Go, Cubs, Go!

I have been a Chicago Cubs fan since I was a little girl watching the game with my grandfather. My dad is not a baseball fan at all, so it was my grandfather who instilled the love of the Cubs. In 1984, I was in the fourth grade and collected baseball cards for the first time. I was in LOVE with all of the Cubs players.

Fast forward to 2003... I had lost Grandpa suddenly in December of 2002. The Cubs hadn't had a great season since 1984. While I was still a Cubs fan at heart, I had lost interest in the game for the most part. I married a Cubs fan, so we watched games but it wasn't a passion. But then the Cubs made it to the play-offs that year. I was consumed with watching every game. It was my connection to grandpa. My cousin Kristen and I would watch games in our own homes and then talk about it on Instant Messenger. She was at school at ISU and had to deal with the Cardinal fans all around her. Thankfully I was surrounded by Cubs fans at home and work. I even covered a bulletin board in my classroom with newspaper clippings about the Cubs. I simply couldn't get enough. And then I was crushed when they lost to the Marlins... in some strange way it was like losing grandpa all over again. Silly, I know... but I was feeling so connected to him during those games. However, I have been a die hard fan since that day! I watch many of the games and have been to Wrigley more times since 2003 than in my entire life before that.

So here we are again... the Cubs are two wins (or losses by Milwaukee) to clinching the division title. I can't get enough of it. Once again, I am thinking of grandpa and wishing he was here to see the Cubs actually be a GOOD team with play-off possibilities. I still miss him very much and think of him every day... especially when the Cubs are on! I hope he is watching from Heaven and will be able to see his Cubs finally win the World Series!

What made me think of all of this... Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam has released a great new Cubs song and it was playing on the radio this morning. It is available to download at pearljam.com

Here are the words:

“All the Way”

Yeah, don’t let them say that it’s just a game.
Well, I’ve seen other teams and it is never the same.
When you go to Chicago, you’re blessed and you’re healed,
The first time you walk into Wrigley Field.

Heroes with pinstripes and heroes in blue, Give us the chance to feel like heroes do.
Whether we’ll win and if we should lose, we know Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.

We are one with the Cubs, with the Cubs we’re in love.
Hold our heads tall as the underdogs.
We are not fairweather, but farweather fans.
Like brothers in arms, in the suites and the stands.
There’s magic in the Ivy and the old score board.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
In a world full of greed, we could never want more.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way.

Here’s to the men and the legends we’ve known.
Giving us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we’ll fall
Down to our knees the day we win it all.
Yeah Ernie Banks said, “oh, let’s play two”.
I think he meant two hundred years.
Playing at Wrigley, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our fears.
Keeping traditions, and wishes anew,
The place where our grandfathers’ fathers they grew.
The spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And when the day comes for that last winning run, and I’m crying and covered with beer.
I look to the sky and know I was right today.
Someday we’ll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we’ll go all the way

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Pretty much sums it all up for me! While they lost today to those silly Cardinals, I know that we will clinch that division this weekend... fingers crossed! Then the madness and craziness will start all over again!

First cold of the school year! :(

It's here... the first cold of the school year. I knew it was only a matter of time since I had several kiddos already sneezing and spewing germs all over my classroom. Hoping it doesn't stay long since I just don't have the time to be sick right now! I am missing school one day this week and next due to meetings, so there simply is no time to be out for a sick day! Thank goodness for Mucinex and Dayquil! :-)

We had planned to go Apple Picking this past weekend, but the weather didn't really cooperate! I don't think I have seen that much rain in one weekend in a LONG time. I am so thankful that we only had a small portion of what our neighbors in the southern suburbs of Chicago had. I am even more thankful that Hurricane Ike had lost most of his strength before making his way to the midwest. My heart goes out to those whose lives have forever been changed after the weather this weekend. I know that we are truly lucky! We plan to try apple picking again this weekend, but Chris will miss it since he will be at Notre Dame for a swim meet. Hopefully the roads to Northwest Indiana will have reopened by the weekend!

Haven't done much creatively in a LONG time. Hoping to get some inspiration soon. I have some reading to do tonight for class tomorrow. I finished the first class last week, so I am now 1/11th of the way to my Master's Degree! Only 50 more Wednesdays to go! :-)

Off to do some laundry... it just never ends! And there are only two of us!

Monday

Feeling much better today...

The first draft of the paper is done. I need to read over it and make some edits after I finishing posting here. I need to clean up the reference list. I spent all weekend working on it... literally! I came home from "10th period" at a local establishment after work on Friday and didn't leave the house again until I went to work this morning. Made for a dull weekend... but I feel so much better... other than my neck and shoulders are sore from looking at the computer all weekend. I do LOVE my iMac, so that made it a little easier to bear! LOL

Getting into a routine with school. My kids this year are much higher than kids in years past so I am having to adjust things here and there. The spelling units I chose for this week were all too easy, so now I have to give them a new list tomorrow! I guess that is a good problem to have! I have a training tomorrow afternoon, so I have to do sub plans. I do prefer to be out in the afternoons though since that means I only miss two classes. Much easier that way! :-) I still need to make a worksheet for science tomorrow. What I had planned is way too hard to leave for a substitute!

Spent an hour trying to get some insurance stuff straightened out all the way from June when I had my ear infection. Appears the insurance company had a loop hole that prevented them from having to pay... ugh! So I called the doctor's office back to have them resubmit the forms and leave off the date... gotta love the red tape! I hardly use the insurance at all right now since we are not in active treatment. The thought of having to fight them for infertility benefits makes my skin crawl!

We have gotten a great deal of rain over the past few days courtesy of the hurricanes. We needed the rain desperatly so I hope that now the ragweed will be washed away. Both the dogs have allergies and Patches has managed to chew one of her feet raw. Every fall she manages to do this. You think I would be prepared and start her on benadryl earlier. Oh well! My allergies are a mess too... thus the rash that is just now starting to clear. YUCK!

I ordered the books for my next class tonight. After Wednesday I will be 1/11th of the way done with my master's program! I do already feel that I have learned new things. I am a nerd at heart and really do enjoy the academic setting. I really wish I had gone back sooner. Who knows... maybe I will keep going and get a second master's degree?!

Hoping to have some creative time. Haven't done anything creative in WEEKS. I hope that this weekend allows me some time to myself for sure! I shouldn't have too much homework, which will be nice after spending the entire past weekend tied to the computer!

I will close with a photo of the two of us taken at a friend's birthday party:

Overwhelmed...

There is just no other way to put it. I am overwhelmed and over my head right now. Thus the reason there have been no posts in several weeks. A good friend reminded me that this is normal... the start of a school year is overwhelming no matter how prepared and relaxed you are after summer break. You just start to feel like you aren't doing anything right!

School is great... I like my students and things are going well. I need to get myself organized and get a plan of action in place for the coming weeks, but I am good. There is so much to get put into place at the start of the year. I always seem to forget about all of the little things that I have to teach kids to do at the start of 6th grade. We remember our students at the end of 6th grade and forget that they had to learn how to follow directions and what the routines are. I forget that these are not the same kids that I had last year... I also forget how overwhelmed they are as 6th graders in a new building with a whole new way of coming to school. I do love what I do and teaching 6th grade is challenging and rewarding all in that they change so much over the year. It is one of the reasons that I love teaching this age so much.

I am almost done with my first master's class. Of course the timing couldn't be worse! I have a LARGE paper that I really should be working on right now. I will.... Last night was our first night of class after teaching all day. Boy am I tired today! It will all work out. I just need to learn how to manage my time and get myself organized. I did tell my students that I needed to practice what I preach... since I had HOURS of homework that I should have done over the weekend. :-)

On top of everything, I ended up in the Acute Care Center last Thursday with some kind of allergic reaction. It started on the Sunday before after I had spent two days working in my classroom. I am hoping that there isn't something in my room that I am allergic too. I broke out in random spots on my arms and legs that were very itchy. I am now on steroids which are clearing the rash, but also giving me all kinds of other side effects. The worst is the fact I can't seem to get a good night's sleep. I toss and turn and am awake every two hours. I am really looking forward to this weekend when I can sleep in! I am supposed to follow up with my doctor, but I just don't have time right now... but if I keep feeling cruddy after I am done with the meds, I will have no other choice.

My house is a mess right now and it is making me nuts. I should be writing a paper and reading the homework assignments. I need to write lesson plans. Whenever I get to this point and have so much to do I just can't focus... and then nothing gets done. It will pass. I will get through this.

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On another note, a good friend of mine told me yesterday that she is pregnant. I am so very happy for her. She has been a good friend for many years and has "protected" me in the past from pregnancy announcements and was a HUGE savior for me last year when our adoption failed. She "GETS" it. She was so sweet last night when I talked to her. She wanted to tell me in person, but I had class so she had to tell me over the phone. In all reality, that was probably better for me. I hate the fact that she has to feel bad about telling me she is pregnant. She knows all that we have endured and knows that I would not wish infertility on anyone. She shouldn't have to feel guilty telling me. I am so very touched that she wanted to make sure I was ok. I will be ok... it will just take me some time and I know that she understands. That is what truly makes her friendship so amazing. Did a little bit of my heart break last night? Yep, as soon as I got off the phone with her. It isn't that I am not happy for her... I am sad for me. Every announcement seems to open up that little part of my heart that dreams of being a mother and wants it more than anything. Most of the time I have that part under lock and key just to keep my sanity. I know that our friendship will change now... she is now part of the "club" that I so desperately want to be part of, but I keep getting rejection notices! While we will have things in common, her life is about to change drastically and I won't be able to relate. It has happened over and over as each of my friends has started their families. It's my fault. Maybe I am the one who starts to take a step back. I don't know.
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Ok, enough of that... must go do some homework! I have a great student who is reminding me of all of the things during the day... I think I might tell her when I have homework so she holds me accountable! :-)

Gold Medal Moms?

Swimming is over in terms of the Olympics... but I am hooked on the Olympics no matter what now! Thank goodness that I am still not back in school or I would be one cranky teacher! :-) There are some interesting sports for sure. Chris and I found the steeple chase event interesting... no horses, but PEOPLE running around the track jumping over what looked like horse jumps... including one with water! Very interesting... but the American's did not do well in that event. I tried to watch the dressage with the actual horses, but just didn't "get" it. I was excited to watch some synchronized swimming. What amazing talent those women have. However, I can't handle the clown like makeup they wear!

My biggest Olympic addiction after swimming/diving is beach volleyball. How can you not love Misty May-Treanor and Kerr Walsh? I was glued to the TV last night watching them battle the Chinese team in pouring rain for the gold medal. Not exactly the image you think of when you vision beach volleyball! But those girls are amazing and came through with the victory in two sets. It was exciting to watch for sure. I was sad Chris wasn't home so Romeo had to listen to me as I watched the match.

I have been captivated by these women not only for their athletic prowess, but also for their spirit and soul as they are interviewed. I was so struck last night by their comments in an interview right after winning their second gold medal... something no other beach volleyball team has done. They were asked about what they planned to do next. They both said without question that they wanted to start a family. Kerri Walsh actually said something close to "I want to have a baby so very bad." I couldn't help it. Tears started to fall. I get that. Here are two amazing athletes who have won consecutive gold medals and will be remembered in history for the ages. Yet the one thing they want more than anything is to be a mom. In that moment, I felt so connected to these women. (Anyone who knows me knows that there is not one ounce of athleticism in my body, so there are really no other comparisons!) As women MOST of us really want one thing more than anything... to be a MOM. We can make great strides in our career, we can go down in history, we can impact the lives of many, but in the end we want to have the one title of MOM.

You bet I will be keeping a eye out for articles about these two in the coming months. I hope they are able to start their family the "easy" way and do really get it all. I really do. I wouldn't wish the strain and struggle of infertility in anyone.

Random Thoughts

The summer seems to be coming to a close and my mind is just a jumble of random thoughts. So you, my faithful blog readers (all three of you!) get to hear them all... :-)

Chris and I just got back from a motorcycle ride. I am actually frustrated by how little we have used it this summer. The time just slipped away! I really do LOVE being on that bike. There is something calming and exhilarating all at the same time about it. My mind wanders and clears as I go from one random thought to another. I am also amazed at the beauty that surrounds us in our local area.

Along the way we saw a beautiful prairie preservation area. Here in the midwest we don't have mountains or the ocean. Many people feel we just have flat land. Seeing this prairie from the back of the motorcycle today was simply breathtaking. I honestly wish I had my camera with me. The sun was setting over it and it seemed that you could see for miles and miles. We don't need mountains here! :-)

We just rode and ended up getting dinner at a little bar in Burlington, Wisconsin. They had Woodchuck hard apple cider on tap. I forgot how much I LOVE cider brews. I don't think I have ever been somewhere that had it on tap. They had a great menu and will eventually brew their own beers there. Chris and I love microbreweries so we can't wait to go back once they are open!

I am starting to think about school starting. I love teaching for many reasons, but one of them is the clean slate each year. What other job to you get to start over each year? I love having my summers off and I know those of you who aren't teachers hate when we say that. Honestly I think we NEED that time off to regroup and prepare for another year of adventure. I am starting my eleventh year of teaching this fall and not one of them has been close to the same. After the turmoil of last year, I am just hoping to have a nice quiet year where I can focus on my students and my own education!

I had my first official class last night... one down and 54 more to go! :-) It was good and the professor is really dynamic. This is the first time she has taught the class and the first time this program has been taught as a hybrid (online and classroom) so there are some kinks that need to be worked out. I know it will work out. I just really want to get something out of this... of course other than the obvious pay raise. I have always been a "nerd" and I am falling right back into that role as a student.

The start of the school year also marks the first year we are starting without my dear friend, Wilson. She passed away suddenly last November and I still think of her all the time. There will be a new teacher in her room this fall and we won't have her humor at the start of the year in services. While I relish the passing of time, it is milestones like this that cause me to pause and reflect. At the end of the last school year we took up a collection to put a headstone on her grave. Her family just didn't find it in themselves to put one there. I haven't been back to the cemetery since her funeral last November. I think I am going to go there in the morning before I go to school.

Chris just took Romeo on a half mile run and then left him here with me while he does another 2 or 3 miles. Romeo paces the entire time he is gone because he wants to be with him. Romeo is getting better about pulling but it is still really hard on Chris to run more than a mile with him. Romeo is whining and I get the pleasure of listening to it until Chris gets back. I don't really like when he runs in the dark, but he is a big boy and I have to trust he will be fine. :-) So for now I have to deal with the neurotic dog.

We haven't watch the finals of the Olympics yet tonight but did watch the prelims that were shown during the day. My heart is breaking for Katie Hoff. She had such high expectations this year and she is struggling for sure. She has three medals, which is an amazing feat, but that is overshadowed by her two fourth place finishes and the fact that she didn't even make the finals in the 800 tonight. She is still really young and has come a LONG way from the 2004 games where she collapsed on the deck. I hope she continues to train and we will see her in the 2012 games. She is only 19 so she has youth on her side. :-)

Enough randomness for tonight... must go deal with neurotic dog.

Reflections

I work at a school that has a very close knit staff. Frankly, it is one of the main reasons I stay at the school. I simply love the people I work with. It is as close to a family as one can get... honestly I spend more time with these people during the school year than I do with anyone in my family.

We've had a great deal of loss over the past years. We lost a friend and coworker last year. Several of the teachers have lost their spouses to terrible illnesses and accidents. Sadly, I just heard that another staff member has lost her husband after a long battle with illness. My heart breaks for her. We've taught on the same team for the past 8 years. She truly is an amazing mother and wife and some how always found time to do it all. She has three children, the youngest of which will be a sophomore in college this fall. They were living the American Dream... their youngest child was "out of the nest" and they were ready to start living their lives together, just the two of them. They have raised their children well and deserved to live and experience life together. My only solace is the fact that they had the summer to spend together and say their goodbyes. I know that Hospice was a big part of making that possible for them. Please keep Patti and her family in your thoughts as they grieve their father and husband.

It is events like this that make me question my faith more than ever. I have often wondered why Chris and I have been dealt the hand of infertility while we long to have children. Here is a family that has been blessed with three children, and now have lost their father. These are good people... I think Chris and I are good people. Why does it seem that the "bad stuff" always happens to good people? Chris and I have strayed from the church in our struggle, but I know so many who have strong faith and are active in their church and still suffer much. I am just not sure that I can believe.

Another one of my coworkers and close friends lost her husband a few years ago after a battle with brain cancer. They, too, have 3 amazing children. Her faith is so very strong in spite of her immeasurable grief. She is an inspiration to me, not just for her faith, but in the way she lives her life. I always joke that when I grow up I want to be just like her. She and I have had several conversations about faith and about God. She always tells me that it is okay to be mad at God.. that he can take my anger. And today I am angry. Not for me, but for my friend and her children who will have to become adults and learn to live life without their father and husband.

I am grateful to have Chris in my life. He is my best friend and so much more. We struggle to get along at times, but that is who we are. It's strange how the loss of my coworkers spouse makes me reflect on our infertility and our loss. It's not the same kind of loss, but it is loss. And so I remember today all that we have lost and hope that we will have some resolution to that loss someday.