I finally sent an email to my beloved nurse at CC.RM. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore her? While I haven't been an "official" patient since last November or so, she took the time to answer my questions and even included a personal note in her reply. Why can't all RE nurses be like her? Every single penny of the "nursing fee" that CC.RM charges is worth its weight in gold!
So, she reminded me that it is a good thing that I was able to get pregnant on my own and that it is a good sign. She also said that they (I assume she talked to Dr Sch, she has always done so in the past with my ?'s) feel that it just might be an undiagnosed clotting issue. She is recommending that I have the APA Panel and Hypercoag Panel to rule out a clotting disorder. (WHY haven't I had this done during the last 11 years???? Why didn't I ask????) She went on to say that we should let her know if we need anything.
So..... What do I do? I feel that I really need to know. I need to know if the answer we've been searching for all these years is as simple as a clotting disorder. Do I get orders from CC.RM to have the tests, or do I just talk to the local RE's nurses and ask to have these run through them? The difference could be a $40 facility fee the local RE charges me if I am not their patient. I also don't want to irk the local RE, as I may need them in the future. I am thinking I'll call and talk to one of my trusted nurses at the local RE on Monday to see if the panels can be run Tuesday morning along with my weekly HCG levels.
My CC.RM nurse also assured me that my levels are coming down nicely, and she isn't concerned. That was a relief for me. There was just something about hearing it from her that eases my anxiety. She did say that it could take ANOTHER FOUR WEEKS for it to get to zero. Please lord let that not be the case! There is just something psychological about finally getting to 0. That it's finally over. I feel like I am stuck in limbo until then.
I haven't run since this whole mess started. We usually all run in a 5k on July 4th. I was telling myself that I wasn't going to start running again until I got to 0. Guess I'll check with the local nurse when I call and see if I can start back up now.
In other news, I've started making cards and selling them to offset the costs of our adoption. It's been very well received through friends on Face.book. I'm hoping that I can continue to do something I love and make some extra money for our adoption at the same time. If you'd like to check it out, I've set up a separate page on FB for it... do a search for PB Creations.
In a final note, please take a few moments to visit my friend Augusta. She is an amazing woman who has provided so much support for our community. She sadly experienced a missed miscarriage last week after an IVF. She is healing, but could use some extra love and support from all of us. I know personally how much the outpouring of support meant to me after our miscarriages.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
52
I'm still a little pregnant. Ugh. HCG is at 52 as of this morning. I have to go back again next Tuesday.
I just want this to be over already.
Hoping it's just one more week. Why is it that my body seems to hang on when it isn't supposed to? Why couldn't we have had this kind of resolution back before it decided to miscarry yet another pregnancy?!
Still feeling tired and a little achy. I haven't spoken to CC.RM or to the actual RE at the local clinic since the first day. As much as I whine here, you would think I would do something about it. But I haven't.
Today was the first day of summer school. It was a hot mess as the admin in charge isn't the most organized. Only 14 more days to go. And the money is good, so it is worth it. At least that's what I am telling myself right now.
Off to be creative... I need some kind of pick me up after this day!
I just want this to be over already.
Hoping it's just one more week. Why is it that my body seems to hang on when it isn't supposed to? Why couldn't we have had this kind of resolution back before it decided to miscarry yet another pregnancy?!
Still feeling tired and a little achy. I haven't spoken to CC.RM or to the actual RE at the local clinic since the first day. As much as I whine here, you would think I would do something about it. But I haven't.
Today was the first day of summer school. It was a hot mess as the admin in charge isn't the most organized. Only 14 more days to go. And the money is good, so it is worth it. At least that's what I am telling myself right now.
Off to be creative... I need some kind of pick me up after this day!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Art Journal Pages
It's been a long week... but school is officially out for the summer! While I start summer school on Tuesday, I am still getting into the summer groove.
I am taking an online art journal workshop by Christy Tomlinson. It was just what I needed after months of creative drought and the stress of school and our miscarriages. Chris is at a swim meet this weekend, and the weather here in Chicago is ugly this weekend. So I took advantage and spent most of the weekend so far in my studio watching class videos and creating. The class is called Three Hearts and it is based on the idea that we have three hearts that we share. One with the world, one with our family, and one with ourself. The class is heavy on techniques, but also on journalling ideas. This is my first attempt at an art journal, and I am LOVING it. Breaking out supplies I haven't used in a long time (if ever) to create.
Here are some of the pages I've created so far...
I am taking an online art journal workshop by Christy Tomlinson. It was just what I needed after months of creative drought and the stress of school and our miscarriages. Chris is at a swim meet this weekend, and the weather here in Chicago is ugly this weekend. So I took advantage and spent most of the weekend so far in my studio watching class videos and creating. The class is called Three Hearts and it is based on the idea that we have three hearts that we share. One with the world, one with our family, and one with ourself. The class is heavy on techniques, but also on journalling ideas. This is my first attempt at an art journal, and I am LOVING it. Breaking out supplies I haven't used in a long time (if ever) to create.
Here are some of the pages I've created so far...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Neverending Saga
I had labs again this morning as part of the "follow up" to my surprise miscarriage. I am a little concerned that my levels aren't dropping fast enough. The local RE who is monitorning all of this doesn't seem too concerned. I just want this all to be over so I can go back to my not-so normal life. :)
Here's my HCG levels this miscarriage:
5/11- 1200
5/13- 934
5/16- 600
5/23- 193
We have no idea how far along I was or if this pregnancy was ectopic. The ultrasound on 5/11 showed no sign of anything in the uterus. I was never on ANY medication, so this is all my body all on its own. I am worried that there is something somewhere that isn't going to resolve itself.
With my miscarriage in October after our FET, I was at 0 by three weeks after the initial drop. I started much higher, but dropped much quicker. I was still on meds through the biggest drops.
Here's the numbers from October:
10/4 3341 (before m/c)
10/8 2000 (after bleeding started)
10/11 400 (stop meds)
10/13 181
10/18 29
10/25 0
So maybe it's not that far off at this point? I think I am going to call CC.RM and talk to my nurse to see what she says. I have had this all managed by the local RE and not sure he is fully "invested" in my treatment since I am not an official patient. (I was in the past, thus the reason they agreed to see me)
The other issue- It's the last week of school and honestly I don't have time to deal with this. I may also call tomorrow and ask to talk with one of my trusted nurses at the local RE and see what her thoughts are.
Anyone have any thoughts? At what point do I ask for a repeat u/s?
I am exhausted. I don't know if it's the miscarriage, the end of the school year, allergies, or a combo of all three. I just need to make it to the weekend!
Here's my HCG levels this miscarriage:
5/11- 1200
5/13- 934
5/16- 600
5/23- 193
We have no idea how far along I was or if this pregnancy was ectopic. The ultrasound on 5/11 showed no sign of anything in the uterus. I was never on ANY medication, so this is all my body all on its own. I am worried that there is something somewhere that isn't going to resolve itself.
With my miscarriage in October after our FET, I was at 0 by three weeks after the initial drop. I started much higher, but dropped much quicker. I was still on meds through the biggest drops.
Here's the numbers from October:
10/4 3341 (before m/c)
10/8 2000 (after bleeding started)
10/11 400 (stop meds)
10/13 181
10/18 29
10/25 0
So maybe it's not that far off at this point? I think I am going to call CC.RM and talk to my nurse to see what she says. I have had this all managed by the local RE and not sure he is fully "invested" in my treatment since I am not an official patient. (I was in the past, thus the reason they agreed to see me)
The other issue- It's the last week of school and honestly I don't have time to deal with this. I may also call tomorrow and ask to talk with one of my trusted nurses at the local RE and see what her thoughts are.
Anyone have any thoughts? At what point do I ask for a repeat u/s?
I am exhausted. I don't know if it's the miscarriage, the end of the school year, allergies, or a combo of all three. I just need to make it to the weekend!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
May ICLW
Welcome to all of you who are visiting for ICLW (and my regular readers, too!)
If this is your first time here, you can see our basic story by clicking on the timeline tab above. We've been at this for more than a decade now, and are really hopeful that we will finally welcome home a baby through a domestic infant adoption. We are homestudy approved, and are working to get our marketing materials together. We're doing things on our own, as I am a bit of a control freak.
Most recently we've had a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage last week. We're still trying to figure it all out. There was some concern that it was an ectopic pregnancy initially, but we are pretty sure we are in the clear. My levels are dropping, and I am hopeful for a nice low number when I go in for labs on Monday. We'd like to move forward, and feel that we need to get to an official beta of zero before doing that.
I'm a middle school special education teacher and this is our last week of school. It's been a busy few weeks and it will be nuts until the end. While I am excited for the end of the school year, I am honestly a little sad to see this group of students move on. I've grown quite attached to them. My husband is a swim coach and his season is just starting up as my year winds down.
Looking forward to getting to "meet" some new bloggers this week!
If this is your first time here, you can see our basic story by clicking on the timeline tab above. We've been at this for more than a decade now, and are really hopeful that we will finally welcome home a baby through a domestic infant adoption. We are homestudy approved, and are working to get our marketing materials together. We're doing things on our own, as I am a bit of a control freak.
Most recently we've had a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage last week. We're still trying to figure it all out. There was some concern that it was an ectopic pregnancy initially, but we are pretty sure we are in the clear. My levels are dropping, and I am hopeful for a nice low number when I go in for labs on Monday. We'd like to move forward, and feel that we need to get to an official beta of zero before doing that.
I'm a middle school special education teacher and this is our last week of school. It's been a busy few weeks and it will be nuts until the end. While I am excited for the end of the school year, I am honestly a little sad to see this group of students move on. I've grown quite attached to them. My husband is a swim coach and his season is just starting up as my year winds down.
Looking forward to getting to "meet" some new bloggers this week!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Favorite Photos from Photo Shoot
We got our CD from our friend yesterday. I thought I'd interrupt all of the miscarriage posts with one full of my favorite photos. Some of these are for our profile, and others I love for other things. I've narrowed it down to 5 of my favorites for our main profile photo- I'll post about that later. There's also some fun outtakes courtesy of Romeo that I'll share in another post too.
So for now, here are some of my favorite photos for your viewing pleasure....
So for now, here are some of my favorite photos for your viewing pleasure....
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Take Cover!
I can sense that the meltdown is imminent. However, I do not have time for a meltdown right now. I have so much to get done over the next 8 school days. Chris' birthday is tomorrow. He has a huge meet that his swim team is hosting this weekend. And I am a walking time bomb.
As I've shared the news of the recent events with a few close friends, they've been as shocked by the whole thing as we have been. They've also told me how strong they think I am. I laugh and shrug it off. What else can I do right now? I have to put on my big girl panties and move forward. But all I really want to do right now is curl into a ball and hide from the world for a few days- or weeks. I was doing fine until today, really I was.
I have to imagine part of it all is the raging mess of hormones in my system right now. Apparently my bre.asts didn't get the memo that we're not really pregnant. They are swollen and sore today. It took four different shirts before I was comfortable this morning. I still have a nagging ache in my right ovary. (Wondering if I have a cyst. Might have to get that checked out) I am exhausted. I find myself yawning all day long, which doesn't bode well for student productivity! I just want to feel good again.
My team also threw a shower for our pregnant coworker today. I did my part in making the card for our gift, but that is all I can muster right now. I know a few people had opinions about my lack of participation or attendance. I just don't really care. I had several students who had to stay after school today anyway, so I couldn't have attended if I wanted to. As much as I want to say that I am ok about the shower, it still hurts. If I hadn't miscarried in October, I would have been due in a few weeks, and there would also be a shower happening for me. But we all know how that all turned out. I am healing and each day is easier. Of course this "bonus" miscarriage right at the time of my original due date is just adding a smidge of salt to the wound.
I have to allow myself some grace, here. Just writing that last sentence made me realize all that we've been through. Maybe I am strong after all. :)
So I just need to figure out how to get through the rest of this week without having a complete meltdown. I need to respect Chris' birthday tomorrow even though I really don't feel like celebrating right now. He's stressed and I am a hormonal mess. That's just not a good combo in our house! I thought about going to get a pedicure after work today but just didn't do it. I think I've earned a little treat after the last week!
But for now I have to get grades done. Writing this post has helped ease some of the tension... so if you are still reading... thank you!
As I've shared the news of the recent events with a few close friends, they've been as shocked by the whole thing as we have been. They've also told me how strong they think I am. I laugh and shrug it off. What else can I do right now? I have to put on my big girl panties and move forward. But all I really want to do right now is curl into a ball and hide from the world for a few days- or weeks. I was doing fine until today, really I was.
I have to imagine part of it all is the raging mess of hormones in my system right now. Apparently my bre.asts didn't get the memo that we're not really pregnant. They are swollen and sore today. It took four different shirts before I was comfortable this morning. I still have a nagging ache in my right ovary. (Wondering if I have a cyst. Might have to get that checked out) I am exhausted. I find myself yawning all day long, which doesn't bode well for student productivity! I just want to feel good again.
My team also threw a shower for our pregnant coworker today. I did my part in making the card for our gift, but that is all I can muster right now. I know a few people had opinions about my lack of participation or attendance. I just don't really care. I had several students who had to stay after school today anyway, so I couldn't have attended if I wanted to. As much as I want to say that I am ok about the shower, it still hurts. If I hadn't miscarried in October, I would have been due in a few weeks, and there would also be a shower happening for me. But we all know how that all turned out. I am healing and each day is easier. Of course this "bonus" miscarriage right at the time of my original due date is just adding a smidge of salt to the wound.
I have to allow myself some grace, here. Just writing that last sentence made me realize all that we've been through. Maybe I am strong after all. :)
So I just need to figure out how to get through the rest of this week without having a complete meltdown. I need to respect Chris' birthday tomorrow even though I really don't feel like celebrating right now. He's stressed and I am a hormonal mess. That's just not a good combo in our house! I thought about going to get a pedicure after work today but just didn't do it. I think I've earned a little treat after the last week!
But for now I have to get grades done. Writing this post has helped ease some of the tension... so if you are still reading... thank you!
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