Who knew just how hard it would be to spend a week in bed?
The good news is that I haven't had any red bleeding since Sunday. I've only had brown spotting and its now only on the TP. Can I really hope that the bleed is already reabsorbing? I am worried that if it is in fact large shouldn't there be another bleed of some sort to get rid of it? Not that I am asking for a bleed. Dear God, that is the LAST THING I want.
I read some really scary things about SCH online- but I also read many more positive stories. As each day goes by, I am getting more and more hopeful. But that scares the crap out of me. I know that each and every day I am getting more and more attached to this pregnancy.
My symptoms are increasing. I really have to eat just about every 2 hours or I start to feel sick. Being stationary and on the extra progesterone has caused my digestive system to come to a screeching halt. (Which is not fun at all, and can make a woman crazy who is concerned about any kind of cramping!) Last night Chris was browning some ground turkey for sloppy joes and the smell literally made me gag and almost lose my cookies. I've never had that issue before. Again, this makes me feel hopeful.
I am scheduled to have the repeat u/s on Monday. Debating about moving it to Friday since I am already off work. But then I really want to have the best chance of seeing some good news- so waiting the full week seems to be the right way to go. It means I am off work another day- which will be NINE days in a row. YIKES! But I really, really, really, need to put this pregnancy first. Thankfully I have a very supportive principal, amazing coworkers, and a great sub taking care of my kids. So why does it stress me out to be missing this much work? I have the sick days- (although I've eaten through many of them over the years of IVF treatments in CO....)
We got a contract in the mail from the OB yesterday for delivery services. Is this normal practice? I'm guessing the billing office hasn't looked at my chart to see that I am still diagnosed with "threatened miscarriage" Also, it is for routine care. I think I've already had more u/s that the "normal" pregnancy has the entire duration. They are also expecting that I still need to meet my entire deductible. Um, nope. Already met that for the year. And it's not even the end of January.
And I'm not even sure that this is the right fit for me. I've had a not so good feeling from one of the OBs and the office staff is less than desirable. So I guess I will deal with the "contract" notion when I go in on Monday.
Finally convinced Chris to let me bring some of my card making supplies into bed with me. He isn't thrilled but he agreed. I need to do something creative or I might lose my mind. Seriously, daytime TV is horrible! And I've already read three books. So, I really need to do something fun!
Looking forward to having a close friend/coworker come by this evening. I've finally finished the 200 invites for her daughters wedding. She's coming to pick them up and also bring me some work from school. Isn't it sad that I am looking forward to having some papers to grade?
Ok, better get off the computer. Chris doesn't like me using the laptop too long. :)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
There's a heartbeat... but wait...
Waiting in the OB office today was excruciating. We were surrounded by happy couples and one woman who was complaining loudly about all of the inconveniences of pregnancy over the phone. It's a good thing I don't have homicidal tendencies! LOL
We got back to the u/s and the tech was the original one we saw. He was very kind and even had the side screen on so I could see what was going on. He did the abdominal u/s first and noted how large my cyst is. I thought I could see the gestational sac too- and asked about a hematoma. He said that I have a VERY LARGE hematoma. Exactly what I thought.
We went on to the internal u/s and he had a really hard time due to the large cyst. He said it is pushing everything towards the back of my uterus. I thought that I saw something in the sac- but I wasn't sure. Chris and I were STUNNED when he said
"There's the heartbeat"
I sat up- yes with the u/s wand still in place. LMBO. He had a really hard time measuring the heartbeat however, as I couldn't be still and due to the fact it was so far back due to the cyst. There is concern that the heartbeat is low at this point- it is only 81. But part of me wonders how accurate this is considering what a difficult time he had measuring.
The sac is still somewhat abnormal- but it completely due to the SCH. It is directly next to the sac, and is causing it to be distorted.
We were in shock as we waiting to meet with the OB. My OB is off today, and I had to deal with the one who yelled at me. Let's just say her bedside manner isn't getting any better. She was very gloom and doom and quickly burst the excitement Chris and I were feeling about the heartbeat. She wouldn't even give us a hint of where this will end up- just said it is wait and see at this point. She wasn't even going to put me on bed rest. But Chris and I pushed the issue and she agreed.
So I am off work until we go back next Monday. We stopped and saw the chiropractor on the way home. Not sure I totally believe in all he does, but it can't hurt at this point. I've been seeing him since November, and I just feel that it can't hurt at this point, right? I am feeling really guilty about being off work, but I have to put this pregnancy first right now. Otherwise I might have regrets... and I just can't go there right now.
I talked to Tonie at CC.RM on the way home and she was so much more reassuring than the OB. She said that they see this all the time, and that they would have put me on bedrest. So I feel good about that decision.
So, it's another week in limbo. We were SO sure this was it. That we were done. And now we've seen a heartbeat- a place we've NEVER been before.
Can anyone give me stories of hope at this point? Again, if this wasn't happening to me, I am not sure I would even believe it.
We got back to the u/s and the tech was the original one we saw. He was very kind and even had the side screen on so I could see what was going on. He did the abdominal u/s first and noted how large my cyst is. I thought I could see the gestational sac too- and asked about a hematoma. He said that I have a VERY LARGE hematoma. Exactly what I thought.
We went on to the internal u/s and he had a really hard time due to the large cyst. He said it is pushing everything towards the back of my uterus. I thought that I saw something in the sac- but I wasn't sure. Chris and I were STUNNED when he said
"There's the heartbeat"
I sat up- yes with the u/s wand still in place. LMBO. He had a really hard time measuring the heartbeat however, as I couldn't be still and due to the fact it was so far back due to the cyst. There is concern that the heartbeat is low at this point- it is only 81. But part of me wonders how accurate this is considering what a difficult time he had measuring.
The sac is still somewhat abnormal- but it completely due to the SCH. It is directly next to the sac, and is causing it to be distorted.
We were in shock as we waiting to meet with the OB. My OB is off today, and I had to deal with the one who yelled at me. Let's just say her bedside manner isn't getting any better. She was very gloom and doom and quickly burst the excitement Chris and I were feeling about the heartbeat. She wouldn't even give us a hint of where this will end up- just said it is wait and see at this point. She wasn't even going to put me on bed rest. But Chris and I pushed the issue and she agreed.
So I am off work until we go back next Monday. We stopped and saw the chiropractor on the way home. Not sure I totally believe in all he does, but it can't hurt at this point. I've been seeing him since November, and I just feel that it can't hurt at this point, right? I am feeling really guilty about being off work, but I have to put this pregnancy first right now. Otherwise I might have regrets... and I just can't go there right now.
I talked to Tonie at CC.RM on the way home and she was so much more reassuring than the OB. She said that they see this all the time, and that they would have put me on bedrest. So I feel good about that decision.
So, it's another week in limbo. We were SO sure this was it. That we were done. And now we've seen a heartbeat- a place we've NEVER been before.
Can anyone give me stories of hope at this point? Again, if this wasn't happening to me, I am not sure I would even believe it.
Friday, January 20, 2012
?
Sorry for the silence over the past few days. I just didn't have much to say. I've come down with a nasty cold on top of everything else. Exactly what I needed....
I had another bleeding incident yesterday morning. I really thought for sure this was it. I stayed home on Wednesday since I was so miserable from the cold and lack of sleep. I went into work yesterday and just as I started teaching, I felt a gush. I thought I would be fine and just keep teaching- but it did seem to get worse so I made the tough decision to come home. I was afraid that the bleeding would become severe and I wouldn't make it home.
I called the nurse and she talked to the Dr. He also felt that this was probably the end. Told me to put my feet up and push fluids and call if the bleeding became very heavy. I curled up on the couch and waited for the cramping to start.
Only it never did... and by the end of the afternoon, the bleeding had slowed to just spotting again. This morning it is just on the TP and is shifting back to brown. I really don't know what to think. In my heart, I know that this is not a viable pregnancy, but there is a tiny part of me that is still hoping. I am home again today and have an u/s scheduled for Monday morning.
I have had some pinching feelings in my right side near my ovary. Not sure what to make of that, but it doesn't stay very long and isn't intense. I haven't had any real cramping. With both of the other m/c I had lots of cramping.
Wondering if regardless of the viability of this pregnancy, I have a subchorianic hematoma?(Not really sure how to spell that!) From what I read, both of the bleeding episodes sound like they could be caused by something like that.
I am stressed about missing so much school- but I keep reminding myself that I have to do what is best for me. I did get the OB to write a letter- but they only wrote it for yesterday and today. Hoping that I won't have issues with our not so friendly superintendent. My principal knows everything that is going on, so that is all I can do for now.
On a positive note, Chris and I have had lots of time to spend together which is really rare this time of the year. :) Trying to find any spots of positive in all of this.
Thank you for all the well wishes and good thoughts. Please keep them coming!
I had another bleeding incident yesterday morning. I really thought for sure this was it. I stayed home on Wednesday since I was so miserable from the cold and lack of sleep. I went into work yesterday and just as I started teaching, I felt a gush. I thought I would be fine and just keep teaching- but it did seem to get worse so I made the tough decision to come home. I was afraid that the bleeding would become severe and I wouldn't make it home.
I called the nurse and she talked to the Dr. He also felt that this was probably the end. Told me to put my feet up and push fluids and call if the bleeding became very heavy. I curled up on the couch and waited for the cramping to start.
Only it never did... and by the end of the afternoon, the bleeding had slowed to just spotting again. This morning it is just on the TP and is shifting back to brown. I really don't know what to think. In my heart, I know that this is not a viable pregnancy, but there is a tiny part of me that is still hoping. I am home again today and have an u/s scheduled for Monday morning.
I have had some pinching feelings in my right side near my ovary. Not sure what to make of that, but it doesn't stay very long and isn't intense. I haven't had any real cramping. With both of the other m/c I had lots of cramping.
Wondering if regardless of the viability of this pregnancy, I have a subchorianic hematoma?(Not really sure how to spell that!) From what I read, both of the bleeding episodes sound like they could be caused by something like that.
I am stressed about missing so much school- but I keep reminding myself that I have to do what is best for me. I did get the OB to write a letter- but they only wrote it for yesterday and today. Hoping that I won't have issues with our not so friendly superintendent. My principal knows everything that is going on, so that is all I can do for now.
On a positive note, Chris and I have had lots of time to spend together which is really rare this time of the year. :) Trying to find any spots of positive in all of this.
Thank you for all the well wishes and good thoughts. Please keep them coming!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Abnormal
Seriously. I'd like to just catch a break. Just once.
Today's ultrasound showed growth- but the sac is abnormally shaped. The u/s tech was not very optimistic about the prognosis. There was no sign of a fetal pole or yolk sac.
We met with the OB who isn't ready to throw in the towel yet. He does give us less than a 50% chance of this ending with a take home baby. He said he's seen stranger things. I opted not to take any more HCG labs. We're back for another ultrasound next Monday where the OB feels will give us a clear direction.
I really don't know what to think. It's technically only 5w5d today- so still early, right? It turns out that Thursday's HCG was actually 5500- not 5000. So a real nice jump from the 2300 on Monday. It's like one step forward and two steps back. There is almost no spotting- just a smidge on the TP of brown.
I'm afraid to hold onto hope because I know that each and every day means that I will fall even harder if this ends in a m/c. I'm afraid to to do much on Dr. Goo.gle, but I am hoping to find some good news out there.
Do I dare keep hoping for a miracle?
Today's ultrasound showed growth- but the sac is abnormally shaped. The u/s tech was not very optimistic about the prognosis. There was no sign of a fetal pole or yolk sac.
We met with the OB who isn't ready to throw in the towel yet. He does give us less than a 50% chance of this ending with a take home baby. He said he's seen stranger things. I opted not to take any more HCG labs. We're back for another ultrasound next Monday where the OB feels will give us a clear direction.
I really don't know what to think. It's technically only 5w5d today- so still early, right? It turns out that Thursday's HCG was actually 5500- not 5000. So a real nice jump from the 2300 on Monday. It's like one step forward and two steps back. There is almost no spotting- just a smidge on the TP of brown.
I'm afraid to hold onto hope because I know that each and every day means that I will fall even harder if this ends in a m/c. I'm afraid to to do much on Dr. Goo.gle, but I am hoping to find some good news out there.
Do I dare keep hoping for a miracle?
Sunday, January 15, 2012
thank you
Thank you to each and every single one of you who has reached out to me over the past week. The comments and emails have kept me sane through all of this.
The spotting has almost stopped. It's only on the TP now. I've been on the couch all day while Chris has taken care of everything. (I did get a little animated when I watched the Pack.ers lose. There's nothing more that this Bears fan could have asked for today.)
Do I still have symptoms? Who knows. The girls seem to be sore- but is it just because I keep "checking" to see if they are sore? I'm exhausted- but I've also been sedentary for three days. I'm starving and have no appetite all at once. I'm having some stomach issues today too.
So we just wait. I am trying to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best at tomorrow's u/s. It's still early- at least I think based on everything. I won't be 6 weeks until Wednesday. So who knows what the u/s will show. I've tried to play out all the options in my mind- there's nothing there anymore, there's been no growth, there's growth but not enough, and just maybe, everything is ok.
Please keep all the prayers and good thoughts coming our way. Our u/s is scheduled for 9:40 CST tomorrow. I am just hoping I will have the strength to endure whatever tomorrow brings...
The spotting has almost stopped. It's only on the TP now. I've been on the couch all day while Chris has taken care of everything. (I did get a little animated when I watched the Pack.ers lose. There's nothing more that this Bears fan could have asked for today.)
Do I still have symptoms? Who knows. The girls seem to be sore- but is it just because I keep "checking" to see if they are sore? I'm exhausted- but I've also been sedentary for three days. I'm starving and have no appetite all at once. I'm having some stomach issues today too.
So we just wait. I am trying to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best at tomorrow's u/s. It's still early- at least I think based on everything. I won't be 6 weeks until Wednesday. So who knows what the u/s will show. I've tried to play out all the options in my mind- there's nothing there anymore, there's been no growth, there's growth but not enough, and just maybe, everything is ok.
Please keep all the prayers and good thoughts coming our way. Our u/s is scheduled for 9:40 CST tomorrow. I am just hoping I will have the strength to endure whatever tomorrow brings...
Saturday, January 14, 2012
bleeding-UPDATES
Seriously, if this wasn't happening to me I am not sure I would buy it.
I started bleeding last night about 9. It's heavier than spotting but not "saturating a pad in an hour" (warning... this is going to get TMI from here) There is very little on the liner but when I go to the bathroom, it "falls" out. It's about 1 tablespoon an hour. I was up just about every hour last night checking of course. There are really no clots and I am not having any real cramping. There are some twinges, but it somehow feels different.
Called the nurse this morning. As I knew, there is really nothing but wait and see. I already have an u/s scheduled for Monday. Wanted to make sure I was following the correct protocol so I don't get yelled at again. The nurse I talked to was very kind and tried to calm my nerves. She assured me that the fact there aren't clots and no pain is a good sign. But she also knows that red blood is never a good thing.
I don't know what to think. I've been here before. But last time I had large clots and passed tissue early on in the process. This time feels different... or do I just want it to be different?
Is it possible that the fibroid they saw could be causing this? Could it really be a hematoma of some sort? I've spent way too much time on Dr Goo.gle. Could taking extra progesterone at this point help? I was late taking my am dose yesterday. Could that have caused this?
Please let the bleeding stop. I am on bed rest until I go in on Monday. Of course Chris is at a meet all day today, so that means I am on my own. I am sure I could call friends to come bring me stuff- but my house is a disaster. Seriously.
I don't know what to think. Anyone have similar stories? I think I am just grasping at straws at this point.
Thank you for all of your words of support. I've read comments over and over.
~~~Update~~~
It is now later in the afternoon and the bleeding has returned to just spotting. It's only on the TP when I wipe. No clots, no pain... could this really end up ok?!
Still hanging out in bed. Let's hope things continue to look good.
I started bleeding last night about 9. It's heavier than spotting but not "saturating a pad in an hour" (warning... this is going to get TMI from here) There is very little on the liner but when I go to the bathroom, it "falls" out. It's about 1 tablespoon an hour. I was up just about every hour last night checking of course. There are really no clots and I am not having any real cramping. There are some twinges, but it somehow feels different.
Called the nurse this morning. As I knew, there is really nothing but wait and see. I already have an u/s scheduled for Monday. Wanted to make sure I was following the correct protocol so I don't get yelled at again. The nurse I talked to was very kind and tried to calm my nerves. She assured me that the fact there aren't clots and no pain is a good sign. But she also knows that red blood is never a good thing.
I don't know what to think. I've been here before. But last time I had large clots and passed tissue early on in the process. This time feels different... or do I just want it to be different?
Is it possible that the fibroid they saw could be causing this? Could it really be a hematoma of some sort? I've spent way too much time on Dr Goo.gle. Could taking extra progesterone at this point help? I was late taking my am dose yesterday. Could that have caused this?
Please let the bleeding stop. I am on bed rest until I go in on Monday. Of course Chris is at a meet all day today, so that means I am on my own. I am sure I could call friends to come bring me stuff- but my house is a disaster. Seriously.
I don't know what to think. Anyone have similar stories? I think I am just grasping at straws at this point.
Thank you for all of your words of support. I've read comments over and over.
~~~Update~~~
It is now later in the afternoon and the bleeding has returned to just spotting. It's only on the TP when I wipe. No clots, no pain... could this really end up ok?!
Still hanging out in bed. Let's hope things continue to look good.
Friday, January 13, 2012
over 5000
Just talked to the nurse. My HCG was over 5,000 yesterday. Which is higher than its ever been. Which is more than double. So I am not sure what to think. The spotting started AFTER I had that blood test, so I am not so confident we are out of the woods.
Told the nurse about the spotting and she assured me that it could be normal. She reminded me that brown is usually not a bad sign. And the fact I don't have cramping is even better. I'm supposed to take it easy for the weekend and go back in for another u/s on Monday morning.
The last time it was red from the start. Could this really be different this time? The techs also said they saw a small fibroid (along with my bicornute uterus). Could the fibroid really be a hematoma?
The nurse said even if it is red, it can be ok. I am supposed to call if it is heavy like a period or I start cramping.
Shit... I am starting to hope again.
Told the nurse about the spotting and she assured me that it could be normal. She reminded me that brown is usually not a bad sign. And the fact I don't have cramping is even better. I'm supposed to take it easy for the weekend and go back in for another u/s on Monday morning.
The last time it was red from the start. Could this really be different this time? The techs also said they saw a small fibroid (along with my bicornute uterus). Could the fibroid really be a hematoma?
The nurse said even if it is red, it can be ok. I am supposed to call if it is heavy like a period or I start cramping.
Shit... I am starting to hope again.
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