I'm feeling very anxious. There isn't anything in particular. I think the events of the past few days are just starting to sink in. I'm feeling pretty distracted and almost feel like my thoughts are vibrating. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. I am keeping at all together on the outside, and least I think I am. :) I just can't imagine feeling like this for the next several months!
We haven't talked to our attorney today. I texted her earlier this afternoon and she replied that she hadn't been able to get in contact with the expectant mom, M. It could be that M just doesn't know our attorney's number and didn't pick up. I am not going to stress about it. (ok, maybe there's a little in that first paragraph that says differently) Chris has said he will call M tomorrow and let her know what our attorney's number is in the hopes that she will pick up.
It's no secret that I am not a fan of limbo land. And once again I find myself in just such a state. And in all reality, will be in this limbo of one sort or another until we finally have a child in our arms. I suppose I need to come to terms with it. And let's face it- I've been in limbo land for more than a decade. I just want to know that it will all be worth it in the end- all the pain, all the heartache, all the limbo when we finally become parents.
For those of you who've survived the wait and limbo- any words of advice?
Please keep positive thoughts coming our way.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Alive and Well :)
I am happy to report that Chris and I are alive and well.
The meeting today went very well. The entire process is so surreal, and there's just no way to prepare for it. We brought some lunch as well as some cookies from my favorite bakery. We also left a copy of our photo book for her with our direct contact info included. We spent most of the time talking and there weren't any really lulls in conversation. She has an adorable 6 month old daughter that both Chris and I held and played with.
She gave us a DVD of photos from her last u/s to bring home and look at. We were able to open them up on our laptop on our way home and saw a beautiful baby with identifying information that gave us some confirmation of her pregnancy. We'll still want to get official confirmation from her OB before we move forward, but we are felling much better after talking with her. The u/s confirms how far along she told us she is, but doesn't match the due date. We think we know where that confusion is coming from.
There are still some underlying questions about the amount of financial support she is hoping to get and what is allowable under the law. We were honest with her that we will only support her under the laws of our state but also said that our attorney is the expert on all of that and will be the one to talk with her about the specifics of the law.
She did ask some questions about us, and we did share about our infertility and the fact that I have had several miscarriages in the past few years. I did feel like she made a connection to us, and I do feel that this could be a good match. There's just some details that will need to unfold.
When we left she asked what the next step would be. She had contacted other couples, but they all emailed rather than called. She doesn't have regular access to email, so I am glad we made the leap to call! She spoke with some of the local agencies, and didn't like what they had to tell her. We did share that in order for us to go forward, we will be working with our agency and that they will assign her a social worker to work with her. We feel strongly that counseling must be part of the process, and in order to receive financial support in IL, you really need to be working with an agency.
So... our attorney will speak with her tomorrow. If it looks like she wants to proceed with us, we will contact the agency and pay our expectant mother fee to them to get the ball rolling. We haven't involved the agency just yet as we didn't want to pay the fee and then end up not using them. We might have to start some serious fundraising efforts to cover the living expenses and costs, but if that is what it takes, we will make it work.
Feeling hopeful but guarded tonight. My heart has already fallen in love, but my head is staying strong. Thank you for all the love and support... please keep it coming!
The meeting today went very well. The entire process is so surreal, and there's just no way to prepare for it. We brought some lunch as well as some cookies from my favorite bakery. We also left a copy of our photo book for her with our direct contact info included. We spent most of the time talking and there weren't any really lulls in conversation. She has an adorable 6 month old daughter that both Chris and I held and played with.
She gave us a DVD of photos from her last u/s to bring home and look at. We were able to open them up on our laptop on our way home and saw a beautiful baby with identifying information that gave us some confirmation of her pregnancy. We'll still want to get official confirmation from her OB before we move forward, but we are felling much better after talking with her. The u/s confirms how far along she told us she is, but doesn't match the due date. We think we know where that confusion is coming from.
There are still some underlying questions about the amount of financial support she is hoping to get and what is allowable under the law. We were honest with her that we will only support her under the laws of our state but also said that our attorney is the expert on all of that and will be the one to talk with her about the specifics of the law.
She did ask some questions about us, and we did share about our infertility and the fact that I have had several miscarriages in the past few years. I did feel like she made a connection to us, and I do feel that this could be a good match. There's just some details that will need to unfold.
When we left she asked what the next step would be. She had contacted other couples, but they all emailed rather than called. She doesn't have regular access to email, so I am glad we made the leap to call! She spoke with some of the local agencies, and didn't like what they had to tell her. We did share that in order for us to go forward, we will be working with our agency and that they will assign her a social worker to work with her. We feel strongly that counseling must be part of the process, and in order to receive financial support in IL, you really need to be working with an agency.
So... our attorney will speak with her tomorrow. If it looks like she wants to proceed with us, we will contact the agency and pay our expectant mother fee to them to get the ball rolling. We haven't involved the agency just yet as we didn't want to pay the fee and then end up not using them. We might have to start some serious fundraising efforts to cover the living expenses and costs, but if that is what it takes, we will make it work.
Feeling hopeful but guarded tonight. My heart has already fallen in love, but my head is staying strong. Thank you for all the love and support... please keep it coming!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
First Meeting Tuesday
Thank you for all of your comments on my last post. We're in a little bit of a holding pattern for a few days. We weren't able to get something scheduled for this weekend. Chris wasn't able to get a hold of her until yesterday. She was a little confused when Chris talked to her and couldn't remember when she had last talked to him. Trying hard not to focus on the red flags, but also being very cautious.
She agreed for us to come out to meet her on Tuesday afternoon. My week is crazy busy with work, but Tuesday was the lightest day for me. She asked that we come directly to her house and gave us her address. This makes me a little nervous, but also shows that she isn't shy in giving us information about herself. I would have really preferred to meet at a neutral location, but she told Chris she doesn't have a car and would rather not pack up her baby to go out. (She also has a 6 month old daughter...) I have a call in to our attorney to get some guidance, but for now we are set to go.
We are hoping that once we talk with her in person, we will get a better feel as to where she is coming from and if she is willing to work with us under the guidelines we are comfortable with. Both our attorney and Chris got the feeling that she is very committed to an adoption plan. She didn't mention anything about financial support to Chris when he talked to her yesterday. I am also thinking about having our attorney talk with her and lay out the legal aspects, etc before we meet with her on Tuesday if possible. I'd rather have all of the financial discussion come from our attorney and we can have discussions about everything else.
So- for anyone out there who has done this before... any words of wisdom? Things you wish you knew before your first meeting? And then there's the big question... what do I wear?! :) Would you take flowers? a small gift for her daughter? We'll take a copy of our photo book for her to keep.
Worst case? We are out the gas to drive to see her and the time. Hoping that we are able to have a better sense of whether or not she is really making an adoption plan for reasons we are comfortable with and if we can see ourselves having a relationship with her for the next several months and beyond.
(Ok, there's a little tiny part of me that is afraid that you will all read about us on the news after we are chopped into little bits and buried in the backyard... ) In all seriousness, I am nervous and excited. Not sure how I am going to get any work done between now and then!
Keep the good strong thoughts coming!
She agreed for us to come out to meet her on Tuesday afternoon. My week is crazy busy with work, but Tuesday was the lightest day for me. She asked that we come directly to her house and gave us her address. This makes me a little nervous, but also shows that she isn't shy in giving us information about herself. I would have really preferred to meet at a neutral location, but she told Chris she doesn't have a car and would rather not pack up her baby to go out. (She also has a 6 month old daughter...) I have a call in to our attorney to get some guidance, but for now we are set to go.
We are hoping that once we talk with her in person, we will get a better feel as to where she is coming from and if she is willing to work with us under the guidelines we are comfortable with. Both our attorney and Chris got the feeling that she is very committed to an adoption plan. She didn't mention anything about financial support to Chris when he talked to her yesterday. I am also thinking about having our attorney talk with her and lay out the legal aspects, etc before we meet with her on Tuesday if possible. I'd rather have all of the financial discussion come from our attorney and we can have discussions about everything else.
So- for anyone out there who has done this before... any words of wisdom? Things you wish you knew before your first meeting? And then there's the big question... what do I wear?! :) Would you take flowers? a small gift for her daughter? We'll take a copy of our photo book for her to keep.
Worst case? We are out the gas to drive to see her and the time. Hoping that we are able to have a better sense of whether or not she is really making an adoption plan for reasons we are comfortable with and if we can see ourselves having a relationship with her for the next several months and beyond.
(Ok, there's a little tiny part of me that is afraid that you will all read about us on the news after we are chopped into little bits and buried in the backyard... ) In all seriousness, I am nervous and excited. Not sure how I am going to get any work done between now and then!
Keep the good strong thoughts coming!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Holding my Heart
My heart is quite literally in my throat right now. We're hoping to meet with an expectant mom tomorrow. There are so many things that are right about this situation. Just one of those is the fact she is located in our home state within a few hours. We wouldn't have to deal with ICPC and the added expenses of an out of state placement.
However, there are lots of red flags. Lots of things that just don't feel quite right. The mom is very focused on the financial support she'd like to get from us. She has some VERY unusual requests- in fact our attorney has never had such requests in all her 20+ years as an adoption attorney. She didn't really ask any questions about Chris and I and was more into "selling" us on herself. My biggest concern is that she isn't looking to adoption for the right reasons, and is hoping to make some financial gains rather than find a family to raise her child.
She found our information through the internet and contacted our attorney through our 888 number. My attorney spoke to her at length and then passed on her information to me. I called her and had a similiar conversation to that my attorney had. Chris spoke to her today, and she didn't mention anything about financial support to him at all. He was supposed to reiterate what both the attorney and I told her- that we will support her financially in any way legally allowable under Illinois law. He never got a chance, as money ever came up in the conversation.
We both feel VERY strongly that we will will only work within the law and ethical guidelines for our adoption, however that comes to be. Our attorney has been great in guiding us and also has very high ethics, which is why we chose her. We know that should this expectant mom decide that she won't budge on her demands, there are people out there that don't necessarily have the same level of ethics that we do.
After talking with our attorney, we are planning to try to meet with her this weekend in person. Chris feels strongly that he will get a better read when talking to her in person. There are some inconsistencies in what she has told us her due date is and how many weeks along she says she is. She also told Chris today that she wants a completely closed adoption and doesn't understand why we would even tell our child they were adopted. This doesn't sit well with us, and is something we'd need to explore further.
I'm trying to believe that she is coming from a place of good and that we won't get scammed. My heart is so fragile after all we've been through that I just have to hold it tight. We have some big decisions to make about if and how to move forward with this possible situation. If anyone has words of wisdom for us, please share or feel free to email us.
Please keep us in your thoughts! This is a first for us... meeting someone in person. What a strange experience in the best of cases. I'm hoping to do a little research tonight on how to best prepare for our meeting should it happen. And I'm going to hold my heart just a little harder.
However, there are lots of red flags. Lots of things that just don't feel quite right. The mom is very focused on the financial support she'd like to get from us. She has some VERY unusual requests- in fact our attorney has never had such requests in all her 20+ years as an adoption attorney. She didn't really ask any questions about Chris and I and was more into "selling" us on herself. My biggest concern is that she isn't looking to adoption for the right reasons, and is hoping to make some financial gains rather than find a family to raise her child.
She found our information through the internet and contacted our attorney through our 888 number. My attorney spoke to her at length and then passed on her information to me. I called her and had a similiar conversation to that my attorney had. Chris spoke to her today, and she didn't mention anything about financial support to him at all. He was supposed to reiterate what both the attorney and I told her- that we will support her financially in any way legally allowable under Illinois law. He never got a chance, as money ever came up in the conversation.
We both feel VERY strongly that we will will only work within the law and ethical guidelines for our adoption, however that comes to be. Our attorney has been great in guiding us and also has very high ethics, which is why we chose her. We know that should this expectant mom decide that she won't budge on her demands, there are people out there that don't necessarily have the same level of ethics that we do.
After talking with our attorney, we are planning to try to meet with her this weekend in person. Chris feels strongly that he will get a better read when talking to her in person. There are some inconsistencies in what she has told us her due date is and how many weeks along she says she is. She also told Chris today that she wants a completely closed adoption and doesn't understand why we would even tell our child they were adopted. This doesn't sit well with us, and is something we'd need to explore further.
I'm trying to believe that she is coming from a place of good and that we won't get scammed. My heart is so fragile after all we've been through that I just have to hold it tight. We have some big decisions to make about if and how to move forward with this possible situation. If anyone has words of wisdom for us, please share or feel free to email us.
Please keep us in your thoughts! This is a first for us... meeting someone in person. What a strange experience in the best of cases. I'm hoping to do a little research tonight on how to best prepare for our meeting should it happen. And I'm going to hold my heart just a little harder.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Love these girls....
We also spend lots of time laughing. These girls can make me laugh like nobody else. And to hear their laughter just makes my soul smile. We have had some interesting discussions over the years on serious topics as well as some very silly ones. We have some pretty crazy stories about adventures we've had together.
I don't get to see them every day like in years past with my new job. I miss these girls like crazy on the days that I am not in the middle school. We do have a standing lunch date each and every Friday. I spend Friday morning at the other school, and they text me their lunch order. I pick it up on my way back to the middle school and we get to spend a glorious 20-30 minutes together each week. Sure, there are other points that we talk but it's a guarantee that we'll get to spend that time together on Fridays.
This photo was taken last Friday. Jamie (in the center) is the beautiful mother of the bride in this photo. Her daughter, Polly married her high school sweetheart at a very special ceremony. My heart aches for Jamie as she lost the love of her life and father of her girls way too soon. She is always full of so much grace, and the wedding was no different. She has raised three beautiful daughters on her own for the past 8 years. Each of these women have found their own prince charming and will all be married by the end of next year. (Yep, three weddings in 15 months! She's a saint!) I am so blessed to have her in my life for so many reasons, but I am so thankful for her guidance and support as a wife and future mother. I hope to one day be even half the mother she is!
Bridget (on the left) is also the mother to a beautiful little girl who Jamie and I love to spoil. I am so in awe of her down to earth parenting style, and have learned so much from watching her grow into the mother she is today. Her daughter is a spunky three year old who keeps her mom and dad on their toes. I love spending time with their family and can't wait for her to be a part of my child's life.
I am blessed. I am working to focus on all of the blessings in my life rather than the ache I feel in my heart for the child who has yet to find their way to us. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head about our adoption wait. But for today, I am going to sit back and remember just how blessed I am to have these amazing, loving, talented, inspiring women in my life. Please take a moment to think about the women who are blessings in your life today... and tell them just how much they mean to you!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Hello October!
Whew... it's once again been too long since I last posted here. Life got a little bit hectic for a little while! I think I am finally settling into the craziness and getting a handle on it all. Grad school is making me a little crazy as the work load varies from week to week making it really hard to plan out my time. Chris is at his first swim meet of the season today, which means I have the weekend all to myself. I've settled into my new role, and really feeling good about it. I had some family drama explode earlier in the week, but I've reiterated my decisions there and am able to move on. I literally felt like I could breathe again this morning for the first time in several weeks!
Now that the busyness is settling, I am starting to feel the familiar frustration with our adoption efforts. It's now been more than a year since we went fully active with our marketing, and my heart is heavy. I really hoped that we would be matched and maybe even parenting before the end of 2012. I am starting to lose hope that 2012 will be our year. I find myself wondering why others have "passed us by" as they are matched and even adopting a second child all in the time we've been waiting. I know in my head and heart that the right match is out there for us, but it doesn't make the sting hurt less. After years of being the last one standing in the infertility world, I had hoped so deeply that wouldn't be our fate in the adoption world.
While I know the path we have chosen can take longer, I had really hoped we would beat the odds. We don't have the unlimited resources to use the agencies in our area, or even at the national level at that. We've spent the money as we can, and that is all we can do. It's so very frustrating to have finances once again play a role in keeping us from our dreams coming true. We live comfortably and can provide for a child, we just don't have the large lump sum of money that many agencies require. So, we wait. And we hope that our efforts will bring us to the right woman and the right time and we will be the right match for her family.
If you'd like to help us get the word out, please feel free to share one of the following links on your blog, your facebook page, or wherever. You can also grab our button from the top left corner of this blog.
YouTube Video Profile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfSB6pSXP74
Vimeo Video Profile: https://vimeo.com/45395474
Website: www.chrisandpatience.com
Adoptimist Profile: https://www.adoptimist.com/adoption-parent-profile/282
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Patience-Hope-to-Adopt/188721014507827?ref=hl
As much as my heart is heavy as we near the end of 2012 with empty arms, it is also so full of joy for the amazing life we do have. We are blessed to have good friends that love and support us in everything we do. We both have careers that allow us to make a positive impact in the world. I am married to my best friend in the whole world who has shown me once again this week just how lucky I am to share my life with him. We have a good life. And when the time comes for us to finally become parents, a child will only make our life even more full.
I leave you with a photo of Chris and our very best friends John and Miriam at their first Marathon. Chris was so excited to be a spectator at a marathon for the first time after always being the runner. We were able to support them all along the race, and Chris even ran the last few miles with them. It was a wonderful experience and reminded us just how lucky we are to share our lives with people like John & Miriam. (And it made Chris want to run this marathon next year himself... that will be number 4!)
Now that the busyness is settling, I am starting to feel the familiar frustration with our adoption efforts. It's now been more than a year since we went fully active with our marketing, and my heart is heavy. I really hoped that we would be matched and maybe even parenting before the end of 2012. I am starting to lose hope that 2012 will be our year. I find myself wondering why others have "passed us by" as they are matched and even adopting a second child all in the time we've been waiting. I know in my head and heart that the right match is out there for us, but it doesn't make the sting hurt less. After years of being the last one standing in the infertility world, I had hoped so deeply that wouldn't be our fate in the adoption world.
While I know the path we have chosen can take longer, I had really hoped we would beat the odds. We don't have the unlimited resources to use the agencies in our area, or even at the national level at that. We've spent the money as we can, and that is all we can do. It's so very frustrating to have finances once again play a role in keeping us from our dreams coming true. We live comfortably and can provide for a child, we just don't have the large lump sum of money that many agencies require. So, we wait. And we hope that our efforts will bring us to the right woman and the right time and we will be the right match for her family.
If you'd like to help us get the word out, please feel free to share one of the following links on your blog, your facebook page, or wherever. You can also grab our button from the top left corner of this blog.
YouTube Video Profile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfSB6pSXP74
Vimeo Video Profile: https://vimeo.com/45395474
Website: www.chrisandpatience.com
Adoptimist Profile: https://www.adoptimist.com/adoption-parent-profile/282
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Patience-Hope-to-Adopt/188721014507827?ref=hl
As much as my heart is heavy as we near the end of 2012 with empty arms, it is also so full of joy for the amazing life we do have. We are blessed to have good friends that love and support us in everything we do. We both have careers that allow us to make a positive impact in the world. I am married to my best friend in the whole world who has shown me once again this week just how lucky I am to share my life with him. We have a good life. And when the time comes for us to finally become parents, a child will only make our life even more full.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Goodbye September
Whew... it's been a few weeks since I last updated here. September has kicked my butt!
Things are going pretty well at work. The principal at the elementary school that I am at 1 1/2 days a week pretty much hates me, but that's another story all together. Thankfully I share that school with the other Tech Integration Specialist, and we both know just how crazy this woman is. My direct supervisor is very supportive and the principal at the middle school is 110% in my court. So, I am dealing with the little bit of crazy. The teachers at the elementary school are also very supportive and are excited about having me there. So, all in all, the job is going well. I am SO happy that I moved into this position this year!
Grad school started up last weekend. It's hard to get back into the balance of having to manage homework and class with the rest of my life. The other TIS is taking the program with me, and we were fortunate to get into a group with two other like minded individuals. Most of the program is online, but it is also mostly group work. So, it has been a challenge to set up meeting times online but so far we have worked together very well. I need to write a paper this morning as soon as I am done writing this post. (Hey, I figured a blog post was a good writing warm up for a paper, right?!) I was a little discouraged that there is a WIDE variety of tech skills in the group- which surprised me since this is a masters in Technology?! It's a cohort so we'll all be together for the next 14 months. It will be interesting for sure!
The biggest challenge in life right now is my teeth.... Let me explain.
As a child, I had an orthodontist make a bad decision about my treatment. My parents agreed because they just didn't know any different and trusted the expert. I ended up losing adult teeth after the braces came off and had to have extensive work done in my late teens. I had several root canals and finally had to have two bridges placed in the front of my mouth. It was excruciating and traumatic. I was told the bridges would only last 10 years and then I would probably need a full reconstruction of the top of my mouth.
Fast forward to my adult hood... and I have avoided the dentist for decades. It was such a traumatic experience that I have developed an EXTREME phobia. The bridges had started to decay and become loose. But I dealt with it, because going to the dentist was so much more intimidating. On Friday, I bit into a sandwich and evidently swallowed one of the bridges. My dear friends and coworkers searched through my lunch and the garbage to see if it could be recovered, but it was never found. I had what I am sure is close to a full on panic attack. My amazing friend Jamie called a dentist for me and even went with me to hold my hand (or leg) while I faced one of my deepest fears. There were lots of tears and I can't even imagine what my blood pressure ended up!
After several hours, the dentist was able to come up with a temporary solution that allows me to have teeth for now. I have lost basically all of the teeth on the top of my mouth as a result of the bridges. He was caring and gentle and dealt with my crazy anxiety. He even stayed late to create this piece of art that I now have in my mouth. It is VERY temporary and I now have to jump into the restoration process with both feet. I am REALLY not excited about this option, but feeling better now that I have walked into a dentist office and sat in the chair.
I am in some pain this morning, but know that it will be worth it in the end. I have to call and make an appointment with him early this week for a full exam and then he feels he will need to consult with some experts about the right course of action going forward. There is a great deal of damage and it is going to be a tough process. I HATE that we are going to have to spend money on this now with our adoption expenses still pending. But I know that I HAVE to do this now.
You would think that after several surgeries on my reproductive system the dentist wouldn't scare me... but I think it is just one more case of being out of control and having the horrible experiences in my childhood. Please keep some good thoughts coming my way as I jump into this with both feet.
Here is my current smile thanks to the dentist's artistry...
Let's hope that it looks as good when he is all done with the permanent solution!
Things are going pretty well at work. The principal at the elementary school that I am at 1 1/2 days a week pretty much hates me, but that's another story all together. Thankfully I share that school with the other Tech Integration Specialist, and we both know just how crazy this woman is. My direct supervisor is very supportive and the principal at the middle school is 110% in my court. So, I am dealing with the little bit of crazy. The teachers at the elementary school are also very supportive and are excited about having me there. So, all in all, the job is going well. I am SO happy that I moved into this position this year!
Grad school started up last weekend. It's hard to get back into the balance of having to manage homework and class with the rest of my life. The other TIS is taking the program with me, and we were fortunate to get into a group with two other like minded individuals. Most of the program is online, but it is also mostly group work. So, it has been a challenge to set up meeting times online but so far we have worked together very well. I need to write a paper this morning as soon as I am done writing this post. (Hey, I figured a blog post was a good writing warm up for a paper, right?!) I was a little discouraged that there is a WIDE variety of tech skills in the group- which surprised me since this is a masters in Technology?! It's a cohort so we'll all be together for the next 14 months. It will be interesting for sure!
The biggest challenge in life right now is my teeth.... Let me explain.
As a child, I had an orthodontist make a bad decision about my treatment. My parents agreed because they just didn't know any different and trusted the expert. I ended up losing adult teeth after the braces came off and had to have extensive work done in my late teens. I had several root canals and finally had to have two bridges placed in the front of my mouth. It was excruciating and traumatic. I was told the bridges would only last 10 years and then I would probably need a full reconstruction of the top of my mouth.
Fast forward to my adult hood... and I have avoided the dentist for decades. It was such a traumatic experience that I have developed an EXTREME phobia. The bridges had started to decay and become loose. But I dealt with it, because going to the dentist was so much more intimidating. On Friday, I bit into a sandwich and evidently swallowed one of the bridges. My dear friends and coworkers searched through my lunch and the garbage to see if it could be recovered, but it was never found. I had what I am sure is close to a full on panic attack. My amazing friend Jamie called a dentist for me and even went with me to hold my hand (or leg) while I faced one of my deepest fears. There were lots of tears and I can't even imagine what my blood pressure ended up!
After several hours, the dentist was able to come up with a temporary solution that allows me to have teeth for now. I have lost basically all of the teeth on the top of my mouth as a result of the bridges. He was caring and gentle and dealt with my crazy anxiety. He even stayed late to create this piece of art that I now have in my mouth. It is VERY temporary and I now have to jump into the restoration process with both feet. I am REALLY not excited about this option, but feeling better now that I have walked into a dentist office and sat in the chair.
I am in some pain this morning, but know that it will be worth it in the end. I have to call and make an appointment with him early this week for a full exam and then he feels he will need to consult with some experts about the right course of action going forward. There is a great deal of damage and it is going to be a tough process. I HATE that we are going to have to spend money on this now with our adoption expenses still pending. But I know that I HAVE to do this now.
You would think that after several surgeries on my reproductive system the dentist wouldn't scare me... but I think it is just one more case of being out of control and having the horrible experiences in my childhood. Please keep some good thoughts coming my way as I jump into this with both feet.
Here is my current smile thanks to the dentist's artistry...
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