The house is still quiet... the dogs are up and playing but Chris is still sleeping soundly. Most of the dishes from last night are clean and the house is still pretty put together. I am glad to have this time to reflect on this Christmas and the year that is coming to a close.
We had a really nice Christmas eve. I was more than a little worried after the Thanksgiving explosion between myself and my mom and sister. We've worked nothing out... and I don't think we ever will. But it was nice to put it all aside for one night. I am proud of my home and was happy to decorate for my family. We had a nice dinner and my family even complimented me on the table settings. This is a LONG way from years past when they teased me and even asked if we could just order pizza! We watched the Polar Express as a family. Mom had never seen it so it was neat to see the kids explain it to her. Katrina was very lovey all night... so sweet. I love that little girl so very much. She is becoming a young lady and even rolled her eyes a few times at Uncle Chris! (He deserved it!) Lucais was really good all night too... no temper tantrums and he was fun to play with even. Spencer is starting to really talk... so very good to see! He was so cute with the presents. Since we open one at a time, he would hold his hands together and ask "please" to keep opening another one. Too cute. All in all, a good night. That was not what I expected at all. But I am thankful.
I had some teary moments yesterday. Every time I think I am over the adoption failing, something comes up that opens that wound again. I really didn't think about how hard Christmas was really going to be. I simply love the
story people and get a daily email from them. Today's was heartbreaking, but really sums up how I am feeling right now:
"There are lives that I can imagine without children, but none of them have the same laughter and noise." I think that is what makes Christmas so very hard. I remember how magical Christmas was a child. Somehow that magic slowly slips away as you get older and only returns when you have children of your own. We are lucky to have children in our lives to spoil and enjoy at this time of the year, but none that we call our own. I keep hoping for a Christmas Miracle. I am trying hard to believe but it is getting harder each passing year. We were SO close this year. I wish I knew what direction to head now. We've opened our hearts to a child... in whatever way that comes. Yet, we are celebrating another Christmas just to two of us.
As we head into 2008, I am blessed with a stronger marriage than ever. We have a home that we are finally proud of and many friends who enrich our lives. We both have careers that touch the lives of children and feel a sense of purpose in that arena of our lives. We know that we are blessed beyond so many others. We hope that these blessing continue to bring more joy and laughter into our lives in 2008. But more than anything, I pray that this is the last Christmas that we feel the ache of wanting a child. I pray that we find some resolution in 2008.
I suppose I should let Chris sleep a little longer. :-) I'll make some coffee in a little bit to rouse him. Ever since I was a child, I couldn't sleep on Christmas morning. At least I am getting better... we used to get up at 4 am as kids! Now I can sleep until at least 7! We'll open presents together and then have a nice breakfast. I think I might try biscuits and gravy again. We'll head to my aunts around 11:30 and have dinner and open presents. We should be back home by supper time.
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and that Santa was good to you!
I am so excited that this project is done. Most of the pages are really simple, but I was able to capture the season in WORDS, which was my goal for the project. It's been so long since I finished a project for myself. Most of my projects are in a process eternally. My goal was to finish this project before returning to work. I am so proud of it! I decided to only include prompts through the 25th... that made it doable for me.
