The baby clothes dilemma

Wow... three posts in a month?! :)


As you might have realized, my little man is growing rather quickly.  He's above the 90th %tile for height and weight.  He's moving through clothes rather quickly.  (As an aside, I will never buy anything less than 6 months as a gift for a baby again... he had so many cute things that were 0-6 that he just never wore.)

I've had to pack up his clothes a few times now.  This morning I packed up his 3-6 month clothes.  He's pretty much in 6-9, mostly at the 9 month end.  I know that every mom has the pang of sadness when she packs up her baby's clothing.  It's a little different for those of us who've battled to get those babies though.  I want to freeze time as I hold up each little outfit.  We waited so long to have our miracle. 

And then there's the reality that he will probably be an only child.  I never imagined we'd only have one, but I never imagined that we'd take 13 years to have that one.  We aren't closing the door, but know that we won't endure as much heartache to bring Quinn a sibling.  I can't close the door at all, but Chris is ready to start pushing it closed.  That's another post all together.  It is fair to put Quinn through the heartache of waiting to adopt again?  Is it fair to force him to be an only child because we don't even try?  If something fell into our laps tomorrow- we'd be all over it.  It's something we have to spend some time thinking about.  There really aren't any easy answers, even after finally becoming parents. 

So the big debate as I am packing up?  What to keep, what to donate, and what to pass onto a dear friend.  If Chris had his way, I'd get rid of it all.    I am trying to balance it all.  I have a dear friend who is finally expecting her miracle after many years of heartache and health issues and am thrilled that HE will be able to use some of Quinn's hand me downs.  So, for now I am keeping items that I love and that I *might* use someday should we be blessed again.  If we aren't that lucky, then I will have to purge again to just the really special items.  It does make it easier knowing that what I am passing on will go to someone who will really appreciate them.  They are having to pay out of pocket for IVIG every two weeks- so I know that every little thing helps. 

We do live in a small home, and there isn't much space to keep it all.  And with each month, Quinn seems to collect more and more "necessities" so space is a premium. At this point, I am at about a 50/50 split.  I am keeping things I love, and passing on things I know will also be loved by my dear friend. 

How do you balance it all?  Yes, I know I could buy new things should we be blessed again, but that just seems silly when we have it all now, and with the costs of adoption.  How have you balanced the need for closure and looking into siblings?

Oral Surgery

Thank you for all of your comments on my last post.  It made me feel good to know that I am not alone in these questions.  Also made me remember why I love this ALI community so much!  More adoption questions and thoughts coming soon.

We spent a week in Minneapolis for a swim meet and when we returned, I had to face my greatest fear.  I had oral surgery on Tuesday.  I've needed to deal with my dental health for years, but our infertility took front seat.  I've always had a nagging thought that my dental issues might have something to do with my miscarriages, but we'll never really know.  (and I don't even really want to think about it now...)

It all started in the fall when I had a bridge become dislodged and I... swallowed it.  Yep, I swallowed it and never "recovered" it.  I had no choice but to do something since I was missing the four teeth that the bridge covered.  I literally had a panic attack and was so thankful that I was surrounded by good friends who jumped into action.  I got into a dentist that afternoon, who worked his magic both physically and emotionally.  It was fate that I ended up in his chair that day.  He was kind and compassionate, and understood my fears 110%.  (My phobia stems from my late childhood... more on that another day)

I continued to see the dentist and planned to have the major oral surgery necessary to complete the long term solution for my mouth.  However, Mr. Quinn came into our life, and things were put on hold.  We also waited to see if we would become parents to the second baby, so we were in limbo for most of the early spring.  Time passed, and I knew I needed to get back into the chair again. The temporary piece was only going to last so long, and I needed to schedule the surgery around our crazy schedules.  I held my breath as I made the call... and again the dentist office couldn't have been nicer.  They knew our story, and had been getting updates through some friends that also see them.  The oral surgeon's office isn't nearly as warm and fuzzy, but they also knew our story and were willing to work with us.

Surgery almost didn't happen due to some miscommunication with the dentist and oral surgeon, but in the end I did go through with it.  I had to have several teeth removed due to the damage from the bridges and they also had to do some bone smoothing.  It was pretty intense, but I am so glad it is behind me now.  Chris has been amazing and has taken great care of me and Mr Q this week.  The swelling has finally started to subside, and the pain has started to be manageable without the prescription meds.  I can't get the temporary piece to work just yet, so I am stuck in the house for a few more days.  The swelling inside my mouth has been frustrating and the stitches are making me nuts.  But I did it.  There's a LONG way to go until the final solutions are in place, but at least the worst is over now. 

I feel like we've had these clouds over us for so long.  Our family is finally complete (for now) and we'll finalize Q's adoption next month.  I'm finally taking steps to taking care of my dental health.  I'll finish grad school in November.  It feels like we might finally be getting all of the pieces together...

Questions from a new adoptive parent...

Two posts in two days... whoa!  :)

I have a few moments and thought I would attempt to get some thoughts down about this whole adoptive parenting thing.  We waited so long to finally have our little miracle in our arms, and now I am questioning just about everything about parenting.  I know this is normal, but man it is intensified when you've been down a long path to get to parenting.

It's not the basics... like feeding and sleeping.  Sure, I have questions about those things but those aren't the things that keep me up at night.  It's more about the big stuff.  How do I make sure he knows how much he is loved and adored?  How do I honor the way he came to be in our life, while respecting his right to privacy?  How much of his story is our story? 


One of the challenges I wasn't prepared for is the fact that many people tell us that Q looks like us.  I had read about the challenges of "conspicuous" families.  I wasn't prepared with what to say to strangers when they say that Q looks like Chris, or that he has my eyes.  Do I simply say thank you?  That feels like lying.  Do I tell them that he's adopted?  But that's his story to tell.  I don't want him to be defined by his adoption.  Where's the balance? 

We already talk to Quinn about adoption, and tell him what we know about his birthmom.  We talk about how he came to be in our life, and how much his birthmom loves him.  We'll continue to talk about adoption with him as he gets older.  As I said, I don't want his adoption to define him, but I also want him to know that it is part of who he is... and it's a really cool part of who he is. 

Thoughts from those of you who've walked this path ahead of me?  While he's still an infant, I know he'll be a teenager before I know it.  And that's when I'll need to have this all figured out, right?!

Five Months with Photos

How is it possible that my little man is already five months old? Each day I think it can't be possible to more in love with him, and each day I fall more in love. My heart is so full knowing that his birthmom chose us and has entrusted us with this little soul. Makes all the heartache worth it and all the drama in life seem silly.

He's continue to grow like a weed, and is in the 90+ percentile range for height, weight, and head circumference.  I am guessing he's over 20lbs now and 28 inches long.  He's in 6-9 month clothes now, mostly on the 9 month end.  He's eating 6 ounces at a time, and is starting to embrace rice cereal for one meal a day.  He's decided he prefers the organic brand over the Gerber brand I originally bought.  He's sleeping through the night and goes down around 8 each night.  He wakes up once in the early morning sometimes, and a few times has woken up when Chris came home from work.  

We celebrated Chris' first Father's Day.  He had a meet, but stayed home to spend a quiet morning with us.  It was emotional to finally be able to see Chris celebrate this day.  :)  

 

We also took our first trip as a family... along with 20 teenagers!  It was an adventure, but Quinn was a great little traveler!  He did really well on the plane and the change in routine.  He was NOT a fan of the ocean, however.  We think it was just a little too cold and the waves were a little scary.  

We're trying to soak up as much summer as we can.  I have a really short summer this year due to a changing school schedule.  It makes me sad, but I keep reminding myself that next summer will be even more important as Quinn will be older and more ready to have adventures with mommy.  

Quinn also ran in his first 5k on the fourth!  Chris wanted to register him so he would get his own bib, but I talked him out of that.  :)  Quinn and daddy finished in 29:15- not too shabby for their first race together.  Mommy walked it... I really need to get back into running.

Quinn thinks that our yellow lab Romeo is just about the funniest thing out there.  He's laughing all the time, and we can already see that Romeo and Quinn are going to be trouble in the years to come! Romeo has even been known to do a little tummy time right along with Quinn.  

Our Blackhawks also had some excitement... winning the Stanley Cup.  We like to think that Quinn brought a little bit of luck to them!  :)

I know I say this every month, but I am hoping to blog more.  I miss the support and insights from all you wise women out there.  Lots of parenting questions... and even more adoptive parenting questions.  Hoping that a post is coming soon!



 

FOUR months + 1 day

My sweet boy is now four months old.  His sweet personality is emerging more and more each and every day.  It's a strange paradox- while I am so very excited for each and every milestone, part of me wants to freeze time so I can savor each moment just little longer.  We waited SO long for this little miracle, and I feel like time is flying by!

He's so much fun right now and is really starting to interact and notice his environment.  He's loving his exercauser already and loves all the bells and whistles it has.  (I, on the otherhand, find it a tad over stimulating) He likes to change positions often, and also loves being on a blanket spread on the floor.  He's rolled over from his back to tummy and has made it back to his back a few times. He hasn't managed to get from his tummy to back during tummy time, but if he gets to his tummy on his own he can usually figure it out.  He has really great head and neck control, and can almost sit unassisted.

He's a sleep champ.  He's been sleeping through the night for more than a month now, and recently we've been putting him down close to 8 each night.  He usually wakes up for a feeding anywhere between 3:30 and 5:00, and then goes back to sleep until 7:30 or so.  The last few nights he's preferred to be placed in his crib to roll around before he falls asleep rather than be rocked to sleep with mama.  This makes me a little sad, but I know how huge this will be when he is a little older.  He takes several naps during the day as well.  We don't have his nap schedule down just yet and I think we'll work on that over the summer.  Since he is sleeping through the night so well, we don't feel obligated to get him on a regimented schedule during the day just yet. 

We'll go to the pediatrician on Monday for his four month appointment, but from our rough estimates he's well over 18 lbs and 27 inches.  He's going to be a big guy  :)  He's in mostly 6 month clothes- but I am sure those will be outgrown in the next week or so.  It makes me sad that he had so many cute 3 month outfits that just never managed to fit him.  I've realized I can't really buy ahead for him as we have no idea how his growth curve is going to continue.

He's eating 6 oz at most feedings, and is finally stretching out to 3-4 hours during the day.  We didn't really mind the every 2 hours during the day given that he goes for 8+ hours at night.  Our pediatrician strongly recommends waiting for cereal until 6 months.  We'll check with them at his appointment on Monday given his size, but if that is their recommendation we'll stick with it for now. He's clearly thriving on the formula!  :)

He had his first road trip over Memorial Day weekend.  We went to Notre Dame for a swim meet.  He was a trooper and loved cheering on daddy's swimmers.  He even managed to take a few naps during all of the excitement of the meet.  We'll be heading to Florida next week with our senior swimmers.  It will be his first airplane ride.  It should be interesting... it will be Chris, myself, and one other coach along with Q and 20 teens.  We're pretty excited!  I have some travel questions, but I will post that in another post.

He's talking and cooing almost all the time. He'll give little laughs, but he sure makes mommy and daddy really work for giggles.  He's such a happy guy almost all of the time.  We didn't know what to do when he was inconsolable on Memorial Day.  Turns out, he had a tooth breaking through.  We weren't really thinking about that for a few more months.  A second tooth followed that Wednesday.  He was fussy on those two days, and then was back to his normal happy self.  He's drooling quite a bit now and the two teeth are clearly visible.

  We had our second post placement visit this month and it went really well.  Our SW asked us if we would consider adopting again.  We both laughed and said that we're thinking about it.  We've learned so much this time around, and know what we wouldn't do if we chose to adopt again.  We have some debt we need to pay down from Quinn's adoption and the failed adoption before we even consider it.  We learned that we'd just need to do the homestudy update with our agency for a new homestudy should we be ready to adopt again.  Honestly, I don't know if we will at this point.  Right now, we are madly in love with this little guy and want to give him every opportunity in the world.  But, we also struggle with the idea of him being an only child- not so much for us, but for him.  That's probably another post all together.

We emailed his birthmom with photos and updates.  Initially she didn't want any contact post placement, but has agreed to receive these emails through an anonymous email account.  She always replies right away, so that makes me feel that she really does want to keep the lines of communication open.  While we hope for more openness in the future, we are forever grateful for the trust she has placed in us. 

We have one more post placement visit at 5 months, and then our attorney can file finalization papers at 6 months.  We won't have to return to court at that time, only the initial date here in our home state.  We're thinking about having an finalization party with all of our friends and family at that time.  We were so blessed with so many who helped us along the way, that we'd like to honor everyone and officially announce him as our son.  One of our close friends wanted to throw us a shower, and we thought this might be the best way for her to help us celebrate in a few months.

We tried to get his 3 month photos done, but he wasn't in the mood.  We did get one family shot in our Blackhawks gear. He already outgrew his first set, but we had to purchase since it's the Stanley Cup!  :)

Hoping to be a better blogger now that school is out.  Trying to catch up on grad school homework this week before we head out of town.  There's so much swirling in my head and heart right now that I need to share, but I just can't seem to sit down and write.  I do read many blogs... but from my phone which makes it hard to comment.  That's one of my big goals for the summer... get back into my blogging routine.  We'll see.

Love to you all....

Three Months!

My sweet boy is three months old as of yesterday.  It seems like the blink of an eye and an eternity all at once.  It seems like he's always been here, and we're still pinching ourselves that we're finally holding our miracle. 

His little personality is really starting to shine through.  He is almost always a happy little guy, but Monday nights seem to be his fussiest time.  I think it's the transition back to the work week, and let's face it- we're all a little cranky on Mondays, right? He's smiling all the time now, and it just about melts my heart when he smiles at me when Chris and I do the hand off in the afternoon.  He is also talking and chatting away all the time.  He makes the most adorable little faces as he talks. 

No official stats this month since we don't see the pediatrician this month.  From mommy's measurements, he's already over 16 lbs and 25 inches.  He's a big boy, and we love every single inch of him!  He's growing and changing and is so very healthy.  He's eating 4-6 ounces at a time and ranges from 2-4 hours between feedings.  We're still feeding on demand and not forcing a schedule on him just yet.  This is the philosophy of our pediatrician, and from the research I've done, we are 110% on board with it.  He sleeps for at least 6 hours most nights, and usually closer to 7 or 8. 

He also has his first cold, which is making mommy and daddy a little freaked out.  It's causing him to spit up more than usual, and is also making mommy freak out a little.  He doesn't seem bothered much at all by any of it!

Now that the weather is nice, we've been on several walks with my friends and their little ones.  He's also been on a few runs with Daddy.  We bought a running stroller over the weekend and know that he and daddy will have lots of quality time with that!  He still loves bath time and Chris plans to get him in a larger body of water- aka the full bathtub this month.  No chlorine until 6 months, so swim lessons will have to start in the tub!

We had a shower with our swim team families and the decorations were adorable.  The tweens made the signs, and we loved them!  We have two more showers, and are feeling very blessed with everyone wanting to share in our joy!  I'm woefully behind in thank you notes, and coming to the realization that it may be summer vacation before I can get them all out.  I finally got his birth announcements out. I was waiting to see how things would fall with M before I did.  (That's another post in of itself!)

I had a fabulous first Mother's Day and was spoiled by my boys.  I have a shiny new Pand.ora bracelet that will be a treasure for years to come.  We also celebrated Chris' upcoming 40th birthday with a surprise party last weekend.  Lots going on this month... and even more in the month to come!

I sent my monthly update email to Q's birthmom and she always replies right away.  Makes my heart sing to get her responses.  We truly are blessed and hope that some day she will be ready for a more open adoption.  For now, we honor her wishes and send monthly email updates. 

Thoughts on my first Mother's Day

I really didn't want to be that blogger who stopped posting often once she became a mom.  I think about posts, and I have so much to process here in writing.  Yet, finding the time to write is just hard.  The reality is that I am still transitioning into motherhood.  I am madly in love with Quinn, and there aren't words to express how amazing it is to finally have our little miracle in our arms.  But there's still a part of me that still can't believe that we are finally parents.

Mother's Day is Sunday. For the past decade, my heart has ached in the weeks leading up to it.  I've turned off commercials, avoided stores, and haven't attended a Mother's Day celebration.  Chris has made a point to have something for us to do on the actual day- often involving our motorcycle.  A few years ago we took the photos for our adoption profile. 

I really don't know how to feel this year.  On one hand I am excited about the prospect of celebrating my first Mother's Day.  Honestly, I don't know how to behave like a mother on Mother's Day.   There will always be a part of me that aches on Mother's Day.  This year my heart is heavy with the weight of knowing that my joy comes from the choice Quinn's birthmother made.  I wonder how she will feel on Mother's Day.  I wish we had the open relationship where I could acknowledge her somehow. 

And somehow I don't feel any more "worthy" of being celebrated this year than any year before.  I'm the one who should honor those who have given me the gift of motherhood.  I will forever see the title of mother as a gift that has been given to me- not a title that means I am "owed" a celebration.  I know that the part of me that has resented Mother's Day for all these years is impacting my reactions.

Please don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly thankful that I have finally earned the title of mother.  I am thrilled that I will get to spend Sunday with my sweet boy and my amazing husband.  There's just a little part of me that will take pause.