I don't know that I was really ready for how fast all of this is moving. I am slowly coming to terms with the idea that I have to turn my life over to this IVF for the next 6 weeks. (All while finishing grad school.... what was I thinking?!)
Today I am feeling pretty good. Lots of phone calls and appointments taken care of today. Of course my "annual" exam needed to be repeated before starting this IVF so I was able to get in with my general Dr this Saturday. God Bless this woman and her understanding of my struggles! I set my first local blood draw for Wednesday and sent that office my insurance stuff. C talked to the business office and we took of some paperwork that is going to allow us to afford all of this. I spent the last hour on the phone with the insurance company trying to get a letter confirming benefits, only to be told that the RE needs to request it directly. Finally, I just placed my first order for medications. I only took what I needed right away. Even the copay for the meds is more than I wanted to pay just yet! :)
I talked with my principal about the details of my absences. I have to follow up with the District Office tomorrow. That could be interesting. I am now wondering if I will have to go on short term disability since I will be gone 8 days. Ugh... more paperwork I guess. I will learn more about that tomorrow I guess.
The local RE that I was going to use for monitoring isn't open on the weekend... and of course I am supposed to get checked on a Saturday. I need to find another office I guess. Why can't things just fall into place?!
Ok, trying to keep it all in perspective. Let's hope I am successful at that!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Long time coming...
So I have debated about writing this post for some time. I wondered if I really wanted to share this experience with the world again. And then I remember just how theraputic this blog was for me in the past and decided that I would write this post. I might take it down later, but for now I will share. I bet you are all wondering what in the world is she talking about.... (Ok, maybe just the two of you who actually read this...)
C and I have decided to jump back into the treatment circus and complete one last IVF in our attempt to become parents. This has taken me four long years to even consider and now we are on the fast track. As you might remember, we have done this essentially four times before and have not been able to maintain a pregnancy past a few weeks. After my exploratory surgery almost four years ago, we decided it was time to take a break. My life had been consumed and we needed to heal both physically and emotionally. Two years ago just as we were ready to start considering one more IVF, we were approached by my coworker about possibly adopting her daughter's baby. We moved full force into the adoption world, as we really felt that God was showing us the way to parenthood with this adoption. Sadly, that path did not end with us as parents. We were more than devastated but truly are not angry with the birth mother and will always wonder about her son and pray for his health and happiness. Chris has spoken to the grandmother and we know he is doing well. He will celebrate his second birthday this week.
After the adoption failed, we were lost once again. I am not going to lie... C and I were both very angry with God. We just didn't understand why he had shown us this path only to take it from us. We know that we can't truly understand his plan, but we have struggled with our faith as we have endured so much heartache in our quest to become parents. Once again we stepped back and started to enjoy life, but always felt that something was missing in our life. We know more than anything that we want to be parents. I fell into a deep depression after the adoption failed and have worked hard to get back out. I was so lucky to find a psychologist that specializes in infertility and has personally endured many of the things that I have. I have been seeing her once a week since March, and it was with her help that I was finally able to become unparalized and make some decisions.
We are very fortunate to live in a state where infertility coverage is mandated for insurance companies. However, there are limitations, and we are at the end of our coverage. We are "allowed" one more IVF, so we knew we had to make the best choice. I have been terrified to do this last IVF as it is just that... our last attempt. I don't think that I have the emotional strength or the finances to do this beyond this cycle. So, we wanted to make sure we were in the BEST place for this cycle and not have ANY regrets in the end. After some research, we decided that we would go with a clinic that is considered one of the best, if not the best in the country. There are SO many variables in an IVF cycle, and we felt that this clinic had the best to offer. They are at the forefront of research and are pioneers when working with women like me.
We started with a phone consult back in August. We had to wait 6 weeks to even get this appointment. I was honestly ok with that, because I still needed to build up the emotional strength. In the meantime I had to gather all of my records from the five doctors we have seen locally and fill out extensive paperwork. It was hard to go through and relive all of those failures, but I also know that it was healing in some ways. We spoke with the Dr and he felt that we had some good chances with his clinic but we needed to come in for some tests. We made the decision to travel out there to get some answers. Answers... the second best thing that could come out of this.... Of course getting pregnant and having a child is the ultimate goal, but it we can't manage that, we would like to at least have some answers as to WHY we can't get pregnant. We have not had any answers up to this point and that is probably one of the most frustrating parts of all of this.
We had to base the appointment on my schedule, so we travelled to Denver at the start of this week. This clinic specializes with out of town patients who can't find success locally. We had a full day of tests and meetings on Monday. I was terrified since I have not had any tests in over 4 years. I was worried that my body was shutting down and that we had waited too long. Thankfully, this is not the case. My levels actually came back great and everything "looks" good. While this is great news, it still doesn't give us any answers.
We still have several tests left to get back, including some extensive genetic screening. One of the appointments while we were there was meeting with the Genetic Counselor. It was one of the most informative hours I have spent in my life. She was so knowledgeable and was able to explain many things to us. Chris and I will both have our karotype done to see if there is an underlying genetic issue. Our embryos will also be tested. This is the MAIN reason we are going to this clinic. One theory is that our embryos don't implant due to a genetic defect. If we know this is the fact, we can close this door and move onto adoption. If we have some embryos that are normal, they will know which ones are the "best" and use those. I know this is way scientific and some of you might even wonder if we are going too far. Please know that I have thought long and hard about this, and feel that this is what we are supposed to do. We will NOT know the genders of the embryos or any other information about them- only that they are healthy.
So..... we are planning to do this final IVF soon. As of right now, I will be heading to Denver on November 5th- the day after my last grad school class! :) I will be missing up to 2 weeks of school, but my principal has been very supportive up to this point and he knows this is a possibility. We still have a LONG way to go, and things need to fall into place for this all to work. For the first time in YEARS I am feeling some hope. I am terrified, but excited too.
C and I have decided to jump back into the treatment circus and complete one last IVF in our attempt to become parents. This has taken me four long years to even consider and now we are on the fast track. As you might remember, we have done this essentially four times before and have not been able to maintain a pregnancy past a few weeks. After my exploratory surgery almost four years ago, we decided it was time to take a break. My life had been consumed and we needed to heal both physically and emotionally. Two years ago just as we were ready to start considering one more IVF, we were approached by my coworker about possibly adopting her daughter's baby. We moved full force into the adoption world, as we really felt that God was showing us the way to parenthood with this adoption. Sadly, that path did not end with us as parents. We were more than devastated but truly are not angry with the birth mother and will always wonder about her son and pray for his health and happiness. Chris has spoken to the grandmother and we know he is doing well. He will celebrate his second birthday this week.
After the adoption failed, we were lost once again. I am not going to lie... C and I were both very angry with God. We just didn't understand why he had shown us this path only to take it from us. We know that we can't truly understand his plan, but we have struggled with our faith as we have endured so much heartache in our quest to become parents. Once again we stepped back and started to enjoy life, but always felt that something was missing in our life. We know more than anything that we want to be parents. I fell into a deep depression after the adoption failed and have worked hard to get back out. I was so lucky to find a psychologist that specializes in infertility and has personally endured many of the things that I have. I have been seeing her once a week since March, and it was with her help that I was finally able to become unparalized and make some decisions.
We are very fortunate to live in a state where infertility coverage is mandated for insurance companies. However, there are limitations, and we are at the end of our coverage. We are "allowed" one more IVF, so we knew we had to make the best choice. I have been terrified to do this last IVF as it is just that... our last attempt. I don't think that I have the emotional strength or the finances to do this beyond this cycle. So, we wanted to make sure we were in the BEST place for this cycle and not have ANY regrets in the end. After some research, we decided that we would go with a clinic that is considered one of the best, if not the best in the country. There are SO many variables in an IVF cycle, and we felt that this clinic had the best to offer. They are at the forefront of research and are pioneers when working with women like me.
We started with a phone consult back in August. We had to wait 6 weeks to even get this appointment. I was honestly ok with that, because I still needed to build up the emotional strength. In the meantime I had to gather all of my records from the five doctors we have seen locally and fill out extensive paperwork. It was hard to go through and relive all of those failures, but I also know that it was healing in some ways. We spoke with the Dr and he felt that we had some good chances with his clinic but we needed to come in for some tests. We made the decision to travel out there to get some answers. Answers... the second best thing that could come out of this.... Of course getting pregnant and having a child is the ultimate goal, but it we can't manage that, we would like to at least have some answers as to WHY we can't get pregnant. We have not had any answers up to this point and that is probably one of the most frustrating parts of all of this.
We had to base the appointment on my schedule, so we travelled to Denver at the start of this week. This clinic specializes with out of town patients who can't find success locally. We had a full day of tests and meetings on Monday. I was terrified since I have not had any tests in over 4 years. I was worried that my body was shutting down and that we had waited too long. Thankfully, this is not the case. My levels actually came back great and everything "looks" good. While this is great news, it still doesn't give us any answers.
We still have several tests left to get back, including some extensive genetic screening. One of the appointments while we were there was meeting with the Genetic Counselor. It was one of the most informative hours I have spent in my life. She was so knowledgeable and was able to explain many things to us. Chris and I will both have our karotype done to see if there is an underlying genetic issue. Our embryos will also be tested. This is the MAIN reason we are going to this clinic. One theory is that our embryos don't implant due to a genetic defect. If we know this is the fact, we can close this door and move onto adoption. If we have some embryos that are normal, they will know which ones are the "best" and use those. I know this is way scientific and some of you might even wonder if we are going too far. Please know that I have thought long and hard about this, and feel that this is what we are supposed to do. We will NOT know the genders of the embryos or any other information about them- only that they are healthy.
So..... we are planning to do this final IVF soon. As of right now, I will be heading to Denver on November 5th- the day after my last grad school class! :) I will be missing up to 2 weeks of school, but my principal has been very supportive up to this point and he knows this is a possibility. We still have a LONG way to go, and things need to fall into place for this all to work. For the first time in YEARS I am feeling some hope. I am terrified, but excited too.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Remembering 9/11
It is hard to imagine that it was 8 years ago today that the terrible events of September 11th, 2001 changed our lives forever. I will never forget the moment that I learned of the events. I was teaching at the same middle school that I teach at now. I remember the immense fear I felt as the day went on and we learned more about the events. I feared that we were truly at war on our own American soil. I was glued to the news and couldn't get enough information. My heart broke for all of those who lost their lives that day and the families they left behind.
I am so thankful for those who continue to protect the freedoms I have today. While I may not agree with the politics of some of our policies in the past, I am eternally grateful to those men and women who choose to give of themselves to protect America. I hope that I am doing my small part in making America great by supporting and teaching children. It's my small contribution.
I was fortunate to visit the New York State Museum this summer. There was a moving exhibit that remembers the efforts of those after 9/11. It was breathtaking to see some of the artifacts from the clean up effort. The photo above is of a firetruck that was removed from the World Trade Center wreckage. There was a video of a fireman from that company that ran near the truck. It was simply awe inspiring. I am so thankful that I was able to see the exhibit and remember.
Today I remember.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Another fabulous weekend!
I am coming to terms that summer is just about over. I can finally get back into my classroom tomorrow and we have our first official day for staff on Thursday. While I didn't get all of my to-do items done this summer, we did have lots of fun experiences with friends. It has been a very mild summer weather wise. It was down right COLD for the concert last night!
Our good friends are big Jimmy Buffett fans and have tried to get us to attend a concert for the past several years. We committed to attending this year and I was cautiously excited about it. I am not a party type girl and was a little worried about how I would handle the crowds and party atmosphere. In the end, we had a GREAT time. From what our friends tell us, the crowd was rather mild thanks to the cool weather. We were in sweatshirts for the entire time. There were some brave souls in more typical Buffett wear.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the night:
Our bathroom... this was a LIFE SAVER! We had our own private facility. Can't even say how important our bucket was to us girls. :)
Somehow we ended up playing hot dog homerun derby with our neighbors. Miriam took her turn with the bat. Not sure where all of the hot dogs ended up, but there were remnants of hot dogs and other food all over the side of the Rinaldi's car.
We finally got into the actual concert. Jimmy Buffett puts on a GREAT show!
Here is Chris and I at the concert:
Our good friends are big Jimmy Buffett fans and have tried to get us to attend a concert for the past several years. We committed to attending this year and I was cautiously excited about it. I am not a party type girl and was a little worried about how I would handle the crowds and party atmosphere. In the end, we had a GREAT time. From what our friends tell us, the crowd was rather mild thanks to the cool weather. We were in sweatshirts for the entire time. There were some brave souls in more typical Buffett wear.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the night:
Our bathroom... this was a LIFE SAVER! We had our own private facility. Can't even say how important our bucket was to us girls. :)
Here is Chris and I at the concert:
Here is the group of us at intermission of the concert. It was cold and raining at this point but we had a great time!
So now I am gearing up to head back into school tomorrow. We have loaded up my car with boxes that I brought home from school. I have SEVERAL that I need to go through before taking them back to school. One of those things on my to do list that I didn't get to. :)
On the curly girl front, I have now been curly girl for three weeks now. My hair is really started to curl up and I am still working on finding the right products. I thought I would share what seems to be working now. Here is what I used for the concert yesterday:
Co-wash: Giovanni Tea Tree Treat Conditioner
Conditioner: L'oreal Vive Pro
Leave-in: Deva Curl One Condition
Styling: Jessicurl Rockin Ringlets, BioSilk Rock Hard Gelee, and Deva Curl Set it Free
Must now head back to going through boxes! :)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Summer Fun!
Thanks to the construction at my school, I have a few extra weeks of summer this year. I am trying hard to enjoy every last stolen moment. We've been busy the past few weeks trying to do as much as we can before the hectic school year starts.
This weekend we had four parties to attend. Each one was important to us, so we made it work. We started Saturday at Chris' godson's birthday party. We knew it was being held at a bowling alley in the city, so we plugged the address into the gps and off we went. Boy were we surprised to discover that the party was in the basement of a church! It seems that the church has a bowling alley in their basement. Can't say I have seen that before! I didn't get any photos of the actual bowling, but here is the bulletin board outside the alley:
Our last party of the night was with some friends from work. I don't have any photos, but I am hoping to get some from a friend. There was a bouncy house at the party, and let's just say that I somehow ended up bouncing with Ella in the bounce house. Ella is Steve and Sarah's little girl. She somehow even convinced me to go down the slide. It was fun! One of Chris' coaches was actually at the party as well since she is going to grad school with Steve. Small world for sure! It was nice to hang out with my coworkers and catch up from the summer. We still have two weeks until we start school so we are all still very relaxed!
On a final note, I have officially been "Curly Girl" for two weeks now. I had more compliments on my hair yesterday than I have ever had. My hair is much more curly now and seems to be loving my new low chemical routine. Here is a photo at the END of the day. Now remember, at this point I had been to three parties and even spent time in a bounce house! :)
This weekend we had four parties to attend. Each one was important to us, so we made it work. We started Saturday at Chris' godson's birthday party. We knew it was being held at a bowling alley in the city, so we plugged the address into the gps and off we went. Boy were we surprised to discover that the party was in the basement of a church! It seems that the church has a bowling alley in their basement. Can't say I have seen that before! I didn't get any photos of the actual bowling, but here is the bulletin board outside the alley:
Love the title on the board! :) We don't get to see Gregory or his mom very often since they live in the city. Chris and Kathie worked together at Leaning Tower YMCA many years ago. We spent lots of time in the city back then with Kathie and other friends from the Y. We also became close friends with Anita who served as a mentor to Chris when he first started working at the Y. She has since moved back home to Ohio, and sadly we only see her once or twice a year. It was nice to spend some time catching up with her during the party. She is Greg's godmother and always comes in for his party. Here are the two of them with the birthday boy:
Our next party was for our good friends' boy's birthday. We have known Louis since high school and he was the best man at our wedding. He and his wife have been our close friends for many years. They have two boys who simply adore Chris since he is just a big kid himself! At one point during the party, I wasn't sure where he was. Someone quickly pointed out that he was on the trampoline bouncing with the kids. They all sat and waited for him to bounce them up. I blurred out the kids, since many of them are just friends of the boys and I was not comfortable posting pictures, but I wanted to share Chris in his "element"
Our last party of the night was with some friends from work. I don't have any photos, but I am hoping to get some from a friend. There was a bouncy house at the party, and let's just say that I somehow ended up bouncing with Ella in the bounce house. Ella is Steve and Sarah's little girl. She somehow even convinced me to go down the slide. It was fun! One of Chris' coaches was actually at the party as well since she is going to grad school with Steve. Small world for sure! It was nice to hang out with my coworkers and catch up from the summer. We still have two weeks until we start school so we are all still very relaxed!
On a final note, I have officially been "Curly Girl" for two weeks now. I had more compliments on my hair yesterday than I have ever had. My hair is much more curly now and seems to be loving my new low chemical routine. Here is a photo at the END of the day. Now remember, at this point I had been to three parties and even spent time in a bounce house! :)
I am set to get a color on Wednesday and now I am debating. Not sure if I want to add chemicals to the mix right now. My color actually still looks pretty good. I haven't decided just yet.
Swim team party this afternoon. Sadly it is supposed to be cool again and the kids are supposed to get time in the pool playing on the slides that they never get to play on during practice. I am sure the kids will still get in, but it is going to be CHILLY! Many of the kids start school tomorrow as well, so I am sure there won't be too many that stay until the end. Hope to get some good photos today for sure.
Have a great day!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I'm obsessed ...
I have become 110% obsessed with my hair. With all of the things going on in my life, why am I so very obsessed with my hair? Who knows. Maybe it is the fact that it is unruly and wild and I am determined to find a way to tame it. Maybe it is a metaphor for my life. Ok, not really going that deep!
So I have now been sulfate/silicone free for 3 days.... three days that have been humid and hot. Nice time to start a new hair routine, huh? And I have to be honest, I miss my beloved Curl Amplifier. I miss it BAD. But I am dealing, and I know I will find something just as good that is much more healthy for my hair. I have to find something. And cutting my hair short right before undergoing this change, that was brilliant. I am not loving the cut right now. My curls are changing with the new routine and cut all at once. I am thankful that I scheduled a hair appointment to color at the end of the month. Might need to get the cut tweaked a little bit.
Since decided to go Curly Girl, I have purchased more products than I care to admit! I am trying different combinations as I go. Here is what I am trying now:
- Giovanni Triple Tea Treat Shampoo (low poo, no sulfate)
- Giovanni Triple Tea Treat Conditioner (Using as a co-wash right now to help with scalp)
- L'Oreal Vive Pro Nutri Gloss Conditioner (silicone free conditioner)
- Deva Curls Line: No Poo, One Conditioner, AnGel, Set it Free (love the scent of this!)
- BioSilk Rock Hard Gelee (loving this gel for hold right now)
- Aubrey Organics Conditioner
- Flaxseed Gel
Still dealing with lots of frizz by afternoon. I have also stopped using a towel to dry my hair and am using one of Chris' old T-shirts now. I am trying to "clip" the top of my hair in the hopes that it won't be flat on top. The hardest part for me is NOT to touch my hair after I have styled it!
Ok, I need to write a paper now... but thought I would post something here about this new obsession!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Long time NO Blog
It has been some time since I last blogged, hasn't it? I have been using twitter and facebook religiously and sadly my blog has been neglected. Thanks to Beverly for giving me the nudge to finally post something! :)
Summer is nearly over... but I am THRILLED to have several more weeks thanks to a construction schedule at school. We are getting central air in all of our classrooms which meant taking out all of the ancient plumbing and vents. We are also getting new shelving along the outside wall. Can't wait to see it all put back together. However, I am so grateful to have the few extra weeks this summer.
Our summer has been full of swim meets as always. Chris loves his job and has been so very busy! I have tagged along for a few of the big meets. He is currently one of the coaches for Team Illinois at the Central Zone meet. After this weekend, he is finally done for the summer and has a break just about until I go back to school. Usually he gets done just as I have to go back to work.
We did get to sneak away downtown for our anniversary. We saw Mary Poppins and also took in a Cubs game with GREAT seats. I used priceline and we got a GREAT deal on a hotel downtown. We stayed at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue for $79 each night! (Of course parking was $55 per night!) It is hard to beleive we have been married 13 years. We've been together for more than half of my life at this point!
I just returned from a wonderful weekend in New York with my virtual sisters. The group of us met 6 years ago on AOL through the Scrapbooking message boards. We've remained close and try to get together every other year. It was nice to see them all in person and be able to give each of them a hug. I was able to see New York and Vermont over the weekend and even took a trip down the Alpine Slide. Ate lots of chocolate, did some shopping, and had some great laughs. Looking forward to seeing them again in 2011! :)
My newest obsession involves my hair. I have had a love/hate relationship with my natural curls for my entire life. I can say that most of the time I currently lean towards the LOVE side. Yesterday I went and got it cut short again, and I really am happy with the cut. I was ready for something new. I have a great stylist that really knows her stuff and always talks me out of doing anything outrageous. As I was researching the cut I wanted, I visited naturallycurly.com a site that I often check. I started to read up on the curly girl method of hair care. I kept reading, and the more I read, the more it made sense. I won't bore you with all of the detials, but here is a great link: How to Go Curly Girl. I have been having a horrible time with my scalp in the past few months and I really think my products are to blame. I have been using the same products for almost two years now. So as of today, I am now sulfate/silicone free. It is going to take some time until I find products that I love. It is my hope that I will have it all figured out before school starts! :)
Grad school is almost done... November 4th can't come soon enough! I have one more session in my current class and then two weeks off. Of course I have several assignments I should be doing right now for that class. :) Better go do that now...
Summer is nearly over... but I am THRILLED to have several more weeks thanks to a construction schedule at school. We are getting central air in all of our classrooms which meant taking out all of the ancient plumbing and vents. We are also getting new shelving along the outside wall. Can't wait to see it all put back together. However, I am so grateful to have the few extra weeks this summer.
Our summer has been full of swim meets as always. Chris loves his job and has been so very busy! I have tagged along for a few of the big meets. He is currently one of the coaches for Team Illinois at the Central Zone meet. After this weekend, he is finally done for the summer and has a break just about until I go back to school. Usually he gets done just as I have to go back to work.
We did get to sneak away downtown for our anniversary. We saw Mary Poppins and also took in a Cubs game with GREAT seats. I used priceline and we got a GREAT deal on a hotel downtown. We stayed at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue for $79 each night! (Of course parking was $55 per night!) It is hard to beleive we have been married 13 years. We've been together for more than half of my life at this point!
I just returned from a wonderful weekend in New York with my virtual sisters. The group of us met 6 years ago on AOL through the Scrapbooking message boards. We've remained close and try to get together every other year. It was nice to see them all in person and be able to give each of them a hug. I was able to see New York and Vermont over the weekend and even took a trip down the Alpine Slide. Ate lots of chocolate, did some shopping, and had some great laughs. Looking forward to seeing them again in 2011! :)
My newest obsession involves my hair. I have had a love/hate relationship with my natural curls for my entire life. I can say that most of the time I currently lean towards the LOVE side. Yesterday I went and got it cut short again, and I really am happy with the cut. I was ready for something new. I have a great stylist that really knows her stuff and always talks me out of doing anything outrageous. As I was researching the cut I wanted, I visited naturallycurly.com a site that I often check. I started to read up on the curly girl method of hair care. I kept reading, and the more I read, the more it made sense. I won't bore you with all of the detials, but here is a great link: How to Go Curly Girl. I have been having a horrible time with my scalp in the past few months and I really think my products are to blame. I have been using the same products for almost two years now. So as of today, I am now sulfate/silicone free. It is going to take some time until I find products that I love. It is my hope that I will have it all figured out before school starts! :)
Grad school is almost done... November 4th can't come soon enough! I have one more session in my current class and then two weeks off. Of course I have several assignments I should be doing right now for that class. :) Better go do that now...
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