Adoption Fundraiser

Quick post tonight...

More details coming soon, but wanted to share what I'm working on.  My super talented friends are helping me put together an online fundraising auction next week.  All items will be a Valentine theme and will be shipped in time to enjoy on Valentine's Day.

The auction will go live on Monday (maybe even Sunday night) with lots of goodies.  Please share! My talented friends are donating the shipping as well, so I am guessing that we'll have to limit to the US... Canadian friends let me know if you are interested in something once it is up and I can check with the artist.

Please feel free to share!
 

Sunday Ramblings... Nesting & Showers

It was a hectic first week back to work.  Even though I am not in the classroom, the first week after winter break is just as crazy!  After spending the fall helping teachers prepare for the new teacher evaluation process, it's finally my turn. Too bad I didn't really "practice what I preached" and am now scrambling to get everything organized and uploaded into the online program.  In fact, I should really be working on that right now...

We are still feeling confident that M is committed to the adoption plan.  We've had a few issues with the agency this week and M is frustrated with the process.  We've kept the lines of communication open with her and are working with the agency.  She does seem a little confused on her due date, and I am hoping to get some clarification this week.  We know that she had her last child early and she has told us that she will have this baby at 8 months/a month early.  In my mind, that means 35/36 weeks.  In her mind, it means 32 weeks (8 x 4).  While there is only a few weeks between the two, there's a world of difference!  Hoping that the new social worker that was assigned to her can get some clarification this week.

It's no secret that I am a type A person.  It's no secret that I have a hard time with limbo.  While we feel confident that M is committed to an adoption plan, the logistics of the next few months is consuming my thoughts.

My FMLA paperwork has been filed- based on M's due date, which we are sure is well past when she will actually deliver.  Trying to get as many projects completed before I go on leave, and not knowing a ball park of when she will deliver is making long range project management a little challenging.  My principal and direct administrator have been really supportive, it is more the pressure I'm putting on myself.

And then there's the idea that we need to start to prepare for the fact that there very well might be a baby in this house in a few months.   I always thought that we wouldn't set up a nursery until the baby is home with us. And I know that is what many adoptive parents do.  Other hopeful parents set up the nursery long before they are matched with a specific expectant mother.  There's the idea that if a placement doesn't happen, the nursery won't be a reminder.  While I understand this idea, and have subscribed to this school of thought for many years, I am starting to think that we might just need to set up a nursery.  There's a part of me that really wants to experience the same celebrations women who have the privilege of giving birth are entitled to.  We've waited so long and have so many friends who are so excited for us. 

Then there's the sad reality that we just are stretched thin with the level of living expenses we are providing for M.  We just don't have the resources to set up a full nursery on our own.  So many of our friends have been so generous supporting our adoption fund and continue to want to celebrate our upcoming adoption. We've been telling people that we want to wait for celebrations until after he is born and in our home.  This seems to be the tradition with most adoptive families.  And while showers are really about celebrating, it is also an opportunity for friends and family to provide the necessities for a little one.  And so brings me to my latest debate... do we do a shower before he is born?

I've started a baby registry at Amazon, but have it set to private.  We decided on a nursery theme.  (ok, I decided and Chris agreed).  I could just share our registry details with people.  We could directly ask for specific support from our close friends.  There really are only a few big ticket items that he will need in his first few weeks. I HATE that we just don't have the resources to purchase those items on our own. 

My current thought is to do something small with our closest friends before he is born and wait for the big celebrations with our swim teams and coworkers after he is legally ours.  Thinking I will talk to a few close friends and see what they think. Anyone have words of advice or suggestions?

Amazing....

Thank you for all of the love and support on my last post.  We had a great day together today, and there was no drama with M and I.  If anything, the drama with the agency has actually strengthened our relationship. 

It was wonderful to see the u/s in person today.  Everything is right on track, and measuring right where it should.  This was not her regular OB, but a MFM who was asked to consult on her case.  I wasn't comfortable asking lots of questions out of respect for M, but did ask a few that mattered. She did share with the u/s tech who I was and why I was there.  She made sure I could see the screen during the u/s. 

My heart is feeling very full tonight.  Hoping and praying that things continue to go well.  I'll be making some calls to the agency and our attorney to address the issues head on.  Hoping that we can make some changes in the professionals dealing with M to help alleviate some stress.

Reality is hitting home tonight.  She'll probably deliver early, as she has said from the start.  Her other children were born early, and she is already on preventative measures at this point.  She is 27 weeks today and her official due date is April 5th.  She seems sure she will have the baby a full month early.  Hoping that isn't the case as I know that it is best for the little peanut to stay snug as long as possible, but know that she is antsy for delivery already. 

It was amazing to see all of the wonders on the u/s screen....



arms....
legs....
spine....
brain....
rib cage...
four chambers of the heart....
and.....





BOY parts! 

Yep, I will be outnumbered.  There is a little man expected into our lives in a few months.

Feeling so very hopeful and peaceful tonight.

Hoping for a Drama Free Tomorrow....

Just a quick post asking for some positive thoughts for tomorrow.  I am attending an u/s appointment with M tomorrow morning.  I am excited to have this opportunity and so thankful she is willing to share this with me.  Chris has to work, so it will just be me going.  It's a 90 minute drive each way, so it will probably be a full day adventure for me!

We've had some drama today with our agency.  I adore our attorney and am so thankful for her guidance and support.  Don't have the same feeling towards the agency.  I'll leave it at that.  We don't agree with the way they've handled things and it has made for some stress for all involved.  Hoping that it won't impact my visit with M tomorrow.  I am so very excited for the chance to see the little peanut on the u/s screen tomorrow!

Goodbye 2012!

I had every intention of actually writing this post within 2012.  However, I came down with my very first case of strep throat.  Yep, at 37 I have been diagnosed with my first case of strep.  I had many sore throats as a child, but never a positive strep test.  Oh.my.word.... this was the worst sore throat I have ever had in my life! So thankful for walk-in clinics and z-packs today.  Can't believe how much better my throat feels after less than 24 hours after my first dose!  That was NOT how I wanted to spend my last few days of 2012, but so grateful to be feeling much better for the start of 2013!

You can't miss the symbolism of ending 2012 feeling like sh!t and feeling so much better at the start of 2013.  2012 was another challenging year, and I am glad she's over and done with. 

I started 2012 in pregnancy limbo and lived through a month of ups and downs and constant monitoring.  After seeing the heartbeat, we lost that pregnancy and I had my first D and C in February.   We also were presented to a few adoption situations during the year, and each time we were rejected for some reason or another.  While we truly know that the right match is out there (and we hope it's the one we're currently in!) it still stung to be rejected.  Two of my closest friends announced their pregnancies right before the start of the school year.

Looking back on my blog posts of the year, there really was more positive than negative to celebrate from 2012.  Maybe I should cut her some slack.  We watched our swimmers blossom into amazing young adults.  Chris' HS team took third at state and we watched three of our swimmers compete in the Olympic Trials.  I spent Spring Break visiting two of my dearest friends.  I'm finally in the new position at school and loving every moment of it.  We have some amazing people that love and support us.  We've had many adventures with those people and our life is full. 

And then there's the fact that we are MATCHED.  That could be the single most life changing event of 2012.  We've had some challenges along the way and it hasn't been smooth sailing.  It's not what we imagined.   But it feels right, and I am going to hold out every hope that we will finally be holding our little miracle in our arms in March.  So for that reason more than anything, I am ready for 2013.  Ready to put 2012 behind us, and hope that 2013 brings much Joy to our lives.  I'm hoping that my post a year from now will be VERY different than the one you're reading now. 

Wising you all a very Happy New Year! 

Christmas Peace

For the first time in many years, I am feeling a sense of peace today. 

Our lives are full of so many people who are so excited to help us welcome our little miracle in 2013.  We've been showered with gifts towards our adoption fund that have brought Chris and I to tears.  We know that there are so many people who are are supporting us in every way that matters.  We don't have a traditional family support system, but we are so amazingly blessed with a family of friends who love and cherish us.  Each person we've shared our exciting news with has been so happy for us and has offered whatever support we need. 

I've been aching for this sense of peace for so long.  I can only imagine the magnitude of the feelings once we have a little one in our arms.  So, my dear friends, I am fully jumping in.  I am going to let go and just hope and believe that all of our struggles and loss have brought us to the moment we hold our little one.  And for this moment, I am going to believe with all my heart that will finally be possible in late March. 

We spent a wonderful Christmas Eve with our very close friends.

Chris and I on Christmas Eve. 

Chris with Maddi & Dante

We had a quiet Christmas just the two of us.  It was so nice to have some quiet time together.  We purchased only practical gifts for one another, but made sure to wrap them in pretty packages.  :)  Romeo was treated to a few squeeky toys that met a very quick demise. 

Romeo really wants to open his stocking!

We went to a movie with our friends last night and then went back to their house for dinner, drinks, and cards.  We made fabulous pumpkin martinis and ate left over ham.  We shared lots of laughter!

Today I am enjoying my first real day of Winter Break.  Doing a little cleaning, catching up on the DVR, snuggling with Romeo, and basking in the glow of this feeling of Peace. 

Wishing you all a sense of peace as we close out 2012. 

Christmas Eve 2012

In Christmases past, I've been frantically getting everything together on Christmas Eve morning for my family to come over.  I have some really fond memories of Christmas Eves when my niece was little and before the family drama got to the point that I had to walk away.  I am feeling some nostalgia this morning, and sad that we can't go back to those magical Christmas Eves with the kids.  I sent gifts for the kids last year with my cousin, and apparently that was very insensitive of me and I was told that I am not allowed to do anything like that again.  My heart is heavy, but I know that I made the right choice and recent events have validated that choice.  It's still a little sad to not have family around you at the holidays, but we are so very blessed to have amazing friends who are more like family to us.  And the upside to that... I don't have to worry about cleaning the house right now and can sit here enjoying a cup of coffee with the glow of the Christmas tree and Romeo curled at my feet. 

Do I dare even say that we're hoping that this is our final Christmas as a family of two?  Could 2013 really be our year?  Feeling very hopeful and terrified all at the same time!

Our lunch with M went well.  We met her at her house and then drove to the restaurant.  It was an interesting menu, and not one I would have chosen, but M had fond memories of the restaurant from her childhood and wanted to take us there.  Chris and I got to spend some quality time with her daughter and M was able to actually eat a meal without a little one trying to keep that from happening!  M talks very loudly, so I am pretty sure the entire restaurant knew our story by the time we left.  Oh well!  She has some misconceptions about the actual adoption process at the hospital that we'll need to get corrected.  She doesn't care for her social worker at the agency, so she asks us most of the questions.  I'm going to call my attorney in a little bit to get some clarification and then call M and let her know. 

M shared a few things about her last OB appointment, and I am a little concerned about a few things.  She's been put on progesterone support to prevent early labor... yikes!  I did a little googling when we got home and worked myself into a frenzy of course.  She has an u/s on Jan 4th and I asked if I could go with her.  She said yes, and in fact is excited she won't have to go by herself for once.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about being able to go and see the little one on the screen.  Also hoping that I can get some reassurance from the OB about what is really going on.  In our experience, M doesn't always hear everything that someone says and needs some clarification herself.  Hoping that being a second pair of ears will also help M. 

M has also requested to see our home for herself.  She feels she needs to see where the baby will be going, and honestly I can't blame her.  She has all of our contact info already, and a quick google search would give you our address.  Chris and I talked about it, and feel that it is the right thing to do.  We've always felt strongly that we wanted an open adoption.  We've been working to develop a relationship with M and sharing our hopes for an open adoption little by little with her. We're hoping for the end of January.  That means Chris has to get some of his home projects done and we might just have to take the leap and..... set up a..... nursery.  Yikes!!!  I am sure that M will want to see more than the single onesie I've allowed myself to purchase.  My good friend has offered to escort me into Babies...R....Us... for the first time.  This might just be the kick in the arse I needed to get over my fears.

I am feeling some peace... there's still the nagging voice in the back of my head that reminds me that this might all fall apart at the 11th hour.  I am trying to keep her as quiet as possible for now.  And the reality that the little one might be here sooner than we expected has pushed her even farther back.  (but of course I started researching about preemies.... !)

Hoping you all have a wonderful Christmas.  For those of you with little miracles, hug them a little tighter and give them a little extra love from Chris and I.  For those of you still in the trenches with me, take good care of yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever comes.  Much love to you all!