Innocent Comments....

Today was one of those days. I was stuck in an inservice/meeting all morning frustrated that I would have much rather been in my classroom with my students. The students just aren't "trained" in routines and such this early in the year so I have to leave things for the sub that aren't what I would have done if I had been in class. While I really trust the sub I had, it just isn't the same and I feel that I lost a day of instruction. I was thankful it was just for the morning!

I was working with some 8th grade students in a colleague's room. Her sub was still in the room as well. She is a kind woman, and someone both my colleague and I like to have in our room. She asked how my summer was and then said, "You had a baby, right?"

My heart stopped. Nope, not me.

No ill intention in the question at all. A very innocent comment. I kept my composure and jokingly replied that it wasn't me, but my much younger colleague who teaches the 7th grade level of my program. (We both have curly hair, and are often confused by students and staff alike.)

Oh how I wish it had been me. I wish our FET had worked in January and I would be close to having a baby. But it wasn't me.

It's funny how something like this conversation rattles around your brain and stirs up all sorts of emotions. I am sure this woman hasn't even thought about her comment for a second. And I wouldn't want her to. However, infertility has made me think about the things that I say to other people. I do think about statements I've made and wonder if they were taken in the wrong way. I suppose this sensitivity is one of the positive side effects of dealing with infertility...

Here we go again...

I was utterly shocked when AF showed up just as scheduled on Thursday. She's here with a vengeance, which makes sense when you consider she was last here in June. So, I guess I am really doing this FET.

First Vivell.e patch in place this morning. First monitoring on Friday. As of now, all systems are a go for the transfer on Sept 17th.

Here we go....

Paperwork...

I am always amazed at the amount of paperwork required to complete any cycle with CCR.M. My nurse emailed me all of our consents and such today. I think DH and I signed our names at least 6 times each. I had to confirm that I am waiving the clamid.iya test. Yep, I am good with that. Don't think that is one thing I need to worry about at this point! (We've been screened in the past, and there is no way that our status could have changed... let's just leave it at that!)

I also need to have some blood work done locally- CBC and TSH are both over a year old by the time of our FET. I can do those locally thank goodness. Looks like I will be spending my Saturday morning at the local hospital lab. Good times! We are also required to have our communicables testing redone.... both of us. This can only be done at their lab, which is out of network for both of us and they require full payment ahead of time. I know it is an FDA requirement of some sort, but it just doesn't make much sense why Chris needs to have it repeated. He isn't providing any new "materials" to the process. Oh well, what choice do we have?!

I ordered my progesteron.e this evening and that should be here by Friday. I have patches left from last time, so no need to order those this time. I have to pick up the oral meds at Tar.get this weekend and then I think we are all set. I guess we really are doing this. Of course we need to get our financials in order, and DH worked on that today. It's hard to swallow the fact that I feel we are really just throwing $5000 in the wind. Even after all these years, it is just hard to swallow the amount of money we've invested. I am so VERY blessed to have some insurance coverage and we would NEVER have been able to do all of the cycles we've done without it.

The last thing I need to do is schedule the local monitoring appointments. I am also very fortunate to have a local clinic and a caring nurse there who is willing to work with me. I just have to call and she gets me in. :)

Work has finally begun on our home. It's been more than 2 months since the storm that caused all of the damage. I am excited about the changes we are making and look forward to having it done. Hopefully we will be ALL done by the end of next week. It will be really nice to have our house in some sense of order before we head to Denver!

First week of School

I always seem to forget how utterly exhausting the first week of school is. My body just has a really hard time adjusting to being "on" for 7+ hours a day. I love my job and am so very glad to be back in the routine that school brings. But with that routine also comes the stress of a new school year. I am constantly thinking of things that I need to be doing. So far, I think I am going to really like my students this year. They have lots of personality... which can be a mixed blessing for sure.

Last fall, I was focused on our upcoming IVF and put most of my energy into that. While I am sure none of my students suffered, I know I could have been a better teacher. I didn't give my students 110% last year. I didn't have it to give. I needed to step back and focus on our IVF. I do NOT regret that decision at all. I did what was best for me at the time and while I didn't end up with my BFP, I am happy I did the IVF. However, in the end I felt like a double failure. Our IVF failed, and I felt that I had failed my students and myself as an educator.

This year is different. While I am currently preparing for our final FET, I am not focusing my energies solely in that direction. I have committed myself to my teaching once again, and am going to do everything in my power to be the best teacher I can be. I am going to try new things and put the extra hours necessary. (Of course changes in staffing have also cost me my assistant and added new responsibilities as well). I need to feel the success in the area of my life I have the most control- my classroom.

I have so many emotions about starting the prep for this final FET. I really feel that this will be our final treatment cycle. It's been more than 10 years and it is time to close this door. While I will be thrilled if this FET does in fact work and we finally get our miracle, I am also ready to be done. That is another post all together.

I also heard through the grapevine that Dr Sch is no longer using Fema.ra/Let.rozale as a treatment for the missing Beta3 Protein. I don't know what this means, but it does make me wonder if there is something to my feelings about the FET in January. I always felt that the drug was not as effective. I am sure that CCRM won't ever "admit" that this is the case. I wish I had listened to the little voice and done the Dep.ot in January. As with all infertility decisions, hindsight is always 20/20. You would think I would have learned this during the past decade! Anyway, this news confirms my decision to do the Dep.ot Lu.pron this time around. (It might even have given me a little smidge of hope....)

Time for Lupro.n injection #2....

Whoa....

I was going along on this darn Dep.ot Lup.ron just fine. The side effects were much more mild than I anticipated. I made it through the two months on the evil medicine. I thought I was scott free when I started taking the BCP. Boy was I WRONG...

The last week has been MISERABLE. I have had a constant headache. However, the mood swings have been the worst. I am in tears at least twice a day, and over just about anything. Chris has been out of town all week for the Junior National Swim Meet in California. So I have been home alone dealing with all of the house stuff, two geriatric animals with issues, and a lab who is not adjusting to me being away from home very well. And we still do not have a check from the mortgage company, so our roof is still leaking with all the rain we've had this week. I've every day either in training or in my classroom and am exhausted. Let's just say I am so glad this week is over!

Chris comes home tonight and I hope that I can keep my emotions in check. I am starting to feel the stress of the upcoming school year creep into my thoughts as well. It will be SO nice to have my life partner back. I am not cut out to live alone! :) I miss him dearly, and had a really hard time dealing with him being in beautiful California enjoying the ocean between sessions while I was back here dealing with life. Hoping that next year I will be able to join him!

So, that is where I have been. Hoping to at least blog once a week when school starts. I am on the BCPs now and will start back on "regular" lup.ron next week. Please let me have one week of sanity! However, I am not holding my breath...

A few creations...

I had some limited supplies that I could access. I am in love with stamps from UNITY and recently recieved a package in the mail with new stamps. As the day went on, I took a few more things out with each card. There is quite the mess on my table now. :)



This card was made using the Just Be stamp from Unity, papers from Hobby Lobby, flowers from Prima and Creative Memories. The paper lace was given to me from a friend and I have no idea where it is from.

This one is probably my favorite of all the cards i made this weekend. The stamp is from the July Kit of the Month at Unity. I stamped it on white and also on the patterned paper. I cut the cake out from the patterned paper and attached it to the white version. Added a little pen and it was perfect. The stamp is a little larger than my circle punch, but I am happy with how the words frame the stamp. The sentiment is also from the KOM.
This was actually the last card I made. I like to use up ALL of a paper when I am making cards. I usually stamp a bunch of quotes/sentiments and keep them in a box for this purpose. I literally threw this together with scraps. Love the funkiness of it. Love the sentiment even more!



I started with a Basic Grey Card Kit that I bought when we were in Denver in October. Of course I couldn't just follow the directions. The card base is from the kit, but I added the stamped birthday cake and flower. Image was created the same as the card above.

My card basket is now full again. I need to make some Thank You cards, as those are the ones I seem to need the most. I am also thinking about getting some card together to send off to Operation Write Home. I have not done this is the past, but I think it is a great organization. I am thinking this would be a great distraction for me and a way to share my talent for some good.

I need to go clean up a little of the mess I made over the weekend!

Feeling Creative...

This is what my dining room looks like:

I am still NOT back in my studio because the roof has still not been repaired. We are STILL waiting on the mortgage company to send us the first check for the contractor. It has been a JOKE dealing with them, but I am not going to go into that. I have missed being creative. I need to be creative. It is such a stress reliever for me. Summer is over in two short weeks. I needed to do something. So you see the big mess here. We live in a cottage, so this is in our main living space. It is so worth it. I wish I had done this sooner! We'll see what DH says when it comes home. :)

I've created more than 20 cards and will share a few once I take some photos. There are a few of them that I am really happy with. :) Stay tuned!