One more blood test down...

I had my final blood draw this morning before we head to Denver. This time they were checking my progesterone levels to make sure my body is absorbing it properly. It needed to be over 6, and it was 10.2. So we are good to go in that department too.

I had a panic attack this morning... I didn't sleep well last night and was up every few hours. Then I had to make the trip to the local clinic before school. I was out yesterday and worried about getting to school in time. And then there is the fact that I am scared to death about actually doing this FET. There is just so much riding on it. I am also overwhelmed with everything I need/want to get done before we go. I have to get sub plans together and make arrangements for the dogs. I have to pack. I need to clean. Now I am working myself into a frenzy again! Going to go get something done instead of sitting here... maybe that will make me feel better!

ALL CLEAR!

I was hoping to post this over the weekend, but Chris' team hosted their big swimming invitational this weekend. Spent more time at the pool this weekend than I have in the past 6 months it seemed!

Saturday morning I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound. I was fortunate that the nurse that I really like at my local clinic did the ultrasound instead of the tech that is there during the week. I *really* don't like the tech at all! The nurse showed me everything on the screen as we went along, so I knew we had the all clear before my CC.RM nurse called. My lining was at 9.5. (They want it over 8) and my estrogen was over 400. Looks like the patches did their thing. I was worried about this appointment, but it looks like my body might just be playing along this time. The nurse also checked my ovaries and said they are cyst free, which is another really good thing!

So onto phase two of the process. I am now on progesterone support in the form of endometrium three times a day, tetracycline 4 times a day, and a steroid medrol at bedtime. I like to think of this cocktail as the "anti rejection meds". I have one more local blood draw tomorrow to make sure my body is absorbing the progesterone. Don't really want to add progesterone injections, but if my levels are too low, that might happen. I have had low progesterone issues in the past, so I am glad that they are checking it now.

I decided to stay home today and feel a little guilty since I will be missing 4 days to go to Colorado, but I know that I need to be in the best health possible. I had a terrible cough yesterday afternoon and evening and just didn't want to risk it getting worse. Chris and I both think it is due to the poor air quality at the pool. The team has ordered an air purification system but it won't be installed for some time. I didn't get out of bed until 11 this morning, so I am guessing my body simply needed the sleep. I have to make my health and this process my top priority and that might mean that my job has to suffer. That is hard for this type A person to deal with, but I am getting better.

So we will head to Denver on Thursday. We'll have a good dinner and buy some necessities for me to survive two days of bedrest. Then Friday afternoon sometime I will have the transfer. We'll hang out at the hotel over the weekend, and then head home on Monday morning. Chris asked me to take one extra day off from work, so I will return to work on Wednesday.

Trying to get a few things done around the house in preperation for being gone and the fact that I am on a lifting restriction when I get home. Trying to keep my sanity over the next few weeks might be the hardest part of all of this!

ONE WEEK!

I can't believe that we will be in Colorado one week from today! As long as all goes well with my lining check on Saturday, we will be transferring two embryos next Friday. It seems like an eternity away now. At this point I just want to get it over with. I am having regular panic attacks about various things. Today it was about the fact that our "best" embryo is only a 4BB, which is an ok grade, but not great. The other embryo is even earlier in development. This was spurred by someone on the message board complaining about the quality of her embryos, which most are better than mine. It is always something, isn't it? (And the "grades" are really subjective anyway, but I suppose the teacher in me puts a great deal of stock into grades!)

Hoping to play in my scrapbook studio tonight in order to keep my mind busy and not obsessing tonight. We'll see how that works out for me. I thought I might be headache free today but one started up right after lunch with a vengeance. I am up to three estrogen patches and will be at 4 for tomorrow.

I have to spend the morning at ANOTHER district reading inservice tomorrow. I am so annoyed by all of this, especially since I HAVE MY MASTERS IN READING! What a waste of a morning. I really wanted to call in sick, but my good friend Jamie would kill me so I agreed that I would in fact come in tomorrow for her sake. It is going to be a crazy busy weekend and then we will be gone next weekend. So I might just have to take some time next week before we head out to get my life in order. I am thinking I might take Monday afternoon since we have a staff meeting and I really don't want to sit through that either. Thanks to all of the hormones I really don't have much patience for sitting through silly meetings!

Going to try to stay off the computer for the rest of the night so I can get something done and not obsess. We'll see how that goes!

Losing control

Yikes. My emotions are a mess right now. I know that most of it is due to the medications I am on. The rest of it is the reality of what this FET really means. I honestly don't know how I am going to get through the next two weeks. I am so sick of having a headache and feeling like crud. Please let this all be worth it in the end. I am having nightmares about the procedure and the outcome. My mind is just running rampant with all of the what ifs.

Wondering how in the world I am ever going to be strong enough to get through the next two weeks.... and beyond. By the end of February, we will know exactly where we stand when it comes to becoming parents. Part of me wishes I could just speed through the next month and just find out how it all turns out in the end. Too bad I can't really do that. So for now I am just going to try really hard to be good to myself and make the next two weeks as stress free as possible.

First Appointment...

I had my first monitoring appointment this morning. It was just a simple one--- just one vial of blood. I am fortunate that my former clinic will monitor me and fax the results to Colorado. Much easier than driving to the hospital! They do charge me a $40 facilities fee every appointment, so they aren't just doing it out of the goodness of their heart. But it is nice to go and be remembered as a patient. The nurse I have worked with there also was one of my nurses for IVF #3 and FET #1. I really feel like she has an interest in my success. That always makes things a little easier.

She had a hard time getting my veins to cooperate. I am not as hydrated as I should and the veins in my arm never really cooperate. She ended up taking it from my hand, which is fine by me. I know some people really don't like that, but I really don't mind. It's much better than having someone dig around looking for a vein!

One of the nurses from Colorado just called to let me know that my estrogen level is 85. She said that is right on track, so I am supposed to continue on my calendar as planned. Starting Sunday I will increase the number of estrogen patches until I am at 4 by the end of the week. Not sure where I am going to put four patches! So far my skin seems to be tolerating it fairly well. Baby oil is the magic potion to get the adhesive off and then the area is red for an hour or so and then seems to go down. Hopefully things will continue.

My next appointment is next Saturday, which also happens to be Chris' swim team's big meet. I am working the computer and the meet starts at 8. The only time the clinic can get me in for next Saturday... 8. Oh well!

Going out to dinner with Chris' coaches tonight. Not looking forward to it. Can't have any adult beverages or chocolate. :( Hopefully it will be an early night since we are meeting at 6. Chris is at a meet today for the High School but is home tomorrow. Looking forward to having a day to spend together.

Headache is still an issue, but I am learning to deal with it. Tylenol seems to at least take the edge off. Not feeling great, but don't feel horrible yet. Can't imagine how I will be feeling in a week once my Estrogen is high. This will all be worth it if we get our miracle!

Two weeks to lift off...

Two weeks from today we will be on a jet plane on our way to Colorado. The last two weeks have been draining and I am sure the next two weeks won't be easy either.

I started the Vi.velle patches on Sunday. These nice little stickers are placed on my abdomen and are used to stimulate the creation of a nice lining for my embryos. Right now I am only using one at a time, but starting next week I increase until I have 4 on. I don't know how I will find space for them all. I am happy to report that I have not had a bad skin irritation like I expected... at least yet. I do have the lovely side effect of a rotten headache that feels like I am wearing a helmet that is too tight. It makes concentrating on anything for any period of time a real challenge.

Honestly, I am simply going through the motions every day. I am trying not to obsess about the transfer and the outcome. That is easier said than done. On one hand, it seems like it will be an eternity until we are in Colorado, but on the other hand I can't believe it is only two weeks away. We've been working towards this transfer for FOUR YEARS. I have so much riding on this. I have allowed myself to hope that this might really work. I honestly don't know how I will deal with things if this doesn't work. I have already told my counselor that I am concerned about my well being if we get a negative at the end of this. I just don't know if I am strong enough to recover from that. Let's hope I don't have to find out.

I go into the local clinic on Saturday morning for my first set of blood work. They will check to make sure that my body is absorbing the estrogen from the patches. I am not worried... at this point. I have never had an issue in the past, but this is the first time I have used the patches instead of oral medications. The big appointment is next Saturday where I will have an u/s to check to see if my lining has grown to the appropriate thickness and appearance. As long as things look good there, we will be on for transfer. I will start progesterone once my lining is checked. Then we are off to Colorado.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend and a three day weekend. :)

Intentions and One Little Word

I really meant to post this yesterday, but Chris and I had a great New Year's Eve and really didn't do much of anything yesterday.  We lounged around, watched silly TV and napped.  It was a great day!  :)  Hopefully NYE was my last night of enjoying adult beverages for a long time.  I may have lived it up a little more than I should have, but oh well!

So, a few years ago I stopped making resolutions and instead making INTENTIONS for the coming year.  So here are my intentions for 2010:

1.  Be hopeful
This also happens to be my one little word for the year.  I am trying hard to be hopeful in everything I do.  Infertility has robbed me of hope and I am slowly starting to reclaim it.  I am going to start with being hopeful that we will finally get our miracle at the end of the month.  I am going to be hopeful that things will go as planned.  I am going to be hopeful about our financial situation and our jobs.  I am going to be hopeful that life is good, and that we are going to be ok.

2.  Live a more healthy life
Pregnant or not, I have got to start taking better care of myself.  I have let my exercise routines go in light of all of the IVF drugs and such.  I am going to start walking more, and while I hope running is not in my future, I will pursue it if this FET does not work.  (But it is going to work.... see #1) I am going to be better about eating healthy and make more of an effort to stay on top of the grocery shopping so we have healthy options to eat. Now that I am done with grad school, I have time to learn how to prepare better foods.

3.  Organize my home and classroom
I have let some things slide while doing the IVF and just with life in general. We have made some great progress with our little old house, but we need to work on getting rid of the clutter.  I need to work on getting rid of things and letting go.  Keeping things doesn't help fill the emptiness.  I've started with my closets, and hope to finish the rest of the house by the end of the year.  With the construction at school, I had to pack up my classroom.  I still have boxes of that I have not unpacked.  I do so much better in an uncluttered space, and I am sure my kids do to.  I need to work on getting things organized so that I can be a role model for my students.

4.  Continue to put my Marriage first
We've come a long way, but I need to remember to put my marriage first and be a better wife.  This will be very important if we truly are blessed with a baby this year.  I am a strong believer in that parents need to be spouses as well as parents.  We need to work through some of our issues, but I know that we are headed in the right direction. Sometimes knowing when to let something  go is the most important lesson of all.

5. READ & CREATE

Since starting grad school, I have not read as much as I would like.  I love reading, and I know that I need to "practice" what I preach to my students.  I have books lined up on my nightstand just waiting to be read.  I need to step away from the computer more often and pick up a book.  Getting lost in a book is one of the greatest pleasures and I have been missing that for the past few years. I have also let my creative side down the last year.  I have a beautiful studio (that needs to be organized, see #2) that has everything I need to be creative.  My soul needs that creative outlet.  Again, unplugging once in awhile to head into the studio is a MUST in the coming year.

So there you have it- my intentions and word for the year.  Hoping that 2010 is the best year yet!