Christmas Journal Catch Up

I had great intentions this year... but fell hopelessly behind with my journal. I am now done through day 8 and have the journaling and photos for day 9 done as well. I am planning to work on this today and see how far I get. I'd like to get father than last year... last year I made it to day 16. :-)

Here are some photos of the SIMPLE pages I did for this project. This project is more about the emotion and words than the design. I am struggling with that... but I want to get the story down and not worry so much about the design this year. We'll see how I do as the day goes on.


Days 3 and 4 are above.

Here are days 5 & 6:
And finally day 7 & 8:

Christmas Morning

The house is still quiet... the dogs are up and playing but Chris is still sleeping soundly. Most of the dishes from last night are clean and the house is still pretty put together. I am glad to have this time to reflect on this Christmas and the year that is coming to a close.

We had a really nice Christmas eve. I was more than a little worried after the Thanksgiving explosion between myself and my mom and sister. We've worked nothing out... and I don't think we ever will. But it was nice to put it all aside for one night. I am proud of my home and was happy to decorate for my family. We had a nice dinner and my family even complimented me on the table settings. This is a LONG way from years past when they teased me and even asked if we could just order pizza! We watched the Polar Express as a family. Mom had never seen it so it was neat to see the kids explain it to her. Katrina was very lovey all night... so sweet. I love that little girl so very much. She is becoming a young lady and even rolled her eyes a few times at Uncle Chris! (He deserved it!) Lucais was really good all night too... no temper tantrums and he was fun to play with even. Spencer is starting to really talk... so very good to see! He was so cute with the presents. Since we open one at a time, he would hold his hands together and ask "please" to keep opening another one. Too cute. All in all, a good night. That was not what I expected at all. But I am thankful.

I had some teary moments yesterday. Every time I think I am over the adoption failing, something comes up that opens that wound again. I really didn't think about how hard Christmas was really going to be. I simply love the story people and get a daily email from them. Today's was heartbreaking, but really sums up how I am feeling right now:

"There are lives that I can imagine without children, but none of them have the same laughter and noise."

I think that is what makes Christmas so very hard. I remember how magical Christmas was a child. Somehow that magic slowly slips away as you get older and only returns when you have children of your own. We are lucky to have children in our lives to spoil and enjoy at this time of the year, but none that we call our own. I keep hoping for a Christmas Miracle. I am trying hard to believe but it is getting harder each passing year. We were SO close this year. I wish I knew what direction to head now. We've opened our hearts to a child... in whatever way that comes. Yet, we are celebrating another Christmas just to two of us.

As we head into 2008, I am blessed with a stronger marriage than ever. We have a home that we are finally proud of and many friends who enrich our lives. We both have careers that touch the lives of children and feel a sense of purpose in that arena of our lives. We know that we are blessed beyond so many others. We hope that these blessing continue to bring more joy and laughter into our lives in 2008. But more than anything, I pray that this is the last Christmas that we feel the ache of wanting a child. I pray that we find some resolution in 2008.

I suppose I should let Chris sleep a little longer. :-) I'll make some coffee in a little bit to rouse him. Ever since I was a child, I couldn't sleep on Christmas morning. At least I am getting better... we used to get up at 4 am as kids! Now I can sleep until at least 7! We'll open presents together and then have a nice breakfast. I think I might try biscuits and gravy again. We'll head to my aunts around 11:30 and have dinner and open presents. We should be back home by supper time.

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and that Santa was good to you!

December 3rd

It's been a long Monday. My grandmother is in the hospital with some respiratory issues. I am praying that she will fight through this and will be healthy in time for the holidays. I may try to go out to see her tomorrow.

Grades are due at 8 am tomorrow morning using the new program. I think I have it pretty much figured out. It is just a tedious process to get everything entered. I have to go back and enter all of the 1st quarter grades eventually too. YUCK... Tomorrow is a training day on the new paper work for special education. Another FUN day.

I did not create my day 3 page yet for my Christmas Journal. I did do the journaling and have an idea in my head. I am just really tired tonight and just don't feel the patience to get it done!

The tree is up and the house is coming together nicely for my luncheon on Sunday. I am getting really excited about having the girls over. I found the perfect plates in the dollar (but not really a dollar, but $2.50) section of Target today. They have pink along with green and red. Love them! Can't wait to get it all together on Sunday. Need to make lists of all of the things running around in my head in order to prepare for Sunday. Maybe I should do that now!

Christmas Journal 2007

Last year I took part in Shimelle's Christmas Journal class. It was amazing. Once you purchase the class, you are in for life, so I was so excited to get the email from her this fall. I am also very lucky to have some of my "virtual" sisters taking the journey with me this year. I am hoping to finish this year and not stop at day 16 like last year. This year the focus is on the words... not just the creativity. So I am trying really hard to keep the pages simple. I decided to go with the 6 x 12 size. I think I will bind it all when I am done with rings like I did last year. We'll see.

So here are the first two pages:
The journaling on the first page:

This is my second Christmas Journal. The process of creating this journal will help me to embrace the joy of the season. Although we have not resolved our infertility and remain childless this Christmas, I will enjoy everything the season has to offer.

This year it will be more about journaling… more about getting my thoughts on paper. I want to remember and reflect. I will write every day, even if I don’t get to create the page. I will allow myself to be free to create, but keep the emphasis on the words.

I will write each evening after Chris heads to work. If I don’t get to my entry, I will forgive myself and move on. I will not punish myself. However, I realize that daily creative time is vital to my happiness.

I enjoyed looking back at last year’s entries and remembering what last year’s season brought. I am creating this journal to create a permanent reminder of what Christmas 2007 was like.

I am also fortunate to be sharing this journey with my “virtual” sisters, girls I had the amazing opportunity to meet this past summer. I hope that this journey will allow us to become closer and share in a “virtual” holiday season

December 1, 2007
Day 2 Journaling:
I really do love the changing seasons we have here in the Midwest. I love winter… I love the pretty snow and even the brisk air. What I don’t love is slush… and that is exactly what we have right now… a big slushy mess. YUCK! Last year we had a blizzard on December 1st. This year the snow came, but it was followed by freezing rain and then just plan rain. It has rained on and off most of the day today too. It is just a mess outside. Every time the dogs go out I just cringe at what their paws will bring in!

I love new mittens… I buy a new pair every year. This year was no different. I bought these rainbow ones on a whim last week. They are really warm and toasty. Now I just need to find a new scarf for the year. I might just have to give up on the idea of having things match, though!

I am fortunate to have a car with 4 wheel drive so I usually feel safe outside in the snow. I do love cuddling up on the couch just as much, though! As a teacher, I also look forward to having a snow day here and there. They are pretty rare, though since we are pretty accustomed to the weather. Since we had one last year, I am not holding my breath for one this year!

December 2, 2007

I am crazy busy this week... so it will be tough to get pages done. I am having my girlfriends from work over on Sunday. Still have lots to do around the house. Grades are due at 8 on Tuesday. I didn't do the grading I should have done this weekend... Oh well! Tomorrow is a new day, right?

Turkey Trot

I did it... I actually ran a 5k... (so maybe I walked about half of it, but I still ran to the finish!)

I am going to continue training over the winter and hopefully actually run an entire 5k come Spring. We'll see.

Thansgiving Eve

Once again the holidays are upon us. Where did 2007 go? It has been a tough fall... probably the toughest one I have ever had. So much loss and pain this fall. I am so happy to see the start of the holiday season- a time of joy and happiness I hope!

Things at school are looking up. My student teacher from the fall was hired on Friday to take over the 7th grade position. That is a huge relief to me. Those students need someone who will give them 110% and I know she is the right person. She has so much energy and passion for teaching. I am really excited to be working with her as a coworker now! I am trying to get my classroom in order as well over the coming weeks. I brought lots of work home. We'll see how much of it I get done.

Chris and I are planning to run in my first 5k tomorrow. YIKES! I am really not ready, so I think there will be some walking mixed in. I am looking forward to it, though. Hopefully the SNOW will stay away! Although I would rather run in snow than rain!

The bathroom remodel is coming along. The paint is up and the new tub is in. Chris is working on the floor today. I am hoping it will be all done in the next two weeks. It's just hard in an older house... nothing is as easy as it seems! LOL.

Working on getting my studio finally finished. It's been more than a year in the making. I just need to get a "place" for everything that needs to stay in here and find a home for things that don't. I am hoping to have some friends over to play so I want to get it all done!

With that... I better get back to work!

Hard to Say Goodbye...

I always have good intentions of keeping up with this blog. Then life gets in the way. It seems that I turn here when I need to process something... I suppose that this the real purpose of this blogging thing.

Just when I thought life was about to get back on track, I am dealt another challenge. A close friend and coworker passed away suddenly last week. I attended the wake this evening, and will be attending the funeral tomorrow. It all just doesn't seem real yet. I really can't believe she is gone.

Wilson had an amazing spirit and energy. She always made me laugh and knew just what I needed to hear. She had overcome so much in her life to become the person she was. I only hope that she can see just how many lives she touched. At her wake this evening, they had to have police officers directing traffic! There were lines of people all night waiting to come and say their goodbye to a beloved friend, coworker, teacher, and coach.

I have so many good memories of her. I don't ever want to forget. For the past seven years of my life, I saw her just about every single day. We even taught summer school together each year. It's hard to imagine what our school will be without her. Her presence will be missed. As a staff we are trying hard to be strong for the students, but still mourning the loss of our friend.

I am hoping to start the healing process tomorrow at the funeral. I have regrets and what if's... things that I didn't say. I only hope she knows just how much I valued her friendship and how deeply she will be missed.