December Update- 9 & 10 months and more

So many of the blogs I regularly read during our struggle are like this one... we're not posting nearly as much as we once did.  It isn't because I don't have things to share.  It isn't because I don't have a million things I need to process about being an adoptive mom and life in general.  It isn't because I don't yearn to be a part of the community that kept me sane for all those years. 

It's about time.  There just isn't enough of it.  There's always something that needs my attention it seems.  Hoping that will change now that I have finished one of the big time drainers...

I graduated with a second master's degree last Saturday.  This is my second MSEd, this one in Instructional Technology.  It was tough doing it all while working full time and being a new mom.  I'm DONE with taking classes for a LONG time now!

Our sweet boy is now 10 months old.  I missed his 9 month update here on the blog, but here is the gist of what I sent to his birthmom last month:

Quinn continues to grow into an amazing little man.  He's a little over 23lbs and 30 inches.  His height is now officially off the growth chart!  :)  He is on the move, and has mastered crawling, but we're pretty sure he'll be walking in no time.  He's also learned to clap for himself, and does it regularly when he pulls himself up to a sitting position.    Bottles are still his preference over solid foods, but we are working on that!  His favorites continue to be cereal and sweet potatoes with apples and he isn't a fan of anything green. 

His personality continues to blossom.  He's a really happy little guy and has a little twinkle in his eye that tells us he's got a mischievous side as well.  He's a little bit of a daredevil and is in constant motion.  He's almost always smiling and has an infectious laugh.  He and our dog Romeo are already partners in crime.  Romeo has learned to sit very close to Quinn's high chair, especially when he's eating!

Quinn "celebrated" his first Halloween as Clark Kent/Superman.  He loved greeting the trick or treaters at the door and passing out candy.  He also enjoyed his first trip to a corn maze with our swim team and attended the Illinois swimming Athlete Recognition Dinner. 

Our little Clark Kent:

We had our family portraits taken to commemorate Quinn's adoption being final.  Here are a few of our favorites:

He's now ten months old, and is growing and changing every day.  His personality is really emerging.  I can't express how in love we are with this little man!

He has eight teeth and will eat most things that are fully pureed, but wants little to do with anything textured.  Hoping he grows out of that soon!  He has 8 teeth and the next one is already starting to break through.  With his set of teeth, he could be eating steak!  He still loves his bottles but also has discovered that he really likes yogurt and other sweet treats. 

He is fully crawling, and wants to get into everything.  He loves music and rocks to the beat with just about anything.  He's standing on his own and has discovered his crib can double as a trampoline.  We're sure it is only a matter of time before he is walking. 

He was the unofficial mascot for the Warren HS girls swim team, and loved every bit of attention from the girls on the pool deck.  He's also enjoyed visits from our college swimmers as they have come home for visits.  We love that he has so many young adults who want to be a part of his life.  It makes our heart happy to see each of them make a connection to our sweet boy.

He's continuing to top the charts... he's more than 30 inches tall and about 25lbs.  He's wearing 12-18 month clothes for the most part and in 5w shoes!  He wasn't a fan of shoes at first, but is starting to tolerate them since they help him stand and get where he wants to go.  He's back to sleeping through the night, and for that we are very thankful!

His official birth certificate finally arrived right before Thanksgiving.  This was the final piece of paperwork we needed for his adoption to be completely final.  Next step is to get a passport for any adventures we hope to take.

We took him to see Santa over the weekend.  As you'll see from the photos, he wasn't much of a fan.  We know that he'll come around in a few years for sure.  There simply aren't words to describe how excited we are to celebrate Christmas with Quinn this year.  The entire holiday season takes on a new meaning for us this year.  As we close out 2013, we simply can't believe how blessed we are to share our lives with this sweet little guy!

Wishing you all a very happy holiday.  We are still pinching ourselves each day that we get to finally spend our holidays with the magic of a child.  Our hearts are so very full this Christmas!

Overwhelmed

It's been crazy since I last posted.  Lots to write about, but no time to do so!  I'm definitely feeling very overwhelmed.  I should be writing some grad school homework- that was due on Sunday night and yet I can't seem to find the motivation to do it.  I've tried.  My heart's just not in it, but I need to persevere. 

M came to our home on Monday for a visit.  The days leading up to it were crazy stressful as we tried to get a nursery together and clean every nook and cranny of the house.  M had made several comments about needing to see that our home was clean.  Of course that was all I needed to obsess over every little bit of dust.  We are not slobs, but we have a large drooling dog that likes to drag toys into the corners of every room.  M decided she HAD to come this week, and we only had a week to prepare. 

Chris sent me away for my annual girls weekend to relax.  I had planned on going for a month or so, and planned to back out.  Chris had other ideas so off I went.  It was nice to have some much needed girl time and talk to the new moms in the group.  All of the relaxation blew out the window when I got home and we had to go into crazy cleaning mode of course.

The nursery basics are there.  If he came tomorrow, we would be fine.  It isn't done by any means, but it has the basics he will need.  It still needs to be decorated, and my friend's mom is making the crib skirt, quilt, and valances for us.  We'll have a small shower on February 17th with those in our "inner circle" and a larger one once he is here and in our arms. 

We had a great visit with M.  She felt that she needed to see where he was going and know what to picture in her head.  I totally understand where she is coming from.  I am thankful that we are able to have an open relationship with her.  It hasn't been easy, and she has not really found a connection with anyone at the agency.  We talk or text almost daily.  She brought some gifts for the baby yesterday, including a giant teddy bear and some lovies.  I am thrilled that I will be able to tell him that these were gifts from her as he gets older. 

She continues to be sure that she will deliver early- thus the urgency in her visit yesterday.  She has asked me to be there in the delivery room with her.  I am beyond excited about the idea but will respect her wishes should she decide that she doesn't want me there.  She feels she will deliver very soon- and she will only be 32 weeks on Friday.  Please keep positive thoughts that she doesn't go into labor that early.  I am hoping and praying for 36 weeks at least, but would take 34.  I know it is all out of our control, but could use some good thoughts!

I called the agency today to get the details of how the hospital process will work and didn't get much information.  That's another post in of itself.  I wanted to find out if the hospital where she plans to deliver is adoption friendly or not.  I am trying to control the controllables and know what to expect as best I can.  From the website, I can't really tell.  I did learn that they focus on exclusive breast feeding, which I understand 100%, but given an adoption plan is in place, I want to find out what their policies are.  I just don't trust the agency to get all of the information and am considering calling the hospital myself.  Anyone have any experience with that?  Of course I managed to read all sorts of horror stories about non-adoptive friendly hospitals online...

In other twists, apparently M told our first social worker that she had a relative that lived on a Native American reservation.  That wasn't followed up until the new SW was in place and now we had to file with the three tribal headquarters and wait for clearance with the ICWA.  That can take up to three weeks and was filed last week.  Our attorney thinks it is VERY unlikely that there will be issues with ICWA, as M does not seem to have direct ties.  But we will have to wait and see.  It was a rough few days when we got that news and had to digest it all. We are frustrated that it wasn't dealt with back in November when it first came up and our attorney will be following up on what happened with that. 

Sometimes I think I just might be living in a Life.time made for TV movie!  Please let us have our happy ending after all of this...

Grad school work is calling.  Hoping now that I have "dumped" this all here I will be able to focus! 

Hello October!

Whew... it's once again been too long since I last posted here.  Life got a little bit hectic for a little while!  I think I am finally settling into the craziness and getting a handle on it all.  Grad school is making me a little crazy as the work load varies from week to week making it really hard to plan out my time.  Chris is at his first swim meet of the season today, which means I have the weekend all to myself.  I've settled into my new role, and really feeling good about it.  I had some family drama explode earlier in the week, but I've reiterated my decisions there and am able to move on.  I literally felt like I could breathe again this morning for the first time in several weeks!

Now that the busyness is settling, I am starting to feel the familiar frustration with our adoption efforts.  It's now been more than a year since we went fully active with our marketing, and my heart is heavy.  I really hoped that we would be matched and maybe even parenting before the end of 2012.  I am starting to lose hope that 2012 will be our year.  I find myself wondering why others have "passed us by" as they are matched and even adopting a second child all in the time we've been waiting.  I know in my head and heart that the right match is out there for us, but it doesn't make the sting hurt less.  After years of being the last one standing in the infertility world, I had hoped so deeply that wouldn't be our fate in the adoption world.

While I know the path we have chosen can take longer, I had really hoped we would beat the odds.  We don't have the unlimited resources to use the agencies in our area, or even at the national level at that.  We've spent the money as we can, and that is all we can do.  It's so very frustrating to have finances once again play a role in keeping us from our dreams coming true.  We live comfortably and can provide for a child, we just don't have the large lump sum of money that many agencies require.  So, we wait.  And we hope that our efforts will bring us to the right woman and the right time and we will be the right match for her family.

If you'd like to help us get the word out, please feel free to share one of the following links on your blog, your facebook page, or wherever.  You can also grab our button from the top left corner of this blog.

YouTube Video Profile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfSB6pSXP74
Vimeo Video Profile:  https://vimeo.com/45395474
Website:  www.chrisandpatience.com
Adoptimist Profile: https://www.adoptimist.com/adoption-parent-profile/282
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Patience-Hope-to-Adopt/188721014507827?ref=hl

As much as my heart is heavy as we near the end of 2012 with empty arms, it is also so full of joy for the amazing life we do have.  We are blessed to have good friends that love and support us in everything we do.  We both have careers that allow us to make a positive impact in the world.  I am married to my best friend in the whole world who has shown me once again this week just how lucky I am to share my life with him.  We have a good life.  And when the time comes for us to finally become parents, a child will only make our life even more full.

I leave you with a photo of Chris and our very best friends John and Miriam at their first Marathon.  Chris was so excited to be a spectator at a marathon for the first time after always being the runner.  We were able to support them all along the race, and Chris even ran the last few miles with them.  It was a wonderful experience and reminded us just how lucky we are to share our lives with people like John & Miriam.  (And it made Chris want to run this marathon next year himself... that will be number 4!)

Goodbye September

Whew... it's been a few weeks since I last updated here.  September has kicked my butt!

Things are going pretty well at work.  The principal at the elementary school that I am at 1 1/2 days a week pretty much hates me, but that's another story all together.  Thankfully I share that school with the other Tech Integration Specialist, and we both know just how crazy this woman is.  My direct supervisor is very supportive and the principal at the middle school is 110% in my court.  So, I am dealing with the little bit of crazy.  The teachers at the elementary school are also very supportive and are excited about having me there.  So, all in all, the job is going well.  I am SO happy that I moved into this position this year!

Grad school started up last weekend.  It's hard to get back into the balance of having to manage homework and class with the rest of my life.  The other TIS is taking the program with me, and we were fortunate to get into a group with two other like minded individuals.  Most of the program is online, but it is also mostly group work.  So, it has been a challenge to set up meeting times online but so far we have worked together very well.  I need to write a paper this morning as soon as I am done writing this post.  (Hey, I figured a blog post was a good writing warm up for a paper, right?!)  I was a little discouraged that there is a WIDE variety of tech skills in the group- which surprised me since this is a masters in Technology?!  It's a cohort so we'll all be together for the next 14 months.  It will be interesting for sure!

The biggest challenge in life right now is my teeth.... Let me explain. 

As a child, I had an orthodontist make a bad decision about my treatment.  My parents agreed because they just didn't know any different and trusted the expert.  I ended up losing adult teeth after the braces came off and had to have extensive work done in my late teens.  I had several root canals and finally had to have two bridges placed in the front of my mouth.  It was excruciating and traumatic.  I was told the bridges would only last 10 years and then I would probably need a full reconstruction of the top of my mouth. 

Fast forward to my adult hood... and I have avoided the dentist for decades.  It was such a traumatic experience that I have developed an EXTREME phobia.  The bridges had started to decay and become loose.  But I dealt with it, because going to the dentist was so much more intimidating.  On Friday, I bit into a sandwich and evidently swallowed one of the bridges.  My dear friends and coworkers searched through my lunch and the garbage to see if it could be recovered, but it was never found.  I had what I am sure is close to a full on panic attack.  My amazing friend Jamie called a dentist for me and even went with me to hold my hand (or leg) while I faced one of my deepest fears.  There were lots of tears and I can't even imagine what my blood pressure ended up!

After several hours, the dentist was able to come up with a temporary solution that allows me to have teeth for now.  I have lost basically all of the teeth on the top of my mouth as a result of the bridges.  He was caring and gentle and dealt with my crazy anxiety.  He even stayed late to create this piece of art that I now have in my mouth.  It is VERY temporary and I now have to jump into the restoration process with both feet.  I am REALLY not excited about this option, but feeling better now that I have walked into a dentist office and sat in the chair. 

I am in some pain this morning, but know that it will be worth it in the end.  I have to call and make an appointment with him early this week for a full exam and then he feels he will need to consult with some experts about the right course of action going forward.  There is a great deal of damage and it is going to be a tough process.  I HATE that we are going to have to spend money on this now with our adoption expenses still pending.  But I know that I HAVE to do this now. 

You would think that after several surgeries on my reproductive system the dentist wouldn't scare me... but I think it is just one more case of being out of control and having the horrible experiences in my childhood.  Please keep some good thoughts coming my way as I jump into this with both feet.

Here is my current smile thanks to the dentist's artistry...

Let's hope that it looks as good when he is all done with the permanent solution!

Adoption Updates

I love the fact that I am a teacher and have summers off.  It means that I have lots of time to get projects done around the house, time to decompress and relax, and time to spend with Chris (when there isn't swimming).  However, it also means that I have way too much time on my hands to think.

We're nearing the end of summer vacation.  Another summer vacation as a family of two.  Another summer spent marketing my arse off for our adoption efforts.  I've tried so hard to remain hopeful and positive along the way.  We've lived this summer.  We've had fun.  We've had some forced fun so I could update our adoption profile.  We've taken more photos of ourselves this summer than any summer before.  Just to prove we have fun!

I finally had a few moments on the phone with our attorney this morning.  She is hard to get ahold of and I have been trying to get a face to face meeting or at least a phone call in for the past few weeks.  I know she is a busy woman- she runs a small office and does most of it herself.  I am always frustrated when I can't get in touch, but as soon as I do, I remember why we chose her.  She knows her stuff and is one of the most ethical, caring people we've worked with.  We know that she will treat an expectant mother with respect and make sure she gets the support she needs.  While it is easy to want a quick match, often times that comes with a price at larger agencies.  Sometimes that price is actual money, and other times it is at the expense of the ethical treatment of the expectant mother.  We've always felt strongly that we want to know that our child's first mother made her choice in an informed, supportive environment.

So- back to my conversation with our attorney.  Our profile is going out- A LOT.  Like, she only has 3 left out of 30.  We are getting calls on our 888 number- more than most of her other clients.  Our marketing efforts are working.  Our networking is working.  Our profile is going out even when calls are coming on other client's 888 numbers due to our openness to work with diverse expectant mothers.

There just hasn't been a match.  We haven't been NOT picked- but we haven't been picked either.  Many of the calls coming in on our 888 number are from women who are in early stages of their pregnancies.  (Oh, to think that a positive HPT= baby for most of these women!) In Illinois, we can only provide support for expectant mothers 120 days before her due date.  Many of these women need help before that- and we just can't legally do so.  This is where our attorney has been critical for us- I am sure I would want to help in any way I can- that's just my nature.  When we finalize our eventual adoption, we have to disclose all monies and we could lose a child if we didn't follow the law.  There are agencies and attorneys out there that will work around this law- and many of these women turn to them. We know our limits, and while it is hard to see our calls come in and have no leads, we feel strongly about being ethical in every aspect of our adoption process.

Thankfully we don't know every time our profile goes out.  It would be nerve wracking.  So for now, I have to rely on these updates from our attorney every few months.  It's frustrating, but I know she is also protecting us.  She's been doing this for a long time, and I have to trust her.  But it's so hard to trust after we've been at this for so very flipping long.  She calls us if there is something more concrete.  It's just been several months since we had anything concrete.

We also had an expectant mother contact us through adop.timist.  I won't go into details, but I am pretty sure we are being played.  She has called our attorney but when our attorney tries to call back, someone else answers and won't allow our attorney to leave a message.  She won't return my emails or messages and a google search of the number brought up some interesting Cr.aig's List ads.  She is very early in her pregnancy, and we think she is looking for some support- and as I wrote above- that isn't anything we can do just yet.   We've almost written it off- but it was hard to have our hopes up for even the short time it lasted.

I also talked at length with the owner at adopti.mist.  Apparently, our profile is also getting "above average" traffic there too.  We are getting good stats as far as time on page and we have two expectant mothers following us.  (Pretty sure one is the woman above) We're planning to do a goo.gle ad words campaign through them next month.  Again, he says our profile doesn't really "need" the traffic boost like other families, but of course all increase in traffic is a good thing.

So, the bottom line- our marketing efforts are working.  We're doing everything we can.  Our profile is good.  It shows well.  I'm going to make a few tweaks before printing more and update a few of the photos, but not going to make sweeping changes.  We just need to keep going.  Eventually our profile will make it into the hands of the woman who is meant to be in a match with us.  We just have to keep on going. (Maybe I should make Finding Ne.Mo my new mantra... just keep swimming...)

In addition to the new job, I've also applied for grad school as part of the requirement for this new job.  It is an intense cohort program that will give me a second master's degree.  It will also give me the necessary piece of paper from the state that says I am certified to hold this job.  I have to pay for the program out of pocket and then will be reimbursed for maybe half of the program.  Really not an additional cost we wanted and I will have to take student loans to do it.  However, I can't put my life on hold and it will be nice to have the additional distraction, right?

I mean it would be perfect timing for us to finally be matched, right?  First year in a new job- intense grad school program- new baby?  Let's hope the universe has a sense of humor for once!

~~~~~~

Just to add some more fun today... AF arrived this morning.  That means another 34 day cycle.  Holy Cow- every single cycle since the d&c in February has been "normal" Aren't things supposed to get less normal as you get older?!  But we know that Patience doesn't ever fall into the "supposed" to category, right?!

Change

I am feeling that I need a change. 

And I am hoping that I might just have some change with my job.  There is a possibility that I could change roles and become part of our district technology team as a technology integration specialist.  I've been doing a great deal of professional development over the past year, and am one of our technology leaders.  I am not the energetic teacher I was ten years ago, and I feel that a change could be a good thing.  So please keep good thoughts that things fall into place and I can find some much needed change with my job.  I've been in the same position for 10 years, so it's time.

Unfortunately, a requirement of the position will probably force me to go back to school to get an additional masters degree.  I do not have the required certificate for this new position and teaching in IL is all about what certificate you have.  The added expense of grad school is not exactly what Chris and I need right now and he is less than thrilled with the idea.  I *really* want to be considered for this new position and feel that this is the right time for this.  Please keep positive thoughts that we can make this all work if the position is offered to be on the condition I am going back to school.

One more week of school related commitments (summer school and tech training for staff) and I am done.  I can't wait to be REALLY on summer vacation!

2009 was a big year!

I've thought a lot about this post. 2009 truly was a big year for me and I am so thankful for all that I was able to accomplish this year. I am so blessed to have so many amazing friends who have supported me through all of the challenges and accomplishments of 2009.

1. I finished my master's degree in Reading and Literacy

This was a big deal for me. I have wanted to go back to school really since I finished my undergrad. Money, time, and other issues kept getting in the way. I realized that this was something that I needed to do for myself. I am so glad I took the plunge and started the program in 2008. I really did enjoy going back to school and feel that I am a better teacher as a result. It also gives me another teaching option should I decide that I need a break from Special Education. I officially finished on November 4th, but my transcript will say December 31st as a graduation date. I am planning to walk in the graduation ceremony in May.

2. We made the trip to CCRM in Colorado
I've been frozen in terms of dealing with our infertility. I was terrified to pursue treatment again and even calling for a consult with the clinic took me months to do. This was the push I needed to consider treatment again. The new technology offered by this clinic made it possible for me to consider doing our final IVF. While I wish I had made the call years ago, the technology wasn't available so I know this was the right time for me to make the call and have the consult with CCRM. I have been paralyzed by our infertility for so many years and I am finally breaking free!

3. We did our final IVF
This is probably the biggest aspect of 2009. We took the plunge and decided to complete this final IVF with CCRM in Colorado. While it was challenging to cycle with a clinic out of state, it was the best decision we have made in a long time. We got the specialized care we needed and were given technology that is not available anywhere else. I survived stimulation and the egg retrieval surgery and we got the best news that we have normal embryos to transfer at the end of January. There aren't words to express just how happy I am that we did this IVF. I have hope again, something that I haven't had in a LONG time.

4. My marriage is stronger than ever
Many marriages simply can't survive the blow of infertility. While it has not been easy for us, I really feel that our marriage has become stronger as a result. We've grown and changed so much since we met back in high school. We are on the same page, and have grown closer as we went through the IVF this fall. We've risen above the challenges of our families and are learning to live as a family ourselves. A child would be a true blessing at this point and we are fully ready to give our love to a child. I love Chris more today than yesterday, and I know that love will continue to grow. He is my rock and my friend and I simply can't imagine life without him.

5. I am creating a home I am proud of
We've spent lots of time on our home and are continuing to make it a place we are proud of. We have lots more projects to complete but we are making progress. I am working to keep our home clean and orderly. This is important for Chris and I as we didn't grow up in the cleanest homes. We are learning to embrace our old home and appreciate its charm. We have big plans for 2010!

I am feeling good about closing out 2009 tonight. I feel that I have come a long way from the end of 2008. I am looking forward to 2010 and have high hopes that our lives will change in a big way thanks to the ground work we've done in 2009!

May you all have a safe and fun New Year's Eve surrounded by friends and loved ones. I wish you all peace and happiness in 2010!

Big Day!

Today was a big day.  Big news from Denver and my last night of grad school.  For the last week, I have been telling myself that all I need to do is get through today.  And now I am all done!

I ended up doing a presentation connecting different ribbons from my stash to the different classes and how I grew through the program. Very cheesy... but that is what they wanted.  Very simple and finished my notes last night.  Left my Portfolio- all three inches of it to be graded this evening.  We were in three groups to present and then we were done. I am a little annoyed that they didn't do anything for us in terms of a celebration.  I spent $13,000 on this program... couldn't they make some kind of effort to celebrate the fact we finished the program?  The dean was supposed to be there tonight and last minute backed out. Nice, huh?    Oh well. I am done.  My paychecks will increase and I am a better teacher. (And I am $13,000 poorer!)

And then there is our other big news today... Chris heard from the lab this afternoon.  Of our 13 day 3 embyros,  7 made it to blast.  Three were Day 5, and 4 were Day 6.  They are now frozen and have been biopsied to take cells for the genetic testing.  They told Chris that they will be sent out at the end of the week.  That means that we will have our results in 4-6 weeks from then.  I would have loved to have 10 to send, but I will take 7.  We were told that typically half come back normal.  I am hoping to get 4, but we will see.  Now we wait.  I will be doing treatment for my missing Beta-3 Integrin Protein in the mean time.  I am either going to use Letrozale or Depot Lupron.  I need to research it a little more and talk with my nurse about it.  I am torn.  The RE told me that Letrozale was a great alternative since I am so miserable on the Lupron.  But there isn't as much research to support it.  Ugh!  I don't want to have any regrets! 

So now I am dreaming of all of the things I can do with my free time.  I really am not sure what I will do!  I am looking forward to having time in my scrapbook studio again and getting my house put back in order.  I think I am going to enjoy the holidays so much more this year.  I am going to have to find something to keep me busy while we wait for results of our genetic testing for sure!

The tentative plan is to return to Denver the end of January.  Hoping that things fall into place.  Due to the swim season, our only other option is to wait until March.  I think we have waited long enough.

Grad School Final Push

I am so glad that I took today off as well. I was still really sore this morning and spent most of the day on the couch. It also gave me the chance to get most of my grad school portfolio done today. Everything has a first draft and I just need to go over everything one more time. I need to get everything printed and then put into the big binder. I need to come up with a creative presentation for Wednesday night and nothing is striking me yet. Other than that, I am feeling good about grad school. I really can't believe that I will be DONE in two short days! Hard to imagine last August when I started this program. 54 weeks of class... one left to go!

Optamistially hopeful for our blast report on Wednesday. I need to get ahold of the lab and let them know to call Chris not me. I don't want to get the news while I am at school. I've been gone for more than a week and know that things are going to be pretty stressful at work. If the news is not good, I don't want to lose it in front of the kids and if it is good news, I want to share that with Chris. Here's to hoping it is GREAT news!

I have chili cooking on the stove. I am still on a high salt diet so I added some extra garlic salt. Hoping that I won't start craving salt after I am done with this diet! :)

Still Thirteen!

We just got the call from the lab.  We still have 13 embryos.  The embryologist said that they look really good and one is already 12 cells.  Hoping that this trend continues and we have a good number to send off for biopsy later this week.  One more hurdle we've passed!

We got home last night and boy were the puppies glad to see us.  All three animals won't leave my side today.  I am still sore and feeling crummy.  I really want to feel better already. Hoping that two more days of rest before I head back to work will do the trick. 

I have GOT to get my last few grad school assignments done today and tomorrow.  I have had a hard time focusing over the past few days!  :) 

Please keep our lucky 13 in your thoughts and prayers!  :)

GREEN LIGHT!

Here we go!

My progesterone is over 10, which is well above the 5 that it needed to be in order to start the Lupron. Injection #1 tonight. I am also starting Dexamethasone, which is a steroid and Doxycycline, which is an antibiotic.

I am NOT looking forward to the side effects of these meds, but in the end I am praying it will all be worth it. :)

The injections have to be given at the same time each night, so I am waiting for Chris to get home from practice and he will do the honors.

On another note, I have officially started MY LAST GRAD SCHOOL CLASS! Only four more weeks to go! Hurray!

Long time NO Blog

It has been some time since I last blogged, hasn't it?  I have been using twitter and facebook religiously and sadly my blog has been neglected.  Thanks to Beverly for giving me the nudge to finally post something!  :)

Summer is nearly over... but I am THRILLED to have several more weeks thanks to a construction schedule at school.  We are getting central air in all of our classrooms which meant taking out all of the ancient plumbing and vents.  We are also getting new shelving along the outside wall.  Can't wait to see it all put back together.  However, I am so grateful to have the few extra weeks this summer.

Our summer has been full of swim meets as always.  Chris loves his job and has been so very busy!  I have tagged along for a few of the big meets.  He is currently one of the coaches for Team Illinois at the Central Zone meet.  After this weekend, he is finally done for the summer and has a break just about until I go back to school.  Usually he gets done just as I have to go back to work.

We did get to sneak away downtown for our anniversary.  We saw Mary Poppins and also took in a Cubs game with GREAT seats.  I used priceline and we got a GREAT deal on a hotel downtown.  We stayed at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue for $79 each night!  (Of course parking was $55 per night!)  It is hard to beleive we have been married 13 years.  We've been together for more than half of my life at this point!

I just returned from a wonderful weekend in New York with my virtual sisters.  The group of us met 6 years ago on AOL through the Scrapbooking message boards.  We've remained close and try to get together every other year.  It was nice to see them all in person and be able to give each of them a hug.  I was able to see New York and Vermont over the weekend and even took a trip down the Alpine Slide.  Ate lots of chocolate, did some shopping, and had some great laughs.  Looking forward to seeing them again in 2011! :)

My newest obsession involves my hair.  I have had a love/hate relationship with my natural curls for my entire life.  I can say that most of the time I currently lean towards the LOVE side.  Yesterday I went and got it cut short again, and I really am happy with the cut.  I was ready for something new.  I have a great stylist that really knows her stuff and always talks me out of doing anything outrageous.  As I was researching the cut I wanted, I visited naturallycurly.com a site that I often check.  I started to read up on the curly girl method of hair care.  I kept reading, and the more I read, the more it made sense.  I won't bore you with all of the detials, but here is a great link: How to Go Curly Girl.  I have been having a horrible time with my scalp in the past few months and I really think my products are to blame.  I have been using the same products for almost two years now. So as of today, I am now sulfate/silicone free.  It is going to take some time until I find products that I love.  It is my hope that I will have it all figured out before school starts!  :)

Grad school is almost done... November 4th can't come soon enough!  I have one more session in my current class and then two weeks off.  Of course I have several assignments I should be doing right now for that class.  :)  Better go do that now...

Back in the Grind!

Well I didn't even make one day back to school without missing a blog post... Oh well!  I had a rotten night of sleep Sunday night but made it through the day.  The kids were great... I do love my class and what I do.  It took me most of yesterday and today to get things organized thanks to the snow day the last day before break.  I am actually pretty much planned for the rest of the week and am feeling pretty good!

I procrastinated and had to spend last night and tonight doing grad school homework.  Oh well... it was nice to have a break while it lasted!  I finished the paper and read one chapter.  I need to read two more chapters and outline a few things for my thematic unit before class tomorrow, but I am feeling much less stressed than I was on Sunday night.

I have managed to walk both days after school. We've only done a little over a mile, but that is more than I have done in months!  Hoping I can keep the momentum going and maybe even get up to running a little next week.  We will see.

Still trying to think about how I want to document my journey to becoming a woman of grace... that is my word for the year.  I have caught myself thinking about it each morning, so I think it is starting to become a part of who I am.  I just have a great deal of work to do before I get there!  :)

No deep thoughts tonight... must go finish some homework!
I will leave you with this photo of my sweet Patches. She is getting rather demanding in her old age!

Looking back on 2008

Here it is... the end of 2008. I wanted to take some time to reflect on the year before looking forward to 2009.

A few years ago I stopped making resolutions and making INTENTIONS for the year. Here were my intentions for 2008:

1. Complete Adoption Homestudy and become licensed foster parents
We really didn't do anything with this as I think we still needed time to heal from the failed adoption. Recently I have really felt a calling to look into becoming foster parents, so I know this is something we will continue to reflect on in 2009.

2. Make a decision regarding fertility treatments
This is the 800 lb gorilla in the room right now. We have talked about it, but we REALLY need to make a decision. 2008 was not the year, but I am hoping to finally find some closure in regards to treatment in 2009. I really think the failed adoption had a deeper impact than either of us realized. I think 2008 was a year of healing and learning to hope again. Both Chris and I are in a better place now and are looking forward to making some decisions in the coming months.

3. I will finish a 5k without stopping
While I didn't run an entire 5k, I sure did a lot of running in 2008! Who would have thought that I would participate in 3 separate events in one year. One of them was even an 8k! This is something that I plan to continue this winter. I plan to participate in several races again and really hope to be able to RUN a complete 5k in 2009. We even used running as the "theme" for our Christmas card this year!

4. I will have dinner with Grandma twice a month
I suppose by now you see the trend... While I had good intentions, this didn't really happen. I have recently been stopping by to see her more often and realize how precious she really is. She is a big part of the woman I am today and I am working to spend more time with her regularly.

5. I will start a Master's Program
Finally, something I can say YES I did. I started a program in August and will finish in November of 2009. It is a very intense program, so much of my time has been devoted to homework and readings for class. I am so happy that I started the program and really am enjoying being a student again. I am getting a degree in Reading and Literacy which will allow me to become a reading specialist if I choose. I already feel that I am a better teacher and feel a new sense of energy and purpose in my teaching. I wish I had started a program sooner, as I realize now how important it is to nurture myself. It is nice to put something other than infertility in the front of my mind for a change.
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I have also worked on cultivating my marriage and being the wife I know Chris deserves. I know it is cliche' but I really love him more today than I did the day I married him all those years ago. We've learned to love our uniqueness and challenges. Our marriage is truly stronger than it has ever been. I know this is all part of the plan for us and I truly hope that we have laid the foundation for us to complete our family in some way or another in 2009.

We are both happy in our careers and love what we do. We are blessed to have many close friends that we spend time with. We are getting more and more financially secure and learning how to manage our money. We continue to work on our home and have created a place that is not only comfortable for us but also a place we are proud to share with our friends and family. We are fortunate to have three pets who shower us with unconditional love (and the occasional slobbery mess!)

While I didn't accomplish most of my intentions, I don't regret any of my decisions in 2008. It was a good year, and one where I learned a great deal about myself. My life is full of many blessings and I look forward to the new challenges of 2009.

May 2009 be full of love and joy for everyone who is a part of our lives...

Week in My life...

So I was all excited to be starting the Week in my Life project that Ali Edwards is running on her blog. She taught the class at CKU back when I went, but I chose another album track. I always wanted to do it, so when she had it posted on her blog this week I jumped on board. I haven't been taking many photos lately, and I haven't felt very creative. I needed a boost. I know that I NEED to take the creative time- especially when I don't seem to have the time. It keeps me grounded and makes my spirit happy.

So I got my camera all set for Monday so I could capture my day in photos. I charged up the battery and put in the memory card. The memory card acting a little funny at first (wasn't recognized by the camera) but then it was fine. I went on my merry way taking lots of photos. Last night I was just too plain lazy to come upstairs so I didn't "dump" the memory card last night. This morning I was running late, but I remembered to grab my camera and took photos on my drive in and throughout the day just as I did yesterday. I was so proud of myself.

I finished my homework for class tomorrow and decided to dump the photos onto my IMac. Put the card into the card reader....... AND MY MAC FROZE! It has NEVER EVER EVER done that. :( Had to reboot. So I put the card back in and everything appears to be fine.... until I realize that photos are MISSING... like 50 or more photos! Of all of the photos I took yesterday, only SIX made it on my computer. I could scream. From today, there are tons missing too. They aren't even all in order... it is a few here and there. I AM SO MAD! I was so proud of myself and now I don't have the photos I wanted. So what do I do? Do I try again tomorrow? Do I scrap the whole project? Is this a sign that I have too much on my plate right now to even consider this? I really feel that this will be good for me- it will let me see my life from the outside and reflect on what is going on right now.

Ok, whining over. Here are some of my favorites that did make it onto my computer...

These are the books/notes that I should be reading right now


My darling Patches.. whining to go out for the 100th time tonight. She has recently found some spunk and has found her naughty side. While I am happy to see her active, she is making me a little nuts with everything she is getting into. But then I remember that my days with her are numbered... she will be 13 in December!
Then there is this face.... how can you not let him walk all over you? Wait, it's me that he walks all over! Yes, they still have on their 4th of July collars... it's too early for the Halloween ones and by the time I was ready to switch them, I decided to just wait a few more weeks and put them in the Halloween ones.

Ok, I will try again tomorrow. I have a different memory card in the camera now and am charging up the battery. Maybe my camera is finally starting to go wacky... it is an original Digital Rebel from 2002 and I have been drooling over the smaller, more advanced versions... A girl can dream, right?

Off to do some reading... maybe I should have some idea about the content for class tomorrow!

Monday Update

It's Monday... and I am tired! I seem to be getting back into good health for the most part. A few sniffles are still here and I have a strange ache in my shoulder/upper back... but I am not miserable like I was last week. I hope that I am on the mend and will be healthy for some time now. I still need to follow up with my family doctor and probably a dermatologist from the allergic reaction at the end of last month, but who has time for that?

School is busy... both my classroom and my Grad program. I started the next class last week and there is a significant increase in homework for this class. I am WAY behind in reading (which is what I SHOULD be doing right now!) but my two papers are done and my presentation for class on Wednesday is almost done. Feeling pretty good about that right now. From the syllabus, next week looks a little bit lighter, so that is good. I do need to start working on some of the bigger projects for the class though.

I haven't been running or walking at all since school started. MUST GET BACK INTO A ROUTINE ASAP.... Who am I kidding? I do need to get started soon, since I have commited to running (or walking) a 5k again on Thanksgiving. It is hard to believe that all of this running stuff started almost a year ago. Now our friends are all obsessed and I am still trying to get into it. Oh well! Maybe some day I will enjoy running... maybe?

Chris was gone most of the weekend for swimming and for a training run. The marathon is only a few short weeks away now, so he is deep in training. I will be glad when it is over and I can have what little free time he has back. :-) He doesn't have practice on Friday night so maybe we will even try to go out for dinner... wouldn't that be nice? I would like to try to get in a weekend away some time this fall. It may not work out, and I may have to settle for just one night, but we need some time away. We'll see. Swim meets start up again this weekend but there are a few free weekends here and there.

Dealing with what I feel was another early miscarriage... I just know my body. This time there was a faint positive test to back it up, though. Since I was on the steroids for my allergic reaction, I think that had something to do with it. I really need to schedule an appointment with a reproductive immunologist just for a consult. I really feel that it is an immune issue with us since our embryos are always good and I have had several documented "chemical" pregnancies and several more that are undocumented like this last one. I know we need to do something, and I am getting close to making some steps. Chris is worried that it will be more than I can handle since I was so stressed at the start of the year already. Maybe he is right... but I know that doing NOTHING for the past year hasn't been healthy either.

Ok... I really should go get some reading done....

First cold of the school year! :(

It's here... the first cold of the school year. I knew it was only a matter of time since I had several kiddos already sneezing and spewing germs all over my classroom. Hoping it doesn't stay long since I just don't have the time to be sick right now! I am missing school one day this week and next due to meetings, so there simply is no time to be out for a sick day! Thank goodness for Mucinex and Dayquil! :-)

We had planned to go Apple Picking this past weekend, but the weather didn't really cooperate! I don't think I have seen that much rain in one weekend in a LONG time. I am so thankful that we only had a small portion of what our neighbors in the southern suburbs of Chicago had. I am even more thankful that Hurricane Ike had lost most of his strength before making his way to the midwest. My heart goes out to those whose lives have forever been changed after the weather this weekend. I know that we are truly lucky! We plan to try apple picking again this weekend, but Chris will miss it since he will be at Notre Dame for a swim meet. Hopefully the roads to Northwest Indiana will have reopened by the weekend!

Haven't done much creatively in a LONG time. Hoping to get some inspiration soon. I have some reading to do tonight for class tomorrow. I finished the first class last week, so I am now 1/11th of the way to my Master's Degree! Only 50 more Wednesdays to go! :-)

Off to do some laundry... it just never ends! And there are only two of us!

Monday

Feeling much better today...

The first draft of the paper is done. I need to read over it and make some edits after I finishing posting here. I need to clean up the reference list. I spent all weekend working on it... literally! I came home from "10th period" at a local establishment after work on Friday and didn't leave the house again until I went to work this morning. Made for a dull weekend... but I feel so much better... other than my neck and shoulders are sore from looking at the computer all weekend. I do LOVE my iMac, so that made it a little easier to bear! LOL

Getting into a routine with school. My kids this year are much higher than kids in years past so I am having to adjust things here and there. The spelling units I chose for this week were all too easy, so now I have to give them a new list tomorrow! I guess that is a good problem to have! I have a training tomorrow afternoon, so I have to do sub plans. I do prefer to be out in the afternoons though since that means I only miss two classes. Much easier that way! :-) I still need to make a worksheet for science tomorrow. What I had planned is way too hard to leave for a substitute!

Spent an hour trying to get some insurance stuff straightened out all the way from June when I had my ear infection. Appears the insurance company had a loop hole that prevented them from having to pay... ugh! So I called the doctor's office back to have them resubmit the forms and leave off the date... gotta love the red tape! I hardly use the insurance at all right now since we are not in active treatment. The thought of having to fight them for infertility benefits makes my skin crawl!

We have gotten a great deal of rain over the past few days courtesy of the hurricanes. We needed the rain desperatly so I hope that now the ragweed will be washed away. Both the dogs have allergies and Patches has managed to chew one of her feet raw. Every fall she manages to do this. You think I would be prepared and start her on benadryl earlier. Oh well! My allergies are a mess too... thus the rash that is just now starting to clear. YUCK!

I ordered the books for my next class tonight. After Wednesday I will be 1/11th of the way done with my master's program! I do already feel that I have learned new things. I am a nerd at heart and really do enjoy the academic setting. I really wish I had gone back sooner. Who knows... maybe I will keep going and get a second master's degree?!

Hoping to have some creative time. Haven't done anything creative in WEEKS. I hope that this weekend allows me some time to myself for sure! I shouldn't have too much homework, which will be nice after spending the entire past weekend tied to the computer!

I will close with a photo of the two of us taken at a friend's birthday party:

Overwhelmed...

There is just no other way to put it. I am overwhelmed and over my head right now. Thus the reason there have been no posts in several weeks. A good friend reminded me that this is normal... the start of a school year is overwhelming no matter how prepared and relaxed you are after summer break. You just start to feel like you aren't doing anything right!

School is great... I like my students and things are going well. I need to get myself organized and get a plan of action in place for the coming weeks, but I am good. There is so much to get put into place at the start of the year. I always seem to forget about all of the little things that I have to teach kids to do at the start of 6th grade. We remember our students at the end of 6th grade and forget that they had to learn how to follow directions and what the routines are. I forget that these are not the same kids that I had last year... I also forget how overwhelmed they are as 6th graders in a new building with a whole new way of coming to school. I do love what I do and teaching 6th grade is challenging and rewarding all in that they change so much over the year. It is one of the reasons that I love teaching this age so much.

I am almost done with my first master's class. Of course the timing couldn't be worse! I have a LARGE paper that I really should be working on right now. I will.... Last night was our first night of class after teaching all day. Boy am I tired today! It will all work out. I just need to learn how to manage my time and get myself organized. I did tell my students that I needed to practice what I preach... since I had HOURS of homework that I should have done over the weekend. :-)

On top of everything, I ended up in the Acute Care Center last Thursday with some kind of allergic reaction. It started on the Sunday before after I had spent two days working in my classroom. I am hoping that there isn't something in my room that I am allergic too. I broke out in random spots on my arms and legs that were very itchy. I am now on steroids which are clearing the rash, but also giving me all kinds of other side effects. The worst is the fact I can't seem to get a good night's sleep. I toss and turn and am awake every two hours. I am really looking forward to this weekend when I can sleep in! I am supposed to follow up with my doctor, but I just don't have time right now... but if I keep feeling cruddy after I am done with the meds, I will have no other choice.

My house is a mess right now and it is making me nuts. I should be writing a paper and reading the homework assignments. I need to write lesson plans. Whenever I get to this point and have so much to do I just can't focus... and then nothing gets done. It will pass. I will get through this.

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On another note, a good friend of mine told me yesterday that she is pregnant. I am so very happy for her. She has been a good friend for many years and has "protected" me in the past from pregnancy announcements and was a HUGE savior for me last year when our adoption failed. She "GETS" it. She was so sweet last night when I talked to her. She wanted to tell me in person, but I had class so she had to tell me over the phone. In all reality, that was probably better for me. I hate the fact that she has to feel bad about telling me she is pregnant. She knows all that we have endured and knows that I would not wish infertility on anyone. She shouldn't have to feel guilty telling me. I am so very touched that she wanted to make sure I was ok. I will be ok... it will just take me some time and I know that she understands. That is what truly makes her friendship so amazing. Did a little bit of my heart break last night? Yep, as soon as I got off the phone with her. It isn't that I am not happy for her... I am sad for me. Every announcement seems to open up that little part of my heart that dreams of being a mother and wants it more than anything. Most of the time I have that part under lock and key just to keep my sanity. I know that our friendship will change now... she is now part of the "club" that I so desperately want to be part of, but I keep getting rejection notices! While we will have things in common, her life is about to change drastically and I won't be able to relate. It has happened over and over as each of my friends has started their families. It's my fault. Maybe I am the one who starts to take a step back. I don't know.
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Ok, enough of that... must go do some homework! I have a great student who is reminding me of all of the things during the day... I think I might tell her when I have homework so she holds me accountable! :-)

Random Thoughts

The summer seems to be coming to a close and my mind is just a jumble of random thoughts. So you, my faithful blog readers (all three of you!) get to hear them all... :-)

Chris and I just got back from a motorcycle ride. I am actually frustrated by how little we have used it this summer. The time just slipped away! I really do LOVE being on that bike. There is something calming and exhilarating all at the same time about it. My mind wanders and clears as I go from one random thought to another. I am also amazed at the beauty that surrounds us in our local area.

Along the way we saw a beautiful prairie preservation area. Here in the midwest we don't have mountains or the ocean. Many people feel we just have flat land. Seeing this prairie from the back of the motorcycle today was simply breathtaking. I honestly wish I had my camera with me. The sun was setting over it and it seemed that you could see for miles and miles. We don't need mountains here! :-)

We just rode and ended up getting dinner at a little bar in Burlington, Wisconsin. They had Woodchuck hard apple cider on tap. I forgot how much I LOVE cider brews. I don't think I have ever been somewhere that had it on tap. They had a great menu and will eventually brew their own beers there. Chris and I love microbreweries so we can't wait to go back once they are open!

I am starting to think about school starting. I love teaching for many reasons, but one of them is the clean slate each year. What other job to you get to start over each year? I love having my summers off and I know those of you who aren't teachers hate when we say that. Honestly I think we NEED that time off to regroup and prepare for another year of adventure. I am starting my eleventh year of teaching this fall and not one of them has been close to the same. After the turmoil of last year, I am just hoping to have a nice quiet year where I can focus on my students and my own education!

I had my first official class last night... one down and 54 more to go! :-) It was good and the professor is really dynamic. This is the first time she has taught the class and the first time this program has been taught as a hybrid (online and classroom) so there are some kinks that need to be worked out. I know it will work out. I just really want to get something out of this... of course other than the obvious pay raise. I have always been a "nerd" and I am falling right back into that role as a student.

The start of the school year also marks the first year we are starting without my dear friend, Wilson. She passed away suddenly last November and I still think of her all the time. There will be a new teacher in her room this fall and we won't have her humor at the start of the year in services. While I relish the passing of time, it is milestones like this that cause me to pause and reflect. At the end of the last school year we took up a collection to put a headstone on her grave. Her family just didn't find it in themselves to put one there. I haven't been back to the cemetery since her funeral last November. I think I am going to go there in the morning before I go to school.

Chris just took Romeo on a half mile run and then left him here with me while he does another 2 or 3 miles. Romeo paces the entire time he is gone because he wants to be with him. Romeo is getting better about pulling but it is still really hard on Chris to run more than a mile with him. Romeo is whining and I get the pleasure of listening to it until Chris gets back. I don't really like when he runs in the dark, but he is a big boy and I have to trust he will be fine. :-) So for now I have to deal with the neurotic dog.

We haven't watch the finals of the Olympics yet tonight but did watch the prelims that were shown during the day. My heart is breaking for Katie Hoff. She had such high expectations this year and she is struggling for sure. She has three medals, which is an amazing feat, but that is overshadowed by her two fourth place finishes and the fact that she didn't even make the finals in the 800 tonight. She is still really young and has come a LONG way from the 2004 games where she collapsed on the deck. I hope she continues to train and we will see her in the 2012 games. She is only 19 so she has youth on her side. :-)

Enough randomness for tonight... must go deal with neurotic dog.