So I laced up the running shoes tonight for the first time.
I am attempting to do the Couch to 5k program. I used it before, but found a really neat app for my phone that lets me use my own music. If you are interested at all in starting to run, I highly recommend the couch to 5k program. It starts you out with short intervals of running mixed with walking for a total of 20-30 minutes three times a week. The amount of running gradually increases over the course of the program.
Too bad I am running an 8k, not a 5k, on April 10th. That's 8 weeks from now. Not sure I will be 100% ready, but here's hoping that I am able to finish.
Today's stats:
Week 1, Day 1
Treadmill
1.67 miles
I am sore, and my good friend/personal trainer had me do a strength workout before I ran. I have a feeling I am going to be really sore tomorrow. It was nice to spend the time with friends. I even did a load of laundry while I was there. (New washer will be delivered on Friday! Yay!)
At one of the tough points in the run today, I just kept thinking that this is something I can control with my body. I can take back what infertility has robbed me of. I can make my body do something if I try hard enough- unlike infertility. As a nice aside, I am hoping to lose some of the weight that a decade of infertility drugs has graced me with.
Hoping you all will keep me accountable too. I need to do this for myself. I need to feel some success with my body. So, if you don't see anything about running for a few days, please remind me! :)
Ok, off to soak my sore muscles in the tub!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Being the Coach's Wife
I am the coach's wife. It's a great place to be most of the time. But, it's a hard place to be sometimes.
I love my husband. I love the sport of swimming. I love watching kids swim and Chris coach. I spend time in the stands...
with parents of said kids.
Now, some of these parents have become our closest friends. They've been there for Chris and I time and time again. We love them like family. (Maybe even more than family!)
But there are the other parents.
The parents who have little respect for me or my husband. The parents who make comments about Chris to other parents with me sitting right there. Or parents who credit their child's swimming achievement to another coach but blame Chris when their kids don't swim well.
He works for a parent owned club. This was a hard pill for me to swallow when he took the job four years ago. I fear that one bad seed of a parent can make life miserable for him and possibly cause him to leave his job.
Thankfully we have developed relationships with many of the parents that run the club. But there are a few who were there before we came that have made life difficult for Chris and for me at times. There is also a coach that has been with the club since he was a swimmer himself. He likes to do the exact opposite of Chris at any given time.
So this weekend I snapped. Ok, not really, but I hit my breaking point.
After a GREAT swim by her son at the high school meet, this parent went on and on about the "other" coach and how he was a big part of this child's success. This coach hasn't even coached the swimmer since before Thanksgiving. (Kid is on high school team, and Chris is the coach for the team in addition to his job as the club coach)
I had to stop another coach/parent friend of ours from saying something to said parent in the stands at the meet. After talking it over with Chris, I felt I needed to address the comment made by the parent. So I sent an email. I had Chris read it over and "approve" it before I sent it. (It is his career, after all!)
Her response was that she was "flabbergasted" that I felt that way. She just doesn't get it. But at least I feel that I expressed my feelings on the subject and have ruffled her feathers so to speak. I don't think this will be the end of it, but Chris and our friends support me in the sending this email. Chris has a meeting with the president of the club this week, so it will be interesting if this email comes up.
The point of this post...
If you are ever fortunate to have a child who excels in a sport, please have some respect for the professional coach. And remember that they have a life too and maybe even a wife who has to sit in the stands.
I love my husband. I love the sport of swimming. I love watching kids swim and Chris coach. I spend time in the stands...
with parents of said kids.
Now, some of these parents have become our closest friends. They've been there for Chris and I time and time again. We love them like family. (Maybe even more than family!)
But there are the other parents.
The parents who have little respect for me or my husband. The parents who make comments about Chris to other parents with me sitting right there. Or parents who credit their child's swimming achievement to another coach but blame Chris when their kids don't swim well.
He works for a parent owned club. This was a hard pill for me to swallow when he took the job four years ago. I fear that one bad seed of a parent can make life miserable for him and possibly cause him to leave his job.
Thankfully we have developed relationships with many of the parents that run the club. But there are a few who were there before we came that have made life difficult for Chris and for me at times. There is also a coach that has been with the club since he was a swimmer himself. He likes to do the exact opposite of Chris at any given time.
So this weekend I snapped. Ok, not really, but I hit my breaking point.
After a GREAT swim by her son at the high school meet, this parent went on and on about the "other" coach and how he was a big part of this child's success. This coach hasn't even coached the swimmer since before Thanksgiving. (Kid is on high school team, and Chris is the coach for the team in addition to his job as the club coach)
I had to stop another coach/parent friend of ours from saying something to said parent in the stands at the meet. After talking it over with Chris, I felt I needed to address the comment made by the parent. So I sent an email. I had Chris read it over and "approve" it before I sent it. (It is his career, after all!)
Her response was that she was "flabbergasted" that I felt that way. She just doesn't get it. But at least I feel that I expressed my feelings on the subject and have ruffled her feathers so to speak. I don't think this will be the end of it, but Chris and our friends support me in the sending this email. Chris has a meeting with the president of the club this week, so it will be interesting if this email comes up.
The point of this post...
If you are ever fortunate to have a child who excels in a sport, please have some respect for the professional coach. And remember that they have a life too and maybe even a wife who has to sit in the stands.
Monday, February 14, 2011
16 years ago today...
We married really young. It's been a tough road, but it was the best choice for us. I love this man so very much and can't wait to start the next chapter of our lives as parents. Hoping that we will be able to share our love with a child in the very near future.
Weren't we cute kids? Photo was taken on our wedding day- June 22, 1996. We'll celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this year! How is that even possible?
Hope you are all having a great day with those you love. I have a very close friend who lost her husband too soon and I think of her on days like today. I have such an empathy for her. She gets it- Days like today are as painful for her as Mother's Day is for me. So for today, I will cherish Chris a little more, and hug him a little tighter. We may long for a child, we do have each other.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Too Much Knowledge Isn't Always a Good Thing
So AF is here in all her glory.
It's hard not knowing what is exactly going on with your body. I've spent a decade knowing the intimate workings of my reproductive system. I wish I could go back to being ignorant about it all. I don't know what it is going on for sure, but I have some theories. I hope the day comes that I won't think about it anymore. That I won't know what cycle day I am on. That I won't think about what could be going on with my body.
I do know that my PMS symptoms this time were VERY intense. I am hoping that is not a sign of things to come and is just my body still adjusting post miscarriage. I can't imagine having the intense symptoms with every cycle for the rest of my life.
I had really hoped that we could have a really nice romantic Valentine's Day celebration this year after the disaster of last year. Thank you AF for ruining that plan. Thank goodness for pain meds and a busy day today to keep me moving forward.
Thank you for all of your support and comments. I've said it before, but I really can't say it enough. I don't know what I would do without this blog and those of you who read and support me. It helps so much to get my crazy thoughts out of my head and I know you all get it and won't judge me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Chris has a HUGE swim meet this afternoon for his high school team. His team has the chance to win the conference title for the first time in the history of the school. There are two other teams that usually dominate everything so it will be awesome if they can pull it off! Looking forward to spending the afternoon with the team.
Tomorrow is our day to spend together. Hoping to get some new running shoes and get my ass moving. Did I mention that I signed up to run an 8k on April 10th? I haven't run in a year. And even before that I wasn't doing much. Hoping this will give me something to focus on. Maybe I can finally make my body do something that I want it to do!
It's hard not knowing what is exactly going on with your body. I've spent a decade knowing the intimate workings of my reproductive system. I wish I could go back to being ignorant about it all. I don't know what it is going on for sure, but I have some theories. I hope the day comes that I won't think about it anymore. That I won't know what cycle day I am on. That I won't think about what could be going on with my body.
I do know that my PMS symptoms this time were VERY intense. I am hoping that is not a sign of things to come and is just my body still adjusting post miscarriage. I can't imagine having the intense symptoms with every cycle for the rest of my life.
I had really hoped that we could have a really nice romantic Valentine's Day celebration this year after the disaster of last year. Thank you AF for ruining that plan. Thank goodness for pain meds and a busy day today to keep me moving forward.
Thank you for all of your support and comments. I've said it before, but I really can't say it enough. I don't know what I would do without this blog and those of you who read and support me. It helps so much to get my crazy thoughts out of my head and I know you all get it and won't judge me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Chris has a HUGE swim meet this afternoon for his high school team. His team has the chance to win the conference title for the first time in the history of the school. There are two other teams that usually dominate everything so it will be awesome if they can pull it off! Looking forward to spending the afternoon with the team.
Tomorrow is our day to spend together. Hoping to get some new running shoes and get my ass moving. Did I mention that I signed up to run an 8k on April 10th? I haven't run in a year. And even before that I wasn't doing much. Hoping this will give me something to focus on. Maybe I can finally make my body do something that I want it to do!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Still crazy
POAS- Instant negative, but nothing in the control window (Don't you think I could figure out how to use one of these after all these years?!)
Feeling some crampiness, so I think AF is on her way. But who knows.
Crazy dreams and sore girls still here. No spotting.
Weepy this morning with Chris after I had some car issues. Again, could be PMS.
Still tired and feeling crummy- but that could just be the fact that it's February and it's COLD and snowy here. (We got more snow yesterday on top of the 2 feet from the blizzard!)
So nothing to report... pretty sure AF will show soon.
Appointment with GP tomorrow to get Adoption paperwork filled out. Also discussing my high blood pressure and the cold that won't go away. Hoping she will also draw the bloodwork that CC.RM suggested after my miscarriage. Oh, and I haven't seen here since I was pregnant, so have to explain all of that too. Just to add it to my chart and all.
I took the full day off of work, so hoping that I can get a few more things checked off the adoption to do list tomorrow. Waiting to hear back from our social worker as to when we are going to reschedule my interview.
Having some questions roll around my head about our adoption options. I wish it was like the commercial for the financial planning company on tv- where there is just an orange line you follow that tells you what the best path for you is. Anyone know where I can find one of those?
Sorry for my last few posts being a rambling mess. I just seem to be a rambling mess these days!
Feeling some crampiness, so I think AF is on her way. But who knows.
Crazy dreams and sore girls still here. No spotting.
Weepy this morning with Chris after I had some car issues. Again, could be PMS.
Still tired and feeling crummy- but that could just be the fact that it's February and it's COLD and snowy here. (We got more snow yesterday on top of the 2 feet from the blizzard!)
So nothing to report... pretty sure AF will show soon.
Appointment with GP tomorrow to get Adoption paperwork filled out. Also discussing my high blood pressure and the cold that won't go away. Hoping she will also draw the bloodwork that CC.RM suggested after my miscarriage. Oh, and I haven't seen here since I was pregnant, so have to explain all of that too. Just to add it to my chart and all.
I took the full day off of work, so hoping that I can get a few more things checked off the adoption to do list tomorrow. Waiting to hear back from our social worker as to when we are going to reschedule my interview.
Having some questions roll around my head about our adoption options. I wish it was like the commercial for the financial planning company on tv- where there is just an orange line you follow that tells you what the best path for you is. Anyone know where I can find one of those?
Sorry for my last few posts being a rambling mess. I just seem to be a rambling mess these days!
Monday, February 7, 2011
I Might be Crazy
So I am making myself a little nuts... but isn't that what all infertiles do?
Let's review the facts:
In comes the crazy vivid dreams. Like wake you up in the middle of the night going, "huh?" kind of dreams. Last time I had these... yep, was when I was pg.
And then my "girls" started hurting. I mean really hurting. Like they did with the BFP. And I am exhausted. All. The. Time.
But this could all be in my head. It most probably is. Or it could be some other medical issue revving up in my body, who knows?!
I have pain in my right ovary too. Probably a big mother of a cyst in there. It's about time for one of those PCOS lovelies to show up. Too bad I don't have a clue what is going on in there, and don't have any plans of calling up the RE just for a customary, "please check my ovary" ultrasounds.
It's times like this that I wish I could just have all of my reproductive organs removed. They aren't working, so let's just evict them all. Then I wouldn't have to even think about things like this.
So I will POAS tomorrow. Hopefully that will bring on AF and I can move on.
Please no "It could happen" comments tonight. I know that it could happen. That's what keeps me on this crazy roller coaster. I really just want to get off. And as long as I have ovaries and a uterus, I guess this is going to happen. (No, I don't have any crazy ideas of really getting an elective hysterectomy, but you have to admit that it does have some merits for consideration!)
One more thing- it was exactly one year ago today that we learned that our first "perfect" transfer ended up with a BFN. That couldn't have anything to do with my mood tonight, could it?!
Enough rambling for tonight...
Let's review the facts:
- We've been TTC for 10 years, 7 months.
- We've had "perfect" cycles end in BFN- even with CGH normal embryos and a textbook lining
- My last cycle was our first ever BFP- but that was with an entire medicine cabinet of meds and 2 good looking embryos
- I've only had one "surprise" positive while I was on BCPs in 2002
- My cycles are all over the place- 20 days or 100 days- it's a gamble each cycle
In comes the crazy vivid dreams. Like wake you up in the middle of the night going, "huh?" kind of dreams. Last time I had these... yep, was when I was pg.
And then my "girls" started hurting. I mean really hurting. Like they did with the BFP. And I am exhausted. All. The. Time.
But this could all be in my head. It most probably is. Or it could be some other medical issue revving up in my body, who knows?!
I have pain in my right ovary too. Probably a big mother of a cyst in there. It's about time for one of those PCOS lovelies to show up. Too bad I don't have a clue what is going on in there, and don't have any plans of calling up the RE just for a customary, "please check my ovary" ultrasounds.
It's times like this that I wish I could just have all of my reproductive organs removed. They aren't working, so let's just evict them all. Then I wouldn't have to even think about things like this.
So I will POAS tomorrow. Hopefully that will bring on AF and I can move on.
Please no "It could happen" comments tonight. I know that it could happen. That's what keeps me on this crazy roller coaster. I really just want to get off. And as long as I have ovaries and a uterus, I guess this is going to happen. (No, I don't have any crazy ideas of really getting an elective hysterectomy, but you have to admit that it does have some merits for consideration!)
One more thing- it was exactly one year ago today that we learned that our first "perfect" transfer ended up with a BFN. That couldn't have anything to do with my mood tonight, could it?!
Enough rambling for tonight...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Snowpocolypse of 2011
As I am sure all of you are aware, we've just had a little snow storm here in Chicagoland.
Ok, so maybe it was more than a little storm- it was the third largest in the history of Chicago weather. We have 4+ foot drifts of snow in our yard. The entire northern part of Illinois is considered a disaster area. Yesterday our county was under "civil emergency" which means nobody could be out driving. Which would have been a feat in of itself considering that most streets weren't even plowed until the afternoon anyway.
This storm was predicted. But we all thought it was just the weather people building up the hype.
It lived up to the hype. And then some.
Thought I would share a few of my favorite photos from yesterday. For those of you in warm climates, aren't you jealous?!
Today is my second snow day in a row. Loving being home. Hoping to have some creative time today instead of worrying about the work left for me at school. It will still be there, right?
Ok, so maybe it was more than a little storm- it was the third largest in the history of Chicago weather. We have 4+ foot drifts of snow in our yard. The entire northern part of Illinois is considered a disaster area. Yesterday our county was under "civil emergency" which means nobody could be out driving. Which would have been a feat in of itself considering that most streets weren't even plowed until the afternoon anyway.
This storm was predicted. But we all thought it was just the weather people building up the hype.
It lived up to the hype. And then some.
Thought I would share a few of my favorite photos from yesterday. For those of you in warm climates, aren't you jealous?!
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| That's a YARD stick! This is one drift outside our front door. |
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| Chris' Chrysler 300. I guess it really is aerodynamic! |
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| My SUV under a blanket of snow. Yep, even it needed help to move! |
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| Romeo LOVES the snow. Here he is clearing a path so I can walk to Grandma's house. |
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| My HERO- Seriously, it was nuts! Way too much snow to shovel, but he did it! |
Today is my second snow day in a row. Loving being home. Hoping to have some creative time today instead of worrying about the work left for me at school. It will still be there, right?
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