Colorado is on my mind...

No, we're not heading back to CC.RM.  I really do hope we get the opportunity in the future for a sibling, but it's not in the cards for us right now. I am really, really, hopeful about our adoption plans.  I am in a good place... today.  I believe with all my heart that our baby is out there- and that we will finally be a family through the gift of adoption. 

While we were not successful at CC.RM, we were given a true love.  It seems that both Chris and I have fallen in love with the great state of Colorado.  We daydream of one day moving out there.  I'd like to at least be able to take a nice long vacation to visit all of the beauty that the state has to offer.  How many people can say that they've been to Colorado FOUR times and not witnessed much of its beauty?  I did get to take in the sunshine and the amazing landscapes- from the window of various hotel suites while on bedrest!

What brought on this longing for the great state of Colorado you might ask?

This text from my husband did:

"Wouldn't it suck to wake up to this every morning?"

You see, Chris is in the lovely state of Colorado RIGHT NOW.  Without me.  And I am a little bitter and jealous that he is out there making new memories that don't involve infertility. He's getting to experience some of the million other things that Colorado has to offer other than one of the world's greatest IVF clinics.

All joking aside, I am thrilled for him.  One of our very talented swimmers was asked to attend the National Select Camp at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs.  As part of the program, they ask the coach to come with the swimmer and participate in some advanced coaching clinics.  It's an amazing opportunity for both our swimmer and Chris.  He's staying at the training center and working with the same staff that trains our Olympic team.  The food is apparently amazing too- all provided by the nutritionists/chefs employed by the OTC.  He has already learned so much and has another two days of training still to come.  He and our swimmer even got the chance to go see a few sites before the camp started on Thursday.

Our swimmer looking very serious within the Olympic Rings

So for now, I am experiencing some of the wonders of Colorado through the text messages and emails from Chris.  While there are no vacation plans in our near future due to our adoption costs, I hope to one day very soon be able to see those mountains and sunshine again with my own eyes.  I want to make some new memories of the Centennial State.  Hopefully it will be one of our first family vacations and my new memories will involve sharing our love of the state with our child.

1-888-oh my goodness!

First off, thank you for your kind words about the article.  We've had a few hits on our etsy site and a few well meaning emails.  But no crazy hate email- so I am feeling it was a successful article.

It's been a few weeks since I last posted- but with good reason.  I've been crazy busy with my card business and moving forward with our adoption plans.  I feel like we've moved light years in just the past two weeks!

As you might guess, we are finally the proud owners of an 888 number.  I feel like I've been talking about getting this for the past year.  Next to an actual adoption placement, I feel like this has been the one thing we've been chasing.  And now we have it... Yikes!

Let me back up a little.  We met with our attorney and her marketing person on October 12.  I have lots to say about the meeting- but I'll sum it up in a few sentences.  We adore our attorney.  She's down to earth and has a true heart for adoption.  She is laid back and fits us well.  We didn't feel as empowered with the marketing person, but she has been quick to reply to emails and has worked well with us.  We're overachievers and had most of what we needed done already.  I've done some research over the past several months so I was ahead of the game.  I've actually given her leads on websites and the such. 

We had to create a photo book for the attorney to keep in her office for when she meets with potential birth parents.  We also had to have our paper profile approved by the marketing person.  I finished both of those tasks this week.  It was stressful- everything I kept reading just said that you needed to have your book/letter "reflect who you are" and that was about all the guidance we had.  I tried to balance my need for perfection and clean design with what a potential birth parent might feel comfortable reading.  In the end, I am pretty happy with the end product for both the photo book and our letters. 

We've asked a friend who works for an ink company to print our letter for us.  We're starting to embrace the notion that we have to ask for help.  We're proud people, but the costs of adoption are high and we have to use our resources wisely.  We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who want to help us in any way they can.  We just have to ask.  Another family has assisted us with some financing for our initial payments to the attorney and the marketing firm.  Again, they were overjoyed to be able to help us.

Our 888 number is now listed on all of our websites and our paper profile.  Next step is to get some business cards and the write our ads.  We are supposed to start placing ads by next month.  Again, it's about gathering resources and making the right choices.  But we are moving forward.

Baby steps to our baby, right?

Article

Thank you once again for the outpouring of support.  It means the world to me!

I scanned in the actual article from the newspaper.  It's a little grainy, but for those of you who can't see it online, you should be able to read it.  Just click on the image and it will show up in a new window.

We've had a good response so far.  No leads, but no crazy emails, either.  One woman telling me all about Re.solve.  Yep, I know about Res.olve.  Thanks!  :)

We are meeting with our attorney tomorrow.  Looking forward to *really* getting things moving!

No time for a long post tonight... have several card orders that I have to fill tonight. 

Excitement shifted to PANIC- Update

I am starting to panic about our story being in print tomorrow.  It may even be online this afternoon.  I've shifted from excitement to panic.  Please remind me that even if we get 100+ hate emails, there could be the one email that brings us our miracle.  That's all worth it, right?

I don't want this blog linked to the article- just in case.  So I don't think I'll post a direct link- but I will give you some info to do a little search.  The local paper is called the Dail.y He.rald and the columnist who wrote our article is Bu.rt Con.stable.  I spoke to him just a few moments ago and I feel good about what he "got" from our interview.  Let's hope it's perceived that way by the general public.  There will be photos, and with a pretty uncommon first name, people will be able to connect the dots.

Ok- now off to grade papers and complete some card orders.  He's also linking my online store.  So I guess I better get that stocked too.  If only I could focus....

~~~~~~

Article is now online.  It has a photo of Chris and I and uses our last names.  It's very personal and gives lots of details.  But it is honest and respectful.  You can only see the entire article if you are a subscriber, but I was able to read it in parts around the subscriber blocker.  :)  My heart is pounding right now.  Please let this be recieved well.  Please let me not regret including our adoption contact information and a link to my etsy store.  Please let this bring more GOOD into our life than hate.

And for a little irony- The story right after ours is about the woman who ran the Chicago Marathon and gave birth right afterwards.  Awesome, huh? :)

Sharing our Story

First of all,  Thank You.  Thank you for your kind words and positive energy over the past few days.  I know I've said it before, but I really don't know what I would do without my virtual support group.  I am so thankful to have found the ALI community.  While infertility is often a taboo subject in real life, I can always share my real feelings and emotions here and know that there is someone who gets it.  Thank you for being my "get it" girls!

I'm fortunate to have a few real life friends who really try to get where I am coming from.  They've cared for me and protected me from the angry fertiles of the world.  But I've also felt a need to educate those about what infertility is all about.  I've been rather open about our struggles and now about our adoption plan.  I am far from an activist, but I feel a sense of obligation to represent the life of an infertile.  The media portrays us in such a negative light and there are so many misconceptions about the processes involved in IVF and Adoption. 


We spent yesterday morning with a columnist for a local paper sharing our story.  An amazing woman set it all in motion. She filled in for me as a substitute teacher a year ago while I was dealing with our miscarriage. She came to me a few weeks ago asking me if it would be okay if she sent an email to a few contacts at local newpapers about us.  She has always wanted to do something more for us, and thought this might lead to something.  I graciously accepted her help, but really didn't think anything would come of it.  I mean, who would think we were a story worth writing?

Apparently we are somewhat interesting.  The columnist wanted to write about modern infertility, and the email came at just the right time.  He wanted to show the real side of infertility & adoption that has been overshadowed by women like octo.mom and Ange.lina J.olie.  He wanted to write a story to expose  some of myths surrounding IVF and adoption.  This was exactly the mission I'd been on.  He also agreed to share our adoption information within the article and include a photo or two of us.

We talked for almost two hours, sharing just about every detail of our life over the past ten years.  He asked questions that were respectful and showed that he really wanted to share our story in a positive light.  I am of course a little nervous about what silly comment I may have made that could be taken out of context, but hopeful that in the end it will all come together.  I am a little worried that we talked too much about our infertility and not enough about adoption- but that's what I know. I am an "expert" at infertility and a newbie in terms of adoption.  Hopefully I won't offend the adoption community with anything I said.

The article is supposed to run this week.  I am excited and nervous.  Of course I started to think about what comments will be posted on the online version of the article, and started to hyperventilate.  But then Chris reminded me of the S.NL skit from the last week that showed people who comment online.  Made me laugh and hopefully will keep me from even reading the comments.  I'll be sure to post a link here once it's online so that all of you can go and defend me if need be.  :)

Hoping that spending the day actively sharing our story was the best way to honor our miscarriage a year later.

More thoughts on our adoption plans for another post.  We're meeting with our attorney on Wednesday to get our 800 number and marketing plan rolling.  Yikes!

Realzing that I've used the word hope in some form MANY times in this post.  Could it be that I am just feeling a little hopeful? 

Good Thoughts

Just a quick post and a favor.

Can you please think some good thoughts for me today?  We have lots of amazing things happening on the adoption front, but today is going to be a tough day for me.

It was a year ago at the very inservice I am attending today that my world fell apart when we miscarried.  It happened at school, and I just don't know how I am going to feel when I walk into the building this morning.  I am feeling pretty strong right now, but I know that can all change.  I have to somehow figure out how to focus on the tasks today, which could be a big challenge.

So if you have some extra positive energy today, can you send it my way?

~~~~~

Thank you for all of your sweet comments.  I read them throughout the day on my phone, and it definitely made a tough day much more bearable.  I survived with only one little melt down at lunch but one of my dearest friends agreed to have lunch just to two of us and it helped tons. 

I think I've made it through the day.  Tomorrow will be tough too- but we have some exciting things to do, so that will help.  I'll share more about that this weekend.

Thank you again from the very depth of my soul.

Sense of Peace

I think I might really be finding some peace with our infertility journey coming to a close and the hope of adoption.  It's funny how things like this sneak up on you.  While I am still having some breathtaking moments when I think of Friday's upcoming date, I am feeling more hope than grief.  If you would have told me that 6 months ago, I would have laughed (and then cried) in your face.

I spent 30 wonderful moments holding my friend's 3 week old baby yesterday.  You might remember me talking about meeting this little guy in this post.  She came into school yesterday for a surprise visit, and I was thrilled to get the chance to hold him during my lunch period.  (He didn't go near ANY of our students- he was only in the Teacher's lounge and the counselors office.  Way too many germs in other places!!!)

As I sat holding this little miracle, I just felt a sense of peace come over me.  He was content in my arms until he decided he was hungry.  He even spent a few moments cooing with his eyes open.  It was magical.  Not one other teacher dared to take this little guy out of my arms.  I think they all knew that I was having a moment.

While I will always have some sadness over our losses and our years of unsuccessful treatment, I think I might really be ready to heal.  I am hopeful that we will have our own little miracle very soon through adoption.  In the meantime, I think I'll just try to spend oodles of time with this little guy and try to learn all that I can about being a mom.

And after hearing about my friend's issues with delivery and the subsequent healing necessary in her lady parts, maybe giving birth isn't all it's cracked up to be...