What a difference a year makes...

A year ago, I was finally stepping back into the treatment world. It had literally taken months of therapy just to get the nerve to call CC.RM for the consult. We had been burned so badly in the past that the thought of taking that initial step scared the crud out of me.

After our phone consult, I felt hopeful again. We were making some progress towards closing this door and moving on. While my hope was to of course get pregnant, I also needed closure so that I could move on regardless. We did our one day work up and I felt even more hopeful. Dr Sch is not known for being overly positive, but he gave us excellent odds of finding success. We moved ahead with our final IVF with CC.RM and with each passing day, we became more hopeful. We had a good cycle, and ended up with 7 blasts to test. Surely 7 is a lucky number! (How did I manage to slip back to the girl who believed in lucky numbers?!)

And then we found out that three of our blasts were perfectly normal. I was a little less hopeful, as I really wanted more. But I was assured by Dr Sch that our chances were GREAT and that he felt we would have a successful pregnancy. He even warned us about twins! I let my guard down and I dreamed about those twins. I imagined what our life would be like. Everything pointed to this process ending in a blissful pregnancy, possibly even with twins.

Our FET went perfectly. Literally... perfectly! Everything went just as planned. Blood levels, ulstrasounds, the transfer itself... all perfect. (Ok, one exception with progesterone being too low on transfer day) EVERYONE seemed to think this was going to work.

It didn't.

And I still don't have any answers... or a sense of closure.

So here we are one year later going through the motions of what I *really* feel will be our last treatment cycle. One more cycle of bloodwork, ultrasounds, hope, pain, stress, injections, tears, and hopefully closure at the end.

I want this cycle to work. I want this FET to finally bring us our miracle pregnancy. I really do.

I don't think that is going to happen. There, I said it. I don't think it is going to work.

I will be heartbroken. And I know that there is no more that my body and soul can take.

So here we go, final FET cycle. Please prove me wrong.

Whew!

We are home after an exciting and exhausting week at the Sectional Swim Meet in Minneapolis. I was hoping to have more time chilling at the hotel room surfing blogs, but that just didn't happen. Our kids did amazing and we ended up having swimmers in finals every night. We are sending four boys to the Junior National Meet which is a first for the club. VERY exciting and I couldn't be more proud of my DH. He currently has pink hair after challenging one of the boys to get a National time. Needless to say, the swimmer met the challenge thus the PINK hair!



Nothing new on the IF front right now. I have my BCPs in hand and will start those on August 5th. I also just talked with Freedom to get my Lup.ron ordered and sent this week. I don't have to start that for some time, but my insurance has been throwing hurdles lately so I wanted to start early. I am hoping they will let me order through Freedom and not require me to use their stupid mail order specialty company. The are complete idiots and I just don't need the added stress. Freedom is just so nice to work with! I know I am so very lucky to have insurance coverage for meds, so I am going to stop complaining now!

The start of school is just around the corner, so I am going to try to enjoy the last few weeks of relaxation. Thoughts of school have started to creep into my thoughts, but for now I am pushing them to the back!

Happy Monday!

Wordless Wednesday

Endo Biopsy... Check!

The endo biopsy is done. So happy to have that done and over with! Thought I might share some notes for those of you who might have to endure this procedure.

It was painful, I am not going to lie. However, I have had no cramping since and very limited spotting. So while it is a painful procedure, it is over quickly and the pain ends quickly. I did take 800mg of Ibuprofen an hour before the procedure, so that might have helped! I am feeling 100% fine now, a few hours later.

I have also discovered that hydration is KEY to surviving Dep.ot Lu.pron. Drinking lots of water seems to help both the headaches and the hot flashes. It also means lots of time in the bathroom to get rid of said water, but it has helped immensely.

Dh's swim team did fabulous this weekend and I was able to spend yesterday watching the meet. It was pretty exciting! We're heading to the sectional meet later this weekend and hope that the swimmers will get a few more national cuts. It will be nice just to get away for a few days, even if it is for a swim meet.

Must finish cleaning and getting things in order for our trip and resist the urge to stay on the computer!

Here I am!

I thought I should post something now that I have lured you all here! :)

I am busy (ok, not so busy) enjoying summer. I really have been doing much of nothing, which has been nice. The school year is always so very hectic and stressful so it is really nice to have the time to just chill and relax. I am starting to "itch" to do something but finally feel relaxed and calm. I've started planning a few get togethers with friends and it is nice to catch up with coworkers now that we are all just as calm!

I am now one week into the second Depot Shot. Feeling ok for the most part. Headaches are an issue and seem to be worst in the evening and at night. I also had the muscle aches for the first few days after the shot again this time. I have some fatigue, but when you don't have to do much during the day, it isn't too bad! I've been able to take naps and sleep in to combat the effects of the lup.ron. In hindsight, I am so glad that I ended up doing this treatment during the summer when I can chill and not have to deal with the stresses of life!

Hoping to get in for my endo biopsy on Monday. The local RE has agreed to do it for me, but it is dependent on his schedule. The nurse is supposed to call me on Sunday and let me know if she can get me in. I also got the ok that if they can't get me in on Monday to do it the following Monday. I have a tech training at work on Tuesday and then I am going with C to a swim meet in Minneapolis for the rest of the week. Hoping I am able to do it before we leave, but glad I don't have to stay back and do it all by myself without C and miss the trip.

I asked my nurse to do PIO in addition to the Endometrium this time. I just feel that I just wasn't getting enough progesterone since they had to add some the day of the FET. I still wonder if that had anything to do with our failure. So I am trying to do everything different this time that I can in hopes of changing the outcome. I need to get meds ordered soon, since my insurance has recently decided to make life difficult. They won't let me fill much locally any more and force me to use their subpar mail order pharmacy. I am so thankful to have insurance coverage for the meds so I guess the hassle is worth it!

I better go get ready... lunch with a friend today. I love summer!

New Blog Home

Welcome to my new blog home!

I will be posting here from now on.

Thanks for following me!

Slight Change in Plans...

So we've had a slight change in plans when it comes to the FET.  Dr Schoolcraft apparently is taking the day off that my FET was scheduled.  I was given the option to keep the date and have another RE do it, or change the date.  I am sure the other RE's are fabulous (one of them did my ER, even) but I just felt like I really wanted Dr Schoolcraft to do it.  I feel like it would be nice to actually see the Dr at least once in all of this.  In the past I have also had a dificult time with transfers, but he had no problems at all.  So, I decided to move the date.  It will give me one more week at school before I have to take time off, so I think in the end it is for the best.  Sure it means waiting one more week, but at this point I am fine with it. 

So for now, the FET is set for September 17th.

I need to get my a$$ in gear and get someone locally to do the biopsy.  I need to get it done on the 19th, which is a week from Monday....YIKES!

Took Depot Lupron Shot #2 as planned on Wednesday.  My arm hurt like a son of a gun (nurse said it was a-ok in the arm instead of the a$$, so I went for it!) I am having some muscle aches and fatigue but it is bearable.  Definitely emotional, but that is nothing new! 

Did a little retail therapy this afternoon as well as getting my hair cut & colored and a manicure.  Even bought a few things for DH at VS.  :)

Have a great weekend!