I am not going to lie. It's been a tough few days.
Chris and I are struggling right now to deal with the swim team drama. Let's just say we agreed to disagree and move on. :)
And then there were the TWO pregnancy announcements in less than 24 hours at work.
Yep, TWO.
The first was expected- the girl that I have known was pregnant since January and we never talked about it. She said to me, "I'm pregnant." And I said, "I know." I asked the proper questions about when she was due and how she was feeling. And then we moved on with our conversation. Perfectly fine. The awkwardness was on both of us, so I don't have any ill feelings about how she told me.
But then there is the second announcement. I am still reeling from it. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth.
Coworker also happens to be a long time friend from high school. We are in the same group of friends that still talk to each after high school. We get together socially ever so often. When he was looking for a new teaching job, I put in the good word for him, and he got the job at my school 5 years ago. We don't teach in the same hallway, so we don't always see each other. But he has been avoiding me for the last few weeks now that I think about it. (more about that later)
Apparently wife is due in June. Yep, she's REALLY pregnant and due about the same time I would have been. His plan all along was for me to be the first person at work to know about it all, given our friendship and my infertility. He had to tell our principal but asked him not to mention it until coworker could tell me.
At some point, principal slipped up and made a comment in the copy room in front of other teachers. Word got out, but coworker made everyone swear not to tell me. He wanted to be the one to tell me. I have no idea how long ago this all went on, but from the way he tells it, it has been some time. Apparently a large number of staff members knew about his wife's pregnancy, but everyone felt the need to protect "Poor Patience"
Apparently, my two close friends also knew about it, and urged him to tell me. I don't know how long they knew about it, but neither of them felt the need to prepare me. (I still haven't talked to them about it all, need to figure that out)
Coworker pulls me out of class while I am teaching and tells me that his wife is pregnant and goes on and on about the above story. He also tells me that our mutual high school friends have also told him that he really needed to tell me. He says that he has been worried about telling me because he wanted enough time to lapse between my miscarriage and when he told me. He said he wanted to be sensitive to me and that he cares about me and was really worried about how to tell me.
This goes on for 10 minutes or so. I am blindsided. I had no idea. After all these years, I usually have a sense about impending pregnancy announcements. I had no idea. I had to try to keep my composure while I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I excuse myself to the staff bathroom and ask another teacher to watch my kids. Get myself together enough to wrap up my class and then spend my off period sobbing behind my desk.
I think I am more hurt by the way this announcement happened than the actual announcement. I HATE the idea that people have been talking about me for who knows how long. I HATE the idea that people were feeling pity for me, and hiding this pregnancy from me. In hindsight, I realize that conversations changed in the staff lounge and that said coworker avoided me all together for the last two months at least. I am angry. While the coworker said he was trying to be sensitive, the way this went down is the exact opposite. This is the WORST way for an infertile to find out that a good friend is pregnant.
I know that it's hard to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. I get it. But man-up. As soon as the principal slipped up in the copy room, he should have come to me then. I get that it might have been uncomfortable for him. But that is a small price compared to the humiliation and anger I feel now. I can't even think about how many conversations must have been had about him telling me. In his words, people kept coming to him and telling him he had to tell me. Other coworkers and our friends.
I feel like an idiot. I feel like I am the poor pathetic girl that people need to protect. I feel betrayed by my close friends who didn't give me the heads up about it.
And you know what, I am angry that they he & his wife get their baby the easy way and I have to deal with the pain of my miscarriage and decade of infertility while trying to move forward with an adoption plan.
Really, I know there is no perfect way to tell an infertile that you are pregnant. It's never easy. But DON'T HIDE IT FROM US. There is simply no worse way for you to deal with it.
I have to decide how to address this all tomorrow. Today was about getting through the day and processing it all. I still haven't talked about this with anyone at school. So not sure if everyone knows that I know. I think I need to talk with my two good friends and gently tell them that they handled this badly, and that in the future I need them to give me a heads up so I can have time to deal with my feelings before I have to face the person.
I also think I need to talk to the dad to be. While I was all nice about it at the time, I think he needs to know that while he thinks he was being sensitive, in the end it was the EXACT OPPOSITE.
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Just to add insult to injury, my legs are KILLING me after yesterday's workout. Planning to run again tomorrow between school and conferences. I don't usually get a single parent, so it won't matter if I smell, right? :) I plan on working with the trainer again on Friday.
Lots more thoughts swirling in my head to share with you all, but must deal with Science Fair papers now.
