Going Private

I am going to take my blog private on Sunday. If you would like access to my blog, please feel free to leave a comment on this post and I will add you to the list.  I need your email to add you to the list.  Please email me at puzzleblog (at) me (dot) com.

Thanks!

Quick Question

Quick question that I hope one of you readers can help with.

The one scrapbook I lost in the storm last week is an acrylic 8 X 8.  It is destroyed- pictures are running, paper is ripping and elements have stuck together as it has dried.  I need to figure out how to claim this on my insurance.  I don't think I can get "anything" for my time.  Do I look at the products and the cost to replace them?  It is a "piece of art" I suppose, but I don't know that there is a value for that.  :)

As I am going through the list of what I lost, I am so thankful that I was home and able to save so much.  We are so very lucky!  Hoping that the insurance adjuster will consider that when looking at repairs for the outside of our house! 

Friends

I have been so very blessed to have amazing people come into our lives.  If you read my blog regularly, you know that I don't have a great relationship with my family.  I am recently coming to terms with this and can say I am almost at the point of acceptance.

Chris and I are so lucky to have amazing people in our lives.  In the most recent crisis with the storm, several friends dropped everything to come to our rescue.  John & Miriam have become our closest friends over the past few years.  We tell everyone on the swim team we went to high school together.  We may not have been in school at the same time, but three of us all went to the same high school.  :)  John came over on Friday in the midst of the storm to check on things since Chris was at a swim meet.  He helped Chris put the tarp up and even brought us some dinner.  I spent the next day at their home where Miriam made me breakfast and lunch.  She opened her home to us as well as another good friend who was also without power.  This is just the most recent example of how amazing these people are.  They took us in on Christmas Eve when my family decided to have something without us.  We enjoy spending time with them and truly feel that they came into our lives at just the right moment.

I also have a very close friend from high school (who happens to read this blog!) She was the maid of honor at our wedding.  We have lost touch over the years, but have recently become close again.  Mandy has been an amazing support for me and is always willing to listen when I need to vent about my family.  She has supported me through our IVF failures and has really taken the time to learn about what we are going through so that she can support me.  She even sent me a "thinking of You" card right before Mother's Day.  She is the mom of two adorable children and I was so lucky to get to spend the day with them at the zoo while they were in town.   I am inspired by her, and hope to be half the mom she is someday.  (Thanks Mandy... you have been a rock for me!)

I am also blessed to have made amazing friends at work. Middle school teachers are all a little "off" and because of that, we get along great!  They have supported me through my professional life, but also my personal life.  As I was cleaning out my studio yesterday, I came across a pile of cards that my coworker sent or gave to me after our FET failed.  They were filled with touching words of comfort and inspiration.  (Mixed in was a nasty letter I got from my mom telling me how selfish I am, but that is another story all together)  It was the kindness of my coworkers that made it possible for me to get back to the real world.

It makes it so much easier to deal with what is going on with my family knowing that there are good people in the world, and people who think Chris and I are good people.  We have met some amazing people through swimming who are still some of our good friends today.  While I am sad that our future children may not have an official extended family, they will be loved and cherished by our friends.  To me, that means the world. 

Fourteen Years

Crazy young kids- June 22, 1996

It was fourteen years ago today that Chris and I became husband and wife.  I look at this photo and it brings back memories of our wonderful day full of hope and promise.  We had no idea what the next year would hold, let alone the fourteen.  I see how young and naive we were back then.  We had the world ahead of us and felt that we could do anything.  I thought that I loved him then.  I had no idea how much that love would change and evolve over time.  

Infertility has robbed us of many things, but it has made our marriage stronger.  It hasn't been easy and we sure had our moments.  However, I can honestly say that I love this man more today because of our infertility.  We've been in this together and he has truly been my rock.  He's been there every step of the way.  We've handled good news and bad news together.  We had no idea what it meant when we said "in sickness and health, in good times and in bad" all those years ago.

So today, we will celebrate our marriage.  We won't dwell on another milestone passing without a child.  Today, it is all about the two of us.  Happy Anniversary to the most amazing husband, friend, and soul mate. 

WELCOME JUNE ICLW

It's already been a month since my first ICLW.  Welcome to those of you who have found my blog through the ICLW.  I thought I would just do a quick post this morning to give those of you new to my blog the "cliff's notes" version. 

1. DH & I have officially been TTC our first child for a decade, yep, 10 years tomorrow.
2. DH & I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow.
3. We've done just about every ART out there, including 4 IVFs.
4. We are currently working with Dr. School.craft at CC.RM.
5. While it appears I don't have endo, I do have PCOS and the missing Beta-3 Integrin Protein
6. Our IVF failures are in the "unexplained" category because the above issues have been treated.
7. We had one independent adoption fail when the birth mother decided to parent.  We were devastated, but supported her decision 110%. We just wish she would have communicated her decision to us.
8. I am currently on Dep.ot Lu.pron to treat the missing Beta-3, with the intention of doing our final FET in September.  We have one CGH normal embryo and one no result left on ice on Denver that we will be using.
9. I am a middle school special education teacher who is VERY happy to be on summer break right now!  DH is a swim coach whose season is in full swing.
10. I am a crafty girl and love scrapbooking and papercrafts.  I also dabble in photography and writing.  

So that's the quick version.  You can see a more detailed history on the sidebar.  We are currently dealing with the clean up from a storm last Friday that sadly damaged my studio and a few of my most recent scrapbooks were ruined.  We are still waiting for the insurance adjuster to come out so that we can start repairs on our roof.  We've been told he will be here on Friday, since this storm did so much damage, he is busy all week with people who are worse off than we are.  That just reminds me of how much worse it really could have been!

Glad to have you here, and looking forward to reading & leaving comments this week!

When it rains....

So it was a rocky night here.  It appears that a tornado or at least a "microburst" ran through our town last night. I was home alone when it came through.  I didn't realize how much damage we had on the outside of our home until much later.  The first sign was the fact it started raining inside my beloved scrapbook studio.  I am so glad I was home and went upstairs to see what the weather was doing.  I was horrified to see rain coming from several points in the ceiling.  I got my computer out first, and then moved what I could.  I am so glad that my finished scrapbooks and photos were on the other side of the room!

And then I went outside.  It appears that our chimney came down and took a good chunk of the roof with it.  There were also large branches and trees down in the backyard.  It was quite the mess.  :(

It is now 18 hours later, and we still do not have power or phone service.  I am writing this from our friend's house who has opened a "refuge camp" for those of us still without power.  We have no water at home, so taking a shower was a true joy this morning here at her house!  She even made me some breakfast and coffee.  It's the little things in life for sure!  We are so blessed to have such good friends who can come to our rescue!

Update: Power and phone have been restored thankfully.  Still no contact from the insurance company, however.  Now the clean up begins... tomorrow!

Thoughts from a Dep.ot Lupr.ot Mind

Warning- This isn't going to be pretty.  To my IF friends who are pregnant, you know that none of this is directed towards you!  :-)  And yes, I might be crazy but would NEVER act on any of these thoughts.  For an interesting read about the perception people have about infertiles, read Mel's post here: Infertile People want to Steal your baby.

One of the side effects (at least that is going to be my excuse) of the Dep.ot Lup.ron appears to be a sense of rage towards pregnancy and everything associated with it.  I've been able to keep it pretty tied up inside, but I fear that the ugly monster will come out eventually!  Here are just a few things I have done-

1.  Literally flipped off the entire baby department at Target.  I actually kept my middle finger up (but on the cart, so nobody could really see!) as I walked past the baby department.  Who does that?!

2.  Resisted the urge to trip a VERY pregnant woman who appeared to be in her very early 20s with an infant already in her cart.  I mean, how is that fair?  I just want one, and here she has another on the way.   Again, this happened at Target.  Maybe I should take the hint, but man I love Target!

3.  Oh the dirty looks I have given people.  I have been silently judging just about every mother I see.  I could do a better job than that woman.  What was that woman thinking?

While I realize that I don't know the whole story for most of these women.  In fact some of them might be carrying a precious miracle that they have wanted for a decade.  But for now, I am going to live in my silent lu.rpon induced rage state.  Hopefully I can keep it all under control and it will be our little secret!

Mostly Wordless Wednesday 6/16/10

This is how I feel abut my infertility right now...

What the he!! was I thinking???

So I am only a few days into the Dep.ot Lupr.on and I am wondering what the he!! I was thinking.  It's not just the depot, but the whole thing.  Am I really ready to consider putting my body and soul through this again?  Why am I willing to go through this all again?  Am I really ready? 

The reality is that I have to face the fact that I might spend the next two months a miserable mess just do the FET that only has a 40% chance of working.  I have to protect myself.  I can't let myself get caught up in the fantasy that this might all work.  I fell way too hard last time, and I just don't think I can recover from that again.  Seeing the FET calendar laid out in black and white scared the crap out of me.  I know this is what I want to do, what we need to do, but man it is hard to actually do it.

I am thankful that the end of the school year is just around the corner.  This has been a long and hard year professionally on top of our infertility.  Everyone is irritable at school and just wants to get away.  I am on edge, but I am always on edge at the end of the year.  So, I don't think the mood swings and fatigue is due to the depot just yet.

I just need to get to next Thursday when I can finally relax and take a deep breath.  Hoping I can make it!

CD #1

Today is finally CD #1.

Dep.ot Lup.ron Shot #1.

FET calendar in hand.  Tentative FET #3-  9/10/10.

Let the fun begin!

Wordless Wednesday