Let the fun begin!

This is my first attempt at a post from my phone. We'll see how this works.

We had a fabulous time at the wedding last night. It was so enchanting to see two close friends exchange vows. They even announced our anniversary during the reception.

We got home around 2 and the alarm went off at 5. We had a great flight out to Omaha. Chris and the boys are at the pool now. Chris is pretty awe struck and I can't blame him! The meet doesn't start until Monday.

Looking forward to a great week!

Sixteen Years

It's been sixteen years since I became Chris' wife.  It's been a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Ok, I might trade a few of the moments, but I know that each and every one of those moments brought us to where we are now. 

I love this man with all my heart.  And I can't wait for the day that he finally gets to add the title of dad. 

Then:

Now:

Tonight we'll celebrate by attending the wedding of two of my friends and coworkers.  Can't imagine a better way to celebrate!  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

June ILCW

Welcome to June ICLW!

If you are new to my blog, you can see our history by looking at the timeline tab above.  The cliff notes version- We've been at this a long time.  We've had several IVF's fail, even at the best clinics.  While I have been diagnosed with PCOS, it is under control with metformin and diet.  We've recently added RPL to our list of diagnosis as we've experienced three miscarriages in the last 18 months, most recently in February.

We are currently actively hoping to adopt.  We are homestudy approved and working with an attorney here in Illinois.  We've had a few situations come our way, but have yet to be chosen by an expectant mother.  We're very hopeful that we will start our family through domestic open adoption.

I'm also a middle school special education teacher who will finally be done with summer school tomorrow.  My husband is a swim coach, and we have two swimmers who will be swimming at the Olympic Trials next week.  Looking forward to reading blogs and commenting in our down time in Omaha.  It should be an exciting week for sure.

Hope you are all enjoying the first days of official summer!

Widening our Horizons

Thank you for your kind words on my last post.  Thinking of all the hopeful dads to be out there today.  Chris is off at a swim meet today.  It's called the "Father's Day Meet" so I can only imagine how hard it will be for him.  He's also battling a nasty cold right now- so please send some extra nice thoughts his way today.

We've decided to broaden our marketing a little bit this week.  We're taking a leap of faith with a newer website and company called adoptimist.com.  They have a free profile plan which we started with but we've decided to take the plunge and become premium members.  We've been happy with the support we've had so far.  Most of the families there are from states that pa.rent.profi.les won't work with.  So, I am hopeful that they will start to take off.  They are not affiliated with any agency or website and brand themselves as an adoption technology marketing firm.   They will also be working with us to develop our own go.ogle ad campaign. 

You can view our profile on their website here.

As you know, I've always been resistant to our attorney's urging to use print ads.  I am really excited about this opportunity and hopeful that we will get our information to the woman who will change our lives soon.  We had another three calls to our 888 number last month.  Chris feels we should stick with our print ads in the Thrifty Nickel papers as well, since we seem to get one call from each area we have ads.  However, nothing has come from any of these calls.  I texted our attorney again this week.  She tells me that she is sending lots of our profiles out, but we are not being chosen.  I've asked her if she is getting any feedback as to why we are not being chosen.  I haven't heard back.  I did ask her that if so many profiles are going out, she must need more soon.  We gave her 30 originally, so I'd really like to know how many she has left.  I want to trust what she tells me.  Really, I do. 

So, for now I'm  continuing to tweak our website.  I've started to tweak our paper profile too hoping that I'll get some feedback from our attorney.  I've updated some photos and used some of the feedback you all gave me on the website for the paper profile. 

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We have a crazy week ahead.  It's the last week of summer school... thank goodness!  Reminding myself every day that the reason I am doing this all is to help pay our attorney fees.  That's what gets me up each and every morning.  I also need to finish a few projects for a coworkers wedding on Saturday.  My good friends Abi & Dago are also getting married on Friday night.  I'm so excited for this wedding as I adore both of them and can't wait to spend the night celebrating with our coworkers.  We spent yesterday creating the placecards, favor tags, and table numbers for the wedding.  It was fun to be able to use my creative talents for such a good cause.  :) I'll be sure to share photos.

We also head to Omaha on Saturday morning for the Olympic Trials.  Like 8:30 am flight.  As of right now, the plan is that I won't sleep until we get on the plane.  We'll see.  I need to pack for 10 days away from home by Thursday since Friday will be all about the wedding.  Yikes!  Wish me luck!

Father's Day Revelations

It's no secret that Mother's Day is hard for those of us who've battled infertility and dealt with miscarriage.  The weeks leading up to Mother's Day are full of constant reminders of the sunshine and rainbows that motherhood is supposed to be.  Chris has always been supportive of my dislike of the holiday, but I always felt like he thought it was a little silly. 

It's also no secret that men and women go through the stages of infertility grief at different stages.  We've been on this path for more than a decade, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've been on exactly the same place emotionally.  In the early days, we were miles apart and it often caused all sorts of conflicts.  Now. we're in the same town- even the same block. 

Chris has always been the strong one.  I know that he stays strong for me and has been incredibly supportive of me when I've been in a bad place.  He is my rock.

Sometimes I forget that my rock also has cracks.  Yesterday, he let me see some of those cracks for just a moment.  It made my heart ache and swell all at the same time.  I sent him an email of a link of a blog post of an adoptive father that just made me tear up.  I told him in the email NOT to read it on the pool deck (he was at a swim meet) but of course he did.  He also spent most of the meet working with our junior swimmers- the littlest ones on the team.  I could tell he was in a funk when he came home.  Of course it took three times of asking "What's wrong?" to get him to tell me.  :)

Later we were watching TV and there was a Father's Day commercial for Di.ck's Sportingoods.  It showed a dad as a football player and then his kid as he grew up wearing the same number.  It made me tear up, and at that moment I got it.  Father's day sucks as much for Chris as the other holiday does for me. 

And you know what, it makes my heart ache knowing how much Chris wants to be a dad.  I've always known it, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks this week.  Please let there be a day very soon when Chris can celebrate Father's Day as the world's greatest dad that I know he will be.

Thoughts from TLC's "Birthmoms" *edited*

I've had this post swirling in my head for several weeks now.  Did anyone see the show Birthmoms on TLC?  If you didn't, I am sure they are running repeats.  In case you can't drop everything and find it,  the basis is that they followed three expectant mothers who were working with an agency in Utah.  All three women had been moved to Utah to furnished apartments by the agency and were "followed" as their pregnancies progressed and they went through the process of choosing and placing with an adoptive family.

I actually watched the show twice- once alone and once with Chris.  I wanted him to see I could discuss it with him.  We had some good conversation, but I still feel the need to talk about it more.  That's what this post is all about.  :) I am still VERY "new" when it comes to adoption topics and discussion, so please bear with me. 

First off, I don't know how I feel about the expectant moms being moved across the country in order to give birth and place.  While I see the value of being able to provide shelter, food, and medical support all in one place for the agency's sake, there's just something that just doesn't sit right with me.  I know that there are other agencies that do this as well, and I am not attacking those agencies by any means.  I am just saying that I don't feel that is something *I* would be comfortable with as a hopeful adoptive mother.  While it seems that the girls came from not so great situations back home, I still felt for them when it came time for them to give birth and they had nobody that was just there for them.  Yes, the agency sent someone to be with them, but that just doesn't seem the same to me.  All three women decided to place and I wonder if they felt any sense of obligation given the situation?  Anyone have any thoughts on this? 

Secondly, I felt that this piece portrayed the expectant mothers in a negative light.  I also felt that the show will continue to perpetrate negative stereotypes of birthmothers.  I was disheartened when one of the women chose to drink and smoke through her pregnancy. They did show the OB talking to her about it.  While I know this is a reality for some situations, it isn't the choice that every mother makes.  They did show one of the other women sharing her distaste for the first woman's behavior and even had her talking about it in her "group" therapy session at the agency. 

The process that one of the women chose her adoptive family has probably been the biggest thing I've been trying to wrap my mind around.  While I know she is only one woman, and every woman goes through their own process, it made me question everything.  We've been waiting for a long time... but officially our profile has been active since October.  That's 8 months for those who are counting.  I am starting to wonder if I need to rework our profile.  I hung on every word this woman said.  She wanted pictures- but not too many.  She didn't want to read too much.  She wanted a family where her child wouldn't stand out.  Her baby is bi-racial and at one point she commented that she hadn't seen any African American couples in the profiles the agency gave her. She couldn't explain what she wanted in a family, but said she would know it when she saw it. 

She looked at many profiles and even met with one family.  She said she didn't feel it was the right fit with the first family.  She later wanted to go back to that family and by then they had been chosen by another mother.  She ended up choosing a family last minute- which all along she said she didn't want to do but had no choice.  She chose a family that had three biological children- all three blond haired and blue eyed- the very thing she said initially she was against.  It left me so very confused.

I can not even begin to imagine how every woman who places for adoption makes her choice of family.  I just wish there was some way that I could connect with the woman who is looking to place with a family like ours.  All three women who placed on this show chose a family who already has children.  That makes my heart break.  Again, I don't mean any disrespect to those who are adding to their families through adoption.  Everyone has a path they have followed.  I know this sounds horrible to say, and I cringe as I even type it.  I just wish that those of us who don't have children and who have spent years patiently (ok, maybe not so patiently) waiting would be chosen first.  I know that's not how the real world works, and I know that secondary infertility is heartbreaking.  But my heart just wants there to be some sense of fairness to any of this.

When we started I thought that the fact that we didn't have children would work in our favor when an expectant parent looked at our profile.  Now I am starting to feel that it is in fact the exact opposite.  It stings- it's like all of the wounds of our infertility are opening a little each time I hear of someone who was chosen specifically because they already have a child and the woman is looking to place so their child will have a sibling.  This was the exact reason we were not chosen in the last situation our attorney came to us with.  (Ok, so I may be taking this a little too personal from the show, but work with me...)

Anyone have any thoughts?  Also, if you'd be so inclined to take a look at our official adoption profile, I'd love to get some feedback too.  You can find it if you go to  chrisandpatience com (replace the spaces with dots)  Our paper profile can be downloaded from the home page. 

Stay tuned for my thoughts on Te.en Mo.m  Yes, I spent an entire day watching the marathon of all the episodes.

**Just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to look at our profile and shared your thoughts.  Many of your ideas have been nagging me as well- so you've given me the inspiration to start reworking our website and profile in the coming days.  THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. **

Weekend Celebrations

Thank you all for your words of comfort and support.  I have another post in mind that I need to write soon, but I wanted to share a positive post first.  My goal is to have a better balance here.  My life is full of lots of amazing and wonderful things.  Sometimes I wonder what those of you who "know" me only through this blog must think.  This is the place I can say (write) things I can't anywhere else.  So, all too often, this becomes a place to vent and dwell on the struggles.  While that has always been the purpose of this blog, I also want to be able to look back once we have our miracle child and remember what our life was like- the good parts as well as the not so good parts. 

I was so blessed to be part of my good friend's bachelorette party this weekend.  Honestly, this was my very first one!  I married young, and it just wasn't as common among my group of friends as they got married.  I've been invited to a few for co-workers, but I always felt that I was too old- or we were in the middle of a treatment cycle.  At let's face it- it's really not much fun to explain why you aren't drinking at a bachelorette party.  There's so much promise and hope for the bride at that point- nobody wants to hear about what happens when you can't have your happily ever after family as planned.  So- I jumped on this chance to celebrate my good friend and coworker since I could in fact partake in ALL of the festivities.  And I sure did!  :)

Of course, two of the bridesmaids are pregnant.  As in, not even married one year and BAM, pregnant.  Thankfully that wasn't too much of the focus of the weekend.  It also helped that each bar we went to offered free shots for the party- and there were always two extra- and often I was the one who took the extra one!  :)  There was some crazy college cheerleading training camp going on at our hotel as well.  Let's just say that our little bachelorette party was rather mild compared to the parties in most of the hotel! 

We spent Saturday walking around the little town and then at the Spa.  Of course I would end up with a pregnant massage technician- but at least my eyes were closed the entire time!  LOL.  It was a good massage, but not as good as the one I had during our girls weekend at the same spa.  This is a nice spa with a whirlpool/sauna/steam room in the locker room.  So we spent lots of quality time just hanging out there. 

I left on Saturday after the spa and the party continued without me.  :)  Chris and I attended the graduation party for two of our swimmers.  We are very close to the family and it was important for us to attend.  We had a great night with our swim team family celebrating.  I continued my "festivities" from the night before.  :)  I also managed to fall down the steps while I was there- all before I had a single beverage.  I have nice bruises to show for that adventure today!

I am struggling today.  I had to get up for summer school this morning and it was a battle of the mind over the body to say the least.  Remember when we were young and you could celebrate for days and bounce right back?  I fear it is going to take me all week to recover! 

While I am dragging today, I smile every time I think about the adventures of the weekend.  My life is blessed.  Good friends and good times are abundant. 

Here is one very blurry iphone photo from the night.  It makes me smile each and every time I look at it! Our director of Special Services got married in the same town we were in.  We had to sneak a peek and this photo was taken at the fountain near her wedding venue.  It was pretty late at this point- and I am pretty amazed we looked this good!  :)