Thank goodness plans aren't in stone...

I don't know why I expected my body to go along with my carefully laid out plan for this IVF. Everything was falling into place schedule wise and I had everything lined up. I have a sub for my class all lined up and all of the paper work that went with that. I was set to fly out the day after my grad school final presentation. All that was left was for my cycle to stay on the same schedule it has been on for the past 6 months. Shouldn't be that difficult, now should it?!

So I started spotting today, which I am still hoping is just due to the lupron. The reality.... my period is probably going to start in a few days.... TWO WEEKS EARLY!!!!!! This means that everything has to be moved up and things are moving even faster than I planned. This means that I have to work out worst case scenario plans... including missing my final night of grad school. Trying to keep calm and just ride out the panic tonight.

My nurse was off today, so another nurse returned my call. She was confused by my chart considering the fact that I wasn't supposed to start stims for another two weeks. I had to explain that ALL of my cycles in the past year or so have been over 40 days. Now that I am counting on that, it appears that I am going to be lucky if this one is 30 days long. If AF shows in the next day or two, she thinks we can get the retrieval done before November 4th- so I could be back in time for the final presentation. She left a note for my nurse to call me tomorrow, so I hope that once I talk to her I can get some insight. Thankfully we did NOT book flights or hotels yet- was going to do that tomorrow. Looks like I will be holding off for a few more days on that.

On top of all of this, the headaches from the Lupron have started in full force. I feel like I have on a swim cap that is too tight. My thoughts are foggy and I am having a hard time concentrating. After rereading older entries, this is my typical response to Lupron. I suppose a positive to the schedule change is a shorter time on Lupron. I don't know how I will handle another day of the headache... and now I have to focus on getting all of the details changed.

Oh... tomorrow is another day!

A better day

Today is a better day. :) I am getting used to the hot flashes from the Lupron and am starting to dress in lots of layers and always have some cold water with me. That seems to be helping quite a bit. I do have a rotten headache today that I am sure is due to part to the Lupron as well.

I am sure part of it is due to my sleep patterns too. Patches decided she had to go out at 3:30 this morning and wouldn't stop until someone got up to let her out. Chris had a swim meet this morning and I went along to work so we didn't get much sleep after letting the brat out. I came home and took a nap this afternoon and am feeling a little better now.

We are fortunate to have some close friends who we have shared our treatment plans with. We had dinner on Friday with the Rinaldi's. Chris had to do a goal setting meeting with one of our swim families yesterday and we ended up staying for the entire afternoon. They experienced IVF many years ago for their twins, who are now almost 16. It was nice to share what we are going through and have someone who has been there really get it. She still remembers the hot flashes from Lupron all those years ago!

I didn't do anything really around the house or any school work at all this weekend. I have plenty to do, but I am thankful to have one more day off this weekend. I need to get some grading, some homework, and housework done tomorrow. I decided today is all about resting and clearing off the DVR. :)

Already Losing my Mind....

I've now been on the lupron for three days. Yesterday I had to sit through a day of literacy trainings at school (even though I am four weeks away from a master's degree in literacy!) It was warm, but the lupron is definitely giving me hot flashes. At one point my face was so pink that one of my coworkers asked me if I was ok.

I am starting to freak out a little bit about doing this cycle. This is what I want to do, but now that all of the details are falling into place, I think the reality that I am really doing this is setting in. C & I need to sit down and talk about things, but I am already an emotional mess.

Heading to my Regular Dr in a little bit for my annual... yep, let that lapse and now have to take care of that before I can do the IVF. The saga for my prenatal vitamins is still ongoing as well. The samples they gave me from the RE are fine, but my insurance has an INSANE monthly copay for them. If I were to get pregnant, I could be on them for over a year and at $50 a month, that is A LOT! So the RE called in another brand that is considered generic by my insurance. However, it appears that Target can't get it in stock. I just about had a melt down at Target over this. Of course no one called me to tell me they couldn't get it either, so I was rather irritated that I drove out there only to be told they can't get it.

I am worried about the emotional impact this is going to have. I think I underestimated my emotions. Hoping to have some time this weekend to regroup and get myself mentally prepped for all of this. Thankful for a three day weekend!

GREEN LIGHT!

Here we go!

My progesterone is over 10, which is well above the 5 that it needed to be in order to start the Lupron. Injection #1 tonight. I am also starting Dexamethasone, which is a steroid and Doxycycline, which is an antibiotic.

I am NOT looking forward to the side effects of these meds, but in the end I am praying it will all be worth it. :)

The injections have to be given at the same time each night, so I am waiting for Chris to get home from practice and he will do the honors.

On another note, I have officially started MY LAST GRAD SCHOOL CLASS! Only four more weeks to go! Hurray!

Vampires... or maybe not

No this is not a Twilight themed post!  :)  I had the rest of my blood tests this morning as well as my first progesterone check.  They took 6 vials of blood... I am feeling like I was attacked by a vampire!  It is already starting to bruise since she had to take so much and I could feel the needle moving.  Thankfully it is cold enough for long sleeves, so I won't have to explain my "track marks" to my middle school students!

I am home now.  With new policies at work, I can't just miss one class period anymore.  The minimum I can take is a half day.  I could have probably made it into work just in time this morning, but didn't want to push it.  My principal is fabulous, it is the "higher power" that has caused things to change.  Oh well.  I am trying to limit my stress as much as possible with all of this, so taking the morning off has allowed me to come back home and sip coffee.  I am not complaining!  :)

As long as my progesterone level comes back in the right range, we will start meds TODAY! I am waiting for Fed Ex to deliver the injections this morning.  I have to head to Target later to get the oral medications as my insurace wouldn't allow me to get them from the same place I have to order the injections from.  Just one of many hurdles with this IVF stuff.  I am now "that" girl who has her phone on her all the time and has to take calls when they come in.  Not very convienent when you are a teacher, but thankfully they have only called in the afternoon when I co-teach or am on a plan period. 

I have some mixed emotions right now.  I am excited to get this show on the road, but nervous just the same.  I am worried about the side effects of the medications and how I am going to fit this all in.  Only I would decide to do an IVF while I am in my final class of grad school.  I just keep reminding myself of all of the free time I am going to have come December!  I should be able to make all kinds of stuff for the holidays. 

Off to read a little for class tonight.  Maybe I should be prepared... :)

Let the fun begin!

I don't know that I was really ready for how fast all of this is moving. I am slowly coming to terms with the idea that I have to turn my life over to this IVF for the next 6 weeks. (All while finishing grad school.... what was I thinking?!)

Today I am feeling pretty good. Lots of phone calls and appointments taken care of today. Of course my "annual" exam needed to be repeated before starting this IVF so I was able to get in with my general Dr this Saturday. God Bless this woman and her understanding of my struggles! I set my first local blood draw for Wednesday and sent that office my insurance stuff. C talked to the business office and we took of some paperwork that is going to allow us to afford all of this. I spent the last hour on the phone with the insurance company trying to get a letter confirming benefits, only to be told that the RE needs to request it directly. Finally, I just placed my first order for medications. I only took what I needed right away. Even the copay for the meds is more than I wanted to pay just yet! :)

I talked with my principal about the details of my absences. I have to follow up with the District Office tomorrow. That could be interesting. I am now wondering if I will have to go on short term disability since I will be gone 8 days. Ugh... more paperwork I guess. I will learn more about that tomorrow I guess.

The local RE that I was going to use for monitoring isn't open on the weekend... and of course I am supposed to get checked on a Saturday. I need to find another office I guess. Why can't things just fall into place?!

Ok, trying to keep it all in perspective. Let's hope I am successful at that!

Long time coming...

So I have debated about writing this post for some time. I wondered if I really wanted to share this experience with the world again. And then I remember just how theraputic this blog was for me in the past and decided that I would write this post. I might take it down later, but for now I will share. I bet you are all wondering what in the world is she talking about.... (Ok, maybe just the two of you who actually read this...)

C and I have decided to jump back into the treatment circus and complete one last IVF in our attempt to become parents. This has taken me four long years to even consider and now we are on the fast track. As you might remember, we have done this essentially four times before and have not been able to maintain a pregnancy past a few weeks. After my exploratory surgery almost four years ago, we decided it was time to take a break. My life had been consumed and we needed to heal both physically and emotionally. Two years ago just as we were ready to start considering one more IVF, we were approached by my coworker about possibly adopting her daughter's baby. We moved full force into the adoption world, as we really felt that God was showing us the way to parenthood with this adoption. Sadly, that path did not end with us as parents. We were more than devastated but truly are not angry with the birth mother and will always wonder about her son and pray for his health and happiness. Chris has spoken to the grandmother and we know he is doing well. He will celebrate his second birthday this week.

After the adoption failed, we were lost once again. I am not going to lie... C and I were both very angry with God. We just didn't understand why he had shown us this path only to take it from us. We know that we can't truly understand his plan, but we have struggled with our faith as we have endured so much heartache in our quest to become parents. Once again we stepped back and started to enjoy life, but always felt that something was missing in our life. We know more than anything that we want to be parents. I fell into a deep depression after the adoption failed and have worked hard to get back out. I was so lucky to find a psychologist that specializes in infertility and has personally endured many of the things that I have. I have been seeing her once a week since March, and it was with her help that I was finally able to become unparalized and make some decisions.

We are very fortunate to live in a state where infertility coverage is mandated for insurance companies. However, there are limitations, and we are at the end of our coverage. We are "allowed" one more IVF, so we knew we had to make the best choice. I have been terrified to do this last IVF as it is just that... our last attempt. I don't think that I have the emotional strength or the finances to do this beyond this cycle. So, we wanted to make sure we were in the BEST place for this cycle and not have ANY regrets in the end. After some research, we decided that we would go with a clinic that is considered one of the best, if not the best in the country. There are SO many variables in an IVF cycle, and we felt that this clinic had the best to offer. They are at the forefront of research and are pioneers when working with women like me.

We started with a phone consult back in August. We had to wait 6 weeks to even get this appointment. I was honestly ok with that, because I still needed to build up the emotional strength. In the meantime I had to gather all of my records from the five doctors we have seen locally and fill out extensive paperwork. It was hard to go through and relive all of those failures, but I also know that it was healing in some ways. We spoke with the Dr and he felt that we had some good chances with his clinic but we needed to come in for some tests. We made the decision to travel out there to get some answers. Answers... the second best thing that could come out of this.... Of course getting pregnant and having a child is the ultimate goal, but it we can't manage that, we would like to at least have some answers as to WHY we can't get pregnant. We have not had any answers up to this point and that is probably one of the most frustrating parts of all of this.

We had to base the appointment on my schedule, so we travelled to Denver at the start of this week. This clinic specializes with out of town patients who can't find success locally. We had a full day of tests and meetings on Monday. I was terrified since I have not had any tests in over 4 years. I was worried that my body was shutting down and that we had waited too long. Thankfully, this is not the case. My levels actually came back great and everything "looks" good. While this is great news, it still doesn't give us any answers.

We still have several tests left to get back, including some extensive genetic screening. One of the appointments while we were there was meeting with the Genetic Counselor. It was one of the most informative hours I have spent in my life. She was so knowledgeable and was able to explain many things to us. Chris and I will both have our karotype done to see if there is an underlying genetic issue. Our embryos will also be tested. This is the MAIN reason we are going to this clinic. One theory is that our embryos don't implant due to a genetic defect. If we know this is the fact, we can close this door and move onto adoption. If we have some embryos that are normal, they will know which ones are the "best" and use those. I know this is way scientific and some of you might even wonder if we are going too far. Please know that I have thought long and hard about this, and feel that this is what we are supposed to do. We will NOT know the genders of the embryos or any other information about them- only that they are healthy.

So..... we are planning to do this final IVF soon. As of right now, I will be heading to Denver on November 5th- the day after my last grad school class! :) I will be missing up to 2 weeks of school, but my principal has been very supportive up to this point and he knows this is a possibility. We still have a LONG way to go, and things need to fall into place for this all to work. For the first time in YEARS I am feeling some hope. I am terrified, but excited too.