Still waiting...

We're still waiting.  M has not gone into labor yet, but has shared that she is having a great deal of back pain.  She said that's how things started with her daughter.  So, hoping that this means that the little guy is getting ready to make his entrance into the world.

She hasn't given us any indication that she is changing her mind about placing with us, but we know there are no guarantees.  We've really been guarded about it all in some senses, but we've also shared our adoption plans with many people, too.  I took the giant leap and bought a double snap and go stroller frame for two infant car seats.  I got it for a steal through a Mom of Twins group, so I thought it was a safe bet. 

I am just so tired of being in limbo and holding my breath.  We are madly in love with Quinn, and can imagine we will love M's son just as much.  We've also talked that this might really be it for us- either way.  We just can't imagine the heartache of going through another adoption in a few years, so if M doesn't place with us, Quinn will most probably be an only child.  That makes me sad, but I also know that it is time for us to move on with our life.  We need to embrace parenting and do our best to leave our infertility behind us.  The scars are deep, and will always be a part of who we are.  However, infertility needs to take the back seat to parenting.

My paid leave for Quinn is over.  I am now on "borrowed" (aka unpaid) time. I have projects I can start if I am going to be on a second paid leave for M's baby.  I have two curriculum projects that I need to work on as well that have a nice stipend attached to them.  My official  return date for Quinn is Monday... so if baby isn't here by Sunday I need to make a decision about what to do. 

Please keep positive thoughts coming that M will deliver soon and that we will no longer be living in this limbo land. 

Holding on....

We're still in holding pattern.  M's little guy has no intention of making is arrival it seems.  After spending months planning on his early arrival, here we are waiting for him.  M's official due date is April 5th.  The paid portion of my leave for Quinn is up on April 1st.  I'm taking through April 8th in the hopes I won't have to go back before M's baby makes his arrival.  I'm crossing my fingers that he makes his arrival before April 1st, so I don't have to take any unpaid days.... but I know better!  :)

So, we're just hanging out.  We took Quinn to see the Easter Bunny.  He couldn't have cared less as you can see from his photo.  Of course the toddlers in front of us had NO plans of getting anywhere near the bunny.  It's a photo of a photo... so please forgive me.

Hope you're all getting a glimpse of spring.  Hoping we'll have some exciting news VERY soon! This little face simply melts my heart....

Part of the "club"

Last night we had a wonderful dinner with our close friends from high school.  It was a little surreal, as it is the first time we've been part of the "parenting" club.  They've never done anything to exclude us, but we just didn't fit in to most of the events due to the fact we didn't have kids.  The oldest kiddo there was 10- so it's been a LONG time.  They also have a 6 month old, so they are still in the baby stage.  They've been amazing friends through everything, but we just never felt that we were as close anymore due to the fact we weren't at the same life stage.  But now, we are....

It almost brought tears to my eyes to see Chris holding Quinn next to our friend holding his daughter.  We laughed about parenting stuff.  It just seemed to fit.  And in the same moment, it stung a little.  Why did it take so freaking long for us to be at this point?  We really WERE missing out on the full relationship with our friends all these years.  But then I took in the sight of my husband again, and I exhaled.  We made it.  We're finally part of the club.

Excited to see how our relationships change with those who've supported us along the way.

Parenting and Such

I have so much swirling around in my brain and I just haven't had the chance to get it all down in writing.  We're getting into a nice routine, and Quinn is still a great baby.  He wants to be held, and this momma is going to give him whatever he wants for just a little while longer.  He is still eating smaller amounts more often, and we've just decided that's how he's going to be for now.  The pediatrician encouraged us to go up to 5 ounces at a feeding, but most times we can't get him to take four.  So, for now we're eating ever 2 hours during the day and we've had a few 4 hour stretches at night.  He's really only fussy for a short time, and it is usually because he's hungry.

There are so many questions in parenting.  And so many more in adoptive parenting.   I am constantly questioning myself.  I know this is 110% normal, but man it's a tad overwhelming.  Wondering if I am doing everything "right" even though I know there is no right way to do things and all parents make mistakes.  But I think it is magnified when you've struggled so long to be a parent.  You've yearned for this magical parenting thing for over a decade. It's consumed your thoughts, your emotions, your bank account, your life.  And then it happens.  Sure, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about what kind of parent I want to be.  But it's a whole new world when you are in the trenches!

Don't get me wrong- we're doing very well.  We've adjusted to life as a family of three humans and a yellow lab.  Well, the humans are adjusting, and the lab is slowly coming along.  :)  He's still struggling with the idea that Quinn is not a toy, and that he is staying.  He's actually doing very well and has not had any aggression at all.  He just really wants to play with Quinn and is just a tad jealous of all of the attention the tiny human is getting.

M is still holding on.  She'll be 38 weeks tomorrow!  We text with her every day.  In my heart, I am starting to doubt that she is going to place with us.  I don't have anything to base this on, and it might just be my pessimistic view after so much loss over the years.  We're living in limbo until she delivers- and you know how much I enjoy limbo... NOT!  I am scheduled to return to work on April 8- three days after her anticipated due date.  With my job, I am allowed 6 weeks paid leave for a newborn adoption.  I am taking a few extra days unpaid to stretch it to her due date.  If she does place with us, I can take an additional 6 weeks paid starting with the day we take placement.  I wish I could take longer, but if everything falls into place, I will only have to return to work for a little over 2 weeks before summer break.  Chris is home during the day, so the boy(s) won't be in daycare at all.

Heading into school today to have lunch with my girls.  While I am so thankful to have this time home with my boys, I miss my friends!  I didn't know how much I thrive on adult interaction!  They wanted to treat me to lunch for my birthday, so we are finally making it in today.

Oh- my birthday.  Yep, I hit the big 3-8 on Sunday.  And while it was not the big deal I've had in the past, it was PERFECT.  We spent the day chilling at home and had some friends from the city come up to meet Quinn.  We went out to dinner and Chris made a cake.  Chris bought me a new camera for my birthday and I am pretty excited about it.  I'll be sure to add photos once I load the software onto my computer.  :)

For now, I leave you with my little leprechaun...

One month!

My little man is one month old today.  I really can't believe that it's already been a month since my world changed!  He's changing more each and every day.  He's eating VERY well and growing so much!  His birthparents are both very tall, so he's likely to be much taller than his momma! :)

Today was also his 1 month check up.  He's weighing in at 10lbs 7oz, more than 3lbs over his birth weight!  He's also at 21 1/2 inches long, up from 19 at birth.  He's hit all of this milestones so far, and he continues to be a really happy baby. 

We're still madly in love... and more so each and every day!

Easter Auction for our Adoption Fund

My dear friend Beverly is hosting an auction for me on her Facebook Page.  We're managing it together, but given the fact that I have a 3 week old (wow- that still seems surreal to write!) and M could go into labor any day, we decided that having it on her FB page was the way to go. 

The last auction was for Valentine's day and we raised just over $500!  We're hoping to exceed that amount with this auction.  Quinn's adoption is an amazing unexpected miracle, but comes with unexpected legal and agency fees we hadn't budgeted for.

Beverly and I have some really talented friends who have donated items.  I'll be adding some items of my own very soon. 

If you are on FB, please take a look at the auction here.  You can bid by leaving a comment.  Please also feel free to share the link on your FB wall or blog too.  Auction will end on Thursday at 8:00 CST.

Here's Quinn modeling a tie dye onesie... two of these pieces of art are up for auction!

Photo Updates

I figure I will make up for my lack of posting with photos.  :)  We're adjusting to life as a family of three and learning how to balance all of the little details of life with a newborn. Quinn is such a great baby and is eating like a champ.  He's gaining weight and I can't believe how much he has changed already.  He's already lost the newborn look, but is still wearing newborn clothes. 

Cheering on Daddy's swim team from home. 

Kicking it in my crib

Rocking the Monkey Hat

Romeo caught in the act...

I'm a VERY mellow guy!

Rocking tummy time while watching the Blackhawks with Daddy.

We went to court on Wednesday.  We had to go downtown, but it was a great experience.  The judge couldn't have been nicer.  We shared the waiting room with another family adopting an infant, and a family adopting an older sibling group.  That family was first in court, and the little girl came back and told Chris that if he told the truth, he'd get a sucker.  :)  We each got a sucker as we left court!  We now have the interim adoption order and will not have to return to court again.  We have our post placement visits at 1, 3, & 5 months.  We have a tentative date for finalization in August, but that paperwork is filed by our attorney.

My coworkers had a shower for us yesterday.  Quinn is one spoiled little guy already.  Lots of great necessities, but this diaper motorcycle complete with a dog toy rider might have been our favorite!

Another favorite gift is this lounger/feeding pillow.   I think Quinn likes it too!

M has made it to 36 weeks as of today.  She is feeling good and there's no sign of labor just yet.  We're hoping she makes it at least a few more weeks, but we know it could be any day now.  We have a series of contingency plans should she go into labor at any point between now and her due date. I have to spend all day tomorrow at grad school and Chris has a meet, so Mr Quinn will be spending the day with our good friends.  It will be the very first time he hasn't been with one of us, and the longest I've been away from him.  I can't imagine I'll be a very good student.  :(

Trying to get into some routines and hoping to post more here.  I have lots of thoughts running through my mind that I need to process.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and support you've shown us.  Thank you to those of you who've sent gifts to Quinn.  I'm working on getting thank you notes out... but things are a little tougher to accomplish these days!