Old Photos...

I have been a good girl and have spent a little over an hour each day in the upstairs room that will become my scraproom soon. Most of the junk is OUR junk, but some of it was here when we moved in.

This home has been in my family for decades. My great uncle lived here before we did, and before that my great grandparents lived here. My great uncle never married and lived alone most of his life. He was a quiet man, but had an amazing sense of humor. He also was a very intelligent man and spent a great deal of his life working in television and radio. He was way ahead of his time! He was also an avid photographer, and I have come across boxes and boxes of old photos. Some are even negatives. There are so many amazing photos. But here is where the story gets a little sad.

I don't know most of the people in the photos. My grandmother only knows a few, and really doesn't know the story behind the photos. Photos weren't as easy as they are now. No digital cameras and no one hour photo labs. He really wanted each and every one of these photos. They all told a story. I may never know what story he was trying to share. Sure, I recognize the young face of my grandmother and even a few baby photos of my mother. What about the photos from his time in the army? What about the face of the young woman that appears in many photos? I won't even know. My uncle left his legacy in many ways, but I really wish I knew more about the story he wanted to share with these photos.

So this is WHY I scrapbook... Yes, I love the art of it. Yes, I love being creative and even love a little competition. But in the end, I want future generations to know MY story, to know what life was like for me. I want to be able to share the lessons I have learned so that they won't have to make the same mistakes. So.. that is why I scrapbook. :)

Scrapbook Parody...

Thought some of you might enjoy this:

10 years of wedded bliss!

So much for my goal of blogging every day! Maybe it will be a goal for JULY! :)

Chris and I celebrated our 10th anniversary last week. We took a mini vacation to an amazing little place in Lake Geneva. If you are ever looking for an incredibly romantic get away, check out http://www.lazycloud.com They really have thought of everything! The photo was taken on our second night there. I just love it. The glimmer in our eyes... we really are happy! :)

There are no telephones or TVs... which was perfect. Our lives are so very hectic, that it was nice to be "forced" to talk to each other. We had several heart to hearts and made some decisions about where we want to go. Hopefully we will have a plan and be heading in the direction of resolution by the end of the summer. I think being in this infertility "limbo" has really been hard on both of us and our marriage.

On other notes.. summer school will be over on Friday! YAY! I really have enjoyed it, but it will be nice to have my entire day to myself. By the time I get home it is usually close to 2, and I spend way too much time online and don't seem to be getting much done. I need to really get the upstairs cleaned out so we can get my studio moved up there. :) That is part of the master plan. I actually did spend almost an hour up there yesterday!

A friend of mine... Andie has a great blog and a great photo tips blog. She introduced me to
PaperBackSwap. It is a place where you can list your books and swap them with others around the country... similar to what you may have at your own library, but with LOTS more books! Be sure to check it out. And if you do, be sure to mention me or Andie as your referal! :)

I have some other photos to share... but blogger isnt playing nice this afternoon. Will post them a little later! :)

So I have been a bad blogger... one of my goals for the summer is to blog every day. We'll see! Romeo doesn't like to let me sit at the computer for any length of time, he thinks I should be playing with him... (he is barking at me right now as I type this!)

The school year is over... finally. It was a tough one, and I am glad to see it end. I am teaching summer school and that is really fun... to bad the rest of the year can't be this simple! I do get a "preview" of what is to come with my incoming 6th graders. Sometimes ignorance is bliss...

Chris is in full swing of swim practice now. He is really working hard with some of the swimmers. He really puts his heart and soul into these kids and sometimes gets very little back in return. It just breaks my heart. I so wish we had our own child that he could focus on...

And then we come to the "elephant" in the room. We've been on a break from treatment for what seems like forever. I am ready to move on... and Chris says he is, but neither of us has done anything. I am supposed to go have the e-tegrity test redone using a mock FET protocol, and then go from there. That is a $400 test not covered by insurance. Honestly, I am tired of spending money on this crap. But I also REALLY want to be a mom... so how do I balance the two? We have one more IVF covered with insurance. The original plan was to redo the test, and if it shows that I DO have the protein, then we will go ahead with the final IVF. If it shows that I am still missing the protein, it is decision time. One of our options would be to do the IVF to harvest my eggs, and then use a surrogate to transfer them... so someone else would carry my baby for me. I haven't done all the research yet, but I know that if we co with this route, she will have to be someone we know who has already had their own children. Anyone want to offer? JUST KIDDING... really I am!

I have also recently had this feeling that we are meant to become foster parents. I keep seeing signs that this is the path we are supposed to take. Chris is a little more hesitant and I know where he is coming from. He isn't sure he could handle having children taken after we have cared for them. I know that I will have a hard time, but I also feel that my life is missing something right now... that I have all of this to share and give to a child, and I can't. We both spend our days with other people's children....some who really don't care. That breaks my heart. I wish they knew just how much of a GIFT having a child is....

Ok... enough rambling for today! :)

Taking the Long Way

I fell in love with the Dixie Chicks a few years ago. I have never been much of a country fan, but they just spoke to me. I love several of the songs on the older CD's and listen to them over and over. I read an article about one of the girl's battles with infertility. I had even more respect for them after reading the article. I can say that I share the common bond of having to find a spot to "shoot up" with infertility meds with her, KWIM?

I am even more of a fan BECAUSE of the controversy that was created after a comment made. It doesn't hurt that I share their political beliefs. :) However, I admire them for not backing down from what they believed in, even when they were threatened and attacked for expressing an opinion and utilizing the freedom of speech we are granted by the constitution. They didn't back down when it became apparent that the comments would make them unpopular and affect CD sales.

I was raised to be a strong woman. My mom raised me to have strong values and to respect the rights of others. Many of our ancestors were not given the opportunities that women have today. I am proud to vote... That is my RESPONSIBILITY as a woman and a citizen. The irony is that my political beliefs are very different than those of my family... And they are ok with that! :)

Aside from the political aspect of the Dixie Chicks, I think this CD might just be my favorite one yet. :)

Off my soap box...

Role Reversal

So mom is now the proud owner of two new knees....

It is really strange to be the caregiver for a parent. It is one of those times where I really don't want to be the "adult" KWIM? I love her very much and it is so hard to see her in pain and uncomfortable. I have had to advocate for her and her care with doctors and nurses over the past few days. I have spent hours at the hospital. I have had to calm my dad's frustrations with the medical staff. I have had to calm my grandmother and assure her that everything was going to be alright. I have had to worry about my mom.... worry if she is ok, worry if she is comfortable, worry if she is eating, etc.... It is just hard.

I am taking today off... at least from going to the hospital. It's Chris' birthday so I am hoping we can have a nice dinner just the two of us. We'll see. I did have 33 balloons delivered to him at work. I haven't heard if they made it to him yet... Things are tight right now, so I can't do much as far as presents go. So I had to make an impact somehow! :)

Mother's Day Poem

I belong to several email groups for women who have battled infertily or who have suffered a miscarriage or other pregnancy loss. Most days I just skim through the messages. For some reason, I felt the need to read the posts today and came across this poem in one of the lists. My faith has been tested over the past few years, but this poem really struck a chord with me.


God what makes mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and hear it say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done. They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"