Sisterhood Album

I've been working on this mini album for the last week. I don't even remember when I first bought this album, but have wanted to do something with it for a long time. These photos just seemed like the right fit. Each 2 page LO includes a photo of myself with one of my "virtual" sisters that I met this summer. These girls have all become a BIG part of my life, so I am so glad I finally got around to getting these pages done.

I will post more photos of the inside pages later.

Boycott Tyra Banks

I came across this on a message board I visit. I did a little research on this an was infuriated the more I read about what the producers at the Tyra Banks show chose to do. Please read the information (It may take a few times as the text moves quickly...)

If that moves to quickly... read this link and it will give you the gist... Tyra Banks Show

As if those of us dealing with infertility didn't have to deal with enough stigma and false perceptions already.

Two LO's...

Here are two LO's that I have created for my scrapbook group:

The first one outlines my intentions for 2008.

The second was using a sketch and is documentation of my first 5k!

Saturday....

It was a busy week with school. Grades were due on Tuesday using the new system and we had to input every grade for the YEAR, so that took way more time than I wanted it to! We are also in full swing again and started a new reading program on Monday.

I ran/walked after school on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday this week. Not too bad. Thursday I made it the farthest running.. I did a total of a mile running, but only 1/2 mile in a row. I have a LONG way to go if I am going to finish 3 miles at the end of March!

Last night I went with afriend over to Notre Dame University to watch her daughter dive. It was neat to see a college swimming and diving meet. We had 2 1/2 hours each way to talk about things. She is truly a good spirit and someone I look to for advice and hope. It was a tough week for me and she listed to me process it all on our ride. I didn't have any great revelations like I had hoped, but it was wonderful to be able to work through some of the things I have been feeling.

I am hoping to get some scrapping done today. I NEED some creative time! I have a few projects I would like to work on.

We are going to Melting Pot tonight with his coaches. That should be fun. I LOVE the food there and always eat WAY TOO MUCH! One of the coaches knows the General Manager and got us a GREAT deal, so it should be fun. Too bad it will be FREEZING downtown where we get there! The high today is not supposed to be above 7 degrees. Right now the actual temperature is -4. The windchill this evening when we go into the city is supposed to be -20. YIKES!

Sums it all up....

Another announcement... x2

You would think that hearing the news that a friend is pregnant would get easier... especially after 7 years of hearing those words. It doesn't. It stings a little more each time and chips away another piece of my heart.

While I am very happy for her, my heart breaks. She is one more person who has been given the gift of life, the ability to bring a miracle into this world. One more person who has the one thing that I want more than anything in the world... to know that life is growing within her and that she and her husband have created a life that will be a manifestation of their love for one another. I don't think jealousy is the right word to describe my emotion right now. It's just not the right word, the right connotation. Jealousy implies that I would take what they have... and I would never take the ability to have a child from anyone. No woman should feel this emptiness and sorrow. Jealousy also implies a childness or a selfishness. I don't feel that this feeling is either of those things. In fact, I think its the opposite.

I was talking to someone today about how I just feel that our life is in limbo. I need to be proactive, but somehow I am frozen and can't move from this place of limbo. I need to take the step... I am not going to just wake up one morning and be pregnant. I am not going to be able to naturally conceive and there is a good probability that I will never be able to carry a child at all. We need to decide where we are at with all of this. Are we going to pursue another adoption? Are we going to look into surrogacy? I just don't know what the answer is now. But I need to do something. I can't just assume that something else is going to fall into our laps. That doesn't happen. The stork isn't going to deliver a healthy baby to our door.

But for tonight, I will have my little pity party. I am allowed to feel sorry for myself. I've earned it. I've tried to have faith, I've tried to be positive. It just hasn't worked out that way. I just don't understand. Is it that we wouldn't make good parents? Is it that we aren't meant to have children? I am not ready to accept either of those ideas. Sure, we have our faults. But so do many of the parents I know... including my own! How can we be so good at our jobs that revolve around children if we weren't meant to have children of our own? Why have we been given this strong desire to bring a child into this world if we are just not meant to? I have to believe that God has a plan for us and that children are a part of that. I just have to believe that.

Oh... and there are TWO of them.... two more pregnant women in my daily life.

Proud of Myself!

I am so proud of myself... I actually ran about a mile after school today! I haven't run since Thanksgiving, so I wasn't sure how I would do. I ran with a coworker.. a first for me since I have only ran with Chris up to this point. We ran around the halls at school... I know, naughty teachers! There were actually another set of teachers running as well. They are marathoners, so we aren't quite up to their pace! LMBO. A group of us are planning to run the Shamrock Shuffle in downtown Chicago on March 30th. It is an 8k.... YIKES! It is PACKED with people... I think 30,000+ run the thing, so I am sure it will be interesting! We are planning to run again tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it a little bit. I have to admit it was nice to run with a friend. When I got home I had a nice soak in the whirlpool tub. I am so glad we splurged on that puppy!

We had an all day training today on a new reading program. I was exhausted after sitting there all day! Too funny how it is so much less tiring to be up and teaching all day! My student teacher has started now... so hopefully things will settle down and we can all get into a nice routine. Wouldn't that be nice!