I'm honestly in a better place. Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post. As always, it means so much to know that there are people out there that get it and are cheering me on. Sometimes just the simple fact of knowing that you are not alone in this fight means everything.
I lost myself in reading last weekend. It was just what I needed... to lose myself in a piece of fiction. I actually read all three of the Fifty Shades of Grey books last weekend. I have some thoughts I want to post on the books, but that's another post. I seem to forget how wonderful it is to get lost in a book and become so engrossed in characters that you start thinking about them at random times. Chris was amazing and allowed me literally to stay in bed all day last Saturday. The only time I left the house last weekend was to have dinner with one of our swim team families on Saturday night!
This week at school was a little less intense with my challenging student. We have him on a Crisis Safety Plan, so hoping that now we have a plan in place we won't need it. He is utterly exhausting. He's also very attached to me and can be a very kind sweet boy. I have some theories that came to light this week as to why this kid has gotten to me so much. That's also another post all together.
Remember the technology position I wanted for this school year but it was given to another woman who had the elusive certificate? She hasn't really worked out this year- and in fact has been RIF'd for next year due to performance. Why do I know this? It was accidentally sent out to the entire district on the staffing plan for next year! While I have not had a good working relationship with this woman, I do feel bad that this news was made so graphically public. However, the good news... is that the position is back open for the fall. And imagine this... they have removed the certificate as a requirement!!!! After some soul searching with Chris and talking with my principal, I decided to put my name in the hat once again. My principal informed me that the District Admin responsible for this position actually emailed him a week before I spoke to him asking if I would consider applying. Hoping that is a good sign that things might just work out this time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man am I ready for a change after this school year! I've emailed the Admin and applied officially through the district website. I haven't heard anything, but the applications remain open until May 15th. My principal told the District Admin that I was reluctant to apply due to the way that it was handled last time. So at least that is out there.
Chris and I are at a really good place. Some of that has to do with my reading last weekend. :) Mostly, we've just had some really good quality time together. We don't see each other much at all during the week but have made the weekends really count. Only one more weekend until I lose him for every single weekend for the summer- so I'm trying to cram in as much as I can each weekend! Yesterday we got the window boxes installed on the front of the house and got the early flowers planted. Here in the midwest, you just never know when the last frost will be, so you have to be careful. I'll post some photos soon. Right now we only have pansies and violas planted since they are very frost hardy. We also started a project inspired by pinterest of tipsy pots. Of course I wanted them painted purple, so we had to do that first! Seeing the flowers already makes me smile. It really is the little things that make the difference, isn't it?
Chris also finished all of the floors in our main living space. I LOVE them. He has to do the stairs now and we've started to refinish all of the furniture. We're definitely nesting. Let's hope that we can get all the must do projects finished before we get the call. Ok, scratch that... if we get the call tomorrow we'd be thrilled!
Thankfully I have some orders to fill for PB Creations. I need to get things moving again with the business so it can continue to pay for our advertising costs. We're currently spending close to $350 a month (which is less than our lawyer would ideally want). Our homestudy is now a year old, and essentially expired. We've been assured that it is all fine by both our attorney and social worker. But it makes me REALLY nervous. Trying to stay positive and trust the experts.... but that goes against my nature. Never really expected that we'd still be waiting one year later. Really thought that we'd finally catch a break and be the lucky ones in a quick match. Trying to stay hopeful that our match is out there... and will find us very soon!
Showing posts with label homestudy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homestudy. Show all posts
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
We're Approved! Holy Crud... now what?
The visit was short and sweet. Romeo was his usual pain in the butt, but we dealt with it. She was here for less than 30 minutes total I think.
Apparently, I misunderstood a little of the timeline... I thought she didn't submit our info to the state until after our final visit. Apparently she already has our clearances... so.... we are officially....
I thought we had another few months of waiting. Not the case, as she sent all of our stuff in already and got all our clearances back. So we are officially homestudy approved.
What does that mean for us? I don't know. The basics... if a situation came to us, we would be ready.
But we haven't signed with an attorney to start our marketing process.
We need to get our website done.
We need to decide on what to do about an 800 number.
I thought I had a few more months to make these decisions.
Our agency only does agency assisted adoptions- we knew that going in. So now it is on us to market ourselves. Some might think we did things backwards, but that's how we roll. We decided to do the homestudy first so it was in place. Now we need to keep moving forward.
One quick question- I asked when we would get a copy of the homestudy, and I was told that they don't release them to us. Is that strange? Our social worker said that they don't release them to clients, and that nobody actually reads them anyway. This sent up some red flags to me, but the agency is well known and respected, so I assume this is just their policy. Do I have a right to ask for a copy of the homestudy? Anyone have thoughts on this?
Trying to take some deep breaths and celebrate this milestone. Hoping that we will find our match before our homestudy expires... one year from today!
Apparently, I misunderstood a little of the timeline... I thought she didn't submit our info to the state until after our final visit. Apparently she already has our clearances... so.... we are officially....
HOMESTUDY APPROVED
I thought we had another few months of waiting. Not the case, as she sent all of our stuff in already and got all our clearances back. So we are officially homestudy approved.
What does that mean for us? I don't know. The basics... if a situation came to us, we would be ready.
But we haven't signed with an attorney to start our marketing process.
We need to get our website done.
We need to decide on what to do about an 800 number.
I thought I had a few more months to make these decisions.
Our agency only does agency assisted adoptions- we knew that going in. So now it is on us to market ourselves. Some might think we did things backwards, but that's how we roll. We decided to do the homestudy first so it was in place. Now we need to keep moving forward.
One quick question- I asked when we would get a copy of the homestudy, and I was told that they don't release them to us. Is that strange? Our social worker said that they don't release them to clients, and that nobody actually reads them anyway. This sent up some red flags to me, but the agency is well known and respected, so I assume this is just their policy. Do I have a right to ask for a copy of the homestudy? Anyone have thoughts on this?
Trying to take some deep breaths and celebrate this milestone. Hoping that we will find our match before our homestudy expires... one year from today!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Final Homestudy Visit tomorrow
Just a quick post... I've been busy cleaning dog drool off baseboards in preparation for our final visit from our social worker for our homestudy.
I've been going through our paperwork in the hopes we have everything we need. Chris is getting the guardianship papers signed tomorrow morning... nothing like last minute! :)
Please think good thoughts for us tomorrow at 1 CST. I'll post an update once we are done.
It's amazing the places that dog drool ends up... LOL
I've been going through our paperwork in the hopes we have everything we need. Chris is getting the guardianship papers signed tomorrow morning... nothing like last minute! :)
Please think good thoughts for us tomorrow at 1 CST. I'll post an update once we are done.
It's amazing the places that dog drool ends up... LOL
Monday, February 21, 2011
Homestudy Visit #3 Complete
Welcome to those of you here for ICLW. You can find our "story" in the timeline above. We are currently in the process of completing our homestudy for a domestic infant adoption after 10 years of infertility treatments.
We've now finished three of our homestudy visits. We're almost through the process!
Today was my interview with the social worker, and it went well. Chris was also home so he kept the beast (aka Romeo the Lab) with him downstairs and the SW and I talked up in my studio. It was nice to be in my "happy place" while we talked about my childhood and family relationships. I was really worried about how my current extended family situation would be perceived, but she was very kind about it and agreed that it sounded like it was the best for all involved. What a relief!
It was nice to talk about Chris and our marriage. It's hard to put 15 years of marriage into words, but I think I was able to express it well enough. It's hard to talk about your strengths and weaknesses, but I think I did ok there too! :) I actually got a better feeling for the SW after our visit today.
We turned in our physicals, water testing, and reference letters today, as well as a boatload of other paperwork. We still need to get Chris' work letter as well as the guardianship agreement figured out. I still think it's strange that we have to ask someone to be a guardian of a not yet adopted child. We have an idea of who we would like to ask so we plan to have that conversation with them soon. The only other paperwork we need to deal with is the letters of health for the pets. Having a hard time with that one- since two of our animals are aging and not in great health. We need to make some tough decisions in the coming months for the two of them, and I am just not ready to do that yet.
We have one more meeting with the social worker and need to complete the 10 hours of education before then. I forgot to ask her if the books I've read count. They aren't on the list of books she gave us, but the list was pretty dated! We are planning to take a few online courses to fulfill the requirement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a ton of work to do for school. Now that the visit is done, I MUST work on it! Hope you all had a wonderful day!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Interview Complete
Chris said his interview went fine. The Social worker was here less than an hour total. Chris didn't feel any of the questions were really obtrusive, so I guess that is a good thing, right? Romeo was an arse for the first part, but was pacified with a bone and then a tennis ball. I still think I will make a puppy play date for him next week when she comes for my interview- just for my sanity! (We really need to look into getting a dog trainer, but that just hasn't been on the top of our list lately)
Thank you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. I simply adore this woman, and am heartbroken that we are in this limbo right now. Twice today we were alone in a room together, and neither of us dared to broach the subject. I know it will come out when the timing is right. So for now, we will continue to dance around the elephant that seems to come into the room with the two of us!
I have to admit that it is so nice to come home to a really clean home! I just wish it wasn't so hard to keep it this way! I have a meeting all day tomorrow so I didn't really bring much work home with me tonight either. I think I might just try to have a little creative time! I took photos of the cards we made at our girls weekend. I will be sure to post those soon, too.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day!
Thank you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. I simply adore this woman, and am heartbroken that we are in this limbo right now. Twice today we were alone in a room together, and neither of us dared to broach the subject. I know it will come out when the timing is right. So for now, we will continue to dance around the elephant that seems to come into the room with the two of us!
I have to admit that it is so nice to come home to a really clean home! I just wish it wasn't so hard to keep it this way! I have a meeting all day tomorrow so I didn't really bring much work home with me tonight either. I think I might just try to have a little creative time! I took photos of the cards we made at our girls weekend. I will be sure to post those soon, too.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day!
Monday, January 17, 2011
The elephant in the hotel room
First off, I would like to thank Mel over at Stirrup Queens for including me in last week's Friday blog round up. I am truly honored! The post she wrote about was this one that I wrote last week about the tough feelings of being a long time IF vet. Thank you for all of your comments on that post as well. It was a really hard post to write, but in the end it was very therapeutic. I have learned over the years that the best way for me to personally work through my feelings is to write them out. This blog has been the forum for the past several years. So thank you to all who read and comment. It reminds me that I am not alone.
I had an absolutely fabulous weekend with the girls. We shared lots of laughs, food, and wine. Saturday was spent at the luxurious spa at the resort. This was my first real experience at a spa like this, and I am hooked! We enjoyed pedicures and then lounged in the whirlpool, steam room, and the pool. We were even served mimosas. It was a great experience and I can't wait to do it again. I am so lucky to work with such great women.
One challenge of the weekend was realizing that one of the girls is most likely pregnant. She is one of my closest friends, and I talked her through her first injectibles/IUI cycle in December. I know she had her beta on Christmas Eve, but we've never talked about the result. It's that weird place where the long time infertile and the new infertile can't really meet. I despise the fact that she has to feel bad about sharing her good news with me, even though I talked her through every step of the way up to her beta. I went over her bloodwork and helped her make sense of her results & medication instructions. It goes both ways, I can't get the courage to ask her, and she doesn't seem to want to tell me. We've had plenty of opportunities- it just hasn't happened. Now, I could be way off here, but the signs are all there. She didn't have a drop of alcohol the entire weekend (and there was much of it to go around...) and she slept almost all of the weekend. She didn't do the spa with us either and was sick at one point. She also got up at the exact same time each morning and there was a crinone wrapper in the garbage. So, I think I am right on here.
I don't think anyone else even had a clue. I couldn't share my feelings or even disclose my thoughts to the other girls there. I tried hard not to think about it, but the thoughts would creep back in. I would start calculating how far along she would be. I almost started tearing up when I realized she must be farther along than I ever made it before my miscarriage. I have to admit that part of me is a little jealous. Jealous that she is pregnant. Jealous that it only took one treatment cycle. Jealous that she will get to feel what it means to be pregnant. But I am working through those feelings. I may not ever know what it means to be pregnant, but I will know what it means to be a mom.
So for now, we will continue on dancing around the topic. I don't think I am going to bring it up. I think she knows that I know- but I don't think either of us is ready to talk about it.
Chris has his interview with the social worker tomorrow. Please have good thoughts that Romeo behaves and that the house stays somewhat clean. I am trying hard not to worry about the interview. I wish I was going first, but the timing worked out for Chris to go first. I started to coach him, but I decided to just let him be himself. He charmed me, so I am hoping he will do the same with the social worker!
I had an absolutely fabulous weekend with the girls. We shared lots of laughs, food, and wine. Saturday was spent at the luxurious spa at the resort. This was my first real experience at a spa like this, and I am hooked! We enjoyed pedicures and then lounged in the whirlpool, steam room, and the pool. We were even served mimosas. It was a great experience and I can't wait to do it again. I am so lucky to work with such great women.
One challenge of the weekend was realizing that one of the girls is most likely pregnant. She is one of my closest friends, and I talked her through her first injectibles/IUI cycle in December. I know she had her beta on Christmas Eve, but we've never talked about the result. It's that weird place where the long time infertile and the new infertile can't really meet. I despise the fact that she has to feel bad about sharing her good news with me, even though I talked her through every step of the way up to her beta. I went over her bloodwork and helped her make sense of her results & medication instructions. It goes both ways, I can't get the courage to ask her, and she doesn't seem to want to tell me. We've had plenty of opportunities- it just hasn't happened. Now, I could be way off here, but the signs are all there. She didn't have a drop of alcohol the entire weekend (and there was much of it to go around...) and she slept almost all of the weekend. She didn't do the spa with us either and was sick at one point. She also got up at the exact same time each morning and there was a crinone wrapper in the garbage. So, I think I am right on here.
I don't think anyone else even had a clue. I couldn't share my feelings or even disclose my thoughts to the other girls there. I tried hard not to think about it, but the thoughts would creep back in. I would start calculating how far along she would be. I almost started tearing up when I realized she must be farther along than I ever made it before my miscarriage. I have to admit that part of me is a little jealous. Jealous that she is pregnant. Jealous that it only took one treatment cycle. Jealous that she will get to feel what it means to be pregnant. But I am working through those feelings. I may not ever know what it means to be pregnant, but I will know what it means to be a mom.
So for now, we will continue on dancing around the topic. I don't think I am going to bring it up. I think she knows that I know- but I don't think either of us is ready to talk about it.
Chris has his interview with the social worker tomorrow. Please have good thoughts that Romeo behaves and that the house stays somewhat clean. I am trying hard not to worry about the interview. I wish I was going first, but the timing worked out for Chris to go first. I started to coach him, but I decided to just let him be himself. He charmed me, so I am hoping he will do the same with the social worker!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
One hour
The social worker was here for a grand total of an hour today. She did a quick look around, asking about smoke detectors mostly. Romeo was a pain in the butt- wish I had gone with my instincts and sent him away for the day. I had coffee and fruit- she politely declined it all. Oh well, I was prepared!
So really we just went over paperwork- lots of it. She left all of it here for us to fill out and get back to her. I was able to get most of the copies made for her. We need to go and request a copy of our marriage certificate- I can't even remember the last time I saw it- if we ever had one even! We both still need to get in for physicals and we have to get the vaccinations updated for the beasts. We've neglected those on the elderly furbabies- it just didn't seem important to put them through the trauma of going to the vet for that stuff when they appeared to be on their way out. Will have to call and make those appointments too. We also have to get our well inspected- or at least the water from it. We also both need to get our physicals too.
Chris will be meeting with her on the 18th, and I am meeting with her on the 24th for our individual interviews. We didn't cover ANY of our history today- which I thought was a little strange. I guess we will go over more that in our individual meetings. We will then have a final meeting with both of us. She did let us know that the state of IL is really slow right now in getting foster care licenses approved. (In IL, you have to be an approved foster home in order to adopt) She said it is taking close to 2 months if not more. She can't even submit that until all of the above stuff is done on our end too.
So my hope is that we will be homestudy approved by Spring Break. That gives us almost three full months. I had originally planned to hold off on getting our website, etc up and running until our homestudy was done, but I don't know if I will wait that long. I am planning to get working on the website more intently in the coming weeks. There are so many things swirling in my head right now.
Thinking we might need to look into retaining a lawyer once again as well. I feel like we were taken by our attorney in the failed adoption of 2007. I felt like she took our retainer, and when things went south, we never heard from her again. She is a highly regarded adoption attorney in the area, so I don't know what to think. So many options- all which cost $$$$. Do we get our own 800 number and field calls ourselves? Or do we pay someone to do that for us? We really need to make a decision on that soon as it will be an important part of our contact information on the website and our marketing materials.
It seems crazy to even write that last statement- marketing materials. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that in many aspects, this is a business transaction. We have to sell ourselves to potential birthparents out there. We have to contract with professionals and pay for every service along the way. I guess it isn't all that different than paying the medical professionals- is it?
Lots to think about. Back to work tomorrow. I've spent most of my break absorbed in all of this and really didn't do much else. It will be nice to be back in the routine I suppose.
Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post. It means the world to me to know that so many of you are there with us along the way. I don't know what I would have done over the past year without the support of all of you. I hope you don't plan on going anywhere- I have a feeling the ride is about to start once again!
So really we just went over paperwork- lots of it. She left all of it here for us to fill out and get back to her. I was able to get most of the copies made for her. We need to go and request a copy of our marriage certificate- I can't even remember the last time I saw it- if we ever had one even! We both still need to get in for physicals and we have to get the vaccinations updated for the beasts. We've neglected those on the elderly furbabies- it just didn't seem important to put them through the trauma of going to the vet for that stuff when they appeared to be on their way out. Will have to call and make those appointments too. We also have to get our well inspected- or at least the water from it. We also both need to get our physicals too.
Chris will be meeting with her on the 18th, and I am meeting with her on the 24th for our individual interviews. We didn't cover ANY of our history today- which I thought was a little strange. I guess we will go over more that in our individual meetings. We will then have a final meeting with both of us. She did let us know that the state of IL is really slow right now in getting foster care licenses approved. (In IL, you have to be an approved foster home in order to adopt) She said it is taking close to 2 months if not more. She can't even submit that until all of the above stuff is done on our end too.
So my hope is that we will be homestudy approved by Spring Break. That gives us almost three full months. I had originally planned to hold off on getting our website, etc up and running until our homestudy was done, but I don't know if I will wait that long. I am planning to get working on the website more intently in the coming weeks. There are so many things swirling in my head right now.
Thinking we might need to look into retaining a lawyer once again as well. I feel like we were taken by our attorney in the failed adoption of 2007. I felt like she took our retainer, and when things went south, we never heard from her again. She is a highly regarded adoption attorney in the area, so I don't know what to think. So many options- all which cost $$$$. Do we get our own 800 number and field calls ourselves? Or do we pay someone to do that for us? We really need to make a decision on that soon as it will be an important part of our contact information on the website and our marketing materials.
It seems crazy to even write that last statement- marketing materials. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that in many aspects, this is a business transaction. We have to sell ourselves to potential birthparents out there. We have to contract with professionals and pay for every service along the way. I guess it isn't all that different than paying the medical professionals- is it?
Lots to think about. Back to work tomorrow. I've spent most of my break absorbed in all of this and really didn't do much else. It will be nice to be back in the routine I suppose.
Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post. It means the world to me to know that so many of you are there with us along the way. I don't know what I would have done over the past year without the support of all of you. I hope you don't plan on going anywhere- I have a feeling the ride is about to start once again!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
One week... YIKES!
Our first home study appointment is one week from today. I think I am more nervous about this than I was with any of my surgeries! I don't think I would be as nervous if it wasn't also taking place in our home. Feeling LOTS of pressure. (And I am sure most of it is self-imposed)
We live in an old home- one that has been in my family for 4 generations. I love its charm and character. I really do, but it is far from the perfect home. Add in the fact our home was under construction repairs for almost half of 2010, and there is a lot of work to get done. Chris and I have always been sensitive about the appearance of our home, and now that we have someone coming in to "inspect" it, I am about to lose my mind. Chris has a surprisingly calm attitude about it all. He was a freak about all of the details before we had a date set, and now he seems very laid back and whatever is, is... He is also working crazy hours over winter break between the high school team, club team, and private lessons. So that leaves me here at home making myself nuts.
So, if there are any of you reading who have been through the process- Can you calm my nerves? Can you tell me what to expect? What if there are things that she feels need to be corrected? What happens then? Does that mean you have a negative rating? What things did your social worker look at? Were there things that she needed you to correct? I guess it is good that I am obsessed about the physical space so I can start to panic about the actual interview process!
I think it's just hard when you have failed so long to feel like you might actually end up with a positive outcome. In our early treatment days, I was not always treated with dignity and respect, so I think I am projecting some of my feelings about that onto this adoption process. It's also so very hard from going from the "top" if the treatment world in sense of knowledge/experience to a whole new unknown world. I mean after 10 years of treatment, you know what to expect. This is all new to me- and VERY scary.
Then there is the big cloud- what if we are found to not be good candidates for parenting? What if all these years of treatment failure was the universe trying to tell us that we weren't meant to be parents? I hate the fact that we have to prove ourselves at all. I guess I need to resolve that in the next 7 days!
I am sorry I have not been a good ICLW participant this month. I think the combination of the holidays and this upcoming homestudy is just more than this girl can handle.
We live in an old home- one that has been in my family for 4 generations. I love its charm and character. I really do, but it is far from the perfect home. Add in the fact our home was under construction repairs for almost half of 2010, and there is a lot of work to get done. Chris and I have always been sensitive about the appearance of our home, and now that we have someone coming in to "inspect" it, I am about to lose my mind. Chris has a surprisingly calm attitude about it all. He was a freak about all of the details before we had a date set, and now he seems very laid back and whatever is, is... He is also working crazy hours over winter break between the high school team, club team, and private lessons. So that leaves me here at home making myself nuts.
So, if there are any of you reading who have been through the process- Can you calm my nerves? Can you tell me what to expect? What if there are things that she feels need to be corrected? What happens then? Does that mean you have a negative rating? What things did your social worker look at? Were there things that she needed you to correct? I guess it is good that I am obsessed about the physical space so I can start to panic about the actual interview process!
I think it's just hard when you have failed so long to feel like you might actually end up with a positive outcome. In our early treatment days, I was not always treated with dignity and respect, so I think I am projecting some of my feelings about that onto this adoption process. It's also so very hard from going from the "top" if the treatment world in sense of knowledge/experience to a whole new unknown world. I mean after 10 years of treatment, you know what to expect. This is all new to me- and VERY scary.
Then there is the big cloud- what if we are found to not be good candidates for parenting? What if all these years of treatment failure was the universe trying to tell us that we weren't meant to be parents? I hate the fact that we have to prove ourselves at all. I guess I need to resolve that in the next 7 days!
I am sorry I have not been a good ICLW participant this month. I think the combination of the holidays and this upcoming homestudy is just more than this girl can handle.
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