I'm honestly in a better place. Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post. As always, it means so much to know that there are people out there that get it and are cheering me on. Sometimes just the simple fact of knowing that you are not alone in this fight means everything.
I lost myself in reading last weekend. It was just what I needed... to lose myself in a piece of fiction. I actually read all three of the Fifty Shades of Grey books last weekend. I have some thoughts I want to post on the books, but that's another post. I seem to forget how wonderful it is to get lost in a book and become so engrossed in characters that you start thinking about them at random times. Chris was amazing and allowed me literally to stay in bed all day last Saturday. The only time I left the house last weekend was to have dinner with one of our swim team families on Saturday night!
This week at school was a little less intense with my challenging student. We have him on a Crisis Safety Plan, so hoping that now we have a plan in place we won't need it. He is utterly exhausting. He's also very attached to me and can be a very kind sweet boy. I have some theories that came to light this week as to why this kid has gotten to me so much. That's also another post all together.
Remember the technology position I wanted for this school year but it was given to another woman who had the elusive certificate? She hasn't really worked out this year- and in fact has been RIF'd for next year due to performance. Why do I know this? It was accidentally sent out to the entire district on the staffing plan for next year! While I have not had a good working relationship with this woman, I do feel bad that this news was made so graphically public. However, the good news... is that the position is back open for the fall. And imagine this... they have removed the certificate as a requirement!!!! After some soul searching with Chris and talking with my principal, I decided to put my name in the hat once again. My principal informed me that the District Admin responsible for this position actually emailed him a week before I spoke to him asking if I would consider applying. Hoping that is a good sign that things might just work out this time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man am I ready for a change after this school year! I've emailed the Admin and applied officially through the district website. I haven't heard anything, but the applications remain open until May 15th. My principal told the District Admin that I was reluctant to apply due to the way that it was handled last time. So at least that is out there.
Chris and I are at a really good place. Some of that has to do with my reading last weekend. :) Mostly, we've just had some really good quality time together. We don't see each other much at all during the week but have made the weekends really count. Only one more weekend until I lose him for every single weekend for the summer- so I'm trying to cram in as much as I can each weekend! Yesterday we got the window boxes installed on the front of the house and got the early flowers planted. Here in the midwest, you just never know when the last frost will be, so you have to be careful. I'll post some photos soon. Right now we only have pansies and violas planted since they are very frost hardy. We also started a project inspired by pinterest of tipsy pots. Of course I wanted them painted purple, so we had to do that first! Seeing the flowers already makes me smile. It really is the little things that make the difference, isn't it?
Chris also finished all of the floors in our main living space. I LOVE them. He has to do the stairs now and we've started to refinish all of the furniture. We're definitely nesting. Let's hope that we can get all the must do projects finished before we get the call. Ok, scratch that... if we get the call tomorrow we'd be thrilled!
Thankfully I have some orders to fill for PB Creations. I need to get things moving again with the business so it can continue to pay for our advertising costs. We're currently spending close to $350 a month (which is less than our lawyer would ideally want). Our homestudy is now a year old, and essentially expired. We've been assured that it is all fine by both our attorney and social worker. But it makes me REALLY nervous. Trying to stay positive and trust the experts.... but that goes against my nature. Never really expected that we'd still be waiting one year later. Really thought that we'd finally catch a break and be the lucky ones in a quick match. Trying to stay hopeful that our match is out there... and will find us very soon!
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Limbo Week 9
Today's HCG level= 4.
At first the nurse said Congrats, you are done. And then she took it back. She said local RE wants it under 2. So they want me back in two weeks for a recheck. Seriously?!
I was also "scolded" for not establishing myself with an OB/Gyn. I really feel like this local RE just wants to rid his hands of me. He is the partner of the main RE who owns the practice. I am NOT a fan. He's been less than stellar with my care. Thankfully I've been in contact with my nurse at CC.RM otherwise I would be freaking out more than I am.
He won't agree to test for the clotting issues until my HCG is less than 2. I am tempted to just get the orders from CC.RM, but I think they'd lose even more interest in caring for me if I did that. (And they'd charge me an additional $40 "facility fee" every time I walked in the door.) I'm going to send an email to my CC.RM nurse and get her take on it all.
I have company coming next week, so I'll be nice and busy. I'll have the week ELEVEN HCG level done on the 27th. Hoping that I can finally get the clotting labs done before we leave for California. We get back from that trip the night before school starts. Who knew that I would spend the ENTIRE SUMMER in this limbo land?!
I am frustrated that it feels like we've lost an entire summer to this miscarriage limbo. We haven't moved forward with our adoption marketing because I just couldn't without getting some closure. And here it is, the summer is coming to a close, and I'm still where I was in May.
I still haven't heard anything on the new position, either. The admin team was on vacation until this past Monday. Then we had a ridiculous storm come through here that has left almost 100,000 people without power still today- including our district email server and some of the district offices. Rumor has it that it will finally be posted next week. Hoping that I can get some closure on that front soon, too. I just need to know so that I can plan appropriately for the rest of my summer.
We have spent the last week getting ready for our guests. We've turned Chris' office into a guest room with the intention of becoming a nursery some day. I suppose that means we've made some progress this summer. I'll post pictures soon. Right now it's still in pieces. :)
Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and sharing in my frustration. It means the world to me.
At first the nurse said Congrats, you are done. And then she took it back. She said local RE wants it under 2. So they want me back in two weeks for a recheck. Seriously?!
I was also "scolded" for not establishing myself with an OB/Gyn. I really feel like this local RE just wants to rid his hands of me. He is the partner of the main RE who owns the practice. I am NOT a fan. He's been less than stellar with my care. Thankfully I've been in contact with my nurse at CC.RM otherwise I would be freaking out more than I am.
He won't agree to test for the clotting issues until my HCG is less than 2. I am tempted to just get the orders from CC.RM, but I think they'd lose even more interest in caring for me if I did that. (And they'd charge me an additional $40 "facility fee" every time I walked in the door.) I'm going to send an email to my CC.RM nurse and get her take on it all.
I have company coming next week, so I'll be nice and busy. I'll have the week ELEVEN HCG level done on the 27th. Hoping that I can finally get the clotting labs done before we leave for California. We get back from that trip the night before school starts. Who knew that I would spend the ENTIRE SUMMER in this limbo land?!
I am frustrated that it feels like we've lost an entire summer to this miscarriage limbo. We haven't moved forward with our adoption marketing because I just couldn't without getting some closure. And here it is, the summer is coming to a close, and I'm still where I was in May.
I still haven't heard anything on the new position, either. The admin team was on vacation until this past Monday. Then we had a ridiculous storm come through here that has left almost 100,000 people without power still today- including our district email server and some of the district offices. Rumor has it that it will finally be posted next week. Hoping that I can get some closure on that front soon, too. I just need to know so that I can plan appropriately for the rest of my summer.
We have spent the last week getting ready for our guests. We've turned Chris' office into a guest room with the intention of becoming a nursery some day. I suppose that means we've made some progress this summer. I'll post pictures soon. Right now it's still in pieces. :)
Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and sharing in my frustration. It means the world to me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Interview Complete
Chris said his interview went fine. The Social worker was here less than an hour total. Chris didn't feel any of the questions were really obtrusive, so I guess that is a good thing, right? Romeo was an arse for the first part, but was pacified with a bone and then a tennis ball. I still think I will make a puppy play date for him next week when she comes for my interview- just for my sanity! (We really need to look into getting a dog trainer, but that just hasn't been on the top of our list lately)
Thank you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. I simply adore this woman, and am heartbroken that we are in this limbo right now. Twice today we were alone in a room together, and neither of us dared to broach the subject. I know it will come out when the timing is right. So for now, we will continue to dance around the elephant that seems to come into the room with the two of us!
I have to admit that it is so nice to come home to a really clean home! I just wish it wasn't so hard to keep it this way! I have a meeting all day tomorrow so I didn't really bring much work home with me tonight either. I think I might just try to have a little creative time! I took photos of the cards we made at our girls weekend. I will be sure to post those soon, too.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day!
Thank you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. I simply adore this woman, and am heartbroken that we are in this limbo right now. Twice today we were alone in a room together, and neither of us dared to broach the subject. I know it will come out when the timing is right. So for now, we will continue to dance around the elephant that seems to come into the room with the two of us!
I have to admit that it is so nice to come home to a really clean home! I just wish it wasn't so hard to keep it this way! I have a meeting all day tomorrow so I didn't really bring much work home with me tonight either. I think I might just try to have a little creative time! I took photos of the cards we made at our girls weekend. I will be sure to post those soon, too.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Paperwork...
I am always amazed at the amount of paperwork required to complete any cycle with CCR.M. My nurse emailed me all of our consents and such today. I think DH and I signed our names at least 6 times each. I had to confirm that I am waiving the clamid.iya test. Yep, I am good with that. Don't think that is one thing I need to worry about at this point! (We've been screened in the past, and there is no way that our status could have changed... let's just leave it at that!)
I also need to have some blood work done locally- CBC and TSH are both over a year old by the time of our FET. I can do those locally thank goodness. Looks like I will be spending my Saturday morning at the local hospital lab. Good times! We are also required to have our communicables testing redone.... both of us. This can only be done at their lab, which is out of network for both of us and they require full payment ahead of time. I know it is an FDA requirement of some sort, but it just doesn't make much sense why Chris needs to have it repeated. He isn't providing any new "materials" to the process. Oh well, what choice do we have?!
I ordered my progesteron.e this evening and that should be here by Friday. I have patches left from last time, so no need to order those this time. I have to pick up the oral meds at Tar.get this weekend and then I think we are all set. I guess we really are doing this. Of course we need to get our financials in order, and DH worked on that today. It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel we are really just throwing $5000 in the wind. Even after all these years, it is just hard to swallow the amount of money we've invested. I am so VERY blessed to have some insurance coverage and we would NEVER have been able to do all of the cycles we've done without it.
The last thing I need to do is schedule the local monitoring appointments. I am also very fortunate to have a local clinic and a caring nurse there who is willing to work with me. I just have to call and she gets me in. :)
Work has finally begun on our home. It's been more than 2 months since the storm that caused all of the damage. I am excited about the changes we are making and look forward to having it done. Hopefully we will be ALL done by the end of next week. It will be really nice to have our house in some sense of order before we head to Denver!
I also need to have some blood work done locally- CBC and TSH are both over a year old by the time of our FET. I can do those locally thank goodness. Looks like I will be spending my Saturday morning at the local hospital lab. Good times! We are also required to have our communicables testing redone.... both of us. This can only be done at their lab, which is out of network for both of us and they require full payment ahead of time. I know it is an FDA requirement of some sort, but it just doesn't make much sense why Chris needs to have it repeated. He isn't providing any new "materials" to the process. Oh well, what choice do we have?!
I ordered my progesteron.e this evening and that should be here by Friday. I have patches left from last time, so no need to order those this time. I have to pick up the oral meds at Tar.get this weekend and then I think we are all set. I guess we really are doing this. Of course we need to get our financials in order, and DH worked on that today. It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel we are really just throwing $5000 in the wind. Even after all these years, it is just hard to swallow the amount of money we've invested. I am so VERY blessed to have some insurance coverage and we would NEVER have been able to do all of the cycles we've done without it.
The last thing I need to do is schedule the local monitoring appointments. I am also very fortunate to have a local clinic and a caring nurse there who is willing to work with me. I just have to call and she gets me in. :)
Work has finally begun on our home. It's been more than 2 months since the storm that caused all of the damage. I am excited about the changes we are making and look forward to having it done. Hopefully we will be ALL done by the end of next week. It will be really nice to have our house in some sense of order before we head to Denver!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Intentions and One Little Word
I really meant to post this yesterday, but Chris and I had a great New Year's Eve and really didn't do much of anything yesterday. We lounged around, watched silly TV and napped. It was a great day! :) Hopefully NYE was my last night of enjoying adult beverages for a long time. I may have lived it up a little more than I should have, but oh well!
So, a few years ago I stopped making resolutions and instead making INTENTIONS for the coming year. So here are my intentions for 2010:
1. Be hopeful
This also happens to be my one little word for the year. I am trying hard to be hopeful in everything I do. Infertility has robbed me of hope and I am slowly starting to reclaim it. I am going to start with being hopeful that we will finally get our miracle at the end of the month. I am going to be hopeful that things will go as planned. I am going to be hopeful about our financial situation and our jobs. I am going to be hopeful that life is good, and that we are going to be ok.
2. Live a more healthy life
Pregnant or not, I have got to start taking better care of myself. I have let my exercise routines go in light of all of the IVF drugs and such. I am going to start walking more, and while I hope running is not in my future, I will pursue it if this FET does not work. (But it is going to work.... see #1) I am going to be better about eating healthy and make more of an effort to stay on top of the grocery shopping so we have healthy options to eat. Now that I am done with grad school, I have time to learn how to prepare better foods.
3. Organize my home and classroom
I have let some things slide while doing the IVF and just with life in general. We have made some great progress with our little old house, but we need to work on getting rid of the clutter. I need to work on getting rid of things and letting go. Keeping things doesn't help fill the emptiness. I've started with my closets, and hope to finish the rest of the house by the end of the year. With the construction at school, I had to pack up my classroom. I still have boxes of that I have not unpacked. I do so much better in an uncluttered space, and I am sure my kids do to. I need to work on getting things organized so that I can be a role model for my students.
4. Continue to put my Marriage first
We've come a long way, but I need to remember to put my marriage first and be a better wife. This will be very important if we truly are blessed with a baby this year. I am a strong believer in that parents need to be spouses as well as parents. We need to work through some of our issues, but I know that we are headed in the right direction. Sometimes knowing when to let something go is the most important lesson of all.
5. READ & CREATE
Since starting grad school, I have not read as much as I would like. I love reading, and I know that I need to "practice" what I preach to my students. I have books lined up on my nightstand just waiting to be read. I need to step away from the computer more often and pick up a book. Getting lost in a book is one of the greatest pleasures and I have been missing that for the past few years. I have also let my creative side down the last year. I have a beautiful studio (that needs to be organized, see #2) that has everything I need to be creative. My soul needs that creative outlet. Again, unplugging once in awhile to head into the studio is a MUST in the coming year.
So there you have it- my intentions and word for the year. Hoping that 2010 is the best year yet!
So, a few years ago I stopped making resolutions and instead making INTENTIONS for the coming year. So here are my intentions for 2010:
1. Be hopeful
This also happens to be my one little word for the year. I am trying hard to be hopeful in everything I do. Infertility has robbed me of hope and I am slowly starting to reclaim it. I am going to start with being hopeful that we will finally get our miracle at the end of the month. I am going to be hopeful that things will go as planned. I am going to be hopeful about our financial situation and our jobs. I am going to be hopeful that life is good, and that we are going to be ok.
2. Live a more healthy life
Pregnant or not, I have got to start taking better care of myself. I have let my exercise routines go in light of all of the IVF drugs and such. I am going to start walking more, and while I hope running is not in my future, I will pursue it if this FET does not work. (But it is going to work.... see #1) I am going to be better about eating healthy and make more of an effort to stay on top of the grocery shopping so we have healthy options to eat. Now that I am done with grad school, I have time to learn how to prepare better foods.
3. Organize my home and classroom
I have let some things slide while doing the IVF and just with life in general. We have made some great progress with our little old house, but we need to work on getting rid of the clutter. I need to work on getting rid of things and letting go. Keeping things doesn't help fill the emptiness. I've started with my closets, and hope to finish the rest of the house by the end of the year. With the construction at school, I had to pack up my classroom. I still have boxes of that I have not unpacked. I do so much better in an uncluttered space, and I am sure my kids do to. I need to work on getting things organized so that I can be a role model for my students.
4. Continue to put my Marriage first
We've come a long way, but I need to remember to put my marriage first and be a better wife. This will be very important if we truly are blessed with a baby this year. I am a strong believer in that parents need to be spouses as well as parents. We need to work through some of our issues, but I know that we are headed in the right direction. Sometimes knowing when to let something go is the most important lesson of all.
5. READ & CREATE
Since starting grad school, I have not read as much as I would like. I love reading, and I know that I need to "practice" what I preach to my students. I have books lined up on my nightstand just waiting to be read. I need to step away from the computer more often and pick up a book. Getting lost in a book is one of the greatest pleasures and I have been missing that for the past few years. I have also let my creative side down the last year. I have a beautiful studio (that needs to be organized, see #2) that has everything I need to be creative. My soul needs that creative outlet. Again, unplugging once in awhile to head into the studio is a MUST in the coming year.
So there you have it- my intentions and word for the year. Hoping that 2010 is the best year yet!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 was a big year!
I've thought a lot about this post. 2009 truly was a big year for me and I am so thankful for all that I was able to accomplish this year. I am so blessed to have so many amazing friends who have supported me through all of the challenges and accomplishments of 2009.
1. I finished my master's degree in Reading and Literacy
This was a big deal for me. I have wanted to go back to school really since I finished my undergrad. Money, time, and other issues kept getting in the way. I realized that this was something that I needed to do for myself. I am so glad I took the plunge and started the program in 2008. I really did enjoy going back to school and feel that I am a better teacher as a result. It also gives me another teaching option should I decide that I need a break from Special Education. I officially finished on November 4th, but my transcript will say December 31st as a graduation date. I am planning to walk in the graduation ceremony in May.
2. We made the trip to CCRM in Colorado
I've been frozen in terms of dealing with our infertility. I was terrified to pursue treatment again and even calling for a consult with the clinic took me months to do. This was the push I needed to consider treatment again. The new technology offered by this clinic made it possible for me to consider doing our final IVF. While I wish I had made the call years ago, the technology wasn't available so I know this was the right time for me to make the call and have the consult with CCRM. I have been paralyzed by our infertility for so many years and I am finally breaking free!
3. We did our final IVF
This is probably the biggest aspect of 2009. We took the plunge and decided to complete this final IVF with CCRM in Colorado. While it was challenging to cycle with a clinic out of state, it was the best decision we have made in a long time. We got the specialized care we needed and were given technology that is not available anywhere else. I survived stimulation and the egg retrieval surgery and we got the best news that we have normal embryos to transfer at the end of January. There aren't words to express just how happy I am that we did this IVF. I have hope again, something that I haven't had in a LONG time.
4. My marriage is stronger than ever
Many marriages simply can't survive the blow of infertility. While it has not been easy for us, I really feel that our marriage has become stronger as a result. We've grown and changed so much since we met back in high school. We are on the same page, and have grown closer as we went through the IVF this fall. We've risen above the challenges of our families and are learning to live as a family ourselves. A child would be a true blessing at this point and we are fully ready to give our love to a child. I love Chris more today than yesterday, and I know that love will continue to grow. He is my rock and my friend and I simply can't imagine life without him.
5. I am creating a home I am proud of
We've spent lots of time on our home and are continuing to make it a place we are proud of. We have lots more projects to complete but we are making progress. I am working to keep our home clean and orderly. This is important for Chris and I as we didn't grow up in the cleanest homes. We are learning to embrace our old home and appreciate its charm. We have big plans for 2010!
I am feeling good about closing out 2009 tonight. I feel that I have come a long way from the end of 2008. I am looking forward to 2010 and have high hopes that our lives will change in a big way thanks to the ground work we've done in 2009!
May you all have a safe and fun New Year's Eve surrounded by friends and loved ones. I wish you all peace and happiness in 2010!
1. I finished my master's degree in Reading and Literacy
This was a big deal for me. I have wanted to go back to school really since I finished my undergrad. Money, time, and other issues kept getting in the way. I realized that this was something that I needed to do for myself. I am so glad I took the plunge and started the program in 2008. I really did enjoy going back to school and feel that I am a better teacher as a result. It also gives me another teaching option should I decide that I need a break from Special Education. I officially finished on November 4th, but my transcript will say December 31st as a graduation date. I am planning to walk in the graduation ceremony in May.
2. We made the trip to CCRM in Colorado
I've been frozen in terms of dealing with our infertility. I was terrified to pursue treatment again and even calling for a consult with the clinic took me months to do. This was the push I needed to consider treatment again. The new technology offered by this clinic made it possible for me to consider doing our final IVF. While I wish I had made the call years ago, the technology wasn't available so I know this was the right time for me to make the call and have the consult with CCRM. I have been paralyzed by our infertility for so many years and I am finally breaking free!
3. We did our final IVF
This is probably the biggest aspect of 2009. We took the plunge and decided to complete this final IVF with CCRM in Colorado. While it was challenging to cycle with a clinic out of state, it was the best decision we have made in a long time. We got the specialized care we needed and were given technology that is not available anywhere else. I survived stimulation and the egg retrieval surgery and we got the best news that we have normal embryos to transfer at the end of January. There aren't words to express just how happy I am that we did this IVF. I have hope again, something that I haven't had in a LONG time.
4. My marriage is stronger than ever
Many marriages simply can't survive the blow of infertility. While it has not been easy for us, I really feel that our marriage has become stronger as a result. We've grown and changed so much since we met back in high school. We are on the same page, and have grown closer as we went through the IVF this fall. We've risen above the challenges of our families and are learning to live as a family ourselves. A child would be a true blessing at this point and we are fully ready to give our love to a child. I love Chris more today than yesterday, and I know that love will continue to grow. He is my rock and my friend and I simply can't imagine life without him.
5. I am creating a home I am proud of
We've spent lots of time on our home and are continuing to make it a place we are proud of. We have lots more projects to complete but we are making progress. I am working to keep our home clean and orderly. This is important for Chris and I as we didn't grow up in the cleanest homes. We are learning to embrace our old home and appreciate its charm. We have big plans for 2010!
I am feeling good about closing out 2009 tonight. I feel that I have come a long way from the end of 2008. I am looking forward to 2010 and have high hopes that our lives will change in a big way thanks to the ground work we've done in 2009!
May you all have a safe and fun New Year's Eve surrounded by friends and loved ones. I wish you all peace and happiness in 2010!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)