I am actually getting on a plane tomorrow and heading to Denver. How did this all happen?!
Still waiting to hear from CCRM as to when my transfer will be on Friday.
Reality of this is making me a little crazy right now.
It's strange to think that the path of my life will change drastically in a matter of weeks. The outcome of a single event is going to change where we head. That is weighing heavily on me tonight.
Lesson plans took me FOREVER to finish tonight. So thankful for the amazing woman who will be my sub while I am gone. I know my kiddos are in good hands.
Haven't even started to pack. Guess I should consider doing that since we have to leave the house at 9:30 tomorrow morning.
Can you believe I am actually going through with this?!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Checkpoint #3
I had a final blood test this morning to check my progesterone levels. This time we are using the PIO and one endometrium. Levels were supposed to be over 20, but were only at 19.7. Not horrible, but not great so we are adding two more endometrium. The nurse originally said to add one more, but I asked to just add the two. She said there is no such thing as too much progesterone at this point and was fine with me doing three a day and the PIO. I have always felt that low progesterone was one of my issues. We had the drop in progesterone the day of transfer last time, and I have always wondered if that had some impact on our BFN.
So, back to endometrium 3 x a day (not my favorite thing in the world by FAR- just feel gross all the time...) and PIO. I only have 7 days worth of endometrium at this rate, so I will have to refill that too. What's another $60 copay at this point? (I know I am lucky that I have insurance coverage for it at all!)
We should hear from CC.RM tomorrow as to when the FET will be on Friday. We have a noon flight on Thursday. I need to finish lesson plans tonight and start thinking about packing. I had high hopes of getting some apple crisp made tonight too... we shall see!
It is so strange to think that one "event" can change the direction of my life. This FET and eventual beta will shape what the rest of my life will be. Pretty scary thought!
Enough of that talk... must get something done!
So, back to endometrium 3 x a day (not my favorite thing in the world by FAR- just feel gross all the time...) and PIO. I only have 7 days worth of endometrium at this rate, so I will have to refill that too. What's another $60 copay at this point? (I know I am lucky that I have insurance coverage for it at all!)
We should hear from CC.RM tomorrow as to when the FET will be on Friday. We have a noon flight on Thursday. I need to finish lesson plans tonight and start thinking about packing. I had high hopes of getting some apple crisp made tonight too... we shall see!
It is so strange to think that one "event" can change the direction of my life. This FET and eventual beta will shape what the rest of my life will be. Pretty scary thought!
Enough of that talk... must get something done!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Update on Antihistamine Protocol
My nurse emailed me this morning. (Have I mentioned how much I adore her?!) She said it is Dr G that is using the antihistamine protocol, but that Dr Sch is using it with a few patients. They don't have any hard research on whether or not it is effective, but they are willing to let me add it in. I am going to go for it. I don't think it can hurt at this point.
I won't go into too many details, but I will start taking claritin, prilosec, & prednisone tomorrow and if will continue on these three meds through 8 weeks of pregnancy. (How scary it was to write that last part....) Still waiting on the exact dosages and schedule but am glad I decided to add this in.
On a non-IF note, we spent the morning with some of my co-workers apple picking. We had a GREAT time and enjoyed the sunshine and 80 degree weather. I now have a ton of apples, apple cider, & apple donuts. Yumm-o! Now we are watching some football (Go Bears!) and I need to get some grading and plans done for the coming week.
Have a great day!
I won't go into too many details, but I will start taking claritin, prilosec, & prednisone tomorrow and if will continue on these three meds through 8 weeks of pregnancy. (How scary it was to write that last part....) Still waiting on the exact dosages and schedule but am glad I decided to add this in.
On a non-IF note, we spent the morning with some of my co-workers apple picking. We had a GREAT time and enjoyed the sunshine and 80 degree weather. I now have a ton of apples, apple cider, & apple donuts. Yumm-o! Now we are watching some football (Go Bears!) and I need to get some grading and plans done for the coming week.
Have a great day!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
antihistamine protocol?
So I was doing some light reading last night and came across some information about an antihistamine protocol that CC.RM is using. I am wondering if it would work for me and if it is too late for this transfer?! Why do I always seem to discover things too late? Sent an email off to my nurse in the hopes that she is working this weekend and can get back to me. The drugs seem to be low risk and I would really like to add them in.
Darn it, I wanted no regrets with this. I guess my heart is more into this cycle than my head is.
Can anyone shed any light on the antihistamine protocol? What meds and when they are taken? I asked Dr Sch at our regroup if there was anything we could add to assist with what appears to be implantation failure and I was told he would do the same protocol. Sometimes I hate that you have to advocate so much for yourself in all of this... even at the top clinic in the country.
What happened to the overwhelming peace I was feeling about all of this?!
Darn it, I wanted no regrets with this. I guess my heart is more into this cycle than my head is.
Can anyone shed any light on the antihistamine protocol? What meds and when they are taken? I asked Dr Sch at our regroup if there was anything we could add to assist with what appears to be implantation failure and I was told he would do the same protocol. Sometimes I hate that you have to advocate so much for yourself in all of this... even at the top clinic in the country.
What happened to the overwhelming peace I was feeling about all of this?!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Checkpoint #2
Still haven't heard from CC.RM, but I am pretty sure things are good to go. (My regular nurse is off today, so I am at the mercy of my "back-up" nurse who isn't as diligent as my regular nurse.)
My favorite nurse was in at the local clinic today so that made the blood draw easy. The u/s tech.. that's another story. It wasn't too bad once she figured out what she needed to do. She was confused because I had an official chart from them, but there were no orders from the local clinic. I had to explain everything to her AGAIN. I finally told her I just need her to look at the lining- and tell me if it is over 8 and if there is a triple stripe. She had a hard time locating my ovaries again. (And exactly why she needed to measure them so thoroughly I am not sure...) She then proceeded to tell me that they have great stats at this clinic and I could always try another cycle with them if this doesn't work. If she only knew that the RE there wrote me off 5 years ago! They don't want me on their stats!
So, in the end I did learn that my lining was in fact over 8 and a nice triple stripe pattern. Waiting for the confirmation from CC.RM that all is a go and to find out what my Estrogen level was. I also need some clarification on the instructions for the PIO as my calendar I have still has the suppositories listed. I am pretty sure I know the dosage, but it would be nice to know for sure. I hate being at the mercy of nurses. I think that is one of the things that I dislike most about this whole process.
It hit me last night that I am really doing this. One week from today we will have completed what I really feel will be our final transfer. I am looking forward to finally having the closure I have so desperately yearned for over the past year. I don't know what that closure is going to look like, but I can feel it coming.
Hoping I hear from a nurse tonight... and if not that MY nurse is working this weekend and I will be able to contact her.
Update: Just heard from the nurse. She was very kind, so I take back any ill feelings I had earlier. Estrogen was 542, lining was at 8.7 with triple stripe, so all systems are GO. Two more days of lup.ron and then we add progesterone on Sunday. PIO and Endometrium this time so hopefully that will do the trick. Nurse also told me that the three nurses that work together (including her, my nurse, & another) are on a pregnancy streak so she has a good feeling about my cycle. Might just have a little hope creeping in here...
But then I remember the FET in January. Everything was perfect at this point, too. And we all know how that turned out.
My favorite nurse was in at the local clinic today so that made the blood draw easy. The u/s tech.. that's another story. It wasn't too bad once she figured out what she needed to do. She was confused because I had an official chart from them, but there were no orders from the local clinic. I had to explain everything to her AGAIN. I finally told her I just need her to look at the lining- and tell me if it is over 8 and if there is a triple stripe. She had a hard time locating my ovaries again. (And exactly why she needed to measure them so thoroughly I am not sure...) She then proceeded to tell me that they have great stats at this clinic and I could always try another cycle with them if this doesn't work. If she only knew that the RE there wrote me off 5 years ago! They don't want me on their stats!
So, in the end I did learn that my lining was in fact over 8 and a nice triple stripe pattern. Waiting for the confirmation from CC.RM that all is a go and to find out what my Estrogen level was. I also need some clarification on the instructions for the PIO as my calendar I have still has the suppositories listed. I am pretty sure I know the dosage, but it would be nice to know for sure. I hate being at the mercy of nurses. I think that is one of the things that I dislike most about this whole process.
It hit me last night that I am really doing this. One week from today we will have completed what I really feel will be our final transfer. I am looking forward to finally having the closure I have so desperately yearned for over the past year. I don't know what that closure is going to look like, but I can feel it coming.
Hoping I hear from a nurse tonight... and if not that MY nurse is working this weekend and I will be able to contact her.
Update: Just heard from the nurse. She was very kind, so I take back any ill feelings I had earlier. Estrogen was 542, lining was at 8.7 with triple stripe, so all systems are GO. Two more days of lup.ron and then we add progesterone on Sunday. PIO and Endometrium this time so hopefully that will do the trick. Nurse also told me that the three nurses that work together (including her, my nurse, & another) are on a pregnancy streak so she has a good feeling about my cycle. Might just have a little hope creeping in here...
But then I remember the FET in January. Everything was perfect at this point, too. And we all know how that turned out.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Coming to the end...
It's amazing how much your perspective can change in just a short 9 months. (yep, the irony of the 9 months time frame isn't lost on me!) Nine months ago I was excited about embarking on our FET and had such high hopes. I was so very SURE that I would finally get the holy grail of IF- the BFP. I was so cocky that I even thought I would get the 2 for 1 deal of twins. (Yes, I realize twins are not the ideal outcome of IVF, but after a decade of IF having twins seemed like a dream)
Here we are 9 months later. (This FET will be said and done before the EDD of our January cycle. Not sure if that is a good thing or not...) My perspective couldn't be farther from the hopeful bliss of the last cycle. I do have some hope of this working and I sure do dream of finally getting our miracle. But the reality of a decade of BFN is weighing heavily on my heart.
I always wondered how I would know that I was done with treatment. I had heard of women who had "crossed over" from treatment. I felt so driven for so many years that I just couldn't imagine not continuing on. We took several years off from treatment, but I always knew that we would continue at some point. I am so thankful that I found a therapist who was able to guide me back into treatment and helped me find CC.RM. I do not regret one moment of the last year and doing our final IVF there. (I do wish we had made our way there sooner, but that is another story all together)
I have come to the realization that I am close to being done. This will most likely be our final treatment cycle. Sitting in the waiting room of our local clinic, it just hit me. I've done this for a decade and it's time to be done. The pain and loss has become too much. I've done all that I can do at this point. I am at peace with this. I really am- at least as much as I can.
We've been pretty laid back with this cycle as a result. I won't say that we are just going through the motions, but we are not obsessing about the details either. We've been late on a few shots, and I have had a few adult beverages over the past few weeks. I've even enjoyed a few cups of decaf coffee. It is what it is.
Friday is the next checkpoint. Not looking forward to making the mad dash to the local clinic and then to school. I am not a fan of the local u/s tech either. However, I am glad that things are moving along and hopefully we'll have our miracle at the end of all of this.
Here we are 9 months later. (This FET will be said and done before the EDD of our January cycle. Not sure if that is a good thing or not...) My perspective couldn't be farther from the hopeful bliss of the last cycle. I do have some hope of this working and I sure do dream of finally getting our miracle. But the reality of a decade of BFN is weighing heavily on my heart.
I always wondered how I would know that I was done with treatment. I had heard of women who had "crossed over" from treatment. I felt so driven for so many years that I just couldn't imagine not continuing on. We took several years off from treatment, but I always knew that we would continue at some point. I am so thankful that I found a therapist who was able to guide me back into treatment and helped me find CC.RM. I do not regret one moment of the last year and doing our final IVF there. (I do wish we had made our way there sooner, but that is another story all together)
I have come to the realization that I am close to being done. This will most likely be our final treatment cycle. Sitting in the waiting room of our local clinic, it just hit me. I've done this for a decade and it's time to be done. The pain and loss has become too much. I've done all that I can do at this point. I am at peace with this. I really am- at least as much as I can.
We've been pretty laid back with this cycle as a result. I won't say that we are just going through the motions, but we are not obsessing about the details either. We've been late on a few shots, and I have had a few adult beverages over the past few weeks. I've even enjoyed a few cups of decaf coffee. It is what it is.
Friday is the next checkpoint. Not looking forward to making the mad dash to the local clinic and then to school. I am not a fan of the local u/s tech either. However, I am glad that things are moving along and hopefully we'll have our miracle at the end of all of this.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Checkpoint #1
Today was checkpoint #1.
Estrogen needed to be over 50.
It was over 100. All systems go.
Checkpoint #2 next Friday.
Longer post coming sometime this weekend.
Hope you are all enjoying the last moments of summer.
Estrogen needed to be over 50.
It was over 100. All systems go.
Checkpoint #2 next Friday.
Longer post coming sometime this weekend.
Hope you are all enjoying the last moments of summer.
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