Give

I'd like to share a link to a website I've recently learned about.  It is an amazing organization bringing families together... one dollar at a time.  They feature a family each week and ask that people donate $1 to their adoption fund.  Each family creates a video sharing their story.  They have focused on Africa, but have recently started a domestic site as well.  I've donated to this week's family on both the Africa and Domestic sites.  Would you consider doing the same?  $1 doesn't buy much by iteself, but lots of $1 can make a big difference for these families.




Chris and I are planning to apply to be a family.  I am working on our video now.  The reality is that we need to start looking at options to help building our adoption fund.  We honestly hoped we'd be matched by now, and have spent more than we really expected to on advertising costs.  We spent most of our life savings on our final IVF in Colorado.  I don't regret that for one moment.  However, it means that we don't have the resources that we could have had we not gone to Colorado. 

I'll share more about our plans in another post.  Please take a moment to check out the give1save1 site and donate if you are able.  You might be able to help a family's dreams come true.

July ICLW

I was not a good June ILCW girl.  I promise to make it up this month.  Last month we were at the Olympic Swimming Trials, so we were just a tad busy.  This time I am home and DH is crazy busy with swimming- this time closer to home.  I should have plenty of time to read and comment this time! :)

For those of you new here, Dh and I are infertility veterans... we've been at this for more than 12 years.  We've been through the motions of treatment- even at the best clinic in the country.  I'm a PCOS gal, but that is under control.  We're in the unexplained category officially.  For some unknown reason, my body decided to figure out how to get pregnant on its own in the last two years but can't seem to figure out holding onto to a pregnancy past 10 weeks.  We've had three miscarriages in the past 18 months.  You can see the nitty gritty on the timeline tab above.  We've closed the pregnancy chapter of our lives and are very excited about building our family through domestic infant adoption.

We are homestudy approved and waiting to be matched.  We've been an  active waiting family for just over 9 months or so.  We are using an attorney and are doing our own marketing.  It's been an adventure and we're learning as we go.  We've recently created a youtube video and started working with adoptimist.com 

I am a middle school teacher- but recently took a new position as a technology integration specialist for our middle school and elementary school.  I am very excited about this new position and the challenges it brings.  DH is a swim coach and we are VERY excited about the Olympics.  Chris actually coached one of the swimmers when he was in high school! 

I have a little card making venture that helps to offest our adoption marketing costs.  You can see my creations in the side bar or by clicking here.  I am a creative soul and my creative endeavors have kept me sane during our adventures with infertility. 


That's the cliff note version of my life...

Looking forward to ICLW this week!

Cha Cha Cha Changes....

It's almost official.  The new job is MINE pending board approval on Monday.  Considering the fact that my prior position has already been posted on the district's website, I think it is safe to say the job is mine. 

I met with my principal yesterday to talk about my transition out of the classroom.  There is a part of me that is very nervous about this change... I have spent the past 11 years in the same position.  Sure, the kids changed and my scheduled changed over the years, but I was doing the same job.  I've needed this change.  It was a tough year last year and the challenging student is still a little thorn- there is a due process hearing planned for August.  I will probably still have some part of that.  Other than the student, I was feeling stale in the classroom.  I wasn't excited about teaching like I once was.

I woke up this morning excited about a new school year.  I haven't felt that way in a few years.  I am excited to start working on plans for the year.  I do feel that there are high expectations for me in this role.  That scares me a little, but also excites me.  As a type A gal, I am excited about the opportunity to prove myself again.

There is also the added bonus of NO MORE SPECIAL ED PAPERWORK!  I am so thrilled about that!  I will be involved in developing a data base for the IEP paperwork- which is fine by me.  I will be working with the Sped department in the new role, but the relief I feel about no more paperwork is unbelievable!

The biggest task in the coming weeks will be cleaning out my classroom.  I did move into this room at the start of last school year so I did quite a bit of purging last summer.  However, there is still eleven years worth of files, personal purchases, etc to clean out.  I want to leave materials for my replacement, but I also don't want him/her to feel that I left a bunch of crap for them to clean out!  One of our former swimmers is going to be a first year teacher for CPS, so I will be handing off lots of my personal materials to her.  I remember all too well about having NOTHING as a new teacher!

I am also planning to organize all of the files on my school laptop so that I can hand my replacement a flash drive.  I will also be serving as a mentor for him/her.  As much as I am ready for this change, I care deeply for the program that was my "baby" for the past eleven years!

I do have to start another grad program- or at least classes to get the certificate for this position.  While I hate to spend the resources on that now, I am honestly a little excited about taking classes and gaining knowledge in this new area.  I am hopeful that I won't need to take the full program, but will be able to take only the necessary classes to get the certificate.  Need to make some calls on Monday to get details on that.  

While I know there will be stress in this new job, I know that it won't be nearly what it was.  I am hoping that this change will not only be good for my career, it will also be good for my soul.  I am hoping that this will give me more time to create, and more time to be the wife Chris so richly deserves.  And of course, I am so very hopeful that this WILL be the year that we become parents. 

I am hoping to meet with my new supervisor next week to share with him our adoption plans so that is all on the table from the start.  This position also gives me a little more flexibility and will hopefully be easier to take a leave from.  I am so hopeful that this is just the start of some big changes in our lives!

Jellies

Thanks for all of the congratulations on my last post.  Still waiting to hear from the superintendents office for my final interview. 

Chris was in the city for a swim meet this weekend.  He called me on Saturday night and suggested I take the train down on Sunday so we could make a quick trip to the Shedd Aquarium.  I've been wanting to get in to see the Jellyfish exhibit for more than a year now.  My friend Beverly and her husband saw them when they were here in town, and I was a little jealous.  I thought I had missed my chance, but they extended their stay through the rest of the year.

Chris and I have always loved all things water- not just because he's a swim coach.  Even when we were in high school, we'd spend time at the lakefront in our hometown.  Chris grew up fishing in northern Wisconsin.  Our dream vacations have always involved the ocean.  There's just something about the water.  I hope to one day live on a body of water... for now we have to manage with a lake in our neighborhood and trips to the aquarium. 

I took the train into the city- it was pretty packed since the Taste of Chicago is going on and there was a Cubs game.  I had plenty of time so I decided to walk to the Shedd from Union Station.  This is a big leap for me- this suburban girl used to be terrified of the city.  It's amazing how a few years can change you.  It was warm- but I really enjoyed the walk.  It gave me time to think and also to take in the beauty of Chicago.  I really do love the city- there's so much to see and do!  I walked through the Taste and then along the lakefront path.  Loved the views!

The jelly exhibit was awesome.  I'm so glad we got a chance to see it.  We had to wait in a crazy long line in the heat just to get into the Shedd.  However, we had teacher vouchers so we only had to pay for the extra fee to see the Jellyfish.  (If you are an educator, or have any form of a school ID, you can get into the Shedd free of charge by filling out an online form and bringing your ID or paystub).  We had about two and a half hours to spend there- and it was just the right amount of time. 

Here are some of my favorite photos from the day:

One of my favorite views of the city- skyline over the fountain.

The bright colors in the tanks really lend to great photos!

I could have watched them move for hours!

Wish I remembered the names of these... they were pretty unusual!

Posing outside the wild reef exhibit... always trying to keep the profile fresh!

On the steps of the Shedd... our friend Karin was with us and took these photos!

Finally some good change...

The interview went really well.  I was really nervous as I haven't sat on that side of the table for more than a decade.  I've been part of several interview teams- including the one for our assistant principal.  It was almost more intimidating because I knew everyone that was on my interview team. I spent the last few days researching a few of the buzz topics in technology integration.

As I left the interview, the admin congratulated me on a great interview.  He said he was really impressed.  Made this old lady feel proud that I could still nail an interview- even if it didn't end up with a job.  That simple comment gave me some much needed confidence.  He said I would hear from him at the start of next week.

I was surprised when my phone rang at 1:30 yesterday afternoon.  He said that the two tech people on the team made him promise to call me right away- and that he wanted to offer me the position pending a final interview with our superintendent.  It took a minute for it to sink in... but I accepted!  There are still some details to work out, and he needed to call the Director of Special Education after he called me.  My principal encouraged me to apply and was very supportive.  However, I hadn't even mentioned it to the Director of Special Education.  I can't imagine that call went very well.  I'm sure I am going to have to give her a call soon to smooth things over.

I'm not making it FB public yet- still need to get through the final interview with the superintendent.  I've been assured that it is just a formality, but she intimidates me a little.  She was the one that pushed for someone with a certificate last year- the certificate that I still do not have.  She may tell me that I have to start a program right away to get the certificate.  It's not ideal timing, but if it is what I need to do, it's what I will do.  So, if you know me in real life, please don't say anything on FB about it.  I've shared the news with my two closest friends and coworkers.  It is supposed to go to the School Board on July 23rd and will be official then.  :)

Thank you for all of the good wishes and positive thoughts.  Hoping this is the first of several positive changes for me! 

It's hard

Thank you for all of your sweet comments on our video.  Please feel free to share it on your blogs, FB pages, wherever!  I'm new to promoting using You.Tube, so if anyone has tips for that, please share.  I tried to think of all the keywords I could but noticed it doesn't always come up when I put them in the search field.  We're working with Adoptimist as well to get some of our own google ads running.  I wish we had unlimited resources to pay for premium ad space on google, but that's just not an option for us. 

I am trying to stay hopeful, really I am.  But, it's really really hard.  I posted our video on FB as well, and had great feedback there too.  People keep telling us that we are going to be great parents and that they are sure someone is going to choose us soon.  I am so thankful for all of these kind words, really I am.  But there's a little part of my heart that breaks each time I hear (read) how everyone knows we are going to be great parents.  Why haven't we finally had our chance to show just what amazing parents we can be?  How much longer are we going to have to wait?  And then there's a part of me that just wonders if it isn't meant to be.  Are we fighting against the universe? 

I do find solace in reading posts from many of you who have been where I am and have crossed over.  I also hope that everyone will keep commenting... you have no idea how important each and every comment is to me.  It's a sense of validation that I just can't explain. 

I'm starting to feel like the last one standing again.  (Remember this post?) Except this time, it's the adoption episode.  I know in my heart of hearts that the right match is out there for us- at least I am holding out hope that there is.  But I can't help but feeling a little sad as I watch just about every single person waiting for an adoption match on my blog reader- get matched.  And I am overjoyed for every.single.one.of.them! I just wish that I could be sharing in their joy. 

There's a part of this Type A personality of mine that just can't squelch the feeling of being in a competition.  And I fell horribly guilty even putting this out there.  I look at other profiles and wonder how we compare.  I am constantly updating our profile on adoptionist to make sure we are on the top of the recent page.  I check the stats on our pages and our FB page.  I know it's not about being "better" than another couple- it's about being the RIGHT couple for a woman.  We just need to hope that our information gets to the right woman at the right time.  It's really a numbers game, right?  Or is it all about luck?  Or karma?  I wish I knew.

After years of infertility, I am so full of self-doubt that it's hard not to take all of this personally. It's hard to wonder why we haven't been chosen.  It's hard to wonder what people think about us when they see our video or look at our profile.  It's hard to think about what must go through a woman's mind when she is choosing a family to parent her child.  It's hard to think about the pain a woman must endure in order for Chris and I to experience the joy of parenthood.  All of this is just so hard.

But it's the hard stuff that makes us stronger, right?  And that's just what this girl is going to do.  Keep being strong and hoping that someday very soon we'll finally have our dreams come true.

~~~~
In other news, please keep good thoughts coming my way on Thursday morning,  I have an interview for the tech position at school.  This was the same position I applied for last year, but didn't get an interview.  This year they removed the certificate as a requirement and I have been granted an interview.  Both of the current tech people in the district want me in the position and will be on the interview team.  I really need a change with my job and am excited about the prospect of this new position.  I am trying not to get my hopes up as they are interviewing several external candidates as well as me.  I haven't done an interview in more than a decade- so I'm a little nervous!  Thanks for all good thoughts you can send my way!

Our Video Profile

I'm running into issues with the music.  I might just have to give up and remove the music, bur for now, here is the first version.  :)  I also need opinions... do I put the video on the first page of our website or make a seperate page?  If I put it on the first page, it will make the page load slowly.  I'm not creating a link to these videos, but embedding the actual video on our page.  Don't want to have it linked.  Thoughts?

Here is the vimeo version: