Another Layout

Just thought I would share a quick page before I head out for the day. Taking Kat to get her hair cut and to Build-a-Bear. Kristen is coming with us... so it should be a fun day!

Creative Juices are flowing!!!

So I LOVE being a teacher. I mean I really love it. I also really LOVE winter break. The holidays are almost over, so I have time to just create. Chris has been off the past few days too, so he plays video games and I play in my scraproom. It has been awesome! Now reality is starting to set in... lesson plans and a yearbook deadline are calling my name. But I am not giving in just yet. I still have a little more time... and how much will I really be able to get done with the kiddos the first day back anyway? :-)

So here are two of my creations from today. I am in LOVE with this paper from KI Memories!

Now back to my scraproom for some more creative time. School will be here before I know it! :)

Just the two of us

Here's our Christmas photo taken yesterday. We didn't even plan the red and green sweaters! :-)

We may or may not be heading up to Chris' parent's house. He isn't feeling great, so we'll see what this morning brings. It would be nice to have a few days to ourselves here at home. We'll see.

I did work on a scrapbook layout last night. I am hoping to put the finishing touches on it this morning. That's the first thing I have created for myself in a *LONG* time. I'll post photos when it is done.

I am also going to get back into submitting my layouts to magazines and other calls. One of my personal goals for last year was to get published. I don't think I put the right amount of effort into it, so I am going to renew my efforts and continue to submit. I scrapbook for myself, but it would be incredible to see one of my creations in print. My friends are always so complimentary of my work and have encouraged me to continue working to get published. So here it is in writing. One of my goals for 2006 is to get a layout published in a magazine or other publication.

With that said... I am heading into my scraproom to create! :-)

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Last night was great. We had my immediate family over and we had a great time. I love my niece and nephews very much. I ended up opening the toys that Mommy and Daddy said no... LOL. We played with the play-doh right on my dining room table! What are aunts for anyway?

Thought I would share a few photos of our Christmas decorations this morning:

This is our tree. We decided to go artificial a few years ago... but I wanted to make sure it looked real. We're pretty happy with this one!

This is my table set for dinner. We really don't have room for any more at the inn! :-)

Here is my nativity set... LOVE it. It is from Willow Tree. Each year, I try to add a piece to it.

I am awake early this morning... it seems that I never can sleep in on Christmas morning. The magic of waking up knowing that today is Christmas is still alive and well. We are heading out to my Aunt's later this morning to share the day with my extended family.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

Last Minute Gifts

So I totally forgot that we had a party with some dear friends tonight. I have made something for their three girls each year... altered comp books, altered paint cans, etc... I didn't remember that the party was tonight until 2:00! Yikes! So I decided to make paper bag albums for them this year. I like to use coordinated papers when I have to put something together quickly. The first one uses chatterbox, the second KI and the third Christina Cole. Love all of these papers. Here they are:

Reflections

Reflections

It’s 8 am on Christmas eve EVE.   There are so many emotions tied with the holiday once again, that I thought I would take some time to get some of them out.  So forgive me if you stumbled on my blog looking for scrapbook layouts!  :-)

Each year I tell myself that this will be the last Christmas that it is just Chris and I.  I tell myself that by this time next year, we will have a little one to share the holiday with.  That’s what gets me through the holiday.  I’ve been telling myself that for *6* years.  I really don’t think that I believe it this year.  I have my moments when I am really positive, but those seem to be far and few between.

You see, Christmas is so centered around Children- as it should be.  Every commercial, every mall, every store, every moment is geared to sharing the magic of Christmas with children.  Chris & I are blessed to have nieces and nephews to share the holiday with- but it just isn’t the same.  They aren’t OUR children.  We have to borrow them for a moment in time.  Our only children have too much fur…people might look at me a little funny if I took Romeo to go see Santa!

Chris keeps reminding me that we are very blessed to have each other.  I couldn’t agree more.  One “side effect” of our infertility is that fact that our marriage has gotten stronger.  There were moments that I didn’t think we were going to make it.  We aren’t perfect.  Our marriage isn’t perfect.  But we have each other and have shared so much of our lives with one another.  While I am so very grateful to have him and our marriage, I continue to feel that part of “us” is missing.  Yes, we are a family the two of us.  Yes, I treat our furry ones as children.  I feel as though Chris and I have so much to give a child.  I think our marriage would grow even stronger if we had the common mission to raise a child.

I am also frustrated because money is tight.  I know that this is not what the holidays are about.  Somehow having gifts to share with others and ourselves seems to take some of the “sting” out of the holidays.  Is it really the right way to do things?  No.  But I can tell myself that if we had kids we wouldn’t be able to have as many nice gifts for each other since we would be spoiling our child.  I’ve always been really sensitive about money.  I grew up in a home where money was usually tight.  I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to live that way.  However, both Chris and I have service careers without the salaries.  So, we live the life we have.  I don’t mean to sound materialistic… really.  I know how lucky I am to have a house over my head and food to eat.  There are more than enough presents under the tree.  I just hate having to worry about money.  I think that I am also frustrated because so much of our income has gone into fertility treatments.  And here we are… another Christmas just the two of us.

Christmas should also be a spiritual time of year.  I hate to admit it, but my faith is very challenged right now.  I look around at all of the children in the world without loving parents and wonder WHY?  I wonder why God has chosen to keep Chris and I from becoming parents.  I have pretty much lost my faith.  I’ve prayed and prayed for a child to come into our lives.  My prayers have gone unanswered.  In some cases, we have ended up with more heartache through miscarriages.  It’s hard for me to embrace the reason for the holiday when I feel lost.

I am working hard today to get into the holiday spirit.  The shopping is done.  The wrapping is almost done.  I need to make a few things, add some decorations, and clean house.  We are having my family over for dinner tomorrow, so I need to make sure I have everything I need.

Wishing you all peace this Holiday…

Holiday Hustle!

Well, it's been a crazy week! I've been in the Holiday Hustle FULL time for the past few days. It's keeping me busy and not letting me dwell on the fact that we are spending another holiday without our little miracle.

I thought I would share some of the recent projects I've been working on. I've been a busy little scrapbooker!

This is my final Christmas Card. The papers and embellishments are all from http://www.shabbyprincess.com I LOVE her creations! She is very talented!


I also created a card for one of my close friends. She even asked that I share it here on my blog! (Thanks Barb!) She had this photo of her kids that was created in one of those photo booths. She just loved it, so she asked that I use it for her card. I am pretty happy with the way it turned out.

So those are my digital projects. I really enjoyed working with them, but I don't think I will ever switch to 100% digital. I just like feeling paper and ribbon!

Things are tight here, so I wanted to make most of my gifts for my friends at work. It was a hectic few nights, but I am happy with the results. Here are a few of my favorites:

This is a frame that I made for my teaching assistant.

This is a plaque I made for my Secret Santa at work. I have to say that this one of my favorites. I don't usually use much blue, but I really like how this turned out!

This is a 5 inch canvas that I made for our special ed coordinator. Can you tell that I love the Blitzen papers?

Here is one final one (there are more that I will share later!) I think this may be my favorite. This was for our assistant principal's secretary.

I am off to finish shopping today. I have a good start... just have all of those hard to shop for people left!

I'm In! I'm going to CKU-A!!!

I am so very excited. I didn't realize how much I really wanted to go to the CKU-Albums until I actually registered! It is really tight right now for us financially... but this is something I have really wanted to do and Chris made it ok for me to do it!

For those of you who don't have a clue what I am talking about... CKU stands for Creating Keepsakes University. It is a large "convention" for scrapbooking. It is the premeir event and includes classes taught by the top scrapbook professionals in the country. It is pricey... but from what I have heard you get your money's worth! It happens to be in Chicago this spring. (Never been here before!) AND is over my spring break, so I won't have to miss any work! It was just too perfect NOT to go! :-)

I am taking the album track from Junkitz... LOVE LOVE LOVE their product and designers. I took a class from Teresa last summer and can't wait to take another one! I am also taking a class from Tim Holtz who is the premier Stamp Artist!

It's nice to be excited about something again. Can we really afford this? No not really. But it's nice to spend money on something other than fertility treatments for once....

Christmas Cards

So I had this great idea for our Christmas cards this year. I saw a great card in a magazine that had a little girl holding large letters spelling out "JOY." Why couldn't I do the same thing, but with the dogs and cat? I had these great photos in my head.

I went out to the store and bought the letters... Except they were out of "j" because they had all gone on clearance. They did have "u" so I bought those and had Chris cut it to make the J. Problem solved... I thought I would just put the "o" over the cat's head. Who was I kidding? Then I gave Romeo the J. All he wanted to do was chew on it UPSIDE down... And then when I sat on the floor to take the photo, he started licking the lens. At least Chris and I were laughing at all of this. I didn't even try with Patches.

Here are some of the rejects:

So onto Plan B. I have played with Digital Scrapbooking a few times. I thought this might be a perfect time to use some of the free kits I have been collecting. I am fortunate to have Adobe PhotoShop Elements on the computer. So here is the first prototype of the card:

I sent it to the online photo center at Wal-Mart. I am anxious to see how it turns out with the processing. I printed a few from my PictureMate here at home to see how they would look. I am trying to decide if I will make them postcards or if I will adhere them to a card front. Still have to decide that.

Then there is always the debate... write a letter or not? Last year I was so out of it that I didn't even send cards. I really don't have lots to say in the letter. Although we have made some life changes in the past two years that some of our distant relatives might want to know. We'll see if the mood strikes me.

We meet with the RE tomorrow. I am not anxious like I usually am. I am really at peace with everything. I am anxious to hear what he has to say. We'll see.

Nothing is EVER easy!

So it seems that nothing is ever easy for me.   One of the incisions has been bothering me a little bit.  It was a little oozy and red the past few days.  I asked Chris what he thought and he felt it was fine.  No biggie.  

Today was my first day back at work.  Was a pretty easy day since the 6th grade was on a field trip to the Field Museum in Chicago.  My student teacher is wonderful and pretty much took care of the rest of the class.  I had the school nurse look at my incision this morning and she thought it looked a little red so I put some Neosporin and a band-aid on it.  By late afternoon, it was really bothering me.  Had her look at it again, and she really felt it was infected!  She insisted that I call the RE’s office. (Whom I don’t like very much right now!)  They wanted me to come in and have the nurse practitioner look at it.  That meant an hour drive each way.  Fun Fun!

I headed out and they looked at it right away.  She wasn’t too concerned and even tried to get some ooze out to culture.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  She thinks it may be my body reacting to the stitches that are not dissolving like they are supposed to.  Makes sense- considering the fact that I react to just about anything!  I am supposed to use a warm compress on it to soothe it.  If it gets worse, I am to return.  I decided to treat myself to a chocolate shake from Oberweis on my way home!  (

So now I am sitting with a baggie filled with a wet warm washcloth.  Oh the stories I will be able to tell some day!

Detour

I had the surgery this past Monday.  Unfortunately, they did NOT find any endometriosis, and everything looked great.  He did find two small scars on the inside of my uterus that he thinks are from my miscarriages.  He removed them.  (Still not sure how you remove a scar without leaving one?!)  While I was in the recovery room, he spoke with Chris and told him that we really have two options at this point- some experimental drugs to treat the lack of protein, or a surrogate.
 
Chris and I have spent a long time talking and we are both close to deciding this is the end for us.  We have been defined for the past six years by our infertility and it has put an incredible strain on our marriage.  We are meeting with the RE on Dec 6th and we will make some final decisions after that.  I think it’s time for us to fall in love with each other all over again and stop focusing so much on treatments.  I don’t even know how to live without the constant tests, dr’s appointments, blood work, etc.  I suppose I will learn.  

I don’t think I will ever stop feeling pangs of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman or a family out to dinner.  Infertility has changed who I am and has shaped some of my personality.  I think I am ready to stop letting it DEFINE who I am, although it will always have some influence.  I am blessed to have an amazing husband who has shared more than half of my life with me.  We have a house we have worked hard to make a home.  We have two crazy dogs and an even crazier cat.  We have the love of our family and nieces and nephews to spoil.  We are both blessed to have wonderful friends who support us in every way and also make us laugh.  We both have fulfilling careers that allow us to share our passion for teaching and children.  Our life is far from empty.  But it has felt so very empty for the past six years.  

We have watched friends and family alike bring their own miracles into this world.  We’ve watched nieces, nephews and godchildren grow into amazing little people.  We have been blessed to share our lives with these amazing little beings.  Our careers have brought us into the lives of amazing families and children.  There has been more than one student that I have wanted to just bring home with me.  So in the end, it comes down to the fact that we want to be parents- in whatever form that takes.  We are coming to terms with the fact that we will probably never know what our DNA will look like when brought together.  There is more than biology in parenting.  

We are unable to afford traditional adoption at this point.  We are considering looking into becoming foster parents and bringing children into our life that way.  We have the space; we just have to get it ready.  I think we will throw ourselves into creating my scrapbook studio upstairs and then turning the room downstairs into a bedroom for a child.  I lay awake last night imagining color schemes and furniture to make it just right.  I think this is the path we are meant to take.
 

Surgery Tomorrow

Surgery is set for tomorrow.  It’s been nothing short of a nightmare the past few days.  I am thinking that tomorrow will be easy compared to the issues of the past week.

First off, the lab screwed up my pre-op blood work.  My glucose came back VERY low and my potassium came back high.  Turns out that they didn’t let the blood coagulate long enough.  I had to have the blood redrawn to make sure that everything was normal.  The original blood work was done last Friday, when we had no school.  They called me on Tuesday to let me know that there was the error.  That meant I had to head in to the office first thing Wednesday morning.  That was a two hour drive thanks to construction.  I was told that the results would be back on Thursday and that they would let me know either way.  

Meanwhile, I managed to come down with a sinus infection.  Thank goodness I have an amazing GP that was able to call in a prescription for a z-pac to knock the infection out of my system.  I spent almost every night in bed trying to sleep the infection out.  Since I am missing conferences at school this coming week, I had to get them all done last week.  That meant two nights at school till after 7.  

Then comes the big one… the fact that we have to drop off a check before my surgery tomorrow for $2500 or they will NOT do the surgery.  Let me explain.  My RE is in-network for my insurance.  His partner (and owner of the practice) is not.  The partner is an expert surgeon and I was originally told that he would be assisting my RE with the surgery.  I would have to pay the out of network costs for him, but he would be ASSISTING in the surgery.  When I finally set the date for the surgery on October 28th, I asked about the cost of the partner’s services.  I was told that someone from the billing office would contact me.  Weeks pass.  Turns out she had the wrong numbers.  I finally spoke with her on Wednesday.  She informs me that since the partner is out of network for me, I will need to prepay $2500.  I am confused, since I was told that he would only be assisting in the surgery and I do have benefits that will cover 70% of his fees.  She said she would contact the office and call me back.  Never heard from her.  I called Friday morning to find out about my blood work, since nobody had called. When I heard back, the blood work was fine.  I asked about the fact that the billing office hadn’t called me back.  I was told that my RE was supposed to have called me and discussed it with me.  Ok… no big deal.  He calls back at 1:30 and leaves a message on my phone telling me that the partner may have to be a co-surgeon if there is extensive endometriosis.  Never says anything about needing to call the office.  I think everything is fine.

I head out to bowling after school (teacher’s league!)  When I get in my car, I realize my cell has a few messages.  Turns out that the RE’s office called to tell me that I needed to call them before 5 p.m.  Too bad it’s now 6:30 when I get the message.  The next message tells me that my surgery has been changed to 1:00 since the partner will NOT be involved.  Huh?  Then I check the messages at home.  There is one from my RE explaining that there will be severe limitations to my surgery since there will now only be one surgeon.  HUH?  Now I am hysterical.  I call Chris and he calls the emergency number.  Turns out that the billing office called and decided that since I didn’t pre-pay the $2500, the partner will NOT be part of the surgery.  He asks to see what we need to do to get the partner back on board.  He is the expert apparently and I have been told that there will be severe limitations if there is only one surgeon.  I may even need a second surgery.  Not really what I am looking for!  We are told that the billing person will contact us in the morning and let us know what we need to do.

Of course, the billing person NEVER calls.  Luckily I saved all of the messages from everything, and one has her cell number.  I call Chris and ask him to call.  I am just not good with all of the money stuff.  He calls and she tells him that we have to bring a check to the office on the way to the hospital.  She won’t budge on the amount. Chris and I end up in a fight over it.  Usually happens when money is involved.

So now we have to beg and borrow for the money.  Just what I wanted to be doing as I go into surgery.  

I sure hope that the surgery is much easier than all of this was!  I will post as soon as I can.

Funk

I have been in a funk for the past few weeks.  I think the reality of the surgery is scaring me a little bit.  The upcoming holidays are always tough for me.  Each year I think that this will be the last year that we are without kids.  Holidays mark the passing of time.  Almost 6 years since we started our journey to parenthood.  My niece and nephews also have birthdays coming up.  Another reminder of what I don’t have.  Don’t get me wrong- I love them dearly and wouldn’t ever want to imagine my life without them.  It’s just tough to see what I wish I had.

At the school I teach at we have the kiddos set goals each quarter.  It usually is a tough process for my sixth graders.  This year I decided I wanted to make it somewhat easier.  I decided that I would set a goal each quarter with them and that they could hold me accountable for it.  They loved the idea and embraced their own goal setting so much more.  (I am blessed to have a really great homeroom this year.)  My goal is to get my desk and instructional materials organized.  I posted it on my back bulletin board for all the kiddos to see each day.  Of course, I will also be staring at it as well!  I’ve already started working on it.  Yesterday I got my yearbook materials organized as well as cleaned out my “to be filed” bins.  Felt pretty good!  

Romeo is truly in his terrible toddler stage!  This week he started a new rotten behavior- taking food off the counter when we are not home.  On Monday he ate a bag of Nutter Butter cookies.  Then on Tuesday he ate a LOAF OF BREAD!  I learned my lesson and made sure nothing was left of the counter.  He was good on Wednesday and Thursday.  He really is a stubborn thing.  

I am blessed to have today off… for Veterans Day.  I am grateful to all of the veterans who have fought for my rights and freedoms.  I also remember my grandfather today and the amazing man he was.

Heading back to bed… it’s nice to be able to snuggle with Chris this morning!

A few Layouts

It's been awhile since I shared some layouts, so I thought I would share a few. These are two that I taught last weekend at a retreat. I am pretty happy with the way they turned out. The weekend was about proving that I am still alive and well in the scrapping world. More on that at a later date!

So, here they are:

We have a plan... we think!

After waiting over an hour, we finally met with the RE on Friday.  We talked about the options and he really feels that the most aggressive route would be the laparoscopy  and hysteroscopy.  We could also repeat the e-tegrity test using a mock FET protocol to see if it was the clomid that affected the results, but in the end we may need to consider the surgery.  He feels that there is a 70% chance that I do in fact have endo.  Gee... why hasn't anyone else looked into this?  UGH!  He also feels that we should do our final IVF as soon as possible after the surgery.  The studies have shown that IVF is most successful with endo patients right away... considering the concept that the endo is "gone" right after the surgery.  He said that I would be on bcp's for the three weeks after the surgery and then we would start the IVF.
 
DH and I had a long talk on the way to the RE's office.  Both of us are considering if enough is enough.  Chris is also ready to look into adoption, and I think that will be the next avenue we pursue.  In talking last night, we both feel that we "started" things with the e-tegrity test and would like to see it through.  So, I think we are going to go ahead with the surgery, pray that there is in fact endo, and do the final IVF.  I think we can both feel that we have done all that we are comfortable with once we have done that.  The RE did bring up surrogacy, and it is something that we will consider down the road.   He feels we are good candidates for that due to the fact that I always seem to have beautiful embryos.  It's something we will consider at some point.
 
I am hoping to schedule surgery for the Monday before Thanksgiving.  That way I only have to miss one instructional day with the kiddos and one day of conferences.  The RE seems to think that I could be back to work in a matter of days... but I think I will play it safe with a week.  So we'll see.  I am terrified of surgery... but it can't be much worse that everything else I have endured, right?

Quick update

Quick update…

Biopsy came back negative… which is not good in this case.  However, we finally have some kind of an answer to our struggle.  We are meeting with the RE on Friday to discuss our options.  Won’t go into much detail, but I am so frustrated that this test was not done 5 years ago.  All the time and money wasted.  I could just scream!

Another Busy Week

It’s been a busy week!  I have not been a good blogger this week!

Biopsy is over.  Not something I ever want to repeat, but I hope that it will give us some answers.  Had a great time driving to what felt like the other side of the state!  We did stop and get some Jamba Juice on the way home.  I sure wish we had those up here!

We also went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner that night.  It was the kick-off celebration for the YMCA Annual Campaign.  The campaign provides scholarships for families who would be unable to afford activities at the Y.  I encourage you to support your local YMCA!  Chris donates a portion from every check to this campaign because we really believe in the YMCA mission!

On the scrapping front, I was excited to find out that one of my layouts was chosen as layout of the day at the Scrapbook Playground!  You can see it here:  http://scrapbookplayground.com/pp331/showphoto.php?photo=7578&password=&sort=7&thecat=500
I have rediscovered this site and am loving everything!  It is a very friendly community.  They are also hosing another great contest.  Be sure to check it out!

I have several scrapping projects to finish up this weekend.  I am so thankful to have Monday off!  Chris is heading to a golf outing this morning.  It is rather chilly… and he doesn’t golf!  It’s a social activity for all of the swim team dads, so he has to go, right?  I think it just an excuse to hang out with some men.  But that’s fine by me.

I will be heading over to my aunt’s this afternoon.  They are having an open house for my cousin and her fiancé.  They just got engaged a few weeks ago.  Andy is active military and will be heading to Iraq soon, so my aunt and uncle had to throw together something quickly.  Kristen and Andy stopped by yesterday to see Chris and I.  It was fun hanging out with some “youngsters”

Better get something done!

Biopsy Today

So the biopsy is set for today.  It’s really strange.  We’ve been waiting to “finish” this last test since June and here it is.  I am nervous.  The last few procedures have ended up pretty painful.  Praying that this one won’t be.  We have to head to Naperville… Lord knows how long that will take us to get there.  I am so thankful that Chris will be going with me.  I couldn’t imagine doing it without him.  He reminds me that we are in this TOGETHER.  

I had to take a pregnancy test this morning before we go.  Seems strange to me… but they have to make sure that I am not pregnant.  After 5+ years of all of this you would think I would get over taking these darn tests.  There is a crazy little part of my brain that hopes I will see two lines.  Now the remainder, more “sane”, part of my brain knows how ridiculous that really is.  Just one line.

I have been tired the past few days.  Of course the hangover yesterday didn’t help much!  Yes, I know that I shouldn’t be drinking.  Don’t go there.  It was one of my closest friend’s birthday and it felt good to just let loose.  Some of my closest friends were there too… Chris and I had a great time.  I am so very lucky to work with such amazing women.  One of the reasons I stay at my school is because of the people.  

Romeo is going through another rotten phase lately.  He has been destructive again… he ate Chris’ hat from Hershey’s.  Chris was not a happy camper.  Whenever I am home alone with Romeo, he just doesn’t listen.  He listens so much more to Chris.  That’s the odd part… I spend so much more time with him.  I feed him.  I let him out.  I buy his treats.  Darn dog!  He really needs to get into an obedience class.  Just have to find the time.  I am a little afraid to take him by myself, but there is just no way Chris can fit it into his schedule.  

I will be teaching at a weekend retreat October 22nd.  It is an amazing weekend that Karolyn and Laura put together.  You can find out all about them at http://www.layitoutloud.com I will be doing two layout classes using Basic Grey- one with Skate Shoppe and another with Fusion.  Still working on the final details of the layout design.  If you are in the area, I highly recommend stopping in Lake Geneva for the scrapfair and classes!

10 Quirky Facts about Me

10 Quirky Facts about Me…

Inspired by a challenge on the Two Peas Board.  Thought I would jump in on it!

1. I have issues with textured food.  Can’t do tapioca pudding or small curd cottage cheese.  Forget rice pudding or couscous.


2. My middle name is Anne… I always thought that was funny since I have such an unusual first name.  I went by “Pati” for about 6 weeks in middle school.  Just didn’t fit!


3. I LOVE pens and pencils.  I could get lost in Office Max or Staples.  Luckily I have some good friends who share my passion.  Last year my good friend Bridget gave me an entire bag of office supplies.  I LOVED it!


4. I can’t watch scary movies.  AT ALL.  I end up having nightmares and flashbacks to the movie.  My DH has gotten used to this and understands.  He even warns me when a show might get too scary for me.  


5. Sometimes I have to look at my hands to tell Right from Left… (Your left hand makes an L.)  Just something that never really stuck in my head.  High IQ- no common sense sometimes!


6. I could get lost in a paper bag.  My sense of direction is NIL.  My mom always tells me to think about which way the Lake is… not really sure how that is supposed to help.  If I can’t see it, it won’t work.  I also hate when people give me directions and tell me to go “East.”  Tell me right or left, people!  


7. I am a bonafide geek.  I love learning new things and reading.  I am an information junkie.  When something happens in my life, I deal with it by gathering as much information as I can.  Makes DH crazy!


8. I am guilty of letting the dogs sleep in the bed with us.  I know it is not the right thing to do.  Yet, I can’t help looking at their puppy eyes and giving in!


9. I can’t swim.  Now this is the funny part… DH is a swim coach!  I have spent most of the past 10 years at swimming pools.  Yet, I have never learned to swim myself.  I can critique stroke and am even a level 1 official.  I couldn’t swim the 25 free if my life depended on it.


10. I love shoes… it really is a problem.  HOWEVER, the first thing I do when I get home is take them off.  Can’t stand having shoes on.  I guess they are just for show?

Friday

Friday

I really love Fridays.  Of course I could have really done without the all day in-service meetings.  Whose bright idea was it to have training on a Friday?  Teachers really make the worst students.  I really have no attention span when it comes to sitting through meetings and presentations.  I also get frustrated when the presenter gives information we already have or that doesn’t pertain to anything that I do day to day.  I really hate being preached to by someone who has not been in the classroom in the last decade.  Oh well… Gotta love it!

My egg timer finally went off… so to speak.  I had a mature follicle yesterday, but they weren’t sure if I would ovulate on my own.  I had to drive into the office this afternoon to get an HCG injection.  We also finally scheduled my biopsy for Tuesday October 4th.  The only draw back is the fact that we will have to drive to Naperville.  Yuck!  Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I am expecting it to be.

I am hoping to get some scrap time this weekend.  I have to help Chris with a swim meet tomorrow.  There goes my beloved quiet Saturday morning. (  It will be nice to see some of our old swimmers. I am hoping to have the afternoon for ME since Chris is doing CPR training in the afternoon.  I would really like to get some more of my projects done.  One of my co-workers had knee replacement surgery on Thursday.  I want to put together a paper bag book with pictures of everyone on our team with a note.  She was adamant that she didn’t want flowers at all.  She is a great lady, so I really want to do something special.  I am hoping to get the book done so all I have to do is take photos and print them out next week.  She should be home from the hospital by the end of the week and I would love to have it there waiting for her.  

One of the presenters today really struck a nerve with me.  He kept telling us to think of our children, as a parent, etc… I think I might just be really sensitive right now but I really feel that people should be a little more sensitive with this.  Some of you might think I am being ridiculous.  However, you wouldn’t go on and on about other topics- But people will go on and on about their children.  Or ask if you have kids.  When they find out you have been married for almost 10 years, they ask WHY you don’t have kids yet.  Don’t you want kids?  Sometimes I just really want to scream… YES I WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN!  I DON’T KNOW WHY WE DON’T HAVE KIDS YET.  NEITHER DO THE DOCTORS.  But most of the time I am just polite about it and just explain that we have been busy with our careers and other people’s children.  So here is my soap box for the day… Don’t ask every new person you meet if they have kids.  You just don’t know what the situation might be.  And if you do ask and they say no… DON’T ASK WHY NOT?  Please.  Please. Please.  End of soap box.

I have been working out three times a week.  Have to head to the YMCA a little later to meet Chris for our Friday workout.  Of course I have started to GAIN weight… but everyone tells me that is normal.  So I better stop sitting here at the computer and go do something!  (

Being a pessimist

Dh likes to tell me that I am a pessimist. I consider myself a realist. I guess in several ways they really are one and the same. I think infertility really makes a woman question her faith, and makes hope a painful thing. I am always very careful when I hope... Usually pain follows.

We attended the bris for our Best Friends' son. They asked us to take part in the ceremony. Chris and I were honored. It was bittersweet... holding this precious miracle in my arms just about broke my heart right there. Our friends' felt that by being involved in the ceremony, it would help us get pregnant. Not really sure that I believe that at all. But Chris does. I just don't believe in any of that stuff any more. One of my favorite stupid comments came from a family member. He told us, "If you have sex with your eyes open, you will get pregnant." Well, Duh... why didn't we think of that? That's a heck of alot cheaper than all of the procedures and medications we've used.

Five years of this has made me bitter. I have one friend who truly understands this. She was so very lucky to get pregnant on her third IVF attempt. (With the RE that I am now seeing!) She was hesitant to be happy about it at first. I fear that I will also feel the same way. When will all of this finally be over? I can't even get a stupid test done. My body is not cooperating at all. I should have ovulated by now. But no... so back to the Dr again tomorrow. Another 4:30 wake up. For what? Ugh... I really hate being so negative about all of this. But I think that is the way that my defense mechanisms work.

On the scrapping front, I have been a busy little girl. I think it is another defense mechanism... but hey at least it is productive! LOL. Here is a canvas I made for our friend's son. I am pretty happy with the way it turned out. I also did a card for them. I think I was pretty clever with this one. :-) The inside says congratulations on your new addition.

















I am teaching a class at the LSS tomorrow. I have all of the samples done. Did them last night. Here is one of my favorites. Basic Gray, Purple Primas, and Silver Mini Brads. All of my favorites in one card! :-)

Falling asleep as I write this. Worked my butt off at the gym. (If that only really would happen! LOL) Waiting for Chris to get home so I can head to bed. Need to get some sleep before the 4:30 wake up in the morning... :-(

Apples Apples Apples

We had a great time at the orchard yesterday. There were lots of us from school there. It was a perfect day outside as well! I also was able to get some great photos. Here are a few of my favorites:






















I actually took lots more. We are looking forward to returning to pick our own pumpkins! We saw some amazing ones there already.

I forgot my gradebook AGAIN at school. So much for getting any school work done. I was very productive in the scrapbook area this weekend. I finished another paper bag album and over 20 cards! I am planning to sell the cards. We'll see.

Back to the dr in the morning. That means another 4:30 wakeup. Yuck! At least I washed the sheets today so the bed smells perfect! That is truly one of my simple pleasures. As I am typing this, everyone in the house is asleep. Chris on the couch, Romeo on the floor below him, Simba on the ottoman, and Patches in my bedroom. Usually I am the one asleep on the couch... not Chris! IT was a busy week and weekend once again. Looks like it finally caught up with him! He didn't get in until ladter 1 am this morning.

Lots of babbling... guess I need some sleep too! LOL

Another Saturday

I really love Saturday mornings. I always feel so darn ambitious. Chris has had to go in to the Y each Saturday to oversee lessons. This gives me the whole house to myself. My usual routine involves deep cleaning.. ie vacuuming up all of the dog hair from the past week. I am seriously wondering about the feasibility of shaving them. :-) Not really, but hey they shed A LOT!

Threw the ball for Romeo for a little bit. The yard is pretty torn up thanks to his big honking feet. I just love this photo of them. He is such a beast and would absolutely love to be outside 24/7. He thinks that my only purpose is to play with him of course. Good thing he's cute. He finally laid down a few minutes ago and is sound asleep.

Went over and hung a shower curtain for my grandmother. I just love that woman. She is an amazing and strong person. I really can't believe I have been so blessed to have a close relationship with her my entire life. Each time I visit, I get mad at myself that I don't make more time for her. She won't be here forever, and I need to cherish every moment I can.
I have to take Patches to the vet this morning. It seems that we can't go more than 2 weeks without somebody needing to see the vet! She has bad allergies and she has chewed her back feet raw. She now has two open sores... And she won't leave them alone. It is usually this time each year that we have to put her on steroids. Fun Fun!

We are meeting a group of my coworkers to go apple picking this afternoon. It should be great fun. We are going to the orchard where I went growing up as a child. Another one of the great memories I have of my grandparents. I am hoping to take some great photos!

I really planned to get some scrapping done this morning. Instead I sat online reading blogs. Thanks Heather for getting me addicted! :-)

Infertility Sucks!

I haven't really posted much at all about our infertility issues. I have to rant today. So if you have no interest, stop reading right here. :-)

I am in the process of getting the final test done before we make our final treatment decisions. We are planning to do at least one more fresh IVF cycle with the new RE. I need to have a biopsy done and a test called e-tegrity completed. This test looks to see if the lining is missing a protein that scientists believe serves as a "glue" for the embryos. If it is missing, that would finally give us some answers as to why we have had so many "perfect" cycles end up in a negative or a chemical pregnancy. So you would think things would be simple to get this test. WRONG! Not with my body.

We tried to do this process in July, but we were out of town and the scheduling just wasn't going to work. So I took the crazy pills... aka clomid for nothing. Of course I could have gotten pregnant on my own you say... not going to happen with this body! So we went back in August... big cyst on my ovary thanks to the nasty meds. So on birth control for a month. Here we are in August. Took the stupid crazy clomid again and am supposed to be using the OPKs. They have to be used between 12 and 2. Real convenient for a teacher! So I am watching for the big color change which means that I will ovulate. See, the test is only valid if they know for sure that I have ovulated. And since my body has issues doing that on its own, we have to use the clomid to move it along. Big problem is that I don't always ovulate on clomid. See... nothing is simple with me. Nothing at all.

So in this morning to see what is going on. Not much it seems. You see... going in for an ultrasound means that I must leave my house by 5:30 am and drive over an hour. Then pray for light traffic to make it to school before 1st period. So again... not easy. Back to the ultrasound.... nothing brewing on the right. The left ovary has some activity, but nothing that is mature yet. So no ovulation for me yet. That means I have to keep peeing on the damn OPKs and return to the office on Monday. Lucky me. Another 4:30 wake up call.

So I am bitter today. It seems that there are pregnant people EVERYWHERE! I went to get my makeup done at Ulta. (I wanted to try the Bare Minerals.... LOVE IT) Of course the make up tech that I get... PREGGO. Figures. Some days I just think that the world is just one big cruel joke. Why the hell do we have to go through all of this? It just stinks and isn't fair. I want to yell and scream. But I don't. I go on with my day. Of course I have the occasional evil fantasy of tripping every pregnant person I see. (I would NEVER do it... please know that!)

Quick scrapping update... did some cards as a gift for my friend. Here is my favorite one.


I used up some scraps and I have a drawer of stamped images that I use for cards. I love that I can just pull one out and have an instant card! I am trying to get more things done so that I have last minute gifts if I need them. It seems I have quite the reputation for creative gifts, so I have to have some on hand when I forget! :-)

Off to the Y to work out with Chris. Maybe sweating will make me ovulate.... UGH.

Feeling Creative again

So I was in a little creativity drought. I spent most of last Sunday cleaning out my scraproom so I could actually create. I also had a shift in thinking about some things in life, so I have found more mental "space" for my own creations as well. I am trying to create some albums, canvases, etc, to have on hand as last minute gifts. I have even thought about selling some items through school.... we'll see.

Here is a paper bag album I finished tonight:

I am pretty happy with the way it turned out. One of my coworkers has a birthday tomorrow. Trying to decide if I am going to give her this one or if I am going to make one for her. Leaning towards making another one tonight.

Didn't go to work today. I woke up with a scary pain in my chest. I don't think it was anything serious, but it was scary at the time. It started about 4 am, and didn't let up by 6. I decided to make the call then. I went back to sleep and ended up staying in bed till 11. Maybe my body just needed the rest. Who knows. I am so grateful to have a great friend who was able to do my lesson plans for the day and take care of my kiddos. Thanks Beck! :-) I am still a little achy tonight. Hopefully it will all be good tomorrow.

So I haven't worked out since Monday. I was doing so well. I WILL go tomorrow and Saturday. Chris has to work Saturday morning, so that will be my motivation.

Off to create something for tomorrow...

Crazy Weekend!

It was a crazy weekend! I was pooped after the first full week of school, so Friday night was pretty much me snoozing on the couch. Saturday I felt like doing some deep cleaning that needed to get done. Chris was up and out of the house by 7, so I had the house to myself. Of course, my canine companions always make cleaning fun! I vacuumed and dusted the living room... the kind where you actually move everything and get into the little crevices. Was feeling pretty good so I decided to take the dogs out for a run. The LOVE to play catch in the backyard, so I took them out. Since Romeo is a Lab, he will chase that ball anywhere... into a moving train.... or into a hornets nest!

We have a large brush pile in the back that is waiting to be burned. (Haven't had the time when it was wet enough to do it!) The ball rolled deep into the pile and in went Romeo. He came tearing out a moment later with hornets all over him! He was stung just a few weeks ago, so I was freaking out about him getting stung again. I managed to get him away from the hornets and into the front yard. Threw on decent clothes and threw him into the car and off to the vet we went. The vet estimated that he had between 10-20 stings, but we aren't really sure exactly how many. We caught it in time so that he really didn't have too much of a reaction at all. He got a shot of benadryl and another of cortisone and it seemed to do the trick. We got home and I realized that one of the hornets must have crawled into my shirt and that I had 3 stings myself. They didn't hurt until I saw them! LOL. So I took benadryl myself, called Chris to come home and then lost the rest of the day into a benadryl induced dreamland. So much for getting the house cleaned! I still have two nice welts on my arm. Hoping they will clear up soon. I am getting tired of telling the story.

Sunday I cleaned and went to the store. We had my family over on Monday for Labor Day and for my mom's birthday. We also celebrated my uncle's birthday. We had a great day, spent the day outside in the yard. It really was a perfect afternoon. We played Bocce Ball and my 6 year old niece was a natural. Turns out that they played it in PE last year during Kindergarten. Who would have thought? Once everyone left, Chris and I just sat on the couch and spaced out. Too much fresh air and sunshine, I think! LOL.

Mom's present was a hit. It is a series of altered canvases with photos of all of the kids. I really like the way it turned out. I have some individual scans of some of the canvases. Here is the one of Chris and I:























Had to go back to work on Tuesday. Staff Meeting last night, then Open House tomorrow. So tonight I am doing whatever I want to do since Chris is at a meeting and won't be home till later! I suppose I will have to entertain the puppies for a little bit. Wouldn't you think Benadryl would make a puppy lethargic? Not this one!

First week of school... DONE!

I made it through the first week of school. I forget just how exhausting it can be! I am just not used to being "on" for 7 hours a day. :-) I am sure it will get easier as my body adjusts. I really do LOVE being a teacher and really enjoy my students. Many of the students that I have this year are ones that were with me last year. I already have a good rapport with them, so that makes jumping into things pretty easy!

Romeo has been a beast this week.... mostly because I went back to work. I swear he is a a toddler...into everything and very demanding for my attention! Patches is having a bad time with her allergies and her paws are all raw. We have her on allergy meds so now we just have to wait for it all to clear up. It is never dull around here!

Chris will finally be able to start at the new Y next week full time. He is so excited to get started. I think it will be a great change for him. He was so stressed last year due to the tough boss he had. I think this year is already looking up! :-)

I haven't had much time to scrap this week. I am hoping to play in my scrap room a little bit today. I took all of my sister's boxes that I was storing over to her yesterday. That means I only have my crap to organize! I thought I would share a LO I did before school started. This will be a class that I am teaching this fall. I simply LOVE LOVE LOVE these papers!

I stopped at the LSS yesterday and was able to touch the new Basic Grey that came in! Of course some of it had to come home with me. It's so pretty that I don't even want to use it! Maybe that is why my scraproom is such a mess!

I am working on a frame for the secretary at work. One of the other secretaries left, and they are very good friends. I have a photo of them taken at a good friend's wedding. I thought it would be fun to put it into a frame for her. I have had it out on my scrapping desk all week. I think I am just going to make myself finish it today!

Ok... better go get something done. Just remembered all of the school stuff I have to do.... Now I remember what the dreaded Sunday feels like during the school year....

End of the Summer

Today is my last day of summer... :-( I have spent most of the week in my classroom with preperations for the year. I purged pretty much the entire room, which felt really good. I have to go back this afternoon for a meeting and then hope to finish the organizing. About 3/4 of the room is done... it is the last 1/4 that is the hardest!

I really am looking forward to going back to work. I love what I do... most days. It will be another challenging year as I will have many of the same students I had last year. But I will survive! I really love the people that I work with and really miss them in the summer. We always say that we are going to get together over the summer and we do at first. Then summer gets into full swing and we just don't do it.

I think a routine will be good for me again. Not really looking forward to the 5:00 am wake up, but it will all be good in a few weeks. My body has just gotten used to living on Chris' schedule with being up late and sleeping in. Have to switch that!

Looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel for Chris as far as the job goes. They finally hired someone to take over one of the current Y's. We have a party with one of the families from the new Y tomorrow, so that should be fun. Sunday is Chris' godson's birthday party in the city. Not looking forward to another kids party... but what's a girl to do?

Better hit the shower... going to meet a friend for coffee and then off to get my hair cut before I head into school. I am thinking about cutting it all off... we'll see!

Puppy Drama

So this is what a puppy looks like when he gets into something he shouldn't! Mr. Romeo managed to get into something. We still aren't really sure what it is... but something didn't agree with him. I noticed that he was scratching his face a great deal, and when I looked a little closer, I realized his face was swollen. I am not sure if something bit him... or if he was stung by something. Who knows. I was a mess last night trying to deal with it all. He was really fine for the most part... he was not lethargic and not having any trouble breathing. Just itching like crazy! So we gave him a Benadryl and I tried to get a cold wash cloth on his face. Of course he thought it was a game! I was pretty worried but it was almost all gone by this morning. This afternoon he looks just fine and is as wild as ever!

Spent the last two days in my classroom trying to get things ready for another school year. Still cleaning stuff out... haven't really made as much progress as I would have liked. I got a little side tracked today, so I didn't get nearly as much as I wanted done. I did get to have lunch with the girls, which was very nice. I miss my friends from school... it will be nice to be back at work and have daily contact with them. They really are an amazing bunch of people, and I miss them greatly over the summer.

I am teaching a card class tonight at the LSS... Here are a few of the cards I will be teaching.

There are four other cards that the students will also be able to make. I am pretty happy with the way that these two turned out.

Romeo is calling me... seems he isn't used to Mommy having to be at work all day! I am hoping to take a shower before heading out to my class tonight. I just feel dirty from cleaning in my classroom all day!

Sunday Sunday

Well it's my last free Sunday of the Summer. Next Sunday will be the beginning of the school year... This is the last Sunday that I will really get to enjoy. :) I always start thinking of things I need to get done for the coming week by Sunday afternoon.

Chris is out mowing the lawn now. It was really bad... but with his allergies I still get very nervous when he is mowing. Two years ago we had to call 911 after he got stung by a bee. We are still nervous around those little buggers. Earlier this summer he got a terrible allergic reaction to something... he ended up on steroids for almost a month. So I am hoping that today's lawn adventures will be easy!

Romeo is growing like a weed. He is like a toddler... into everything! He can't stand it when I am on the computer. He is always getting something to chew on so that I will pay attention to him. I ran him this morning, and thought that would last for awhile. Too bad he is already recharged and ready to go.

This is him at one of his calmer moments. I remind him that the fact he is so darn cute is his saving grace! It's just too hard to stay mad at a face like that! :)

We are heading to the Colony House later today for my granmother's birthday. It's her favorite restaurant. The whole family should be there. Chris and I joked that we should consider drinking before we go! It should be interesting. My aunt's boyfriend and my cousin's new wife should be there. How more interesting can you get than that? I just remembered that I had some pictures from grandma's 80th birthday party. I think I will go throw them into a quick album as a gift. She really has EVERYTHING she could ever want. Of course if we had kids, I could have them to something for her. Too bad that isn't going to happen. Please don't let any of them make any stupid "Why don't you have kids yet?" comments. PLEASE.

So I guess I will go head into my scraproom. Put a load of laundry in... so at least something is getting done!

Gloomy Saturday

We got through the party last night. It was hot and humid, but Chris had a great time. There were these nasty biting flies, though! Even the deep woods OFF wouldn't keep them away. It was really bittersweet. I was a little annoyed with all of the "Congratulations on getting him closer to home." It wasn't as if I had been lobbying to get him to leave the place. This was HIS decision, and he knew that I supported him 100% no matter what he decided. Am I happy that he will be 10 minutes from home instead of an hour and half? Sure. But it wasn't as if this was my victory. Another favorite comment from the night... Maybe now that he is leaving this Y, you will be able to get pregnant. Yeah, that's right. Goodness... I am so tired of stupid comments like that.

Anyway, there were lots of tears... Both from Chris and myself as well as the kids and parents. It is hard to leave such a great team... He built it from 40 swimmers to almost 200 this last winter season. District Champions, Placing at the State Meet, and even having a national finalist. I am sure he will be able to do great things at the new Y as well. Especially considering he started this team almost 10 years ago. Sometimes it's just nice to come home.

Chris' cell rang a little after 8 this morning. It was the "new" Y calling. The head lifeguard up and quit last night, so they have NOBODY to guard this morning. The executive director himself was guarding. Now, they haven't given Chris a firm start date at the new Y... He is still in Limbo. However, we both felt it was best for him to go in this morning. I dropped him off at the Y on my way to get a birthday present. He is itching to get into the new position anyway, and he can push the issue now that the head lifeguard quit. Now I am waiting for his call to go get him. We only brought one car home from the city last night, so that means that one of us has to be stranded somewhere.

We have a birthday party for Chris' best friend's son. I really don't want to go... It just really is painful. The little guy is turning 3. They weren't even THINKING about having a kid back when we started all of this infertility crap. Now they are expecting a second child next month. Strange world we live in. So the combination of kids running around and pregnant women is just more than I really want to deal with. I think that's why I pushed Chris to go into the Y... This way we will only have to stay for a short time. I hope...

The RE's office called to give me results from my Natural Killer Cells test. Sounds like a great test, doesn't it? It is on the "fringe" of accepted practice and insurance doesn't cover the test. The first test I had drawn was a few months back. It has to be shipped to the East coast somewhere and the stupid courier managed to freeze my blood... so it was no good once they got it. Gotta love that... So I had it redrawn on Monday when I was in. It was supposed to take at least a week... maybe more. There was a message on the machine Thursday night saying that the test came back "NORMAL" and to call if I had any questions. I hate when they do that. I want to know exact results... none of this normal crap. Now I have to wait until Monday and call to see what exactly normal means. I really am getting tired of having the tests all come back normal. THERE IS NO REASON WE CAN'T GET PREGNANT!!!!! Of course, there has to be SOMETHING! Now even the "fringe" tests are coming back normal. What in the world is going on. If something were to just come back not normal, we would have an answer and we could move on. Even if it means that it is time to give up. But yet we never get that answer. So we wait.

Now that Chris is off at the Y this morning, I really should get some scrapping done. School starts a week from Monday and all my time will be gone. If I could just keep myself off of this computer, I would be fine! :-)

Here is a layout I did last week. The picture is from a friend's wedding. Just a simple LO... but I really like the way it turned out.

Romeo is tearing something up... guess I better go take care of the beast. Who knew that a puppy could be so destructive???? LOL.

Joining the Blogging World

I am finally joining the blogging world. I kept an infertility journal on AOL for some time. I am not going to repeat all of that... So here is a link if you are interested...

http://journals.aol.com/pbertana/JourneytoParenthood

School starts in just over a week. I haven't even started putting my room together. That is next week's plan. I am sure I will be kicking myself but I still have a few other things to do this week. I am sad to see the end of summer... not really because I don't want to go back to work. It's all of the elusive things that I was going to do this summer. It's the reality that NOTHING got done this summer that I wanted to get done. Oh well... there is always next summer.

I've been working much of the summer at the LSS (Local Scrapbook Store). It has been a fun job and has kept me busy. I also had the opportunity to attend CHA, which is the summer trade show where all of the newest and greatest are released. That was quite an experience. I am teaching classes as well. I have enjoyed everything I have done. But I have realized that I have not been able to scrap for myself... something I NEED to do. So come fall, I am cutting back to ONE class per week. That way I can work on my own personal scrapbooking. At the beginning of the year, I set two goals for myself. 1) Get published in a scrapbooking magazine. 2) Get on a design team. Haven't accomplished either. I also challenged myself to enter some of the large contests. The year is more than half over... and I haven't done either. I have put some effort into it, but I could put much more. Now with school starting, time will be a premium. Maybe that is the push that I need.

Here is a recent Layout that I did... this is the new yummy paper by MME... Kaleidoscope

That is my sweet nephew Spencer. He is such a little cutie! He is such a happy little guy!

As for our infertility... I am just so ready for this journey to be over. However, I can't imagine stopping treatment until I know that we have exhausted all of our options. The new RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) is at least being proactive and trying to figure out what is going on. So far... we have no answers. Everything has come back "Normal." We have a few more things to complete... including a biopsy for me. We tried to sneak it in last month, but with our trip to the YMCA Swimming and Diving Championships, we were not able to schedule it. I took the darn clomid for nothing... but now I have a nice giant cyst on my right ovary. So that means another month on the "bench" so to speak. I have to take BCP (Birth Control Pills) to get the cyst to shrink. Next month we will try again to get the biopsy done. We have one more IVF covered with our insurance. Was hoping to get that in by the end of the year... but we will see.

My DH, Chris, is chaning jobs very soon. This means a HUGE change for us. You see, he is a swim coach and most of our time is devoted to his swimmers. He will be leaving a team he has been with for the past 7 years. We've seen these kiddos grow up. It really is hard to leave... but he will now be closer to home. The team he is returning to is one that he started when we first got married. Today is the farewell party from his Current team. It will be a tough afternoon for sure.

I should try to get something done today... Only one more Friday until school starts! Yikes!

Life just isn't fair

Romeo is growing like a weed.  As I write this, he is tearing around the house.  He is into EVERYTHING and keeps me VERY busy! 

I have been avoiding my infertility for some time now.  It just hurts so very much.  WE made the decision to remain with our current RE for our final attempt at IVF.  They know me there, and care for me.  In the end, that was the most important factor for me.  So we will try this one more time in June.  In the meantime, we may do a few more tests to see if we can get any answers but I am not holding out hope. 

It took FOREVER to get a period after the chemical pregnancy in December.  It took 10 days of prometrium and then 8 days later it finally started.  I have never had to wait for it to start after the prometrium.  Makes me wonder just what is going on in my body.  I had strange pain in my right ovary a few weeks ago.  Wondering if there is a cyst...  I guess I will find out today as I am heading to the RE for baseline u/s and bloodwork

Other great news... our good friends are pregnant again.  I am happy for them, really I am.  It just makes me so very sad.  One month off the pill and WHAM she's pregnant.  It's just not fair.  They were very sweet in telling us.  I hate the fact that people feel bad telling us their good news.  It's not their fault that we can't get pregnant...

 

More Non-news

It has been some time since I wrote here.  I think that we are still just letting the nightmare of December settle in.  We had the holidays and had to get through them with a happy face.  I can't imagine how I would be dealing with all of this if I didn't have this amazing husband at my side.  He is my rock... and if nothing else comes out of this battle, we have grown very close.

We met with the RE today for a follow up.  She is calling our positive/negative in December a chemical pregnancy.  That's fine... no matter what it is called, it still is another loss we have had to deal with. 

Once again, she told us that they really thought this would work for us and don't have a clue as to why it didn't work.  Everything was perfect again... except for the end result.  She wants us to try again.  She really feels that we will get pg.  I just wish I knew why this didnt work again and again.  She agreed to change the protocol a little in hopes of getting more eggs.  We'll see. 

We are thinking of getting some other consults.  Who knows.  I think we are going to put it all on the back burner for now.  I just don't want to deal with being infertile anymore...