I'll leave this post with a photo of Chris and I on Easter. Man, I love this guy- even if he can't handle a serious photo to save his life!
I've started running again. It's a slow start but I am really hoping to be able to run the 5k on the 4th of July. I've walked it the last two years, and am hoping that this is the year I can finally run it. I don't do well in heat, so this could be a crazy goal, but we'll see. I am training using the "ease into 5k" app on my phone. I am fortunate to have a coworker who has run with me in the past agree to train with me. She is getting married in June, and wants to lose weight before her wedding. She is the same coworker who went with me on my shopping trip- so we are just a good "match" for each other. Abi has been a great friend and has listened to me as we've endured the ups and downs of the last year.
I spent yesterday with Abi and a few of her bridesmads. We got all of her wedding invitations put together. It felt nice to be able to put my talents to use to help my friend. I've also been working to get my etsy shop stocked again with some new card designs. I had an idea to create Mother's Day cards for people like me and others who find Mother's day a hard day. You can see on of them here. Hoping to get things up and running again with PB creations so that I can help offset the costs of our adoption advertising. I've had a few orders lately, so that has helped fuel my creative soul to get things done. I was on such a roll with things and then we learned I was pregnant and spent two months in limbo.
And that's just the hard part. I start to feel human and get my life back and then WHAM- I end up pregnant or we have an adoption fall through. It takes the wind out of my sails and I can't function. I am hoping and praying that I can keep my momentum this time- no matter what. I need to keep focus on those other things.
I'll leave this post with a photo of Chris and I on Easter. Man, I love this guy- even if he can't handle a serious photo to save his life!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
37th Birthday Wrap Up
I am sitting at the Atlanta airport with over a three hour layover. So of course my first thought is to finally take the time to blog about my birthday.
For the past decade or so, my birthday has been a tough time for me. It marks the passing of time in our battle with infertility. It marks another year that our dreams haven't been fulfilled. It marks another birthday for my eggs- which unlike fine wine, don't get better with age. It's no secret that I always try to overcompensate with plans on my birthday to distract me. In years past, I would let Chris try to make plans. This year I took matters into my own hands and after some grumbling and hurt feelings, Chris got over it. He made the actual reservations so I think that helped.
It is really rare for us to have a free weekend in March- so imagine my delight when I discovered that we had no swim meet and my birthday fell on a Saturday! We were able to celebrate with some of our closest friends who also happen to have kids on our swim team.
Being born on St Patrick's day has its advantages and disadvantages. About every other year we do the whole Irish party and the other years we just do birthday. This year I wanted to go to my favorite restaruant in the city. It's a spanish Tappas place that has the world's greatest sangria. Since we knew that we would all like to enjoy this treat, we decided to take a limo into the city so nobody had to drive and we could all equally enjoy the sweet libations. We even had champagne on the way into the city
My favorite item at the tappas place is bacon wrapped dates. I never would have tried them without some urging, but I simply LOVE them. All I really needed to make this birthday a success was those dates, raspberry sangria, and so,e chocolate torte. I got all three. :)
We ordered lots of food, had many pitchers of sangria. I think we tried all of the varieties. The raspberry was my favorite and the passion fruit was icky. We also ordered one of every desert on the menu. :) It was so nice to just sit and talk with friends. We laughed really hard and for once in many years, I didn't feel a moment of sadness on my birthday. I felt blessed with good friends, good food, and a good time.
Sharing some of my favorite photos from the night:
Off to catch up on some commenting for ICLW. Hope you are all having a wonderful Sunday!
For the past decade or so, my birthday has been a tough time for me. It marks the passing of time in our battle with infertility. It marks another year that our dreams haven't been fulfilled. It marks another birthday for my eggs- which unlike fine wine, don't get better with age. It's no secret that I always try to overcompensate with plans on my birthday to distract me. In years past, I would let Chris try to make plans. This year I took matters into my own hands and after some grumbling and hurt feelings, Chris got over it. He made the actual reservations so I think that helped.
It is really rare for us to have a free weekend in March- so imagine my delight when I discovered that we had no swim meet and my birthday fell on a Saturday! We were able to celebrate with some of our closest friends who also happen to have kids on our swim team.
Being born on St Patrick's day has its advantages and disadvantages. About every other year we do the whole Irish party and the other years we just do birthday. This year I wanted to go to my favorite restaruant in the city. It's a spanish Tappas place that has the world's greatest sangria. Since we knew that we would all like to enjoy this treat, we decided to take a limo into the city so nobody had to drive and we could all equally enjoy the sweet libations. We even had champagne on the way into the city
My favorite item at the tappas place is bacon wrapped dates. I never would have tried them without some urging, but I simply LOVE them. All I really needed to make this birthday a success was those dates, raspberry sangria, and so,e chocolate torte. I got all three. :)
We ordered lots of food, had many pitchers of sangria. I think we tried all of the varieties. The raspberry was my favorite and the passion fruit was icky. We also ordered one of every desert on the menu. :) It was so nice to just sit and talk with friends. We laughed really hard and for once in many years, I didn't feel a moment of sadness on my birthday. I felt blessed with good friends, good food, and a good time.
Sharing some of my favorite photos from the night:
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| Chris and I at dinner. Doesn't he look good in green? |
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| They brought several plates all at once... and placed them all in front of Chris! |
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| Yes, it was dark outside. But we had to look cool in the limo, right? |
Monday, February 27, 2012
Finally something to celebrate!
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| A very nervous Chris before the meet starts |
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| The boys show off the trophy to their fans! |
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| Some of my favorite boys... especially the grown up one in the front! |
There were some really bad calls by the officials as well as a disqualification in the prelims of our 200 free relay. It was such a roller coaster of emotions with very lows but ended on a very high note! The school did a parade for the boys today and Chris was able to experience the festivities with the boys too. I'm so incredibly proud of Chris and all he accomplished with these kids. While it's the end of the high school season, we have big meets coming up for the club in the coming weeks. Chris does get 2 hours back each day now that HS season is over though, so looking forward to having a few more minutes each day with him.
It was so nice to have something else to focus on and celebrate after everything we've been through. The meet itself is crazy. In the midst of a blizzard, we had to drive towards the city to wait in line to get our wristbands. We then waited in the gym for more than 6 hours to be admitted into the pool. The meet lasted another 3 hours. And that was just prelims on Friday. Saturday was almost as long. So, it's no surprise that I am still exhausted. Still having some sleep issues... but working on it. Thank you to everyone's comments on the last post. Will share more later on all of that... want this post to be a positive one. :)
Have a great rest of your night!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Too early....
It's still too early to see much. After much prodding today, the u/s tech finally found the same small spot that last week's tech saw. This was after saying over and over that she didn't see a gestational sac at all.
Thursday's HCG was just over 1000, so right where it should be. That means that if things continue to double as they are supposed to, they would be just over 2000 today. So that would still "match" the u/s results. But it confuses everyone when they look at my last LMP. I've explained that I don't ovulate on day 14.
I am really angry at the doctor on call, however. When I came out of the u/s room, she basically attacked me about missing an appointment yesterday. This was the first appt I made, and have since been seen and told to cancel that appt since I was coming in today. The nurse called me on Thursday night about it, and I confirmed that I was cancelling that appointment. Nobody said I still needed to come in for this appointment. This was the Dr I was supposed to see. She kept saying, "You still need a first appointment." Um, okay. But I have been seen by another Dr. She then went on to tell me that it was too early for an u/s and she didn't understand why I was there. Um, because the other Dr told me to come in? I was almost in tears standing in the hallway. We've just been through a rough u/s and now I'm being yelled at? Seriously? I am a rule follower. I am a good patient. Don't accuse me of not following directions.
As she walked away, she flippantly said "I'm sure I will see you. Oh, and I'm sure this pregnancy will work out." Um, really? You just yelled at me in the hallway. You don't know my history. You don't know how terrified I am. You can't just flippantly throw something like that out there.
The nurse took me back to get my labs and closed the door. She apologized profusely for the Dr. She said the Dr's kid is sick and she is flustered. She assured me that is not how she usually treats patients. It took everything I had not to break down into tears right there. The lab tech then had a really hard time trying to get my veins to cooperate. Three sticks later, finally in my hand, we were able to get enough blood to fill the tube.
Then I had to go to the front desk to reschedule the appointment that I didn't know I needed. Thankfully there was an appointment with the Dr I've been dealing with already instead of the crabby b&tch who yelled at me. She is the OB that my friend highly recommends, but I don't think I could deal with being yelled at all the time. They have to squeeze me in because everyone is completely booked. So now I have to take a full day off from work on Monday instead of missing one class period last Friday.
Needless to say, if this pregnancy does in fact progress, I will be looking into another practice. My nerves are just shot after all these years. I can't handle the stress of miscommunication and being yelled at by the medical staff.
I had a complete breakdown in the parking lot. While I will be beyond thrilled if this pregnancy succeeds, I just don't want to do this. I don't want to deal with dr offices, lab techs, and constant worry. I closed this flipping chapter of my life. I don't want to do this. Please don't think I am not hoping that everything turns out just fine. I just don't know if all the stress, heartache, and tears will be worth it. I chose to stop treatment. I chose to close this door. And yet here I am, shoved back into the trenches.
I am afraid that I won't survive this time. Sure, I will physically survive... that's what I do. But I really truly don't know how much more I can take emotionally. I did get Chris to agree that if this pregnancy goes south, I will go on some form of birth control. I can't do this. My heart isn't strong enough.
So we spend another week in limbo land. I know I've said this before. I just wish I could see into a a crystal ball and know how the future turns out. Then maybe I can grin and bear the heartache knowing that it is all worth it in the end.
Chris is at a meet all weekend. It's just Romeo and I at home. Chris took down the tree, so thankfully I don't have to worry about that. Hoping to spend some time in my studio this afternoon feeding my soul and keeping my mind and hands busy.
Thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me.
Thursday's HCG was just over 1000, so right where it should be. That means that if things continue to double as they are supposed to, they would be just over 2000 today. So that would still "match" the u/s results. But it confuses everyone when they look at my last LMP. I've explained that I don't ovulate on day 14.
I am really angry at the doctor on call, however. When I came out of the u/s room, she basically attacked me about missing an appointment yesterday. This was the first appt I made, and have since been seen and told to cancel that appt since I was coming in today. The nurse called me on Thursday night about it, and I confirmed that I was cancelling that appointment. Nobody said I still needed to come in for this appointment. This was the Dr I was supposed to see. She kept saying, "You still need a first appointment." Um, okay. But I have been seen by another Dr. She then went on to tell me that it was too early for an u/s and she didn't understand why I was there. Um, because the other Dr told me to come in? I was almost in tears standing in the hallway. We've just been through a rough u/s and now I'm being yelled at? Seriously? I am a rule follower. I am a good patient. Don't accuse me of not following directions.
As she walked away, she flippantly said "I'm sure I will see you. Oh, and I'm sure this pregnancy will work out." Um, really? You just yelled at me in the hallway. You don't know my history. You don't know how terrified I am. You can't just flippantly throw something like that out there.
The nurse took me back to get my labs and closed the door. She apologized profusely for the Dr. She said the Dr's kid is sick and she is flustered. She assured me that is not how she usually treats patients. It took everything I had not to break down into tears right there. The lab tech then had a really hard time trying to get my veins to cooperate. Three sticks later, finally in my hand, we were able to get enough blood to fill the tube.
Then I had to go to the front desk to reschedule the appointment that I didn't know I needed. Thankfully there was an appointment with the Dr I've been dealing with already instead of the crabby b&tch who yelled at me. She is the OB that my friend highly recommends, but I don't think I could deal with being yelled at all the time. They have to squeeze me in because everyone is completely booked. So now I have to take a full day off from work on Monday instead of missing one class period last Friday.
Needless to say, if this pregnancy does in fact progress, I will be looking into another practice. My nerves are just shot after all these years. I can't handle the stress of miscommunication and being yelled at by the medical staff.
I had a complete breakdown in the parking lot. While I will be beyond thrilled if this pregnancy succeeds, I just don't want to do this. I don't want to deal with dr offices, lab techs, and constant worry. I closed this flipping chapter of my life. I don't want to do this. Please don't think I am not hoping that everything turns out just fine. I just don't know if all the stress, heartache, and tears will be worth it. I chose to stop treatment. I chose to close this door. And yet here I am, shoved back into the trenches.
I am afraid that I won't survive this time. Sure, I will physically survive... that's what I do. But I really truly don't know how much more I can take emotionally. I did get Chris to agree that if this pregnancy goes south, I will go on some form of birth control. I can't do this. My heart isn't strong enough.
So we spend another week in limbo land. I know I've said this before. I just wish I could see into a a crystal ball and know how the future turns out. Then maybe I can grin and bear the heartache knowing that it is all worth it in the end.
Chris is at a meet all weekend. It's just Romeo and I at home. Chris took down the tree, so thankfully I don't have to worry about that. Hoping to spend some time in my studio this afternoon feeding my soul and keeping my mind and hands busy.
Thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Post Holiday Ramblings
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I had some tense moments where I just felt sad, but all in all, it was a really nice few days. Chris and I had some quality time together- which is really a premium right now. We spent Christmas Eve night with our good friends and their family. I even spent some time holding Miriam's new great nephew. It feel so right to hold a tiny little one. I hope that's a sign that the time for my own precious little one is coming very soon. Chris was the life of the party and enjoyed himself a little too much. :)
Christmas Day was spent at home just the two of us. It was nice, but I had moments of sadness mixed with happiness. I long for a Christmas that includes a child. I also longed for the Christmas past that involved my family. I was regretting my decision to spend another year estranged from them. But after talking to my cousin today, I know that it is still the best decision for Chris and I. The Christmases of my childhood are a distant memory. Now it is time for me to embrace our new life and making new traditions. The mental health of my family members is still less than ideal- to put it mildly. I hope that one day I can have a relationship with them again, but know that enough time has not yet passed.
We plopped down another $250 for the second week of our ad this month. It will run starting tomorrow. We're also running an ad on Face.book and have picked up a few likes as a result. I am so hopeful and resigned all at the same time. I've had to share our story and explain our adoption process several times over the past week. While it's great to get it out there to more people, it stings a little each time I have to share it. I don't want to be an ambassador for adoption. I want to be a mom through adoption. There are so many misconceptions about the adoption process, and I've done a great deal of education too. I am by far not an expert- but I've shared what little knowledge we have.
We've had a few people reach out to us after getting our holiday card. One is a former swimmer who now works with an organization that works with college students facing an unwanted pregnancy. Another has an aunt who works in the foster care system in another state. Somehow one of these many connections has to come through for us, right?
Chris is working crazy hours over break doing private lessons to help add to our adoption fund. I miss him dearly, and wish that he had left at least one afternoon open for us to spend time together. I know that he needs to feel he is contributing as much as I am with PB Creations. We are going out to dinner with some friends on Thursday and have plans with Miriam & John for New Year's.
So, I am spending the time cleaning the disaster zone that is my studio. The whirlwind that was December made a big mess. Also hoping to get my etsy shop restocked with Valentine's items and general items. I also need to get invitations for a friend's wedding done. I have plenty to keep me busy. I just wish we had time to spend together.
At least it's not a year ago when I was a cleaning machine getting ready for our first homestudy visit! I did come to the realization that soon we'll need to talk about renewing our homestudy and figure out what that entails. At least we have some time for that.
I'll leave you with a photo of myself, Karin, & Miriam on Christmas Eve. It was several takes before we even got one photo that didn't include closed eyes or a random person behind us...
Christmas Day was spent at home just the two of us. It was nice, but I had moments of sadness mixed with happiness. I long for a Christmas that includes a child. I also longed for the Christmas past that involved my family. I was regretting my decision to spend another year estranged from them. But after talking to my cousin today, I know that it is still the best decision for Chris and I. The Christmases of my childhood are a distant memory. Now it is time for me to embrace our new life and making new traditions. The mental health of my family members is still less than ideal- to put it mildly. I hope that one day I can have a relationship with them again, but know that enough time has not yet passed.
We plopped down another $250 for the second week of our ad this month. It will run starting tomorrow. We're also running an ad on Face.book and have picked up a few likes as a result. I am so hopeful and resigned all at the same time. I've had to share our story and explain our adoption process several times over the past week. While it's great to get it out there to more people, it stings a little each time I have to share it. I don't want to be an ambassador for adoption. I want to be a mom through adoption. There are so many misconceptions about the adoption process, and I've done a great deal of education too. I am by far not an expert- but I've shared what little knowledge we have.
We've had a few people reach out to us after getting our holiday card. One is a former swimmer who now works with an organization that works with college students facing an unwanted pregnancy. Another has an aunt who works in the foster care system in another state. Somehow one of these many connections has to come through for us, right?
Chris is working crazy hours over break doing private lessons to help add to our adoption fund. I miss him dearly, and wish that he had left at least one afternoon open for us to spend time together. I know that he needs to feel he is contributing as much as I am with PB Creations. We are going out to dinner with some friends on Thursday and have plans with Miriam & John for New Year's.
So, I am spending the time cleaning the disaster zone that is my studio. The whirlwind that was December made a big mess. Also hoping to get my etsy shop restocked with Valentine's items and general items. I also need to get invitations for a friend's wedding done. I have plenty to keep me busy. I just wish we had time to spend together.
At least it's not a year ago when I was a cleaning machine getting ready for our first homestudy visit! I did come to the realization that soon we'll need to talk about renewing our homestudy and figure out what that entails. At least we have some time for that.
I'll leave you with a photo of myself, Karin, & Miriam on Christmas Eve. It was several takes before we even got one photo that didn't include closed eyes or a random person behind us...
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Colorado is on my mind...
No, we're not heading back to CC.RM. I really do hope we get the opportunity in the future for a sibling, but it's not in the cards for us right now. I am really, really, hopeful about our adoption plans. I am in a good place... today. I believe with all my heart that our baby is out there- and that we will finally be a family through the gift of adoption.
While we were not successful at CC.RM, we were given a true love. It seems that both Chris and I have fallen in love with the great state of Colorado. We daydream of one day moving out there. I'd like to at least be able to take a nice long vacation to visit all of the beauty that the state has to offer. How many people can say that they've been to Colorado FOUR times and not witnessed much of its beauty? I did get to take in the sunshine and the amazing landscapes- from the window of various hotel suites while on bedrest!
What brought on this longing for the great state of Colorado you might ask?
This text from my husband did:
You see, Chris is in the lovely state of Colorado RIGHT NOW. Without me. And I am a little bitter and jealous that he is out there making new memories that don't involve infertility. He's getting to experience some of the million other things that Colorado has to offer other than one of the world's greatest IVF clinics.
All joking aside, I am thrilled for him. One of our very talented swimmers was asked to attend the National Select Camp at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs. As part of the program, they ask the coach to come with the swimmer and participate in some advanced coaching clinics. It's an amazing opportunity for both our swimmer and Chris. He's staying at the training center and working with the same staff that trains our Olympic team. The food is apparently amazing too- all provided by the nutritionists/chefs employed by the OTC. He has already learned so much and has another two days of training still to come. He and our swimmer even got the chance to go see a few sites before the camp started on Thursday.
So for now, I am experiencing some of the wonders of Colorado through the text messages and emails from Chris. While there are no vacation plans in our near future due to our adoption costs, I hope to one day very soon be able to see those mountains and sunshine again with my own eyes. I want to make some new memories of the Centennial State. Hopefully it will be one of our first family vacations and my new memories will involve sharing our love of the state with our child.
While we were not successful at CC.RM, we were given a true love. It seems that both Chris and I have fallen in love with the great state of Colorado. We daydream of one day moving out there. I'd like to at least be able to take a nice long vacation to visit all of the beauty that the state has to offer. How many people can say that they've been to Colorado FOUR times and not witnessed much of its beauty? I did get to take in the sunshine and the amazing landscapes- from the window of various hotel suites while on bedrest!
What brought on this longing for the great state of Colorado you might ask?
This text from my husband did:
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| "Wouldn't it suck to wake up to this every morning?" |
All joking aside, I am thrilled for him. One of our very talented swimmers was asked to attend the National Select Camp at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs. As part of the program, they ask the coach to come with the swimmer and participate in some advanced coaching clinics. It's an amazing opportunity for both our swimmer and Chris. He's staying at the training center and working with the same staff that trains our Olympic team. The food is apparently amazing too- all provided by the nutritionists/chefs employed by the OTC. He has already learned so much and has another two days of training still to come. He and our swimmer even got the chance to go see a few sites before the camp started on Thursday.
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| Our swimmer looking very serious within the Olympic Rings |
So for now, I am experiencing some of the wonders of Colorado through the text messages and emails from Chris. While there are no vacation plans in our near future due to our adoption costs, I hope to one day very soon be able to see those mountains and sunshine again with my own eyes. I want to make some new memories of the Centennial State. Hopefully it will be one of our first family vacations and my new memories will involve sharing our love of the state with our child.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Back to School
I promise to share photos of our time in California. I left the camera at school this weekend, otherwise that is just what this post would have been all about. For now, you'll have to read my rambles about the first week of school.
I always seem to forget how truly exhausting the week is. As I get older, it takes longer and longer to adjust back to the routines and being on my feet all day. My feet are killing me. First investment this school year will be on a few new pairs of shoes that are designed for "older teachers" to stand all day. Sadly I feel that the days of really cute shoes for school are coming to an end. I am looking at some options that are still somewhat cute as I just can't bear ugly shoes even for comfort! :) Some of the teachers swear by Dansko, and I love my Keen sandals. I've also heard good things about Merrill too. Anyone have any suggestions for cute and comfortable shoes?
The stress is high all around at school. Let's just say it is going to be a constant power struggle between the district administration and the teachers all year long. Over silly things that really shouldn't be issues. And my poor principal is stuck in the middle. Silly things like having a working copier and using personal days on inservice days. And every single teacher is being asked to do more with less. Oh, and we're all going to be evaluated based on how our kids do on a single test this year. It's just frustrating that the KIDS are the ones that are losing here. Teachers aren't able to focus on students' needs and well being with all of this nonsense going on. But that's what I intend to do. Focus on the kids and just push forward. (And it helps that it is not an evaluation year for me this year!)
I really intended to stop all technology assistance after the way the whole position went down this summer. But I can't. It's just not my nature. So I've been troubleshooting IWBs, answering questions, and suggested that I hold a little training session for the new teachers on the IWBs on Monday. I just can't say NO when I teacher WANTS to use the technology and there is no support for them. I won't leave my colleagues hanging when they need support. I am however going to be sure that I keep a log of all of the things I am doing so that the powers that be know that there is a NEED at our school that is NOT BEING FILLED by the woman they hired for the position.
I have lots of orders to work on for my little PB Creations business. I need to work on scheduling time that is dedicated to continuing to grow that little endeavor. I think I need to treat it like a part time job and really schedule hours so that I am forced to make time. Not only is it good for business, I NEED the creative outlet. It is a stress relief and makes me happy. I spend my days nurturing others. I need to make time for nurturing my own creative soul!
I will leave you with a photo of the flowers Chris sent me on the first day of school. This is a tradition he started years ago. I REALLY needed the pick me up this year. He is a keeper for sure! :)
I always seem to forget how truly exhausting the week is. As I get older, it takes longer and longer to adjust back to the routines and being on my feet all day. My feet are killing me. First investment this school year will be on a few new pairs of shoes that are designed for "older teachers" to stand all day. Sadly I feel that the days of really cute shoes for school are coming to an end. I am looking at some options that are still somewhat cute as I just can't bear ugly shoes even for comfort! :) Some of the teachers swear by Dansko, and I love my Keen sandals. I've also heard good things about Merrill too. Anyone have any suggestions for cute and comfortable shoes?
The stress is high all around at school. Let's just say it is going to be a constant power struggle between the district administration and the teachers all year long. Over silly things that really shouldn't be issues. And my poor principal is stuck in the middle. Silly things like having a working copier and using personal days on inservice days. And every single teacher is being asked to do more with less. Oh, and we're all going to be evaluated based on how our kids do on a single test this year. It's just frustrating that the KIDS are the ones that are losing here. Teachers aren't able to focus on students' needs and well being with all of this nonsense going on. But that's what I intend to do. Focus on the kids and just push forward. (And it helps that it is not an evaluation year for me this year!)
I really intended to stop all technology assistance after the way the whole position went down this summer. But I can't. It's just not my nature. So I've been troubleshooting IWBs, answering questions, and suggested that I hold a little training session for the new teachers on the IWBs on Monday. I just can't say NO when I teacher WANTS to use the technology and there is no support for them. I won't leave my colleagues hanging when they need support. I am however going to be sure that I keep a log of all of the things I am doing so that the powers that be know that there is a NEED at our school that is NOT BEING FILLED by the woman they hired for the position.
I have lots of orders to work on for my little PB Creations business. I need to work on scheduling time that is dedicated to continuing to grow that little endeavor. I think I need to treat it like a part time job and really schedule hours so that I am forced to make time. Not only is it good for business, I NEED the creative outlet. It is a stress relief and makes me happy. I spend my days nurturing others. I need to make time for nurturing my own creative soul!
I will leave you with a photo of the flowers Chris sent me on the first day of school. This is a tradition he started years ago. I REALLY needed the pick me up this year. He is a keeper for sure! :)
Each year the card says, "Have a Great School Year. You are an Awesome Teacher."
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Home
We're home safe and sound. Had an amazing week with some really fast swimming and lots of fun. I haven't even uploaded all the photos, but I'll be sure to share my favorites here. I am so very proud of Chris and all he accomplished with his swimmers. They were the highest scoring team from the state of Illinois! All with only four swimmers!
It was hard to come home without Simba being here. I had a little meltdown when I walked into the guest room and realized that is where he had his final days. Our friends cleaned everything up for us and it was just surreal to see all of his "supplies" stacked up in a pile. I don't think it has really sunk it that he is really gone. Words can't express how grateful we are for our friends who cared for him and Romeo while we were gone.
Romeo is beyond excited to have us home. He apparently took up residence on our bed while we were gone so those sheets are in the washing machine as I write. Hoping they'll be done in time for me to get to bed at a decent hour.
It's back to work for me tomorrow. I have so many mixed thoughts and emotions about that. Sadly, I don't have the excitement that I usually feel for the start of a new school year. Hoping that once I get there tomorrow and see all my colleagues that I will feel that. I am so thankful that I took the trip with Chris. It was great to clear my head and really go into the school year with a sense of peace and calm rather than being here and brooding for the past week.
And let's face it- this has been a pretty crappy summer for me. Here's to new beginnings and moving forward. Fall is a wonderful time of year full of change and promise, right?
It's going to be rough in the morning. My body will think it's 3 am when the alarm goes off... I've already decided it will be a VENTI kind of morning! :)
It was hard to come home without Simba being here. I had a little meltdown when I walked into the guest room and realized that is where he had his final days. Our friends cleaned everything up for us and it was just surreal to see all of his "supplies" stacked up in a pile. I don't think it has really sunk it that he is really gone. Words can't express how grateful we are for our friends who cared for him and Romeo while we were gone.
Romeo is beyond excited to have us home. He apparently took up residence on our bed while we were gone so those sheets are in the washing machine as I write. Hoping they'll be done in time for me to get to bed at a decent hour.
It's back to work for me tomorrow. I have so many mixed thoughts and emotions about that. Sadly, I don't have the excitement that I usually feel for the start of a new school year. Hoping that once I get there tomorrow and see all my colleagues that I will feel that. I am so thankful that I took the trip with Chris. It was great to clear my head and really go into the school year with a sense of peace and calm rather than being here and brooding for the past week.
And let's face it- this has been a pretty crappy summer for me. Here's to new beginnings and moving forward. Fall is a wonderful time of year full of change and promise, right?
It's going to be rough in the morning. My body will think it's 3 am when the alarm goes off... I've already decided it will be a VENTI kind of morning! :)
Monday, August 8, 2011
Proud Coach's Wife. :)
We've enjoyed the weather here in California.
But today was finally the start of the Junior National Meet. The entire reason we are here.
It was a GREAT morning. Three swims and three best times. Two of our boys made it back for finals tonight. This is the first time in the history of the team.
I am one VERY proud wife right now! Chris has worked so very hard this summer. And the boys swam their hearts out and it paid off. Big time.
Hoping that finals goes well tonight and that the team will score points. Another FIRST for the team.
I'm so happy for Chris and the boys!
~~~~
And just to make things interesting... AF started last night. Yep, the worst possible place to have her show up. But it also seems my body is regulating?! 31 day cycle? That's a little bit too normal for me. Thank goodness for Aleve and nice bathrooms at the meet! :)
But today was finally the start of the Junior National Meet. The entire reason we are here.
It was a GREAT morning. Three swims and three best times. Two of our boys made it back for finals tonight. This is the first time in the history of the team.
I am one VERY proud wife right now! Chris has worked so very hard this summer. And the boys swam their hearts out and it paid off. Big time.
Hoping that finals goes well tonight and that the team will score points. Another FIRST for the team.
I'm so happy for Chris and the boys!
~~~~
And just to make things interesting... AF started last night. Yep, the worst possible place to have her show up. But it also seems my body is regulating?! 31 day cycle? That's a little bit too normal for me. Thank goodness for Aleve and nice bathrooms at the meet! :)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
15 years ago
Today marks our 15th wedding anniversary. It's been a wild ride, but I really wouldn't have wanted to share it with anyone else. This is not what I thought our lives would be like at this point, but I am so thankful to have reached this milestone. It hasn't been easy, lord knows that. But we made it. We've beat the odds in one area- we've dealt with prolonged infertility and come out the other side with a stronger marriage.
While my heart still aches for a child, I know that I am truly blessed to share my life with such an amazing and caring man. We married young (I mean really young since I'm only 29 and all, right?! Oh how I wish!) My 21 year old self had no idea what she was getting into. She had no idea how hard life was going to be for the next 15 years. She had no idea that she would experience so much loss. She had no idea how much she would grow to love that man she stood next to that day. She had no idea how many adventures she would be fortunate to take with him by her side. She had no idea what it really meant to love someone so completely.
If I knew then, what I knew now- I'd still marry him in a heartbeat. While I don't believe that there is a purpose for every life experience, I do know that we were meant to be together. Marriage is hard work. But the benefits are great. While I yearn to have a child, my heart breaks for those who have lost their spouse or have yet to find someone to share their life with. I know that I am blessed. After all we've been through it's so easy to wallow in what we don't have. (And believe me, that's were I was less than 24 hours ago!) Today I am going to focus on the good. Focus on my strong marriage and the amazing man who chose me all those years ago.
Thank you for all of your love and support through the past year and more. I also count each of you as blessings in my life. And no worries... I'll be back to whining about my never dropping HCG levels tomorrow! :)
While my heart still aches for a child, I know that I am truly blessed to share my life with such an amazing and caring man. We married young (I mean really young since I'm only 29 and all, right?! Oh how I wish!) My 21 year old self had no idea what she was getting into. She had no idea how hard life was going to be for the next 15 years. She had no idea that she would experience so much loss. She had no idea how much she would grow to love that man she stood next to that day. She had no idea how many adventures she would be fortunate to take with him by her side. She had no idea what it really meant to love someone so completely.
If I knew then, what I knew now- I'd still marry him in a heartbeat. While I don't believe that there is a purpose for every life experience, I do know that we were meant to be together. Marriage is hard work. But the benefits are great. While I yearn to have a child, my heart breaks for those who have lost their spouse or have yet to find someone to share their life with. I know that I am blessed. After all we've been through it's so easy to wallow in what we don't have. (And believe me, that's were I was less than 24 hours ago!) Today I am going to focus on the good. Focus on my strong marriage and the amazing man who chose me all those years ago.
Thank you for all of your love and support through the past year and more. I also count each of you as blessings in my life. And no worries... I'll be back to whining about my never dropping HCG levels tomorrow! :)
Monday, May 9, 2011
First Ride of the Season
Thank you for all of the compliments on the sign and the tips for our photos. We had a great time doing the photos, and I think they turned out great. I am not thrilled with my hair in them- but hey, I have to worry about something, right?! I've seen a few sneak peaks from our friend on FB, but will share them here once I have them all.
It was finally a nice day here yesterday and we took advantage of the nice weather by taking our motorcycle out for the first ride of the season. People are often surprised that Chris & I own a motorcycle. I simply LOVE riding on the back of the motorcycle. There's really nothing like it. (Before I go further, Chris and I ALWAYS wear our helmets. We fully believe that helmets should be required for anyone riding)
When we are out on the motorcycle, it's as if the rest of the world doesn't matter. It's just Chris and I taking on the world. Being a passenger on the motorcycle requires complete faith in the driver. As the passenger, you have no control over the motorcycle and yet you could cause the driver to lose control. You have to move together- driver, passenger, and motorcycle. You have to anticipate the movement at turns and accelerations. When we are on the motorcycle, I really feel like we are in complete harmony with each other. It wasn't always this way. When we first started dating and riding, I didn't always trust him. I'd lean the wrong way at the wrong time. But Chris would always compensate and we'd be okay.
When we are out on the road, there isn't much time for talking. We can talk at stops, but most of the time it's just listening to the sounds around us and taking the time to appreciate the world around us. We try to take the scenic route most of the time and often end up on country roads. There's also lots of time to listen to my own thoughts and process whatever is happening in my life. I never come to any real solutions during this time and most of my thoughts are scattered. It's as if the wind carries them away and I always end up feeling better by the time we get back home.
There's also a sense of intimacy with riding with someone. As the passenger you just have to hold on to the driver. (I suppose you could hold onto the bike itself, but that's hard to do!) You have no choice other than to put your arms around the driver... something that we both enjoy. :)
So, we spent the dreaded holiday having our profile photos taken and then taking the inaugural ride on the motorcycle. While there were moments of sadness, it was full of hope- and actions that move us forward and closer together.
It was finally a nice day here yesterday and we took advantage of the nice weather by taking our motorcycle out for the first ride of the season. People are often surprised that Chris & I own a motorcycle. I simply LOVE riding on the back of the motorcycle. There's really nothing like it. (Before I go further, Chris and I ALWAYS wear our helmets. We fully believe that helmets should be required for anyone riding)
When we are out on the motorcycle, it's as if the rest of the world doesn't matter. It's just Chris and I taking on the world. Being a passenger on the motorcycle requires complete faith in the driver. As the passenger, you have no control over the motorcycle and yet you could cause the driver to lose control. You have to move together- driver, passenger, and motorcycle. You have to anticipate the movement at turns and accelerations. When we are on the motorcycle, I really feel like we are in complete harmony with each other. It wasn't always this way. When we first started dating and riding, I didn't always trust him. I'd lean the wrong way at the wrong time. But Chris would always compensate and we'd be okay.
When we are out on the road, there isn't much time for talking. We can talk at stops, but most of the time it's just listening to the sounds around us and taking the time to appreciate the world around us. We try to take the scenic route most of the time and often end up on country roads. There's also lots of time to listen to my own thoughts and process whatever is happening in my life. I never come to any real solutions during this time and most of my thoughts are scattered. It's as if the wind carries them away and I always end up feeling better by the time we get back home.
There's also a sense of intimacy with riding with someone. As the passenger you just have to hold on to the driver. (I suppose you could hold onto the bike itself, but that's hard to do!) You have no choice other than to put your arms around the driver... something that we both enjoy. :)
So, we spent the dreaded holiday having our profile photos taken and then taking the inaugural ride on the motorcycle. While there were moments of sadness, it was full of hope- and actions that move us forward and closer together.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Babymoon?
When we booked our vacation to Aruba, we had no idea that it also appears to be a favorite destination for those who are on their “babymoon.” I overheard someone say that the medical facilities in Aruba are good, so I wonder if this is why so many choose to come here. But it also could be the fact that the average pregnant woman is blissfully ignorant. I mean no disrespect in that statement- it’s the simple fact that most people don’t know all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy. They just expect that everything will be just fine. And for most people- it is.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t bothered by the bikini-clad preggos at the adult exclusive beach. (A fetus is clearly not an adult, so surely they were violating the rules, right?!) There was a different preggo each day and I definitely had some not so nice thoughts of jealousy when I realized that I could have been in their shoes right now… (but let’s face it, there’s no way a former infertile would be so far from home while pregnant) I really don’t begrudge these couples the chance to enjoy their final child-free vacation.
And then I started thinking about our situation. (You knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?!) I really had a hard time this year truly relaxing and enjoying the vacation. I am so thankful that we had the points to take the vacation and I do feel that it was a good time for Chris and I to reconnect. We were able to enjoy the adult exclusive parts of the resort and do things on our own timeline without worrying about a child (or a dog, for that matter!) So I had to reframe my mind- this is our babymoon, but not in the same sense the preggos were experiencing it.
It’s time to really walk away from the fantasy of getting pregnant. Yes, I broke up with treatment, but I still have feelings for it. You can’t end a 10 year relationship and not have some residual feelings. The feelings wane over time and it hurts less. That’s where I’m headed. That’s what I decided this vacation was all about.
As I stared out over the ocean, I made a decision. This is it. This is the end for now. I am letting go of those feelings. You can’t fully embrace a new relationship when you are still holding feelings for an old flame. I was still romanticizing treatment and not fully embracing adoption. Once I came to this realization, I was able to relax and enjoy the sunshine and ocean waves.
So in my heart, I feel that this was in fact our babymoon, our last vacation hoping for a miracle through treatment. I pray that this is our final vacation as a couple, and that our next trip will be to meet our child, wherever he or she may be. The miracle of adoption will make our family complete.
I’ll close with my favorite photo of the two of us. We’re at the gold mine ruins on the beautiful island of Aruba.
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