WELCOME JUNE ICLW

It's already been a month since my first ICLW.  Welcome to those of you who have found my blog through the ICLW.  I thought I would just do a quick post this morning to give those of you new to my blog the "cliff's notes" version. 

1. DH & I have officially been TTC our first child for a decade, yep, 10 years tomorrow.
2. DH & I will celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow.
3. We've done just about every ART out there, including 4 IVFs.
4. We are currently working with Dr. School.craft at CC.RM.
5. While it appears I don't have endo, I do have PCOS and the missing Beta-3 Integrin Protein
6. Our IVF failures are in the "unexplained" category because the above issues have been treated.
7. We had one independent adoption fail when the birth mother decided to parent.  We were devastated, but supported her decision 110%. We just wish she would have communicated her decision to us.
8. I am currently on Dep.ot Lu.pron to treat the missing Beta-3, with the intention of doing our final FET in September.  We have one CGH normal embryo and one no result left on ice on Denver that we will be using.
9. I am a middle school special education teacher who is VERY happy to be on summer break right now!  DH is a swim coach whose season is in full swing.
10. I am a crafty girl and love scrapbooking and papercrafts.  I also dabble in photography and writing.  

So that's the quick version.  You can see a more detailed history on the sidebar.  We are currently dealing with the clean up from a storm last Friday that sadly damaged my studio and a few of my most recent scrapbooks were ruined.  We are still waiting for the insurance adjuster to come out so that we can start repairs on our roof.  We've been told he will be here on Friday, since this storm did so much damage, he is busy all week with people who are worse off than we are.  That just reminds me of how much worse it really could have been!

Glad to have you here, and looking forward to reading & leaving comments this week!

When it rains....

So it was a rocky night here.  It appears that a tornado or at least a "microburst" ran through our town last night. I was home alone when it came through.  I didn't realize how much damage we had on the outside of our home until much later.  The first sign was the fact it started raining inside my beloved scrapbook studio.  I am so glad I was home and went upstairs to see what the weather was doing.  I was horrified to see rain coming from several points in the ceiling.  I got my computer out first, and then moved what I could.  I am so glad that my finished scrapbooks and photos were on the other side of the room!

And then I went outside.  It appears that our chimney came down and took a good chunk of the roof with it.  There were also large branches and trees down in the backyard.  It was quite the mess.  :(

It is now 18 hours later, and we still do not have power or phone service.  I am writing this from our friend's house who has opened a "refuge camp" for those of us still without power.  We have no water at home, so taking a shower was a true joy this morning here at her house!  She even made me some breakfast and coffee.  It's the little things in life for sure!  We are so blessed to have such good friends who can come to our rescue!

Update: Power and phone have been restored thankfully.  Still no contact from the insurance company, however.  Now the clean up begins... tomorrow!

Thoughts from a Dep.ot Lupr.ot Mind

Warning- This isn't going to be pretty.  To my IF friends who are pregnant, you know that none of this is directed towards you!  :-)  And yes, I might be crazy but would NEVER act on any of these thoughts.  For an interesting read about the perception people have about infertiles, read Mel's post here: Infertile People want to Steal your baby.

One of the side effects (at least that is going to be my excuse) of the Dep.ot Lup.ron appears to be a sense of rage towards pregnancy and everything associated with it.  I've been able to keep it pretty tied up inside, but I fear that the ugly monster will come out eventually!  Here are just a few things I have done-

1.  Literally flipped off the entire baby department at Target.  I actually kept my middle finger up (but on the cart, so nobody could really see!) as I walked past the baby department.  Who does that?!

2.  Resisted the urge to trip a VERY pregnant woman who appeared to be in her very early 20s with an infant already in her cart.  I mean, how is that fair?  I just want one, and here she has another on the way.   Again, this happened at Target.  Maybe I should take the hint, but man I love Target!

3.  Oh the dirty looks I have given people.  I have been silently judging just about every mother I see.  I could do a better job than that woman.  What was that woman thinking?

While I realize that I don't know the whole story for most of these women.  In fact some of them might be carrying a precious miracle that they have wanted for a decade.  But for now, I am going to live in my silent lu.rpon induced rage state.  Hopefully I can keep it all under control and it will be our little secret!

Mostly Wordless Wednesday 6/16/10

This is how I feel abut my infertility right now...

What the he!! was I thinking???

So I am only a few days into the Dep.ot Lupr.on and I am wondering what the he!! I was thinking.  It's not just the depot, but the whole thing.  Am I really ready to consider putting my body and soul through this again?  Why am I willing to go through this all again?  Am I really ready? 

The reality is that I have to face the fact that I might spend the next two months a miserable mess just do the FET that only has a 40% chance of working.  I have to protect myself.  I can't let myself get caught up in the fantasy that this might all work.  I fell way too hard last time, and I just don't think I can recover from that again.  Seeing the FET calendar laid out in black and white scared the crap out of me.  I know this is what I want to do, what we need to do, but man it is hard to actually do it.

I am thankful that the end of the school year is just around the corner.  This has been a long and hard year professionally on top of our infertility.  Everyone is irritable at school and just wants to get away.  I am on edge, but I am always on edge at the end of the year.  So, I don't think the mood swings and fatigue is due to the depot just yet.

I just need to get to next Thursday when I can finally relax and take a deep breath.  Hoping I can make it!

CD #1

Today is finally CD #1.

Dep.ot Lup.ron Shot #1.

FET calendar in hand.  Tentative FET #3-  9/10/10.

Let the fun begin!

Wordless Wednesday