Thankful

We've already been out on this Thanksgiving Day for our annual turkey trot and breakfast.  I wasn't up to running this year, and am sad that I didn't work harder to get ready.  But I am thankful for the tradition and enjoyed being a spectator and watching Chris cheer on the many swim team kids and parents who came out to run the race.  Chris finished in a good time for him- just over 24 minutes.  We enjoyed breakfast at Denny's as a post race treat.

We have so much to be thankful for this year.  I am trying really hard to focus on that.  We have amazing friends who love and support us in so many ways.  Chris and I both have careers that we love (even if I'm frustrated with it right now).  We own our house that we've worked to make a home we are proud of.  We have food on our table and all of our basic needs are more than met.  We have a strong marriage based on love and respect.  We are blessed.

Yet, my heart is heavy today.  Thanksgiving brings reminders of loss and heartbreak too.   In 2002, I lost my beloved Grandfather right after Thanksgiving and then went on to have an ectopic pregnancy.  We've had more than one Thanksgiving where we were reeling from a failed cycle.  Two years ago I was on Dep.ot Lu.pron preparing for our final FET.  I was in so much pain that day- I cramped and bled for two straight months on that drug protocol.  Last year we were still so raw from our miscarriage the month before.  

And then there is the simple fact of the marking of time.  Each holiday marks another year.  Another year that we say, "This will be the last Thanksgiving (Christmas, 4th of July, etc...) that it's just the two of us."  And then the next year comes and it is STILL just the two of us.  We are so blessed.  We have a good life- but we'd give just about anything to be parents at this point.  We have so much to share with a child. We are so very hopeful that we will be given that gift through the miracle of open adoption.  We pray each and every day that a mother will choose us for that gift.


We're also marking another year that we have chosen to distance ourselves from my family.  I am sad that I won't be sharing this holiday, but I know that this is what is best for Chris and I right now.  We are so very fortunate to have friends who have taken us in as part of their family and we will spend our Thanksgiving surrounded by those who love and support us.  That's more important than anything right now. 


Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving surrounded by those who love and support you. 

November ICLW

Welcome to my little piece of the blogosphere. 

We are officially a "waiting family" in our journey to become parents through domestic adoption.  We've been on this long winding path to parenthood for more than a decade.  We've had some serious heartbreak and can't even begin to tell you our entire bumpy road here in a single post.  If you are new here, you can see our timeline above and get the down and dirty 411. 

We are hopeful once again that we WILL become parents through the gift of adoption.  The upcoming holidays are tough ones for us as they are loaded with loss anniversaries as well as the burden of yet another year passing us by. 

I am a teacher by day, and have an especially challenging student this year.  It's made for some added stress this fall that I am not really happy about.  My husband is a swim coach and we are very close to several of our swim families.  They are more like family to us than those who we are actually blood related to. 

I have a creative side that feeds my soul, and also is helping support our adoption fund.  You can check out my etsy shop at www.virtue75.etsy.com.  It makes me happy to create, and hopefully we can help offset the high cost of adoption as well.  We depleted all of our savings with a last ditch IVF that was *almost* a success. 

I have only a two day work week- so hopefully I will be able to post more this week and get to know some new bloggers too.  I am forever grateful for Mel and the entire ALI blogging community for the support over the past several years.  I don't think I would have kept my sanity if I didn't have this amazing outlet and kind words from those who read my rambilings.

Hoping you all have a wonderful day!

Facing another fear.... rejection

As you can guess from the title of the post, the expectant mother has chosen to work with the other couple.  And we know that it is for the best.  We weren't sure that this was the right situation for us when we took the time to think about it.  We know in our heads that this is all part of the process.

But man, it does sting a little.  One of the scariest parts of jumping into domestic adoption for me was my fear of rejection.  It's no secret that I've had some self esteem issues in the past and then add more than 10 years of failed infertility treatment...  It's a bitter hard pill to swallow that this mom didn't choose us.

Now, I KNOW that the right situation will come along... I really do.  As I said, I am not sure that we would have pursued this situation if we had been chosen. But I am having a hard time coming to terms that we were rejected. 

I know in terms of adoption timelines, this was quick.  I know that.  But is it wrong that I was hoping that just once in our life that we would be on the "easy" path? 

Trying not to dwell on this too long.  Too much to get done this week. 

But I think I should get a gold star for facing two of my big fears in less than 24 hours...

Facing my Phone Phobia

I've always had this thing about the phone.  I love talking to friends on the phone, but making a call to make an appointment, or another "cold call" is another story.  I would beg my mom in my college years to call and make doctor and hair appointments for me. It took me months to work up the courage to call our last IVF clinic.  I am an outgoing person for the most part, but I have some unexplainable fear of making cold calls.


Why am I telling you all of this?


I had to face this fear head on today.  You see, a expectant mother wanted Chris and I to call her.  She spoke to our attorney and has looked at our profile.  Our attorney gave us some information about her as well, and told her that we would call.  I got the message while at school and was able to sneak out early and get home early.  Chris and I called together.


We had a nice conversation with her.  I won't go into details, but it went well.  We only talked for a few moments.  She is also talking to another couple from our attorney.  She told us that she is going to think it over and get back to us in a week or so.  She has placed another child in the past, so she knows what she needs. 


There are still lots of questions if this is the right situation for us and this mom.  It's the very first situation that we've been presented.  Our attorney actually sent out our profile to another expectant mom on Friday.

I was starting to feel overwhelmed with all of the marketing I wanted to do.  This makes me feel like what I have done is getting us out there. 

Please keep us in your thoughts over the coming weeks. I hope that our decisions will be guided by what is best for us and everyone else involved.

Anyone have any words of wisdom for us?

Colorado is on my mind...

No, we're not heading back to CC.RM.  I really do hope we get the opportunity in the future for a sibling, but it's not in the cards for us right now. I am really, really, hopeful about our adoption plans.  I am in a good place... today.  I believe with all my heart that our baby is out there- and that we will finally be a family through the gift of adoption. 

While we were not successful at CC.RM, we were given a true love.  It seems that both Chris and I have fallen in love with the great state of Colorado.  We daydream of one day moving out there.  I'd like to at least be able to take a nice long vacation to visit all of the beauty that the state has to offer.  How many people can say that they've been to Colorado FOUR times and not witnessed much of its beauty?  I did get to take in the sunshine and the amazing landscapes- from the window of various hotel suites while on bedrest!

What brought on this longing for the great state of Colorado you might ask?

This text from my husband did:

"Wouldn't it suck to wake up to this every morning?"

You see, Chris is in the lovely state of Colorado RIGHT NOW.  Without me.  And I am a little bitter and jealous that he is out there making new memories that don't involve infertility. He's getting to experience some of the million other things that Colorado has to offer other than one of the world's greatest IVF clinics.

All joking aside, I am thrilled for him.  One of our very talented swimmers was asked to attend the National Select Camp at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs.  As part of the program, they ask the coach to come with the swimmer and participate in some advanced coaching clinics.  It's an amazing opportunity for both our swimmer and Chris.  He's staying at the training center and working with the same staff that trains our Olympic team.  The food is apparently amazing too- all provided by the nutritionists/chefs employed by the OTC.  He has already learned so much and has another two days of training still to come.  He and our swimmer even got the chance to go see a few sites before the camp started on Thursday.

Our swimmer looking very serious within the Olympic Rings

So for now, I am experiencing some of the wonders of Colorado through the text messages and emails from Chris.  While there are no vacation plans in our near future due to our adoption costs, I hope to one day very soon be able to see those mountains and sunshine again with my own eyes.  I want to make some new memories of the Centennial State.  Hopefully it will be one of our first family vacations and my new memories will involve sharing our love of the state with our child.

1-888-oh my goodness!

First off, thank you for your kind words about the article.  We've had a few hits on our etsy site and a few well meaning emails.  But no crazy hate email- so I am feeling it was a successful article.

It's been a few weeks since I last posted- but with good reason.  I've been crazy busy with my card business and moving forward with our adoption plans.  I feel like we've moved light years in just the past two weeks!

As you might guess, we are finally the proud owners of an 888 number.  I feel like I've been talking about getting this for the past year.  Next to an actual adoption placement, I feel like this has been the one thing we've been chasing.  And now we have it... Yikes!

Let me back up a little.  We met with our attorney and her marketing person on October 12.  I have lots to say about the meeting- but I'll sum it up in a few sentences.  We adore our attorney.  She's down to earth and has a true heart for adoption.  She is laid back and fits us well.  We didn't feel as empowered with the marketing person, but she has been quick to reply to emails and has worked well with us.  We're overachievers and had most of what we needed done already.  I've done some research over the past several months so I was ahead of the game.  I've actually given her leads on websites and the such. 

We had to create a photo book for the attorney to keep in her office for when she meets with potential birth parents.  We also had to have our paper profile approved by the marketing person.  I finished both of those tasks this week.  It was stressful- everything I kept reading just said that you needed to have your book/letter "reflect who you are" and that was about all the guidance we had.  I tried to balance my need for perfection and clean design with what a potential birth parent might feel comfortable reading.  In the end, I am pretty happy with the end product for both the photo book and our letters. 

We've asked a friend who works for an ink company to print our letter for us.  We're starting to embrace the notion that we have to ask for help.  We're proud people, but the costs of adoption are high and we have to use our resources wisely.  We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who want to help us in any way they can.  We just have to ask.  Another family has assisted us with some financing for our initial payments to the attorney and the marketing firm.  Again, they were overjoyed to be able to help us.

Our 888 number is now listed on all of our websites and our paper profile.  Next step is to get some business cards and the write our ads.  We are supposed to start placing ads by next month.  Again, it's about gathering resources and making the right choices.  But we are moving forward.

Baby steps to our baby, right?

Article

Thank you once again for the outpouring of support.  It means the world to me!

I scanned in the actual article from the newspaper.  It's a little grainy, but for those of you who can't see it online, you should be able to read it.  Just click on the image and it will show up in a new window.

We've had a good response so far.  No leads, but no crazy emails, either.  One woman telling me all about Re.solve.  Yep, I know about Res.olve.  Thanks!  :)

We are meeting with our attorney tomorrow.  Looking forward to *really* getting things moving!

No time for a long post tonight... have several card orders that I have to fill tonight.