I always seem to forget how utterly exhausting the first week of school is. My body just has a really hard time adjusting to being "on" for 7+ hours a day. I love my job and am so very glad to be back in the routine that school brings. But with that routine also comes the stress of a new school year. I am constantly thinking of things that I need to be doing. So far, I think I am going to really like my students this year. They have lots of personality... which can be a mixed blessing for sure.
Last fall, I was focused on our upcoming IVF and put most of my energy into that. While I am sure none of my students suffered, I know I could have been a better teacher. I didn't give my students 110% last year. I didn't have it to give. I needed to step back and focus on our IVF. I do NOT regret that decision at all. I did what was best for me at the time and while I didn't end up with my BFP, I am happy I did the IVF. However, in the end I felt like a double failure. Our IVF failed, and I felt that I had failed my students and myself as an educator.
This year is different. While I am currently preparing for our final FET, I am not focusing my energies solely in that direction. I have committed myself to my teaching once again, and am going to do everything in my power to be the best teacher I can be. I am going to try new things and put the extra hours necessary. (Of course changes in staffing have also cost me my assistant and added new responsibilities as well). I need to feel the success in the area of my life I have the most control- my classroom.
I have so many emotions about starting the prep for this final FET. I really feel that this will be our final treatment cycle. It's been more than 10 years and it is time to close this door. While I will be thrilled if this FET does in fact work and we finally get our miracle, I am also ready to be done. That is another post all together.
I also heard through the grapevine that Dr Sch is no longer using Fema.ra/Let.rozale as a treatment for the missing Beta3 Protein. I don't know what this means, but it does make me wonder if there is something to my feelings about the FET in January. I always felt that the drug was not as effective. I am sure that CCRM won't ever "admit" that this is the case. I wish I had listened to the little voice and done the Dep.ot in January. As with all infertility decisions, hindsight is always 20/20. You would think I would have learned this during the past decade! Anyway, this news confirms my decision to do the Dep.ot Lu.pron this time around. (It might even have given me a little smidge of hope....)
Time for Lupro.n injection #2....
Good luck in your upcoming cycle. I hope that it will end with the ending you have always wanted. And all the best in your school year. I too feel like my career has taken a back seat for the last three years.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe school has already started, that seems so early. I know what you mean about not giving your full 110% last year, I also didn't. I too am excited for a new school year and to focus more on the teaching. I hope this is the year we both get our BFPs and our teaching mojo back. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that CC.R.M. will not ever admit they make mistakes...I don't mean to sound like 'sour grapes' but in my experience (and others I've heard of) they do sometimes make less than ideal treatment recommendations...and I'm so sorry that might have been the case with you. Hopefully the Lupron will do the trick!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Back to Schooling! Routine is good, and I'm sure you are an excellent teacher despite the stress of IVFs.
Interesting that they gave up on using the letrozale. I did refuse it last January, although it wasn't really pushed on me, more like given the choice between the two. Makes you wonder if they did an informal study at FETs after these two meds. Hmmmmm. I am really hoping the DL will be the trick for you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your upcoming school year! I was a teacher once (eons ago, another lifetime ago, it feels like) and I know that excitement and fatigue of teaching. You sound like a great teacher, I'm sure your kids will do great this year!
Happy ICLW....
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck on your treatment.
Good luck with this cycle and the upcoming school year.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!
Jess (#74)
I hope this cycle is a success!!!
ReplyDeleteICLW #66
Visiting from ICLW...The treatment for missing beta integrins is to treat with an increased amount of progesterone supplementation. The "ideal way" is to do natural cycles, without IVF or trying for pregnancy with increasing amounts of progsterone until the endometrial biopsies show the b-integrins to be in the normal range. Then you proceed with your IVF using this dosage of progesterone. However, in the interest of time, and because increased amounts of progesterone are not harmful, I simply put all my patients on an increased amount of progesterone (both injection and vaginal suppository) so that they don't fail implantation for this reason.
ReplyDeleteYour problem seems to be "implantation failure". I presume your estrogen priming and endometrial lining have been adequate (the endometrium should be a minimum of 9 mms). Considering that you transferred genetically screened blastocysts, which should indicate good embryos, it should have worked. So that means that something is not occuring in the implantation step (the merging of the embryo and the endometrium). Unfortunately, there is no technology to make this step happen. Have you been tried on low dose aspirin, heparin or Lovenox and medrol? Sometimes this will do the trick by increasing the microblood flow to the endometrium and reducing the immune reaction (although studies have not confirmed this). It is the regimen I use with my patients that have "implantation failure." Some clinics will even add IVIG (an anti-immune therapy, but I stop at this point and don't advocate it with my patients). Even if your doc does not advocate the use of these meds, you might want to ask for them. After all the cycles you have gone through, its time to pull out all the stops! If you have been tried on all these and still failed, then there might be some inherent problem within the uterus that cannot be identified. In that case, moving to a surrogate might be the best step. Just some thoughts...good luck with your third FET.
I am also a teacher, but have taken a LOA for the year because of family stuff. I'm starting to worry a bit about how it will feel NOT to be starting the year- a clean classroom, a new group of kids, lots of new year resolutions... I'm also a little worried that this will cause me to be TOO focused on our IF journey...
ReplyDeleteI hope your year starts out well and that you have a great class this year!!!
ICLW
Happy new school year. I used to be a teacher, and I used to describe it the same way--being ON all day--it's definitely exhausting, and that's just the work during the day, not to mention the prep and grading you take home.
ReplyDeleteHoping this FET and the new protocol goes well!
ICLW
I really hope this FET is it for you guys. Interesting about the femera/letrozale. My RE (also one of the 'last chance clinics') doesn't even believe in the beta 3 protien, so it just goes to show you how inexact a science this really is.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes.
ICLW
Teachers are the best! It is an incredibly hard job on its own. The effects of infertility on our careers is disheartening, and I enjoyed your reflection. I hope those feelings of failure are resolved for you. Best of luck this year, with your new protocol and upcoming FET. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteICLW
Man, oh man! Teaching has just been so exhausting for me so far. I'm trying so hard to get into a routine, but man is it hard.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful year! Best of luck to you on your upcomping FET!
ICLW #117