Whew! Back to NORMAL! :)

Just talked to nurse at local clinic.

Experienced RE taking over my case.

Said he doesn't care if it is 3.3, 2.2, or less than 2- It's NEGATIVE and there is NO need to repeat.

I feel like I could break into the Hallelujah Chorus right now.

She's even going to talk to him about running labs for RPL.

Could I really finally be through this hell?

Things are looking positive in the new job department.  Still FAR from a done deal, but my name is in the running.  It's not having the elusive certificate that is holding me back.  But there aren't many people who have said certificate.  So hopeful that I will get some news on that next week.

It's taken all summer, but feeling like things might resolve.

Off to go knock on some wood somewhere!

FINALLY NEGATIVE!!!!!- But wait, maybe not?!

* See added edit at the end*

~~~~~
I finally made it.

I'm finally not pregnant.

Not that I've been "really" pregnant for the past three months.

But as of today, I am finally considered NEGATIVE for pregnancy.

Never in a million years did I think this long time infertile would be so very happy to hear those words.

"Your HCG is less than 2"

I'd be lying if there wasn't a tiny bit of me that will always be sad to hear those words.  But the reality of this situation is that this is GOOD news.  Really good news.  Good news that has been a LONG time coming.

Off to email CC.RM with the good news and also ask for orders for RPL panel.  Who knew I'd also be thrilled to add one more diagnosis to my list?  Hoping to get those labs run next week and then hopefully

Move on.

Where?  That's the big question.

But at least I don't feel STUCK anymore.  I feel like I can finally move.  Let's just hope I can keep some momentum.

~~~~~

Edited to Add:
Apparently I spoke too soon.  There still is an issue.  Just got message from nurse at local RE office.

They ran my blood three times.  (Not sure why?!)

Only the third time did it come back as less than 2.

The first time it was ran it was 3.3
Then 2.2
and then the third time less than 2

So, I am supposed to call in the morning and go from there.

Will this nightmare EVER end?
~~~~~~

LIVID!!!

Just got home from what WILL be my last set of labs for the Miscarriage of the Summer.

Asked for them to finally run the APA and Clotting Panel as well.  Local RE has refused to do so until my HCG was negative.  CC.RM told me that it could have been run two weeks ago when I was at 4- but this yahoo wanted to wait until it as less than 2.  Asked for them to just draw the vials today- since they charge me an office visit AND venipuncture every.single.time I walk in the door. 

Tech had no idea what to draw so asked Dr Local Moron.  He told her that he WOULD NOT RUN IT FOR ME and that I had to go to a hematologist or my GP.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  All summer I was told that as soon as I got to negative he would do it.  Now, three months later he is saying he WON'T DO IT?????!!!!

Now that I've cried angry tears the car ride home, I think the bottom line is that HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO RUN!  That I am beyond his expertise and he just didn't know what tests to do- even though I copied EXACTLY what my CC.RM nurse told me.

On top of it all, I think my favorite nurse has left the practice.  She has been there since I started with them a decade ago, and I haven't seen her in the last month.  She was ALWAYS there, so that makes me think she quit.  She was amazing and kind.  Guessing that dealing with Dr Moron finally got the best of her! 

To be fair, this is the associate of the main RE at the clinic.  I got pushed off to him at the start and have had nothing but issues since.  He has tried to push me off on an Ob/Gyn since the start.  Trying to keep my level head because if we are ever fortunate to try again at CC.RM I need to use this clinic for local monitoring.  Even if they charge me an extra non billable $40 every.single.time I walk in the office with orders from CC.RM.

So I will send an email to my beloved CC.RM nurse who will write me orders for the tests.  Just means I'll have to make an appointment at the hospital to have them done.  I don't have time for that right now.  Only one week until we leave for Cali, and then school starts the day after we get home.  Summer is over for me.

Ok rant over for now.  Please GOD let my levels finally be NEGATIVE!!!

MIA with Pictures

I've been a bad blogger- but with good reason!  I had some amazing women here last week, and I just didn't have the chance to blog.  Still in limbo with the miscarriage and the job.  Not even going to go there in this post.  It just makes me mad.  So, instead I am going to share with you photos of what I was up to while my blog sat neglected!

It was great to host these amazing ladies!  We see each other every other year- and it's always like we've never been apart.  They've been such a support for me over the years, and I am so glad I got the chance to show them my home and my city!

Taking a break from the heat in Lake Geneva

Four scrapbookers= lots of photo ops!

Buttrick Sawmill in Antioch- Tradition of taking photos using the timer which requires me to RUN to get into the shot.  This year was no different!

Lots of laughter- Love this shot because it truly shows the spirit of this amazing woman.  :)

Attending the CHA show with my girls- Gloria was able to get us tickets and we LOVED seeing all of her work featured at Spellbinders, Graphic 45, & Hampton Arts!  (Totes were my gift to them made by Just Embroidered Totes and Stuff)

Making sure the girls got to experience all of the Chicago Style food I could come up with- This is Gino's East Pizza.

Beverly's husband Stephen with the girls- It was so nice to see him again!

Out on the LEDGE at the skydeck.  That's not photoshopped! 

Had to take the girls to Ed's for lunch! 

It was the HOTTEST day of the year... but I insisted that they needed to see the Bean. 

Limbo Week 9

Today's HCG level= 4.

At first the nurse said Congrats, you are done.  And then she took it back.  She said local RE wants it under 2.  So they want me back in two weeks for a recheck.  Seriously?!

I was also "scolded" for not establishing myself with an OB/Gyn.  I really feel like this local RE just wants to rid his hands of me.  He is the partner of the main RE who owns the practice.  I am NOT a fan.  He's been less than stellar with my care.  Thankfully I've been in contact with my nurse at CC.RM otherwise I would be freaking out more than I am. 

He won't agree to test for the clotting issues until my HCG is less than 2.  I am tempted to just get the orders from CC.RM, but I think they'd lose even more interest in caring for me if I did that.  (And they'd charge me an additional $40 "facility fee" every time I walked in the door.)  I'm going to send an email to my CC.RM nurse and get her take on it all.

I have company coming next week, so I'll be nice and busy.  I'll have the week ELEVEN HCG level done on the 27th.  Hoping that I can finally get the clotting labs done before we leave for California.  We get back from that trip the night before school starts.  Who knew that I would spend the ENTIRE SUMMER in this limbo land?!

I am frustrated that it feels like we've lost an entire summer to this miscarriage limbo.  We haven't moved forward with our adoption marketing because I just couldn't without getting some closure.  And here it is, the summer is coming to a close, and I'm still where I was in May.

I still haven't heard anything on the new position, either.  The admin team was on vacation until this past Monday.  Then we had a ridiculous storm come through here that has left almost 100,000 people without power still today- including our district email server and some of the district offices.  Rumor has it that it will finally be posted next week.  Hoping that I can get some closure on that front soon, too.  I just need to know so that I can plan appropriately for the rest of my summer. 

We have spent the last week getting ready for our guests.  We've turned Chris' office into a guest room with the intention of becoming a nursery some day.  I suppose that means we've made some progress this summer.  I'll post pictures soon.  Right now it's still in pieces.  :)

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and sharing in my frustration.  It means the world to me.

Snapping Out of It!

Thank you for all of your kind words. 

I didn't do much yesterday.  And I am trying to be ok about that.

You see, I have three amazing ladies coming to visit me in just over a week.  I have so much I need/want to get done before they get here.  So... no more wallowing for me!  I need to get to work!

Chris took the motorcycle to the meet today, so I have a car.  I need to make sure I get everything that I need to get done today as he will need the car again tomorrow.

Also heard from my CC.RM nurse who feels that AF being here is a really good sign that I'll be under 5 next time.  She is so very sweet.  I only wish that we could be back there cycling, but alas that is not an option at this very moment.  A girl can dream, right?  :)

Ok, I must go paint and prime the guest room if my amazing ladies are going to have a place to sleep when they come! 

Wallow or Snap out of it?

So it seems AF is here in full force. 

Please let this be a sign that my body is finally going to resolve all of this on its own.  Pretty please.  I really don't want to consider the alternative.  The initial u/s didn't show anything anywhere and at that point my HCG was at 1200.  So I am hopeful that there isn't any residual tissue causing issues at this point.

I am in a funk today, and need to decide if I am just going to let myself wallow in self pity for a day or try to snap out of it.  I have worked hard to stay positive and keep myself moving forward.  But today, I feel like I can't fight against the universe.  I think I'm allowed one day of rest, right?!

Just to add a little more stress to my life, we're having issues with my car again.  It can't be driven right now.  Chris attempted to fix it earlier in the week, and it worked for a few days and now needs a part that he can't replace.  Really looking forward to the bill from the dealer.  Chris has a meet this weekend, and had to take large tents with him today.  So that means I'm home and can't go anywhere. Which is really ok, but just makes me frustrated that I can't go somewhere if I wanted to.  There's plenty of work to get done around here, so I really have plenty I can do. 

So to wallow or snap out of it?  We'll see what the day brings.  Either way, I'm only allowing myself this ONE day.  I can't let the universe win.  I have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks that I just need to push through it. 

And universe... can you please cut me a break sometime really soon?

6

Seriously... if this wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it.

Today's HCG level... Six...

That's a drop of 4 whole points in 2 1/2 weeks.

Freaking Awesome.

However, I really do think that AF is here.  I have had severe cramping and bright red. 

But that all started before I had today's labs.

So the plan is one more week of labs and then I need to find an Ob/Gyn to do a D & C. 

Really not wanting to even consider a D & C at this point.  Reading about possible complications is scary.  But so are the complications of residual tissue.

And the rest of my summer is all planned out.  I REALLY don't have time for all of this.  I honestly don't know how to fit in a D & C at this point should I need to do that.

But from what I've read, anything under 5 is considered negative.  So I'm almost there, right?

I am at a loss.  I am frustrated.  I am angry.  I am sad.  I just want to move on from this.

Anyone have any thoughts?  Words of wisdom?  A crystal ball?

Just once I wish I wasn't the exception to the rule.